Chapter Nine. Reid #2
“Sure,” Clara says, obviously disappointed.
“You coming?” Mitch asks me.
Clara doesn’t move. I should, but I don’t, either.
Kenji and Mitchell exchange a look, then the three of them walk back to the house, leaving me and Clara alone again.
Her breathing goes stilted beside me, like she’s trying not to cry. “Sorry—I didn’t mean to make that so awkward. I just miss her.”
Fuck. I rub my dry, tired eyes knowing with certainty I’ve fucked up beyond repair. Regretting that night with Delaney all over again. “You don’t have to apologize.” It’s all I can manage to say as I try to summon the bravery I need to fess up.
Clara hugs her knees closer to her chest, staring up at the stars again. “You didn’t say much before. Do you at least like it there?”
She means Stanford. College. The whole experience she doesn’t get to have.
“It’s all right,” I hedge.
“Any favorite classes?”
I shrug since I barely manage to make it to them. “No, nothing in particular.”
“Have you found your favorite run yet?”
I hesitate, rubbing my knee. I know what she’s doing. It’s her interview tactic. She starts with easy, mellow questions before going for the harder stuff. Trying to open me up like she used to.
“An eight-miler off campus through the trees. Reminds me of—”
I stop.
Reminds me of our trail.
Her curiosity clings to the words I didn’t say, but I can’t even approach the edges of this with her.
“Any new friends?”
She knows how hard it is for me to meet new people. How they confuse and exhaust me. Guilt churns my stomach more thinking of Delaney dragging me out that night.
You need to make some friends, Reid. C’mon, let’s go to the party!
I clear my throat. “A few.”
“That’s good,” Clara says, but she doesn’t hide the thread of jealousy in her voice as well as she thinks she does. “Do you and your roommate also have a system?”
“I’m not with anyone,” I blurt.
Her voice is tight when she says, “I wasn’t going to ask that.”
“But you were wondering.”
She scoffs lightly. “How do you know?”
“Because I’ve been wondering the same thing about you.”
I don’t think she and Mitch are hooking up anymore. Their silly back-and-forth made it clear that whatever he’s hiding isn’t about her. But in what universe is someone like Clara single forever?
After a long silence she turns to look at me. “No,” she says, her voice soft. “No one since you.”
That last ounce of my courage fades. It should make me feel relieved to know she didn’t find someone else immediately. But it only makes what happened with Delaney worse.
The air grows charged as she waits for me to say the same thing. No one since her.
In the past I always told her the truth. Sharing pieces of myself that I never had with anyone. And she never stopped pushing me away. Shutting me out. Almost like the more devoted I was to her, the more she couldn’t bear it.
Now I’m the one who can’t.
I don’t want to lie, so I don’t say anything. As I shift my weight, my small notebook in my pocket digs against my hip. When I take it out and set it down on the blanket between us, it lands heavy with everything I could never tell her.
She eyes it and a smile—sweet and sad—takes over her face. “You’re still writing.”
Dark irony laces my tone. “Nothing fuels poetry like heartbreak.”
I was trying to be funny, but it cracks like lightning between us.
She’s too good at evading my defenses. Always has been. And being alone with her under the stars, I need those defenses right now. It’s the only way I know how to get through this weekend. To protect both of us.
“Reid, can we—”
“Stop.” The word escapes me. Because now I know that too much has changed. I’ve changed.
Only, she’s exactly the same. Overwhelmingly beautiful and compelling and … out of my reach. My voice softens. “Please, Clara. Just—stop.”
A grunt escapes as I stand.
She doesn’t follow. Only looks up at me, every feature limned in moonlight.
“I can’t finish the doc without you.”
I sigh. I was afraid she was going to say something like that.
“I don’t expect—” She stops herself. Swallows. “It just feels like my chance to make it right. I really want to make it right.”
My pulse ratchets up again.
Make what right, exactly?
Pushing a hand through my hair, I ask, “It wouldn’t be personal? Just Legacy stuff?”
“Reid.” She holds my gaze. “Legacy is personal.”
I get her meaning. We all went through hell last year because of this program.
But her most of all.
Despite my goal of staying away from her this weekend, despite knowing what a bad idea it is to spend time with her again, I know my answer already. I owe her this.
“Okay.”
I can’t handle her grateful smile, so I start walking through the soft grass. I’m almost to the house when my phone buzzes in my pocket. Desperate for a distraction from the chaos of my mind, I pull it out, blinking rapidly. The brightness of the screen is almost searing in the dark.
It’s a text from Delaney with a screenshot of a new post and the message, Ummm???
@LEGACY_LORE: Our 5 Legacies are all officially home. But they better get some sleep soon. Tomorrow’s a BIG day for them. After all, betrayal doesn’t come from your enemies … More soon.
The hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Not just because of the words. But because of the picture—a photo of the crowd at this party.
I don’t know what this person is trying to do, but I now know it’s someone among us doing it.
Someone watching.