Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Warren
Levette allowed me to wallow in his arms in silence. I was thankful that he allowed me the time to process what had happened to me and what had changed between us. However, I knew that the passage of time was not enough to help me heal from such a violent shift in my life.
“Warren, darling, we have to go,” Levy said into my hair after a while. His hands stilled on my back, and he shifted so he could see my face. “You cannot stay here.”
I crawled out of his lap and stood. It was strange how my body felt so much the same and yet so vastly different. I was suddenly aware of every single particle that my body was made of, how the blood in my veins had changed, how Levette was permanently in my system.
“Why?” I questioned half-heartedly. I was abuzz with energy, yet positively exhausted, too.
“Your apartment is not designed to keep the sunlight out; mine is,” he explained. “You will have to feed before then, too. You cannot survive the fledgling stage on my blood alone.”
The idea of human blood on my tongue made my hunger resurface, my canines itching to cut through some tender skin.
I rubbed at my jaw, trying to distract myself from the feeling.
It would be too easy to run from the apartment and devour the first person I came across, but I did not want that.
I did not want my first act to be monstrous, to set a precedent of immortality that I was not willing to keep up with.
I held my hand out, pulling Levette to his feet. “What happens next? How do I stay in control?”
Levette began fixing himself, straightening his shirt and pants as though he could not be seen looking so disheveled in public.
It maddened me—he was more focused on his appearance than he was guiding me through the next steps of a life he had forced on me.
I growled, drawing his attention. Levette merely laughed and continued to tuck in his shirt.
“You do not. Your first time will be bloody and violent. It is how it goes.”
“You tell me stories of how you first came to be, how shamed you felt, yet you would have me suffer that same fate?” I snapped, hitting my hand against the wall in frustration. “Was I so blinded by my humanity to see this side of you?”
Levette stiffened, his eyes hardening as he rounded on me, pressing me up against the wall.
“You were not blinded, cher. I showed you this side of me and you accepted it; this part of me is how you will survive. Because I have been through this, felt the shame you described, and can help make sure you do not feel that same way. But do not confuse my guidance as something so blasé to human life.”
I pushed against his shoulder hard, taking an uncharacteristic pride in how he stumbled back. “I want to be different. If I am destined to live like this, I will find a way to be better.”
“Yes, I have no doubt about that. However, your first taste of human blood is like no other. The second you leave this apartment, you will become frenzied, the bloodlust too much for you to handle. Pulling you back from that will be near impossible.”
“Then you must do what it takes to make it possible. Do not let me be overtaken by darkness.”
Levette lost the hardness in his eyes as he cupped my cheek. It was such a soft gesture that I could not will myself to push him away. “I will never let that happen, Warren.”
“What about him?” I asked, unable to say my brother’s name as I gestured towards his dead body. It hurt to look at him, and I was sure that I would have to process his death and my part in it, but tonight was not that time.
“I will take care of it tomorrow. For now, let us focus on you.” He moved to stand in front of me, blocking my view of Robert’s corpse.
“Once we leave here, everything will overwhelm you. Your senses will be flooded, and it will cause your brain to short-circuit somewhat. When that happens, I need you to focus on me. Take my hand and feel my skin on yours, listen to my voice as I guide you. Make sure you zone in on me, and I will keep you on the right track. I will not let you lose yourself, love.”
I took a steadying breath and followed him out the door, lacing my fingers through his.
He was right, of course, about everything.
As we stepped onto the street, it was like the streetlamps were blinding me.
The candlelight shimmered in my eyes, casting a dizzying glow across my vision, only made worse by the stars and the moon’s low light.
I hissed, holding my arm up to cover my eyes.
“Stay with me,” Levette instructed, squeezing my hand. His thumb caressed the back of my hand and I zeroed in on that, the calming sensation of our connection.
My ears were engulfed by the thudding of heartbeats in every direction. I could barely keep my eyes open as Levette led me through the streets, my equilibrium thrown off by the loudness of everything. My fangs descended as the scent of blood permeated the air until it was all I could smell.
Levette twitched his fingers in my hand. “You’re doing so good, mon amour. Keep going.”
“I do not know if I can,” I confessed, feeling the hunger overtake me. I wanted to grab the next first person we could find. “It hurts so fucking much.”
“You can do this,” Levette soothed, pulling us to a halt. “It will not always hurt.”
He had guided us to a dimly lit park on the outskirts of downtown. It was infamous for murders and attacks; a perfect hunting ground. Levette could see the dawning on my face as he nodded, pointing to a man stumbling along the darkened walkway.
“His blood will have the bitterness of alcohol, but until you are able to control your thirst, we must only find you people whose stories can be explained away by circumstance. This man may tell people he was attacked by a man with glowing eyes and razor-sharp teeth, but who would believe him?”
My mouth salivated at the thought of charging him, ripping into his throat and draining him entirely. I had to dig my nails into Levette’s hand to keep myself rooted on the spot.
“How do I do it? I do not trust myself to hold back.”
Levette lifted a shoulder, the darkness of his soul shining through his beautiful eyes. “You do not hold back. Go, let your vampiric nature guide you. I will pull you back when you need me to.”
I looked at Levette, overcome with love and hatred, and kissed him quickly before rushing into the park.
The man was singing an old tavern song as he walked, stumbling from one side of the path to the other.
I have no recollection of how he looked, but the smell of stale ale and sweat permeated from him.
It made my lip curl in disgust, but the hunger won out over everything.
I stalked behind him, laughing when he startled.
Before he could even open his mouth to speak, I pulled him into the shadows of the trees, tearing into his neck.
As the first drop of blood hit my tongue, I moaned loudly, biting harder so that the blood filled my mouth.
He screamed and tried to fight me off, but he soon went pliant in my arms, his pulse drifting from a hard thump to a soft beating as I fed from him.
“Time to stop, mon amour,” Levette called. I could hear him approaching behind me but I turned and hissed at him, wishing he would stay away.
The blood was addictive and I did not want to stop. I wanted to take every last bit from this waste of a man and then find another, and another. I wanted to drown myself in the blood of the people of New Orleans until I had drunk my fill and more.
“Enough!” Levette commanded, grabbing my shoulder.
I elbowed his stomach, pissed that he would try to intervene.
He was doing what I had asked, but that was irrelevant to me; he was disturbing my meal and I would not allow it.
Still, Levy groaned and righted himself, coming back again.
This time, he had prepared for my blow and managed to sidestep it, throwing an arm around my waist. He pulled me hard enough that the man fell from my grip, dropping against the tree stump with a hard thump.
“You need to stop now!” Levette yelled, linking his arms around me to keep me grounded.
I fought against him as hard as I could, desperate for more. “NO! I can still smell his blood. Let me drink more! Isn’t this what you wanted?”
Levette cursed and tightened his grip on me, pressing his lips to my ear. “Focus on me, Warren. Hear my voice. That’s it. Calm yourself. Now, focus on your meal and listen for his pulse. Do you hear one?”
Growling in frustration, I did as he told me. I listened for the beating pulse of my victim, but none came. It took a moment for understanding to sink in. I stopped fighting against Levette, weakening in his hold.
“I killed him.”
Levette let go of my waist but took my hand, making sure he kept hold of me somehow. He nodded. “Oui, tu l'as fait. He is gone.”
Nausea roiled in my stomach and I fell onto my hands and knees, purging the blood from my system.
It burned, the acidity from the alcohol irritating my throat as I vomited.
Levette scooped my hair out of my face and rubbed circles on my back until I stopped heaving, wiping my mouth on my coat sleeve.
A numbness I did not expect spread through me as I allowed Levette to pull me to my feet.
We walked back to his apartment, and I heard him speaking to me, trying to help me come to terms with my first kill, but I could not hear his words.
I shut my mind off and followed him mindlessly, eager to be done with the night.
Once we arrived at Levette’s, he guided me into the living room where I collapsed onto the sofa. I could feel his concerned stare, but did nothing to placate him—it was his fault, after all.