17. Lochlan
CHAPTER 17
Lochlan
I know I’m probably biased, but I swear I live in the most beautiful place in the world. And today, the stretch of shoreline that Redwood Bay took its name from seems particularly gorgeous, with the turquoise sea to my right, and the mountains rising beyond the town to my left. I take a deep breath in, letting the salty sea air fill my lungs, and grin.
Yup. Life is good. Plus, I have a triple cone of peanut butter, chocolate, and banana ice cream in my hand. What more could I want?
Well, obviously Dario. But I’m trying really hard not to overwhelm him, even though I’d happily see him twenty-four seven. It’s enough knowing that we’ll being hanging out tomorrow. I still don’t really think of us meeting up as dates, because we’re doing the same kind of fun stuff as we were doing before. Like tomorrow, we’re going to try roller skating.
The difference is, though, when we go back to his place or mine afterward, now there are orgasms. Kissing, too. But we can do that out in public as well. In fact, Dario seemed really surprised the first time we went out and I wanted to hold hands and kiss him and stuff. I get that he was surprised when I came out to him—heck, it was a helluva surprise to me when I eventually realized. But I think it’s more than that.
He’s shocked that I want to be seen in public with him because, like, he doesn’t think he’s good enough for me. I feel like we’ve been having this same debate since we met and had agreed to stop it already. Cuz, yeah, if anyone’s not worthy, it me being with him. But I don’t care anymore. He said he wants to be with me, so I’m gonna tell the whole damn world that he’s mine. I’ll rent a plane and write it in the sky for the entire town to see if that’s what it takes.
It makes sense to start smaller than that, however.
“You’re quiet today,” my mom comments as we amble down the beach. I’ve got my flip-flops dangling from the hand not managing the already dripping ice cream cone, and the warm sand feels so good between my toes.
“Yeah, but he’s also smiling like a lunatic,” my sister, Shelly, adds with a twinkle in her eyes. “Loch, you gotta secret you’d like to share? Is that why you suggested we all came out here today?”
I just grin more at them. Aside from the red hair and freckles Shelly and I both inherited from our dad, she and Mom are the dead spit of each other. Dad, on the other hand, is kind of average in height and size, unlike me. I glance over at him as he plays with Rocky and Shelly’s toddler, Orson, in the shallow water. Apparently, I got my bulk from my grandpa on Mom’s side, although he passed when I was a baby, so I never met him. I’ve heard lots of stories about him from various aunts and uncles, though.
For a moment, I feel fit to burst with happiness and gratitude that I got blessed with a damn good family. Lots of folks don’t.
Shelly holds hands with her husband, Greg, and I give thanks that she met such a nice, down-to-earth kindergarten teacher who treats her like a queen. My mom holds onto her sun hat, so the wind doesn’t snatch it away, laughing at my dad as he throws a tennis ball for Rocky. Orson claps his tiny little hands in delight, yelling “Doggy! Doggy!”
“Jeeze,” I say thickly, laughing and shaking my head at my sister. “I’m smiling because I just love you guys so damn much.”
Shelly stops walking and lowers her pistachio cone. We all stop and look at her. “Lochlan Bell,” she says, her eyes widening in horror. “Are you dying?”
“What?” I cry. “No! Oh my god, no. Can’t I just be happy?”
She glares at me and takes a big lick of ice cream before starting to walk again.
“Of course you can be happy,” my mom says, rolling her eyes. “Is there any reason he shouldn’t be, Shells?”
Shelly is still frowning at me. “He’s always a dopey fool. This is something else.”
“Shelly, be nice,” Greg mutters, making me laugh. “Hormones are an excuse that only gets you so far.”
“It’s fine,” I assure him as my sister rubs her round belly. “Nothing can bring me down on this glorious day, I promise. And Shelly’s right.”
“That you’re a dopey fool?” she prompts.
I would smack her arm like we’ve always done since we were kids. But she’s cheating by being pregnant again, so I settle for a loud tut. “I’ve got a secret,” I tell them in a sing-song voice.
Shelly gasps, almost choking on her ice cream. “I knew it!”
“Can we guess?” my mom asks.
“Sure,” I say playfully with a shrug. “I bet you won’t get it, though. At least not all of it.”
“You got a promotion at work?” Greg tries.
Shelly shakes her head before I can respond. “No way he could keep studying for the lieutenant’s exam quiet. If he goes for it, we’ll never hear the end of all that bitching and moaning until he passes. Right?”
I bob my head, still grinning. “Rude but correct. No studying, no exam, and no promotion. Rico’s not going anywhere and I’m not sure I’d even want his job anyway.” I wrinkle my nose. “Who wants all that extra paperwork?”
Shelly rolls her eyes but respectfully says nothing. She knows that she’s the brainiac of the family and I’m the meathead. I’ve never been cut out for anything involving too many numbers and forms and all that.
“You met a girl?” she asks instead.
“Nope,” I say smugly, my skin tingling all over.
If she’d said ‘someone’ instead of ‘a girl’ the game might have been over too quickly. I’m so excited, but I manage not to spill the tea as she and my mum look disappointed for a second but then rally themselves. I know they’re keen for me to settle down. It’s kinda like Dario’s family in that they think that’s the best way to find happiness. Mom and Dad have always drilled into us the importance of having a well-rounded life. But they’re all romantics at heart.
“You won the lottery?” Greg guesses.
“I wish,” I bark.
“You got Taylor Swift tickets?” Shelly asks eagerly, her eyes lighting up.
I scoff. “The Eras Tour is over, babe. Who’s the fool now? You’ll just have to wait until the next one.”
“I’m not forgetting your promised to take me,” she grumbles.
“There had been a lot of tequila before I made that promise,” I remind her. “But sure. One day, me, you, and however many kids you have will go see Mother.”
“And me,” Greg says, sounding a little hurt he’s been left out of our imaginary concert plans.
“Fine, fine,” I say, waving my hands and losing a few droplets of ice cream. “When I win the lottery, I’ll take you all. Keep guessing.”
“Hmm…you’re buying a house,” my mom tries.
“Again, when I win the lottery,” I reply. “So, no.”
“Who won the lottery?” my dad asks as he jogs up to us with Orson on his hip and Rocky’s leash in hand, my pup running eagerly beside him. Orson immediately reaches for Shelly, who transfers him to her hip where Greg gives their son a lick of his chocolate ice cream. I take Rocky from my dad as we continue heading toward the pier, managing to get his leash handle over my flip-flops without getting too much sand everywhere.
“Lochlan has a secret and we’re trying to guess what it is,” my mom explains.
“Oh,” my dad says, his eyebrows raising. “Have you met someone special?”
“Yes,” I say gleefully, just as Shelly says, “No.”
Her head snaps toward me. “You said you hadn’t met a girl?” she accuses.
“I did say that,” I agree.
Greg laughs. “Oh, he’s met a boy, then. Not a girl.”
They all laugh but I don’t say anything. I just keep smiling. The joke doesn’t hurt. They wouldn’t have any reason to suspect anything different, after all. It’s not like I even knew.
Once again, it’s Shelly who stops walking first, her face slack with shock. Everyone else slows to a halt as well, looking confused.
“Huh?” my big sister utters. “You…what?”
I do the best jazz hands I can without dropping the remaining ice cream from my cone, my flip-flops or Rocky’s leash. All around us, people are walking by, flying kites, surfing, running, playing with dogs, doing yoga, sunbathing, and making sandcastles. But my little bubble of the universe has suddenly become very still, buzzing with uncertainty.
I feel so calm, though. Like this is exactly where I’m meant to be, at exactly the right time.
“I met someone special,” I elaborate. “And that someone is a guy. His name is Dario and he’s wonderful.”
My dad blinks. “So you’re telling us you’re…”
“Bisexual,” I confirm, my heart rate picking up a little. I’m sure they won’t react badly, but it is kind of a huge deal to come out. I always knew that thanks to my many queer friends. But apparently there’s a difference between knowing and appreciating something and experiencing it for yourself.
My mom screams. Like actually screams, then drops her ice cream to the ground, and dashes to throw her hands around me, smacking me with the sun hat still in her hand.
“Oh, sweetie! I’m so happy for you!” she squeals in my ear. Rocky has darted over to snuffle at her discarded cone, but I’ll let him for now. Hopefully it won’t make him sick.
“Yeah?” I rasp. “You don’t seem all that surprised.”
She chuckles and lets me go. “Let’s just say I wondered from time to time.”
“Really?”
How did she wonder when I never have?
She shrugs. “Mom’s intuition,” she says, like that’s a reasonable explanation.
I’m too busy staring at her in disbelief to see Shelly raise her hand, so she gets in one of those hard smacks on my arm that I’m not allowed to give her. “Ow!” I cry indignantly, glaring at my sister. Orson then reaches over and bats my nose, copying his mom. “Ow,” I say weakly again as Shelly guiltily spins her son away from me.
“Sorry,” she says with a grimace before quickly scowling at me. “But why didn’t you ever tell me! Did you think I wouldn’t be cool about it?”
She looks so hurt by that idea, so I quickly shake my head.
“I didn’t know myself, I swear. I only met Dario a few weeks ago, and I knew I liked him a whole lot. But Lili sorta had to bang my head against the wall to make me see my feelings were actually more than that. Luckily, Dario feels the same way, so…yeah. We’re taking things slow to start with, but we’re dating and he’s very special to me. Like really special.”
I feel a hand clasp my shoulder and turn to see my dad looking at me, his eyes a little glassy. “That’s wonderful, son,” he says.
Greg grabs my flip-flop hand to awkwardly pump it a couple of times. “Congratulations, man. Maybe during Pride month next year, you could come and speak to the kids?”
“Greg!” Shelly cries. “The man literally just came out! Give him a break. Besides, doesn’t someone from the One-Thirteen always speak?”
Her husband shrugs. “Yeah, but not my brother-in-law. I’d finally be contributing for once.”
That’s so cute of him to want to do something like that for his class. I feel so light, like I could drift away into the clouds.
“I’d be honored to come down to the school,” I tell Greg, touched that his first thoughts were about inclusion and representation. Yeah, Captain Valentine does usually ask us to do all kinds of community events during Pride month as we’re a particularly diverse team.
But this time I’d be the ‘B’ in LGBT. Not just an ally. The realization makes me giddy.
I still need to double check Shelly is okay with this, though. Sure, she was mad when she thought I’d kept something juicy from her. But now she knows what that secret is…how does she feel?
“We good?” I ask her.
My sister scowls again. “No. I reserve the right to pout over all the years I missed out on getting up to shenanigans with my bisexual brother. But…whatever. I’m happy for you, even if you’re a jerk.”
She beams at me, so sincere she’s a little tearful, and the last worry leaves my shoulders. I knew it would be fine, deep down. Still, that was my first ever coming out experience, and even if it wasn’t really too stressful, it was still important, and it couldn’t have gone better all things considered.
“Biswexull!” Orson cries, waving his mucky hands around.
Oops. Apparently, he got a fistful of pistachio when Shelly wasn’t looking. But while Greg leaps into action with a wet wipe he’s produced from nowhere, my sister simply grins at her son.
“That’s right, Orson! Uncle Lochlan is bisexual, and he has a boyfriend!” She suddenly snaps her head and looks at me with wide eyes. “Holy fff-udge.” She glances at Orson, but he’s apparently too busy getting his hands cleaned by his daddy to notice her almost swearing. Then Shelly is grinning between me and Mom. “This is the friend you spent Thanksgiving with, right? So that means he has to come to us for Christmas!”
My dad huffs. “That’s getting a little ahead, isn’t it?” he tells her. “Lochlan doesn’t need that kind of pressure on him and neither does his young man.”
‘His young man.’ That tickles me pink. Damn straight, he’s mine. Or damn not straight, as Lili said.
“Besides,” my dad continues. “I imagine he’ll want to spend the holidays with his own family.”
“It doesn’t have to be Christmas Day itself,” Mom says, positively vibrating with excitement. “Anyway, he could be Jewish and not even celebrate Christmas?”
She looks at me, but I shake my head. “They’re Catholic,” I assure her, and my parents both look pleased. Not that it would matter either way to them, I’m sure. It just means that our families already have something in common, which is nice. “I’m sure he’d love to celebrate with us at some point over the holidays. But I’d like you guys to meet him before then.”
“That would be wonderful,” Mom says.
“Just so long as you invite me,” Shelly adds threateningly. “I have to vet him.”
I laugh and shake my head. “Yes, yes. Duly noted.”
Rocky whines and tugs on his leash, which is our cue to start walking again. However, everyone is smiling, and it feels like the air is shimmering around me. The sun is beaming down, and the waves are crashing onto the shore. Gulls fly and squawk overhead, and I finish the last bite of my ice cream cone.
Life is good.
Out of nowhere, Shelly appears by my side with another wet wipe for my sticky fingers. She’s given Orson to Greg, so that leaves her free to slip her arm through mine as we walk.
“I’m so happy for you, baby brother,” she says genuinely. “I can’t wait to meet him. I know you met at the puppy classes, but now it’s a meet-cute story. So you need to tell me everything from the very beginning. No skipping any details! Tell me about the moment you first laid eyes on him.”
My heart is so full. As I start describing that day in the park, I feel like the luckiest man alive.
Things can only get better from here, right?