Chapter 15
fifteen
. . .
Wren
“This was my favorite book of hers,” Lulu said as the five of us sat on the plush, oversized sofa in Emilia and Bridger’s living room. They had a gorgeous home, and tonight we’d met here for book club and appetizers and martinis, extra dirty.
“Well, I need to go read the first book in the series, because I started with this one.” I held up my glass and clinked it with theirs. “But I don’t know how she can top this one because Blaze is the hottest hero I’ve ever read.”
I’d been training so hard the last two years, as well as traveling a ton, so the only real form of romance I’d allowed myself was in the pages of a romance book.
They say the best way to get over a man is to get under another one. But I’d found the best way to heal my broken heart was to get lost in someone else’s love story.
Because I didn’t believe I’d find one of my own again.
“I can’t believe she’s such a new author, too. She has really blown up with this debut series.” Emilia leaned forward and snagged a few of the crackers and cheese from the charcuterie board she’d made for us.
“I know. I just can’t wait for book three to come out. Has she released the title yet?” Eloise asked.
I was so happy to finally get to spend time with Eloise in person, since she was here in Rosewood River with Clark for a few days.
“No. I preordered it immediately, though, and we have to wait a few months for it to come out,” Lulu said. “But I know it will be worth the wait.”
We all chuckled as we continued eating and sipping our cocktails. I’d never had a close group of girlfriends outside the ones I’d trained with. And the level that we competed at was very high, which could make it challenging to form super-deep relationships.
But being with Emilia, Henley, Lulu, and Eloise felt effortless. They were hilarious and warm and open.
I loved it.
I actually craved it.
I’d never been more lost in my life than I was right now.
I truly didn’t know what I wanted anymore. My family was in such turmoil, and after what my father had done with Wrax, I didn’t feel like I owed him anything anymore.
It hit me that a lot of the choices I’d been making these last few years were because it was something I shared with my father.
The only thing we really shared anymore.
So maybe there was a bit of fear that if I didn’t continue down this path, we would have nothing left between us.
I pushed away the thought.
Opening up to people had always been difficult for me.
Axel was the one person I’d always confided in.
Our time apart had been so difficult for me, since I held everything in now.
Especially all these conflicting feelings about my future.
About the gray area I’d found myself in where I wondered if it was even my dream that I was chasing anymore.
But I also wondered if I was feeling this way because of the stress I’d been under.
I’d felt an enormous amount of pressure after winning the world championships, and then all the negative talk that came after my accident, followed by the betrayal of my father and my brother, and the implosion of my family.
“So, you really don’t have a man back at training camp in North Carolina?” Lulu wiggled her eyebrows, pulling me from my thoughts.
Henley swatted her in the arm. “Boundaries, Lu. No prying. She’ll share if she wants to.”
“I just told her about my epic hot tub sex with Rafe!” Lulu threw her hands in the air. “This is not prying—it’s called girlfriend banter.”
“I mean, you’re this hot horse girl,” Eloise said with a wide grin on her face. “There is no way you don’t have men fawning all over you.”
“And she was on the cover of several magazine covers after her big win.” Emilia paused, then added, “You looked gorgeous, by the way.”
“Thank you. I was on just as many magazine covers after my epic fall, so that wasn’t glamorous at all.
” I chuckled, feeling my cheeks heat. “As far as dating, it’s actually been a while.
I was seeing this guy that I train with and also compete against, Ryan, for a while.
But it ended two and a half years ago, and I haven’t really met anyone else.
I mean, I’ve gone on a few dates, but no one special. ”
They all shared a look, and I raised an eyebrow, letting them know I’d noticed.
“Okay, I’m just going to mention the horse in the room,” Lulu said.
Henley’s head fell back in laughter. “Do you mean the elephant in the room?”
“Hello. It’s called being creative on the spot.” Lulu reached for her cocktail and winked at me. “She rides horses for a living, right? So I want to know if she’s ever ridden our favorite rancher. Come on. There’s something there between you and Axel. It’s impossible to miss.”
“I mean, I know you were best friends for years,” Emilia said as she refilled our drinks and then sat back down on the couch. “And then you didn’t speak for a long time, according to Bridger. But did you ever date?”
“Nope. We never dated.” It wasn’t a lie. We never did date. We never got that far, thanks to my brother.
“You never dated, but did you ever do the dirty deed?” Eloise asked over a fit of laughter. “Because you look like you’re keeping a secret right now.”
“Eloise is the observant one in the group, and she tends to write everything in a notebook,” Henley said with a laugh. “And I do agree. Every time we say his name, your cheeks blush.”
“Come on! You have definitely been to the boneyard, girl. It’s written all over your face,” Lulu said as she bellowed out in laughter.
“The ‘boneyard’?” Eloise gaped at her.
“Yes. And you all see it. You just don’t want to say anything. The way he looks at you—it’s very telling. And you, my friend, you look at him like you want to ride the boloney pony.” Lulu shrugged, and now it was my turn to fall back on the couch in a fit of hysterical laughter.
“That’s a new one.” I reached for my glass, avoiding eye contact.
“Oh. Ohhhhh. Is there a reason you aren’t looking at us?” Henley asked.
“Hell yeah, there is. She’s been knocking boots with Rosewood River’s favorite cowboy.” Lulu smirked when I looked up at her.
“It’s not like that.”
“You don’t have to tell us anything,” Emilia said, shooting them a warning look as if they’d pushed too far.
“No. It’s fine. It’s been a long time, so it shouldn’t be this difficult to talk about.” I cleared my throat and took another gulp of my martini. “We’d always just been the best of friends. I mean, Axel has always been my person, long before anything ever happened between us.”
“Is that why you guys didn’t speak for so long? Did something happen?”
“I’d come home after being away for a few months, competing. We’d always spoken every single day, without fail. And we were so happy to be together again. We spent the day talking and laughing out on our horses.”
“Damn. This is already giving off hot cowboy vibes,” Lulu said before encouraging me to continue.
I blew out a breath. “One thing led to another, and we both opened up that we had real feelings for one another. Beyond friendship.”
“Swoon,” Eloise said, fanning her face, as all the girls waited for me to continue.
“So, we spent the night together, and it was sexy as hell. And then we stayed up all night talking. We decided that we’d do whatever we needed to do to make it work.
I had a two-year plan to train for Worlds, and he said he’d travel to see me as much as possible, and I agreed to come home in between competitions. ”
“Wow. You guys were all in,” Henley said.
“I think when you’ve been as close as the two of you were for so long, you can’t really have a casual relationship,” Emilia said. “So you don’t bother crossing the line unless you’re all in, right?”
“Correct. I’d felt it for a while, but I was terrified of ruining what we had.
Because Axel had been the closest person to me for my whole life.
Hell, he still was, even when we weren’t speaking.
I still felt that connection, you know?” I shook my head, trying to swallow over the large lump in my throat.
“Of course you were worried about messing up something that was so special.” Emilia squeezed my hand, and Henley rubbed her hand up and down my back, as if they knew something heavy was coming.
“So, the next morning was the day we found out about Collin cheating on Emerson with Farah, her maid of honor.” I winced as the words left my mouth, because saying them aloud was still horrifying.
“Oh boy, do I remember that. It was all everyone in town was talking about,” Emilia said. “And that damn ‘Taylor Tea’ was all over it.”
“Yeah. And I love Emerson like a sister. I was just as angry as everyone else was.” I sighed. “But then Axel asked me if I knew about him cheating on her, and I was so angry that he’d even ask me that, you know? So I stormed out of there and refused to justify the question with an answer.”
“I get it. I’m a hothead, too,” Lulu said with a shrug.
“And that’s what caused this whole fight between you two?” Eloise asked.
“No. I mean, that’s what he thought had possibly caused it. Or he thought I’d freaked out that we’d crossed the line. In his defense, he didn’t know what to think, because I shut him out, big time.”
I proceeded to tell them all the gory details about what my brother had told me.
How I’d thought he’d betrayed me by sharing a secret that I’d confided in him.
How Collin had told me he’d gone home with another woman the night after sleeping with me.
And how he’d claimed that Axel had sucker punched him, even though he’d had it coming.
“Wow. Your brother does not play around. He went for the kill.” Lulu took the last sip of her pretty pink cocktail and set the glass down on the coffee table. “He preyed on your insecurities. I mean, once a woman thinks a man has betrayed her, she’s going to protect herself.”