13. Evan
CHAPTER 13
Evan
I haven’t kissed anyone in almost exactly seven years.
I forgot how wonderful it is.
There are probably differences from before, but it’s been so long I’m not really struck by them. What I’m overwhelmed by is not only how soft Jude’s lips are but also how confidently he returns my kiss. His arms tighten around my waist, and he moans into my mouth. I taste both sweet and salt from the peanuts we shared, and there’s also something warm and spicy that’s all Jude.
His tongue explores for mine and I greet him happily. But it’s not too long before we naturally pull apart, Jude’s eyes searching mine. He seems to understand what a big deal that was for me, and that I appreciate.
“Are you okay?” he asks kindly. For all he’s a saucy brat, he’s also very thoughtful.
I run my hands up and down his arms. “I’m wonderful,” I reply truthfully, even if I am a little shaky from the adrenaline of it all. “You?”
He winks and wriggles in my grip. “Not bad, Daddy, but I think you need more practice.”
Brat.
Then I’m struck by the idea of practicing. That means he wants to do it again. And…and I want to do it again. I’m not paralysed by guilt like I thought I would be. That’s why ‘no kissing’ was always a strict rule with my hook-ups. This whole time, I assumed it would feel like betrayal. And back then, I’m sure it absolutely would have done.
But this feels like liberation.
The surprise knocks me back somewhat. However, the optimism that comes slowly creeping through my veins is stronger. I’m afraid if I study it too intensely, it’ll turn out to be fragile and shatter, so I laugh at Jude’s playful banter and let the moment pass.
“Come on, you.” I give him a squeeze before spinning him around and grabbing his hand. “Let’s go ice skating before you can get into any more trouble.”
“I can get into trouble anywhere,” he assures me.
That I don’t doubt.
We navigate our way to the rink just as the last group is pouring out. The sessions are forty-five minutes with fifteen minutes in between to clean the ice. So it’s a bit chaotic trying to pick up skates as everyone is returning them. But eventually we are successful and find a space to sit down and change footwear.
Neither of us are great at skating, but I find that really doesn’t matter. We manage to do several slow loops around the space as the sun fades rapidly, the fair lighting up around us as night settles in.
To begin with, we’re both mostly just concentrating on our feet. But as we gain confidence, Jude starts chatting at me. I mean, I’m sure he’d like me to join in with him, but I love hearing him babbling on with only occasional input needed from me. I swear he shines as brightly as any of the lights around us.
I hope as time goes by, I can get better at being actively with people in the moment. But I feel like I’m so out of practice, my mind goes blank, and I can’t think of a thing to say. Jude talks enough for the both of us, though, and appears to love being listened to. Now that I can do.
Once our time on the ice is done, we spend a few more hours at the park, mostly looking at craft stalls and going on a couple of the rides. But it’s just like what happened with Tian. I can feel myself clock watching, dreading when we have to leave here and I have to put him on a Tube home.
“Daddy?” Jude says quietly. It’s enough to get my attention, however, and as I blink at him, I realise I was lost in thought.
“Sorry, sweetheart,” I say, smiling and forcing myself to be present. We’re still doing one last loop of the park, after all. “What were you saying?”
He chuckles. “I didn’t say anything, but I was going to ask you if you were okay.”
“Oh, I’m fine. Great. Having a splendid time.”
Okay, so truthfully, right now I’m quite cross with myself for spoiling what little time we have together with my moping. For both Tian and Jude’s dates, I always knew they had a time limit, and there’s no point in acting like they’re done before they’ve even finished. Otherwise, there was no point in going on them at all.
Jude looks up at me with big green eyes and I realise I might have missed something.
“Are you okay?”I ask.
He nibbles his lip and glances away before looking back and replying, “I don’t want this to end yet.”
My heart leaps into my throat, not quite able to believe that he’s just said what I’m thinking. That’s not the arrangement. This is supposed to just be a simple afternoon date to help me get back into the swing of things. As sad as I am, I wasn’t prepared to break the rules and ask for more.
But what’s the point in lying if that’s how we both feel?
I recall what Tian said to me during our walk in Regent’s Park. Why not consider the best-case scenario? It’s just as likely as the worst. Why not imagine being happy?
Throwing caution to the wind, I take a deep breath. “Me, neither,” I tell him. His eyes widen hopefully, making me braver. “Do you…I mean…would you perhaps like to come back to mine? I could make us dinner.”
“Really?” he asks breathlessly.
I nod, my heart thumping in my chest. “I’d love to have you over. So long as you’re not supposed to be anywhere else?”
He immediately shakes his head. “I just need to send a quick text is all—about the change of plans.”
Rather than feeling like we’re doing something nefarious, I like the idea of him messaging Sai and probably Tian as well. It’s like they’re in on our little secret.
Oh, gosh.
I’m bringing someone home.
No, not someone. Jude. The cheeky boy I’ve been thinking about ever since he came into my house like a whirlwind and hugged his boyfriend protectively to make sure I’d taken care of him properly. This kind, funny, sexy boy wants to come back to my place and let me continue Daddying him.
The voice at the back of my head tells me I still don’t deserve this. But I reason with it that really this is just more practice. I’m not actually trying to start a relationship here. Someday I might, it’s true. Then I’ll have to judge if I’ve done enough to earn a second chance.
Right now, this is just about me trying to remember how to connect with people again. It’s been a while since I quit sleeping my way across London. In those days, I was almost constantly at the end of a bottle, the alcohol making me brave.
The idea of being intimate when sober is more than a little daunting.
But I want it.
If something…more…is going to happen tonight, I feel safer doing it with Jude who’s already promised to help me date again. Who’s already in a committed open relationship, so won’t have any expectations therefore making it very difficult to break his heart. Again, like Tian said in the park, this is about as low stakes as it could get.
Still, I’m a nervous wreck by the time we get on the Tube, unable to think of anything to say. Jude seems content to travel quietly, though, keeping a hold of my hand and smiling at me whenever I look at him. He’s safe.
I’m safe.
Thankfully, it’s only half a dozen stops from Hyde Park Corner to Russell Square on the Piccadilly Line. As we escape out into the darkness once more, the peace and quiet is almost disorientating after the carnage of Winter Wonderland followed by the packed Underground. It helps calm my nerves, and I pause on the pavement to take a deep breath of cold air.
Jude slips his hand against mine and looks sweetly at me. “Are you okay, Daddy?”
I rub my forehead, trying to dispel some of the tension there. “I’m overthinking,” I admit with a rueful chuckle.
“About what?” Jude asks.
“That I’m going to let you down,” I reply truthfully before I can dismiss my feelings and tell him—and myself—that I’m fine. “That I’m going to make a mistake and hurt you.” Bugger everything. I’m already messing this up. “If you want to change your mind and go home, I’d understand.”
“Evan,” Jude says, his tone firm but also kind. “I told you already. I don’t do anything I don’t want to. I’m here because it’s my choice and I really, really wasn’t ready for our date to be over. I know you’re battling some demons, and I want to respect your process and give you all the space you need. If you genuinely aren’t ready to invite me in, then I’ll go home and everything will be totally cool between us, I promise.”
We look into each other’s eyes for a moment. My heart is hammering in my chest and my whole body is trembling. But I’ve made it this far and I’d be a fool to let him walk away now. “And if I do want to invite you in?” I ask.
He steps closer to me, angling his face so our lips are centimetres away once more. “Then I don’t want you to make us dinner, Daddy. At least, not to begin with.”
My heart is still thundering, but a good deal of my blood supply rushes south, and suddenly I’m too turned on to be as afraid anymore.
“Can I kiss you again?” I murmur.
“Yes, Daddy,” he moans.
His mouth is just as delicious as before, but this time I’m more aware of how cold his lips are. Before things can get too heated out in the open, I break it off and tug his hand. “Let’s get you home,” I say with about a hundred times more conviction than previously.
“Yes, Daddy,” this saucy little brat purrs at me.
We make the short journey home without really saying much, the electricity sparking between us doing all the talking. Jude keeps his gloved hand in mine, holding on tightly as we stride purposefully back to mine.
It strikes me as we approach how cold and dark it looks. That hasn’t bothered me in so long. I always saw it as a way to save money on the ever-increasing electricity bills. But in that moment, I would have loved it if there was some kind of light to welcome us home or anything festive for the season.
Perhaps that’s something to consider. A changed man probably needs a changed home to suit him, after all.
I don’t get much of an opportunity to ponder the matter further as we march up my short front path, and I jam my key in the lock without a tremble in sight. This door is all that’s standing between me and kissing Jude again, so it needs to get out of my way right now.
We rush inside and the second I close the door behind us, Jude pushes me against it and devours my mouth, his hands fisting around my coat lapels. He moans and rubs himself against my thigh, showing me he’s already hard.
At this rate, I’m going to come in my trousers if I’m not careful.
Jude’s kicking his shoes off, so I do the same, grateful I went with trainers for warmth and not anything with complicated laces. Then he’s pulling off my hat, gloves and scarf, and pawing at my coat zipper. I reciprocate, wanting to do my fair share.
But once our outer layers are off, he grabs my hand and seductively looks at me through his dirty blond eyelashes.
“Is it still warm downstairs?” he asks as he starts tugging me down the hall.
“Yes,” I assure him with a dry mouth, knowing the heating will have automatically kicked in by now.
“Good,” he says with a wicked grin.
He’s already pulling me down the stairs, but my head is ringing. Shouldn’t I be in charge? I’m the Daddy. But it feels so right for Jude to be manhandling me like this. Still, my doubts crawl up my throat. Or at least they try to.
“Can…shouldn’t I? Uh…”
He slows and turns, pressing his chest to mine as he kisses me. “Shh, Daddy,” he mumbles against my lips. “It’s okay. Just relax.” Then he blinks and looks serious for a second. “Unless something gets too much, and you need a moment. In that case…you say, um…‘peanuts’! And we’ll stop, okay?”
I chuckle. “Peanuts? Subtle.”
My laughter dies in my throat as he suddenly crowds me and steers me towards the couch, his hands slipping under my jumper.
“I want to see you,” he growls. The backs of my knees bump against the sofa, making me jump. This boy looks he wants to eat me, and I definitely intend on letting him.
His hands are still hovering by my waist, holding onto the hem of the material. I let out a little gasp and nod, giving him permission to do whatever it is he wants to do. In one swift motion, he’s pulled off both the jumper and the T-shirt underneath, leaving my chest exposed.
I won’t lie, I’m not buff by any means. I walk a lot and like swimming in the summer, and that’s about it. I certainly don’t groom like some men do. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Each to their own, after all. But I’m suddenly anxious about what Jude might have been expecting.
The way he runs his hands over my hairy sternum and pecs then dives down to suck one of my nipples tells me that he actually probably pretty fine with what he’s seeing.
“Jesus Christ,” I hiss as he sucks and nips, making the tender nub harden. I run my fingers through his short dark blond hair as he multi-tasks and fumbles with the button and fly of my trousers. Within seconds, he’s shoving everything down, leaving me completely naked.
Before I can panic at how vulnerable I suddenly am, he pushes me onto the sofa and I flop lengthways, my head mercifully landing on a pillow. He bites his lower lip and drags his gaze up and down my body.
“Naughty Daddy,” he rasps, yanking his hoodie over his head and dropping it to the floor. “Keep all this yumminess hidden.”
“S-sorry,” I stammer, my breaths sawing in and out of my chest as I drink him in. His chest is broad and muscular but not so well defined that I worry he’s not eating enough. His pale skin is flushed red on his face and down his chest, and I can see the bulge in his jeans.
I did that.
Whoa.
He continues to strip down and I notice the many tattoos he has, but our eyes are locked together so I can’t study the designs in any way. Maybe he’ll tell me the stories behind all his ink when we’re done.
But for right now, his gaze is piercing into me as he kicks his jeans away and stands completely naked before me. He takes his already hard cock in hand, stroking it slowly, putting on a show for me. It occurs to me that we don’t have any supplies down here. But he told me to relax, so until it becomes an issue, I’m not going to ruin the moment by mentioning anything.
Well, anything that’s a problem, that is.
“You’re gorgeous,” I manage to croak, meaning it with my whole heart.
Yes, it’s easy to see in the lamplight that he has an amazing body and a nicely put together face. But it’s his joy that shines through that’s truly breathtaking. His beauty is beyond skin deep.
“Thank you, Daddy,” he whispers.
Like a jungle cat stalking its prey, he moves to the sofa and crawls over me, capturing my mouth with his again. His lips are warm now. I like it.
“Is this okay?” he asks between kisses.
I hum in a way I hope conveys that it absolutely is, but I still have a small gnawing voice at the back of my mind. “I should be taking care of you, though,” I protest.
He nips my lower lip and grins. “You are,” he says cheekily. “You’re being my sexy Daddy toy. You’re the one getting back in the saddle, remember? And I’m just the bad little slut who’s had alllll the practice. You’re in safe hands. So just lie back and let me ride you, okay?”
“O-okay,” I manage to say with a jerky nod. That seems like the right moment to mention that we don’t have condoms or lube. Except he shimmies down the sofa, braces one hand by my hip, then uses the other to grab my cock and guide it right down his throat.
I bellow out some choice expletives as he licks and sucks and swallows with such gusto, I’m worried I’m going to come immediately and spoil all our fun. But he’s so good, he knows just how to tease me and drive me wild but still keep me at the edge, never quite toppling over. He fondles my balls and drags his nails down my thighs, but he doesn’t touch himself at all. I just look down my body and watch him worshiping my cock like he’s got something to prove.
Just when I’m about to lose it, he pops off with wet, swollen lips and shifts quickly back up to kiss my mouth again. Tasting myself gives me a thrill, and I cling to him, digging my fingers into his tattooed sides as if I’m trying to convince myself that he’s real.
Meanwhile, he’s not slacking off. In fact, he’s lined us up and has wrapped his hand around both of our lengths, stroking us together. I have to admit, I’ve never been one for much pre-cum, relying on lube to help things glide. But goodness me, this boy is gushing. His cock feels sublime against mine as he picks up the pace, his hand flying over the both of us.
I think a part of me was holding back, worrying that we didn’t have what we need to get us to completion. I should have trusted that with Jude, I already have everything I could possibly want. I’m actually grateful that for this first time we haven’t jumped all the way in with full penetration.
It’s not like I’ve been celibate these past several years, not by a long shot.
But this is the first time since Beau that I’ve been intimate with someone I genuinely care about.
The tears come hand in hand with my orgasm. I come all over myself with a sob, burying my face against Jude’s neck as I shake and gasp for air. However, he’s already there, hugging me tightly, wrapping me in his arms and making me feel like I just jumped out of an airplane, and he’s already caught me.
“It’s okay, Daddy,” he’s murmuring into my ear. “You’re okay. I’m here. You’re so beautiful. Take your time. You did so well.”
He mentioned Tian has a praise kink that he loves indulging. Yeah, I can understand that. For all I’ve completely fallen apart, his warm words are just as quickly piecing me back together again.
It takes me a minute, but eventually I’m able to take a few deep breaths then wipe my face so I’m not a complete state when I look at him again.
“Hi,” he says gently when I do, cupping the side of my face with his hand. But then he shifts ever so slightly, and I realise we’ve still got a big problem, and it’s nudging at my hip.
“You didn’t come,” I say, distressed.
He shakes his head. “I’m fine,” he says brightly, but I’m not having that. I might still be getting back into the swing of all this, but there’s no way that any boy of mine is going to go uncared for.
I grab his hip to steady him then wrap my other hand around his hard, red cock. He’s still pumping pre-cum like a champion, so it’s blissfully easy to start working his shaft, pushing him closer to his climax.
His eyes roll back into his head as he grunts and pants, thrusting into my palm. God, he’s so fucking sexy. Seeing him give me everything ignites a spark of confidence within me. Covered in my own seed with a gorgeous boy on the brink of coming undone above me releases something primal and brave within me.
“You like that, you slut?” I ask.
He gasps in shock and whines desperately. “Yes, Daddy, yes!” he yells. These houses might be old and terraced, but they are extremely well built and insulated. The urge to make him scream overtakes me.
I don’t want to tease him. I want him to lose his shit. But I do the first thing that comes naturally, and bite his neck, sucking and licking as hard as I can.
Part of me knows it’s only for tonight. But in this moment, this wonderful boy is mine. I’m going to mark him to prove it.
Jude is howling just like I wanted as I bruise his neck and work his cock. Then he’s spurting all over my chest, his cum mixing with mine and spilling onto the sofa.
I don’t care about the mess. I just care that I’ve—hopefully—made my boy happy.
He sucks down breaths as his orgasm subsides, then grabs me and hugs me even fiercer than the last time. “Thank you, Daddy, thank you,” he gasps.
I’m not sure I did all that much, but I love holding him and stroking his back. I kiss his neck where I’ve definitely given him a hickey and breathe in his scent.
These boys. These men. They’ve already given me so much.
I don’t know how I can possibly still need more.
But I do.