Chapter 27
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
I scream, rushing to Caleb’s side as he doubles over, holding his head in his hands. I follow his hand with my own and warm blood covers my fingers. “No, no, no . . .”
The color in his face is draining.
I cup his face in my hands, tears pouring even more as flashbacks of Ethan fill my mind. “Caleb, look at me. You have to look at me!”
Jordy rushes to my side. “Caleb!”
Blood drips down, droplets hitting the pavement.
My breath goes ragged. “Jordy, get help.”
“I’m okay,” Caleb says.
I move his hands away, trying to see his face. “Look at me. Please,” I beg.
His eyes find me, but they’re dropping and unfocused, framed by his grimacing face. “Really, I’m fine.” He tries to stand, but he sways to the side, almost falling over.
I reach out to steady him. He falls into me. I grip his jacket with all my strength, weaving my fingers into the fabric. I’m drowning in fear. My lungs burn, and my eyes are raw from tears.
I catch Jordy in my peripheral. “Why are you just standing there?” I yell.
He’s motionless, frozen. His hand clutches his chest, and his breathing is fast.
I glare at Jordy. “Don’t you see the blood? Go get help!”
Tears stream down his face, and he starts to shake. “I—I can’t.”
“Can’t you do anything right?” I scream.
His face falls, betrayal coating his eyes.
It was the wrong thing to say. It’ll only make him spiral, but I don’t have time to fix it.
Jordy bolts.
My head spins as I watch him run away. Guilt rips me up inside.
Caleb tries to stagger back, but I won’t let him. “I need to go find Jordy,” he mumbles.
“You can’t even walk.”
“I’m fine—” He doubles over again, covering his mouth like he’s about to be sick.
I rub his back as he gags.
Mom comes running out of the house. “What is going on?”
“He’s bleeding!” I shriek.
Mom takes in the situation all at once and runs to my side.
She looks at the back of Caleb’s head, then slips her jacket off.
“Hold this against his head,” she says, reverting to her calming nature as if we weren’t screaming at each other five minutes ago.
“He’s going to be okay, but he needs to go to the hospital. I think he has a concussion.”
I’m losing touch with reality. I’m here, but nothing feels real. It can’t be. This is some twisted dream. A nightmare I need to wake up from.
I’ve never felt more lost.
Mom is on the phone while trying to calm Dad down. Jordy is gone. Caleb’s blood is soaking the jacket in my hands.
The cool air blowing on the face is the only reminder that this is real. This nightmare is my life.
Mom kneels next to us again. “They want him to go to the hospital. Mrs. Park will meet us there.”
“What about Jordy and Dad?”
“You’ll need to stay with them.”
“I won’t leave Caleb,” I say.
“Then you’ll have to drive him. Can you do that?”
My gut cinches but I refuse to leave Caleb’s side.
I nod.
“Okay.” Mom doesn’t completely believe me, but she doesn’t argue. Instead, she helps Caleb stand, and we walk him to the passenger side of Dad’s car.
Mom takes Dad’s keys away from him. Even though he’s drunk, he knows something bad is happening. His hands are in his hair and he’s pacing back and forth on our lawn.
I run around to the driver’s door and get in. My hands shake, holding the steering wheel.
Dad’s words echo in my head. “Ethan is dead because of you.”
He’s right.
One meaningless fight is the reason my brother was ripped away from me. From Mom. From Dad.
It’s the reason Dad drinks.
It’s the reason my parents’ marriage is unraveling.
It’s the reason Caleb got hurt.
My shoulders rock as my chest heaves, pain stabbing into my core.
I want the pain to stop, but there’s nowhere for it to go. There’s nowhere to hide.
A feather touch grazes my hand. Caleb’s finger taps my hand with faint pressure as if he’s trying to tell me everything’s okay.
But it’s not. He’s using what little energy he has to comfort me when he should be focusing on himself. All I can think about is how any more simple mistakes can cause me to lose anyone and everyone. I want to revert to the black hole in my mind.
To push myself further away from reality. To close my eyes and pretend like none of this is happening.
But I can’t.
I have to push forward. Caleb needs me to.
So, I drive.
My hands continue to shake as I barrel down the road, but the sight of him next to me keeps me moving. His face is pale. He’s resting his head against the side of the car while holding Mom’s jacket on his head.
My heart races as we near my dreaded road—Lincoln St.
The car slows to a stop as my stomach twists. My palms are beginning to sweat, and my chest is tight.
Caleb looks over at me. “Are you okay?” he whispers.
He’s the one who’s hurt, and he’s still trying to take care of me. I don’t deserve it. I need to do this. I need to be here for him.
He needs me.
I nod and take a deep breath.
I hit the gas, driving past Lincoln St.
Every inch of my body is on edge as if crossing this imaginary line will somehow cause the world to blow up, but nothing happens.
Within seconds, we pass it, and my heart rate slows.
I did it. I drove past it, and the world didn’t end.
Caleb rests his head on the seat again, and I relax.
It’ll all be okay.
When we make it to the hospital, Mrs. Park is waiting in the emergency room. She’s in her usual pantsuit, but it’s wrinkled and her hair is frazzled, unlike the prim and proper appearance I’m used to.
“You,” she says, wrenching me away from Caleb’s side as we rush him in. “Stay away from my family.” Her tone is harsh and rough.
“I need to be with him. I need to make sure he’s okay,” I cry.
“You’ve done enough.”
I freeze in the center of the emergency room as she takes my place, taking Caleb’s arm.
Caleb reaches for me. “Don’t go.”
“I won’t,” I say.
Mrs. Park glares, steering him away.
“I’ll be right here waiting,” I call, weakly.
I don’t care what she says. I won’t leave him.
Caleb nods, disappearing behind the emergency doors with his mom and the nurse that’s waiting.
The waiting room is cold, with sterile, ugly walls. There are patches where they’ve tried to cover up marks on the walls with fresh paint, but the color is slightly different and stands out no matter how many chairs they put in front of the patchy walls.
There are lots of people here. Some are waiting to be seen and others, like me, are waiting to hear about a patient that’s already been admitted.
I watch as the doors open and close with a steady influx of people trickling in with their various problems. Some are doubled over, gripping their sides. Some come in limping. Some have horrible coughs.
They all follow the same procedure of waiting in line until the nurse assesses them and takes their vitals before asking them to sit until they’re called.
My eyes are glued to the doors when Mom comes running through them. Trailing behind her is Jordy. Mom has a tight grip on his arm, and he looks panicked. His face is puffy and red, and when Mom sits down across from me, Jordy does the same.
There’s a heaviness in our silence. We’re all aware of each other, but we don’t say anything.
My heart fills with rage every time I think about talking to Mom.
It’s accompanied by guilt when I notice the way Jordy refuses to look at me.
He’s completely turned his body away from me, resting his head on the back of the seat.
“Your mom is coming to get you,” Mom says to Jordy. “Caleb has a concussion, but the doctors said he’s going to be fine.”
I let out a sigh of relief.
Despite seeing him walk into the emergency room, there’s a part of me that worries everyone who goes in, never comes out. The hospital is a black hole. A dark void where nothing but bad memories await.
The doors separating the emergency room from us open, and Mrs. Park walks out with a sullen expression.
Jordy’s feet hit the ground, and he runs to his Mom, hugging her around the waist. His eyes are slammed shut, but it doesn’t stop silent tears from cascading down his face.
Mrs. Park holds him tight. “He’s in room 103. I want you to go sit with him, and I’ll be there soon,” she says softly while brushing his hair back.
“I don’t want to go alone,” he says.
She wipes the tears from his cheeks. “You can do hard things.”
He nods.
That phrase stands out to me. It’s the same one Caleb said to me.
“I promise, I’ll be right behind you.”
He sulks toward the door with his head hanging down.
Mrs. Park crosses her arms, staring me down. “Becca, I need to talk with you outside.”
My body goes cold with shivers running down my spine. “Me?”
She raises an eyebrow. “Is there anyone else named Becca here?”
“Anne, I know you’re upset, but that tone isn’t called for,” Mom says, standing.
Mrs. Park rocks her jaw, looking off to the side. “Not called for? My son is in the hospital because of your daughter. The only time he ever gets into trouble is when he’s around her.”
Mom straightens. “Rebecca is a wonderful kid. Caleb getting hurt had nothing to do with her.”
A half laugh spills out of Mrs. Park. “It had everything to do with her. If Caleb wasn’t around her, none of this would have happened.”
“That’s not fair,” Mom says.
“Arguing won’t change anything. I need to talk to her privately,” she says.
Mom steps in front of me and the chair I’m sitting in, blocking Mrs. Park. “Anything you want to say to her, you can say to me.”
Mrs. Park rolls her eyes. “Fine. If that’s what you want.” She steps around Mom and bends down to my eye level. “Break up with Caleb.”
“W-what?” I say.
She wants to take the one person I have away from me. It’s worse than a nightmare. I can’t lose him too. Not like this.
I shake my head, my eyes glazing over again. “I can’t.”
Mrs. Park stands straight again. “No. You will.”
Mom puts a gentle hand on Mrs. Park’s shoulder. “You can’t force them to break up. That isn’t right.”
Mrs. Park shoves Mom’s hand off her. “You know what’s not right? Your drunk husband beating up my son!”
Mom’s jaw drops. “That’s not what happened. It was an accident.”
Mrs. Park scoffs. “Accident or not, if Becca doesn’t break up with Caleb tonight, I’ll press charges against Greg.”
“You wouldn’t,” Mom says.
“I’ve been more than patient. I’m done watching your family take mine down with yours.”
Mom gasps. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Stop!” I yell.
They both turn to me, mouths still open as if they’re on pause, waiting to argue the second I’m done talking.
I can’t put my Dad through anything else. I’m the source of his pain, and I’m being offered a way to lessen it. If I don’t, it’ll only give him more reason to hate me. “I’ll do it.”
Mom shakes her head. “You can’t—”
“I’ll break up with Caleb.” The words scrape my throat on the way out.
Mom’s eyes search me in disbelief while Mrs. Park has the faintest smile tugging at her lips.
“You don’t have to do this,” Mom says.
“No.” I hold my head high despite feeling small. “I can’t do that to Dad.”
Mrs. Park steps back, seemingly stunned by my agreement.
Mom sits next to me, trying to pull me into a hug. “I promise you we can fix this.”
I shake her off. “Don’t touch me.”
It doesn’t matter how much she stood up for me. I know the truth. I know she would rather Ethan be the one she’s talking to.
I’ve never felt more alone.
I stand, pulling my keys out of my pocket. “I’m going home.” I wipe my tears on my sleeve as I mentally prepare to break not just my heart, but someone else’s.