Chapter 21
Elizabeth was restless as she climbed Oakham Mount during her morning walk.
They had met here a couple of times but somehow, she knew Darcy would not be there today.
She stared in the general direction of Netherfield trying to catch a glimpse of him as he went about his morning ride.
It seemed luck was not on her side today.
Chastising herself for being melodramatic, she walked back to Longbourn hoping that Darcy would soon come calling.
She had just entered the house when a maid conveyed that her father had summoned her to his study.
Surprised by this request so early in the day, she went directly to him.
“Ah! Lizzy, do come in and close the door,” Mr. Bennet said as she entered the study.
“Is something the matter, Papa?” Elizabeth asked, surprised by her father’s serious expression. He was standing by the window with a far-away look in his eyes and she joined him there.
“I am very sorry my dear, but I am about to give you some unwelcome news. Mr. Darcy came to me last night to take his leave.” Seeing Elizabeth's shocked expression, he patted her cheek and continued. “Your suitor is nothing if not persistent. It seems that his journey to town was unavoidable though he did not give me many details. He was quite downcast at the idea of being separated from you and begged me to allow him to speak to you. It was too late at night for me to allow his request, my dear.” He said as he noticed Elizabeth’s disapproving expression.
“I hope you will forgive your poor Papa as I disallowed another of his requests to write to you. I did suggest that he send whatever message he wanted with Miss Darcy’s letters.”
“I do not understand, he did not tell me anything untoward when we spoke yesterday.” Elizabeth finally said in a trembling voice, tears streaming down her eyes as she tried hard to control them.
“I know I have not had much faith in Mr. Darcy, but I assure you he would not have left if it was not necessary. The man standing before me last night desperately seeking my permission for a few minutes of your time was far removed from the proud Mr. Darcy I had always known. I still think that both of you are too unlike each other to have a smooth marriage, but I will concede the point that he does seem to genuinely care for you. I am sure you will hear from him soon enough.”
Elizabeth went to her room and sat by the window staring out in a stupor.
Every moment she had ever spent with Darcy flashed in front of her.
The Meryton assembly where he had called her ‘tolerable but not handsome enough’, that time at Lucas Lodge when she had declined to dance with him and the Netherfield ball when she had finally danced with him only to tease him about Wickham.
She recalled the arguments they had during her stay at Netherfield and the walks they had shared in Kent.
Time and distance made her remember all those moments with a fondness she had not felt earlier.
She had not realised that she had started sobbing so uncontrollably until Lydia sat next to her staring owlishly at her.
“I never thought you would ever cry for a man, Lizzy. You were so unconcerned even when the militia left town.”
“Who said I was crying for a man? I just read a very sad novel.”
“The one where the hero leaves without saying goodbye?” Lydia slyly remarked.
“I have no idea what you are talking about.” Elizabeth stubbornly responded.
“Then you are not interested in this letter from a very handsome gentleman who laboured quite diligently at the Longbourn kitchen table on your behalf.”
Elizabeth quickly snatched the letter from Lydia, who laughed at her sister’s eagerness and was shooed away by her.
If Elizabeth had expected Darcy’s letter to provide her with some succour, it ended up doing the opposite.
That Darcy left unwillingly was something that she had never doubted but to be driven out by his friend was unimaginable.
She understood his reasoning to depart. It would cause gossip as the whole town speculated on the reason for the two friends’ disagreement, as it became apparent that both were courting two sisters as close as she and Jane.
She completely agreed with Darcy that Jane would be devastated on her behalf.
She still remembered how excited Jane had been with the idea of a double wedding.
The letter was an exercise in agony for Darcy had bared his heart to her with such honesty that she wished to physically harm Bingley for his irascible temper.
“I have already caused enough grief for Jane with my ill-thought advice to Bingley.
Now that they are reunited, I do not want to cause a spectacle which will detract from her happiness.
Bingley was drunk and while his immediate anger may subside by morning his feelings will still be the same.
You have yourself witnessed how resentful he has been in these past months.
I think removing to London is the only decision that I can make which will not just preserve my respectability but also any chance of reconciliation with Bingley.
Since he is to be your brother, I think it better that we salvage whatever we can of our friendship.
Pray do not speak to Jane about the matter for I do not want her to feel responsible for my departure.
Georgiana will be disappointed if she hears about what has transpired.
I do not plan to tell her anything more than the fact that business had necessitated my travel to town.
She is staying at her own establishment and as such it will be difficult for me to drop a note with her letter, but I will ask her to send a word from me whenever she writes.
I cannot express my gratitude enough towards Miss Lydia for offering me this opportunity to write to you.
I wish you to understand my dearest Elizabeth that I am incapable of staying away from you and will soon find some way for us to unite.
I hope you understand dearest, that while I may have been banished my heart stays with you and my mind thinks only of you.
That I will miss you seems such an inadequate phrase to express the void I feel even now as I think of the coming days without you.
I had lost all hope after our separation in Kent but now that I have experienced your affection and care I do not have the strength to ever go without. I love you dearest with all my being.”
While he had explained his desire to protect Jane and avoid any gossip which might antagonise her father, it was the raw emotion in his letter that had touched her.
How had she ever considered him unfeeling?
For the first time she felt that she finally understood his proposal at Kent and the intensity of feeling that had led him to speak as he had.
“You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.” The sensibilities behind these words had been lost on her then, but today they struck her with painful clarity.
Though assured of Darcy’s devotion and the necessity of his departure, it was impossible for Elizabeth to go on as if nothing had occurred.
Mr. Bingley did not visit that day for which she was glad as she was not sure she could face him with equanimity.
Jane had been worried by his absence thinking that he was still upset with her for delaying their wedding.
Elizabeth was now certain that no matter how much she loved her sister, she could never share her and Darcy’s wedding day with Bingley after the humiliation Darcy had suffered.
“Jane, I think you and Mr. Bingley should get married without any reference to me or anyone else. Is it not what marriage is all about, where you both will become each other’s most important person. Mr. Darcy and I will have our own path to forge and our own challenges to face.”
“But Lizzy, yesterday you were so happy about the idea. Why this sudden change?”
“It was a girlish fantasy; and it touched me to realise that you still remembered it. But we are both grown up now and will have to learn that not all ideas are practical.”
“I could hardly abandon you when you are so despondent. I noticed that Mr. Darcy also did not come to call today. I hope you have not fought with him on my behalf.” Jane said with a teasing smile trying to lighten the mood.
“Mr. Darcy has gone to London due to an unavoidable situation and will not be able to return soon.”
Jane could not believe what she was hearing.
Had her father’s obstinacy driven her sister’s suitor away?
She had not thought that Mr. Darcy could ever abandon Elizabeth, but he always had a low opinion of the Bennets which her family seemed to be in a rush to justify.
She still remembered the days she had spent sitting at the window in Gracechurch Street hoping that Bingley would call; she could not bear for her sister to go through the same heartache.
The fact that Lizzy was convincing her to move ahead with her marriage plans convinced her that all was not right between her and Mr. Darcy.
She vowed to talk to Bingley whenever he visited and enlist him in convincing his friend to return.
Had Darcy not done him the same service, and would it not help Bingley with his own plans to marry soon if Elizabeth and Darcy were in accord and she had nothing to worry about on that score.
It was during dinner that evening that Jane was firmly convinced that she had been right all along, Mr. Darcy’s return to town had nothing to do with any urgent business.
Elizabeth had been miserable all day spending it mostly by herself, it was only during dinner that she joined the family.
To Jane it was apparent that she had been crying and from her father’s concerned expression she was sure he had also understood the same.
But except for an encouraging smile he did not comment on it.
Surprisingly it was Lydia who addressed it.
“Lizzy, why are you so downcast? I had thought that Mr. Darcy’s letter would cheer you up. I really had to convince him a lot to write to you. With the concentration he employed, I had thought it would be the best letter anyone had ever written.”
There was deafening silence at the table following this comment and then pandemonium ensued.