Chapter 18
“Mackenzie?”
My eyes go wide. My name isn’t the first word I expect out of Hayden’s mouth when I walk into the room. I bite my lip, then put on a grin and pop my head over Mr. Marcus’s shoulder. Zachary nudges up against me. I don’t know if he’s trying to remind me he’s here or just being clumsy.
“Hey.” I make barely a whisper above Kiki going on about how he already looks so much better and lively.
I shouldn’t have come. I shouldn’t have followed Zach, but how was I going to explain that?
Your brother just woke up from his coma, and oh yeah, of course I’m his enbyfriend, but I’m not coming?
That would be a disaster, almost as bad as showing up.
I ran through every scenario on the drive here.
I even texted Kaitlynn—sorry, Mom—to help me get out of this.
She was halfway home by then, but like the amazing friend she is, she immediately turned around.
Still, she was literally no help. The best I could conjure up was: A, ditch and run at the next stoplight—there aren’t many around here; B, say I need to get a drink before we see Hayden and get “lost” in the hospital and just leave—but that’s not very believable after interning here, plus a weird thing to do on the way to see my supposed boyfriend; C, somehow beat Zachary into Hayden’s room and start yelling I’m not Hayden’s enbyfriend and it was all a lie and then run off; or D, play sick.
I almost went with D, but I couldn’t do it.
I can’t tell if the wince in Hayden’s confused grin is from pain or confusion. He looks from me to Zachary and then back again just as Kaitlynn stumbles in behind me, gasping air like she just ran a marathon.
“Sorry, did I ruin a moment?” Kaity squints.
“Who is—” Mr. Marcus turns on the balls of his feet.
“Kaitlynn.” I bolt to her side and grab her arm up in mine, turning enough so the rest can’t see my face and give her a nervous glare. “She’s my bestie.”
“Oh, uh…okay.” Mr. Marcus doesn’t seem sure what to do with the information.
I knee Kaity and whisper just loud enough for her to hear without moving my lips, “Don’t be weird.”
The looks bounce between us but quickly recenter on Hayden. Right. Hayden’s up! And he said my name! And apparently no one fixed his hair. It’s…everywhere. I pull Kaity with me a few steps to stand with Zachary. It’s better than standing with his dad, who still sort of scares me.
“You take my barista while I was out?” Hayden grumbles at Zach.
Immediately heads turn and all eyes are on us. All of them. Even Dr. Kline with a clipboard clasped between her hands and her coat. She smiles. It helps a little.
“Huh? I don’t like coffee.” Zachary playfully punches Hayden’s shoulder. He doesn’t grimace, so I guess he’s not in pain. “They—”
“You two dating? Wait, is that why you were so determined to go to the shop with me all the time?” Hayden shakes his head with a giggle.
I’m sorry, what? Is that why you were so determined to go to the shop with me all the time? Every muscle in my body wants to sling my face toward Zach, but I refuse.
“No! It wasn’t that! I, uh…I just…” Zachary stumbles all over his words as other voices jump into the mix.
“You’re dating Mackenzie?” Holly looks up at Zachary. “But—”
Wait. Did Zachary come to the shop to see me?
“Zachary! How dare you…” Mrs. Marcus starts into him.
“What?” Zachary goes on the defense. “You—”
“Are y’all a throuple?” Super Old Gran’s eyes go big and excited, followed immediately by my own.
No! No! It’s too much at once. Too many voices. And no, we’re not a throuple! But did he?
“Hey now!” Eliza throws her hands in the air to get everyone’s attention off us and on her.
It’s exaggerated, but I don’t care. It’s a distraction and hopefully this means she’s going to save me.
I didn’t want to be here when she finally did, but right now anything is better than this.
Once the voices dim to a whisper between Mr. and Mrs. Marcus, Eliza coughs and continues.
“Well, isn’t this exciting. How about we—”
“Dating? Us two?” Zachary interrupts Eliza, laughing and looking back at me.
His facade is thin, but it might just do to cover the fidget in his eyes and sudden disdain when he looks at me.
It’s a drastic change from the want in them earlier.
A crowd of laughs explode behind us. They think it’s a joke. “Why would we be dating?”
I fight my impulse to bore my gaze into Zach.
He’s not wrong though, and suddenly the thought makes my shoulders slump. We’re not, but like, that was way too quick and forceful. Especially after tonight. Ouch. What the hell is happening?
“I-I…” Eliza stutters and tries, but it’s no use.
“He’s your type,” Hayden blurts.
I suck in my lips and feel the blush rising in my cheeks. Why me?
“Uh…but he, I mean, they’re dating you,” Zach argues.
“What?” Hayden’s eyes bloom. He goes to sit up, but a wince traces his cheek, so he stops and lies back down. “Me? Mackenzie and me?”
“Yeah, they’re your enbyfriend.”
“My enbyfriend?” Hayden is so confused, and I can’t blame him.
“It’s okay, Hayden,” Mary-Anne says. “They told us all about it after your accident. It’s okay, you don’t have to hide it.”
“You should know that, Hayden,” Mr. Marcus follows it up. “We love you no matter who you—”
“But we’re not…” Hayden’s eyes scrunch together and his tiny pupils race around his bedsheets. The gray in his eyes is smoky with confusion. “Why? I don’t understand. I never… I’m not dating anyone. Am I?”
Hayden locks on to Zach’s eyes like he should know the answer.
“I…mean I…Mackenzie.” Zach looks at me, but I wrench my eyes away. Something in his puppy eyes hurts deep in my soul.
“I think I’d remember that,” Hayden says back. “Last dude I dated was Dalton.”
All eyes, including mine, blossom into bright orbs and lock onto Hayden.
Even Zachary’s. What did he just say? The last dude I dated.
He’s… Wait. This is too trippy. I can see the questions brewing behind everyone’s eyes, none more than Zachary’s, whose mouth is practically on the floor.
So much for telling each other everything, bitch. Nope. Wrong time for that one.
“Oh yeah, I’m bi. Surprise.” Hayden smiles awkwardly and does his best jazz hands.
“Hold up, Dalton?” Zachary tilts his head. I can see the gears behind his eyes turning extra hard. “Dalton on the soccer team?”
Hayden nods with a surprising grin.
“No wonder he wouldn’t talk to me last year.”
Everyone else’s silence is deafening. For me it’s the realization I might have had a chance after all, mixed with a little bit of wanting to know who this Dalton is.
The thought trickling in that all those days he came by the shop, maybe he was looking at me like I was at him.
It’s like a moon lights itself over my head with a morsel of hope, even if it’s only a sliver like before all this mess started.
I think the others are absolutely stunned. It’s sinking in that he’d been queer long enough to date at least two non-females. Part of me revels in the thought, but I keep my cool.
“If I may.” Dr. Kline’s smooth voice cuts through the tension. She nods at Hayden and smiles at the rest of us as she settles next to his bedside. “It is possible, Hayden, that you’re experiencing some sort of memory loss.”
“But I remember them.” Hayden points around the room and starts naming off his family.
“Mom, Dad. My brother and sister, Zach and Holly. That’s my Super Old Gran, and that’s Kiki and Gramps.
” He looks at the doctor like it should be enough, but decides she isn’t listening and starts rattling off about anything that might help.
“Okay, fine. That’s my Uncle Jeffrey and Aunt Eliza, Catina.
My name is Hayden Dean Marcus. I’m seventeen.
I play varsity basketball at Mitchell. Dad’s a lawyer.
Mom’s a financial consultant. Gramps does A/C stuff.
Kiki used to… I actually don’t know what you used to do, sorry.
But I even know that they work at the Woodsy Café. ”
He points at me. I resist the involuntary urge to step back. It’s like I’ve been pointed out in a police lineup, or worse, been outed a second time around, but this time surrounded by the guy’s family instead of an entire classroom of eighth graders. I’m not sure which is worse.
“I—” I’m about to spill the truth in a moment of terror. I can’t hold it in any longer with him like this, but Eliza interrupts.
“He could have just lost recent memories, right?”
“True.” Dr. Kline nods and smiles disarmingly.
I’m not sure if I’m glad or infuriated Eliza stopped me.
“Short-term memory is most often affected during traumatic events, such as your fall. You took a nasty hit to the head, Hayden. Remembering big events from your past, or your family, name, etcetera is common. It’s the more recent events, even big ones, that tend to go missing.
Sometimes specific events go missing. But they usually come back.
Do you remember what happened the night you fell at the shop? ”
He didn’t forget anything. Not about me, but…
“Yeah, I went to get a frappe,” Hayden says, but his face is more flushed and white than a few seconds ago.
Maybe he forgot just a little bit, something pointless, and it can make the blow of not technically forgetting me not so big.
“Good.” Dr. Kline nods approvingly. “Now do you remember anything else, anything after that?”
It feels like a distraction at the moment while I’m stuck between Hayden and his family, an imposter. It’s keeping me out of hot water for the moment, but it’s also digging me a deeper grave to shovel out.
“Uh…” He squints, focusing hard on his knees under the plain white blankets. “I remember saying hey to hi—I mean them, uh, Mackenzie”—he points at me—“and Landon.”
He looks at me again as if I’m supposed to verify, so I nod dramatically. He knows Landon’s name too?