Chapter 51
TALLY
I’m anxious. Bringing my pro-hockey boyfriend who plays for my dad’s team to family dinner was already going to be awkward, but post ex-wife reveal, it’s unlocked a new level of anxiety.
Everything between me and Phillip feels off.
I’m used to him being doting, but all our interactions seem steeped in uncertainty.
We’re walking on eggshells. I’m hyper-alert and hypersensitive to everything he says and does.
Is he being honest? Is he protecting me? How does he feel? How do I feel?
It’s only been a couple of days, and he leaves on an away series tomorrow.
Spending the evening under my parents’ microscope isn’t what I want, but there’s no getting out of it, so here we are.
I run my hands down my thighs and take a deep breath as we pull into the driveway of my childhood home.
It’s not just the Phillip situation weighing on me.
My family isn’t a whole anymore, but we’re all together in this space, and it makes me feel even more unbalanced.
“You okay?” Phillip shifts the car into park.
I consider lying, but then I’m doing what I’ve accused him of, and what’s the point in that? “No. I’m nervous. They’re going to grill you, and it probably won’t be an easy dinner.”
Phillip squeezes my hand. “I’ve been grilled plenty. I can handle it.”
“This is a little different than the media, though,” I hedge.
“It is, but I want to put your mom at ease. It’ll be okay.” He kisses the back of my hand. “Your mom is important to you, and you’re very important to her. I’ve already made a lot of bad impressions, so tonight I’d like to make some good ones,” he admits. “What are you most worried about?”
“I want my family to like you.” It’s not nearly that simple, but it’s all I can give him right now. I need them not to make this harder than it already is, and Fenna can be very blunt sometimes.
“Me too.” He leans over and kisses my cheek. “I think your sister is watching us through the window.”
I spot her peeking through the living room curtains. “We should go in.”
Phillip grabs the bottle of wine for dinner and the flowers for my mom before we exit the car.
I knock, but let myself in, calling out as we leave our shoes at the front door. Hubert, the rescue dog they recently adopted, barrels down the steps and bounces around. Mom follows, commanding him to sit. He immediately complies, looking up at her as she pets his head.
Phillip smiles, but it’s not the one he gives the media, it’s a little nervous and hopeful. “Hi, Mrs. Vander Zee, thank you so much for inviting me over. These are for you, and this is for dinner.” He holds out the flowers and the wine.
“How very thoughtful, these are lovely.” Mom takes the flowers and wine. “Thank you. It’s nice to finally meet you outside of the news outlets and the hockey games.”
I give my mom a look. She ignores it. Phillip runs his fingers down the back of my arm.
“I’m sure you have a lot of questions and I’m happy to answer them.”
Mom gives him her practiced yes you will smile.
My stomach churns with fresh nerves as she guides us through the living room to the kitchen.
Fenna is waiting expectantly, and Ties has his phone in his hand. He slips it in his pocket as we enter the room.
“Hey.” Phillip raises a hand. “You must be Fenna and Ties.”
“You’re Flip Madden,” Fenna says.
Ties elbows her.
“What?” Fenna rolls her eyes at our brother. “He is.”
“You don’t have to use his last name,” Ties mutters.
“Everyone does it with Connor Grace,” Phillip offers.
Dad comes in, wearing an apron that reads GRILLING IS MY SUPERPOWER. “Tally-Bear, when did you and my personal PR nightmare arrive?” I think he means for it to come out as a joke, but his tone lacks humor.
“Why don’t we pour some drinks and get comfortable in the living room?” Mom suggests.
“I’ll open the wine!” And possibly just add a straw to the bottle.
“There’s a bottle of white in the fridge,” Mom says.
Phillip opens the red while I retrieve the white wine, and we fill glasses and move to the living room.
Fenna seats herself in the chair closest to Phillip. “You’re thirty. I read that in an article the other day.”
To his credit, he doesn’t even flinch. “That’s correct.”
I have no idea where she’s going with this since Phillip’s age hasn’t been a secret the entire time we’ve been dating.
“And you were married when you were Tally’s age,” she tacks on.
“Fen,” I caution.
“What? It’s true.” Fenna leans in. “Why did you get divorced, anyway?”
“Seriously, Fen.” I wish I could die.
“It’s okay. I know everyone has questions.” He stretches his arm across the back of the couch. “I thought my ex and I wanted the same things out of life, but I was wrong.”
Before Fenna can lob another question at Phillip, Mom interjects. “Fenna, honey, why don’t you set up your cello in the music room so you can play for us before dinner?”
“Okay!”
“Ties, help her please,” Mom directs.
Ties sighs but leaves the room.
“Fenna can be quite direct,” Mom explains. “I’m sure this is a sensitive subject, but I’m also sure you understand that as Tally’s parents, we have some concerns about the secretive nature of your previous marriage.”
“We’re adults and this is our relationship, not yours to manage.”
“It wouldn’t matter how old you are, Tally.
We’d still be worried, and we would still have questions five years from now if you brought home someone who had been previously married and failed to disclose it,” Dad says.
“You can understand how concerning it is that you’ve been on my team this entire time and no one, not even Stiles, knew about this. ”
“It’s okay, Tally, I’d rather get things out in the open now.” Phillip squeezes my hand.
Phillip explains, concisely, what happened with Fiona and why they divorced.
He’s had to tell this story multiple times over the past few days.
It’s hard for me to hear it again, so I can’t imagine it’s easy for him either.
“I realize my keeping it a secret wasn’t good for anyone, least of all, Tally, but it wasn’t done out of malice.
” He tucks me into his side, maybe sensing my unease, or maybe it’s because of his own.
“Why keep it a secret at all,” Dad presses.
“It was a very difficult time in my life, and I didn’t want to drag it with me into the present.
” He runs his thumb along my shoulder. “I always planned to tell Tally, but dating me has brought a lot of new attention to her, and I didn’t want to add more stress on top of what she was already dealing with this semester.
That was a mistake, and one I won’t make again. ”
“Secrets put a lot of strain on a relationship,” Mom says.
Dad crosses and uncrosses his legs.
Phillip nods. “I’m not perfect, and I’m learning how to navigate this relationship along with Tally. I don’t ever want to blindside her like this again.”
I’m overwhelmed, this feels too fresh and like the wrong time to deal with all of this. I don’t want to cry in front of my parents, or for this dinner to turn into family therapy time.
Fenna appears with her bow in hand. “You can all come to the music room now.”
I’m grateful for the interruption to the interrogation.
My head is spinning and so is my stomach.
I want everything Phillip is saying to be true, but we haven’t had much time to process and it’s all been triage.
Besides, he’ll tell my parents what they want to hear.
He might be sincere, but he hasn’t had much time to prove he can be honest and open about his feelings with me.
We move to the music room, and Fenna plays one of her favorite pieces flawlessly, which is always the way.
Afterward, everyone helps put dinner on the table.
Phillip asks my brother and sister questions about school, and the conversation is surface and light post living room grill session.
“How are you feeling about exams and your upcoming showcase?” Mom asks.
“I feel good.”
“You had some problems earlier in the semester with studio practice time, didn’t you?” Mom presses. “Did that issue resolve itself?”
“Um.” I pause with my fork halfway to my mouth. Everyone’s eyes are on me. Including Phillip’s. Which is the moment I realize I never told them about the studio. “Sort of.”
Mom’s eyes narrow. “What does that mean?”
Phillip answers for me. “I rented a studio close to campus for Tally and her troupe so she wouldn’t have to struggle for practice time.”
The table goes silent.
I can’t look at my boyfriend as his knee presses against mine under the table.
“You rented my daughter a dance studio?” Dad asks.
“It’s leased until the end of June. There were issues with one of the main studios and I wanted to make it easy for Tally,” Phillip explains. “All the other available spaces required a commute.”
“That was generous of you.” Mom’s eyes bounce between me and Phillip.
“It was a stressor I could alleviate.” He kisses my temple.
My parents seem to ease up after that, which is a relief, and the rest of dinner is a little less tense. After we clear the table, Mom follows me to the cold cellar to retrieve dessert.
“Why didn’t you tell us about the studio?” Mom asks.
I shrug. “I didn’t want to stress you and Dad out. He’d just moved into the apartment, things were…unsteady. Then Phillip solved the problem, and I didn’t need to make it yours and Dad’s to worry about or handle.”
“He really cares about you,” Mom says gently.
“I really care about him, too.”
She tips her head, eyes roving over my face. “Are you two okay?”
I roll my bottom lip between my teeth. If I voice my worries, I’ll break down again, and I don’t want to return to the dining table with puffy eyes. “Yeah. I think so. I was stressed about tonight.”
Mom hugs me. “He’s devoted to you.”
“I know.” But is that enough?
“I’m sorry my relationship with your father is making things difficult for you.”
“It’s just everything.” I wrap my arms around her and absorb the comfort, wishing I felt stronger and steadier.