Chapter Five
Kylen
I keep telling myself it’s okay. It’s her wish. But an entire day has passed and I still can’t help feeling rejected. Which is pathetic because if she doesn’t want to be friends, then I need to accept it and move on. But it’s so hard.
Obviously so much has happened between us and I never expected us to be perfectly cool with each other.
But I wanted us to hang out, get to know one another again, to not be so weird around each other.
We were good as friends. I liked having her in my life.
I hoped she enjoyed having me in her life, too, but I guess I was wrong.
She really has no interest in melting the ice between us.
How am I going to get through the days here knowing there’s a fellow student—someone who I used to be close to—who can’t stand being around me?
I don’t want to make this all about me because we’re both involved here, but it hurts. Being rejected by the girl who I used to dream about for weeks is like a deep punch to the gut.
A bang against a drum pulls me out of my thoughts. Lifting my eyes, I remember where I am and what my buddies and I are doing.
“Romeo’s finally back with us,” Beck says as he twirls his drumstick between his fingers. He was the one who hit the stick on the drum, probably to get my attention because I haven’t been concentrating on practice since we came here an hour ago.
We’re in the music room. Principal Harrington lets us use it for band practice, but only when choir or orchestra isn’t in session.
Our band is pathetic, really. We don’t play at gigs and we have a tiny following online.
But we love it and it gives us something fun to do together.
It helped me get over Raven, too, since we started the band only last year.
Beck’s face shifts from teasing to a more serious one. “You good?”
Jasper and Leo are busy scrolling through their phones, probably because I was basically gone for the past few minutes.
But I can’t help it. I just can’t get over that she doesn’t want me in her life.
And worse, I feel like a jerk because my heart refuses to take her feelings into consideration.
Do I have a right to feel this way because I wish she’d be in my life?
Why can’t I get over her?
“Ky, what’s up?” Beck asks.
I shrug, running my hand along my guitar.
There are many instruments around us, making the room stuffy and claustrophobic.
Beck had to bring his drums instead of using the school’s because he claims his hands don’t work right unless he’s playing on his.
It’s the same for me and the others. We also brought our instruments, but they don’t take up as much room as his drums.
By now, Jasper and Leo have noticed something is wrong with me and aren’t scrolling anymore.
“I’m fine,” I tell them. “Just thinking.”
“Bet I know about who,” Jasper says with a grin. “Did you and Rave kiss and make up outside the rec room yesterday? You haven’t really said a word about it, just been in your head. We didn’t want to interrupt your romantic thoughts.”
I know they’re just teasing me. For some reason, they think Raven and I are looking to get back together, which is so, so far from the truth.
I must have a certain look on my face because Beck’s eyebrows lift. “Geez, man. Why do you look like someone died?”
Shaking my head, I strum a few chords on the guitar. “You guys have no idea what you’re talking about. We didn’t kiss or make up or any of that. She pretty much told me to stay out of her life. She doesn’t even want us to be friends.”
I shut my eyes because even though they’re my best friends, it still stings and is a bit awkward and uncomfortable. It’s never fun to be rejected.
The guys are silent, and when I open my eyes, I spot them exchanging glances, like they don’t know what to say. We usually don’t get all mushy and share our feelings like this. They’ve been rejected by girls, too, and haven’t taken it as hard as I’m taking this.
Beck gets up from where he’s sitting at his drums, makes his way over to me, and claps me on the shoulder. “That’s rough, man. I’m sorry.”
Leo gives me an encouraging smile. “At least you’ve got us.”
“And there are lots of other fish in the sea,” Jasper adds.
I frown. The thought of even thinking about getting together with another girl makes me feel sick.
I don’t think my heart could handle being rejected again.
Even though a few girls have done so in the past, it just feels different now.
Maybe because seeing Raven again has brought all these confusing emotions back.
“Thanks, but I think I’ll focus on school and the band,” I say.
Beck frowns like he wants to say or do something to help me, but he doesn’t know what.
I give him a bright smile, or try to. “It’s cool, man. I’ll be okay.”
He doesn’t look so sure. “Sorry for…well, you know.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“Yeah, but still. It’s not cool that you’re hurting like this. Makes me hurt, too, you know?”
Jasper and Leo nod in agreement.
I smile sadly. “Thanks. I don’t know why I’m taking this so hard. It’s okay if she doesn’t want to be my friend.”
Leo strums his bass guitar. “Sure, but it stinks when someone tells you they don’t want to be your friend. Being friend-zoned isn’t fun, but not even being friend-zoned? Harsh, dude.”
I keep my gaze on the floor. “I just really thought we could forget the past and be friends again. Clearly she doesn’t want that.
But I need to stop questioning it and feeling sorry for myself.
Maybe she’s right and it is best we stay out of each other’s way.
Like I said, I’ll focus on school and the band. ”
Beck and Leo nod like that’s probably best.
“She’s cool and fun,” Jasper says. “It’s a shame we can’t play video games with her anymore.”
“Dude,” Beck hisses at him, shaking his head. “Way to be selfish.”
I wave my hand. “No, he’s right. Things could get weird if she hangs out with you guys and not me. But it’s okay. Be her friend, I really don’t mind. I want you to continue playing video games with her. If she wants that, I mean.”
Beck frowns again. “Hmm. Do we stay loyal to our best bud or do we hang out with his enemy?”
My eyes grow large. “Enemy? I wouldn’t call her my enemy. We’re just not friends.”
“She might see you as an enemy,” Leo points out.
I shake my head. “You guys don’t know her like I do. Raven wouldn’t call anyone her enemy. Unless they hurt her, like, really badly. And I don’t think I did.” I rub my hand down my face. “Did I?”
They don’t answer because they don’t know what to say. Only she and I were present when things went downhill between us.
“Never mind,” I say after a few seconds of silence. “Let’s practice. Did we choose a song to cover?”
Beck returns to his drums while Jasper shoots me a list of popular songs we can play. I’m the lead singer and backup guitarist while Jasper is lead guitarist and backup vocalist. Leo and Beck sing a bit, too.
As we get into it, I drop all thoughts of Raven and focus on the music. It has a way of calming my soul, of lifting me out of my body and toward the sky, as if I’m floating to another place.
The other guys seem to be in the zone, too. But then Jasper makes a mistake and the magic is broken.
“Again,” I instruct. We’re nowhere where we’re supposed to be. The playing is off, my singing is off.
It’s been quite a stressful two days. I’ve barely been at HBA for long and already I’m having a hard time focusing on anything.
I should have switched schools with someone else. My friends and I knew we were lucky to get into HBA, something most kids were hoping for. I think it happened because of our grades. Well, not Beck’s. Beck is only here because we requested to be placed in the same school.
“Darn it!” Beck throws his sticks to the floor. “We’re playing like crap.”
I swing my guitar over my shoulder, placing it on the floor. “I think we should call it a day and pick this up tomorrow. None of us are feeling it right now. It’s my fault and I’m sorry.”
“No, Ky.” Leo shakes his head. “It’s not your fault and we don’t blame you.”
Jasper shrugs. “Sometimes things happen and we just have to deal with it, no matter how hard it is. But we’re here for you, man. You’re our guy.”
I smile in appreciation. “Thanks. I’m sure I’ll be over this soon and I’ll be back to normal.”
Though the question is, what is normal? For about six months following camp, I wasn’t myself. I was like a shadow drifting around. But I pulled myself out of the hole and started getting back to who I was. Why is it so much harder now?
It’s not like I’m looking to get back together with Raven, so why am I so bothered that she doesn’t want to be my friend? We’ll be out of each other’s lives a year and a half from now and never see or talk to each other again.
Why does that feel like a strong punch to the gut, too? I should be happy that we won’t interact with each other. But I’m not.
Leo, Jasper, and I pack away our guitars while Beck carries his sticks with him.
He’s not allowed to have a drum set in our dorm room, but he can make drums out of pretty much anything in the room.
The walls, the floors, the dressers, etc.
He sometimes wakes me up at night because a song is stuck in his head and he drums to the beat.
Jasper and Leo each have roommates. The administration was ready to place Beck and me with other guys, too, but Beck begged them to let us room together.
He claimed he wouldn’t sleep well if he had to share with a stranger.
The real reason he was adamant is because of the homework thing.
It doesn’t matter to me either way who my roommate is, but I guess it’s nice to have my best buddy to talk to at night.
We don’t really share our feelings or anything like that, but he’s a good listener. When he’s not being annoying, that is.
We enter the guys’ dorm, and after Jasper and Leo separate to their rooms, Beck slings his arm over my shoulder. “Poor guy,” he says. “So sad it kills me.”
Beck usually doesn’t get emotional, but it’s different with me.
I guess we’ve been best friends since forever and have gone through a lot together.
Like when his pet turtle died, or when a girl broke up with him, or when he got suspended from school for throwing water balloons at a teacher’s car.
And of course what happened between Raven and me at camp.
Yep, through thick and thin we’ve been there for each other.
“I’m fine,” I tell him. “Ready to move on.”
He lifts a brow. “And meet another cute girl?”
“Nope. No girls for the time being.”
He grins. “I get it. Being here has sent you on an emotional roller coaster. Well, more girls for me.”
I chuckle as I pat him on the chest. “What girl would ever want you?” I tease.
I can feel him scowling at me as I unlock the door and we walk inside. “Girls like me,” he insists.
I playfully give him a look like he’s talking crazy.
He had a girlfriend in ninth grade, but that relationship ended when she found out he barely passes his grades.
And a girl was interested last year, but she didn’t like how goofy he was.
He’ll find the perfect girl one day. Someone who will love him for him. I know it.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asks.
I pat him on the chest again. “Sure, girls love you, but I heard most of the girls here are looking for a rich dude.”
His eyebrows furrow. “Then why are we even at this school if I can’t score a babe?”
“You did not just say that.”
He waggles his brows with a cheeky smile.
“And that’s why most girls don’t like you,” I inform him as I walk to my bed and plop down. “But you’ll meet her one day. Maybe not soon. But one day. Someone who is perfect for you.”
He looks at me like he doesn’t know who I am. “Why are you being all weird, dude? Like sensitive and whatever.”
I shrug. “Just…I appreciate you and the others being there for me, that’s all. And I want you to be happy, too.”
He grins widely. “Aw, shucks, man. That’s real neat of you to say.”
A few awkward seconds pass.
“So want to help me with algebra homework?” he asks.
“Totally.”
The awkwardness is gone and he’s back to goofing off instead of concentrating and I’m no longer thinking about the beautiful girl with the most striking hazel eyes in the world.