Chapter 24
TARA
Jed and I had planned to go out for a couple of drinks followed by a takeaway on Friday night. I was drying myself after a shower when my phone rang so I rushed into the bedroom to answer it.
‘Hi, Jed.’
‘Hi. I’m outside. Can I come in? I need to talk to you.’ I could hear the anguish in his voice and it sent my stomach into a spin cycle.
‘Give me a minute and I’ll be down.’
I dashed back into the bathroom, pulled on a satin bath robe, tying it round my waist as I rushed down the stairs.
When I opened the door, I was shocked by what I saw.
Still dressed in his work clothes, Jed’s hair was dishevelled as though he’d been raking his fingers through it for quite some time, his cheeks were red, and his eyes bloodshot.
‘Oh, my God! What’s happened?’
‘Ingrid demanded we talk and you’re not going to believe what she asked me to do. Raise the twins! Why would she ask me that? I can’t even…’
I wrapped my arms around him and he clung onto me, his body tense.
‘Come upstairs, I’ll make you a drink and you can start from the beginning…’
‘No wonder you looked so frazzled when I answered the door,’ I said when Jed had finished telling me about his conversation with Ingrid and her out-of-the-blue proposal. ‘That’s shocking. I can’t believe the nerve of the woman.’
‘I’m fuming that she’d use the kids like that – like a bargaining chip. And I don’t get why she’d want to contemplate getting back with me. We’re not friends. We’d both hate it.’
‘She must be desperate.’ I gasped when I realised what I’d said. ‘I didn’t mean it like that.’
He stared at me, eyes wide, before bursting into laughter.
‘I genuinely didn’t mean it like that,’ I said, laughing along with him. ‘I just meant that sometimes desperate people do desperate things… and I’m not making it any better, am I?’
‘Should I take that shovel off you?’ he said, still laughing. ‘Don’t worry, I know exactly what you were trying to say but I’m glad you said it how you did because I needed to laugh. I feel a lot better for that.’
‘Glad to be of service.’
He sipped on his tea. ‘One thing it has got me wondering about is whether I should meet the twins. Not with a view to becoming their dad, of course, but they are related to my girls and I’d hate for them to grow up as strangers.
It was awful seeing the girls pulling away from Aaron.
Or would it be weird for me to meet them? ’
‘I don’t think it’d be weird at all. As you say, they’re half-siblings to Erin and Lucy.
Whether Ingrid will let you see them is another matter.
I think that’s one you’re going to have to let play out over time.
The important relationship for you is Aaron.
Did she say how she’ll stop you seeing him? ’
‘No, but I’m sure she’ll find a way. Ingrid can be really spiteful when she wants to be.’
‘I’m sorry you had all that to deal with tonight. It sounds tough.’
‘It was, but at least I’ve got you. I’m sorry I’ve messed up our night out.’
‘It’s fine. We can still get a takeaway later.’ I gave him a gentle smile. ‘You look more relaxed than you were downstairs, but you’re still tense. I think there was some massage oil in a set of smellies my mum gave me for Christmas. Would you like me to give your shoulders a rub?’
‘That would be amazing.’
‘Give me a minute to find it.’
It didn’t take me long to find the set and, as I’d thought, it did include a bottle of massage oil.
I unscrewed the cap and inhaled the woody aroma.
Hercules had joined me on my search and I knew Jed wouldn’t be able to relax properly if Hercules kept nudging him, demanding attention, so I popped him in his crate.
‘Found it,’ I said, returning to the lounge. ‘Shirt off, please.’
As Jed removed his shirt, I placed a cushion on the floor for him to sit on.
Even though he’d spent the night in my bed when the snow came down heavily, I hadn’t seen him shirtless and something stirred inside me.
I perched on the edge of the sofa behind Jed, one leg either side of him, electricity fizzing throughout my body as my legs touched his arms.
‘You know I’d never go back to Ingrid, don’t you?’ Jed asked as I rubbed some oil into my hands. ‘Even if that was the only way to have Aaron back in my life.’
I slipped my arms round his shoulders and tenderly kissed the back of his neck. ‘I know, but I appreciate the reassurance. Now close your eyes and try to relax.’
The log burner and scented candles made the room warm and cosy but the combination of Jed being half-clad, me dressed in only a satin robe and the scent from the massage oil completely changed the atmosphere.
As I ran my hands over his shoulders, my heart pounded.
I worked on Jed’s shoulders and a little way down his back before returning to his shoulders.
‘That’s so good,’ he murmured.
This time, I slid my hands down the front of his shoulders, slipping a little further down his chest each time.
My breathing quickened, as did his. This was the time!
I was ready to move to the next level of intimacy with him.
It hadn’t been planned. It hadn’t even been on my mind when I offered the massage, but it felt right.
‘I can’t reach the bottom of your back,’ I said. ‘How about you lie on my bed instead?’
‘Okay, sounds good,’ he said, his voice coming out husky.
I took his hand and led him to my bedroom, placing the massage oil on the bedside table. Jed took my hands in his and lightly kissed my knuckles before fixing his eyes on mine.
‘If you ever have any doubts about how I feel about you or fears for the future, promise me you’ll talk to me and I’ll do whatever I can to make you feel safe.’
Safe. I’d never felt safe with a man until now.
Garth and the ‘playmates’ had been fake but Jed was real.
I felt how much he loved me in every word, look and touch and I reciprocated those feelings but now I wanted to do so with every part of me.
I’d had enough of taking things slowly because of what they’d done to me.
I’d taken control back of my life last year and now it was time to resume control of my body.
I didn’t just want to move to the next level of intimacy with Jed. I wanted to go all the way.
‘You do make me feel safe,’ I said, running my hands down his chest before resting them on his belt buckle. ‘And I want you to make me feel everything else too.’
Keeping my eyes on his, I unfastened his belt, my heart pounding as his pupils dilated and his breathing quickened again.
‘Are you sure?’ he asked. ‘You know there’s no pressure from me. Not that I don’t want to do this because of course I want to.’
I silenced him with a kiss, lowered his jeans, then undid the belt on my robe and let it drop to the floor.
‘I’ve never wanted anything more.’