Chapter Fourteen
“I missed you.” Kai nuzzles his face into my neck, kissing the top of my collarbone.
“I can tell.” I run my hand through his hair, my body perfectly sated, but my heart and mind are still at odds with one another, indecision weighing on me like a blanket made of stone.
“What gave me away?” I feel him smile against my skin. “The fact that I waited all of ten seconds to strip you bare or how I haven’t let you out of this bed since?”
“Both.” I giggle when he squeezes my side. “You know, you’ll have to feed me eventually,” I tell him, my stomach grumbling loudly as if on cue.
“I suppose I have neglected to feed you for several hours.” He pulls back, not an ounce of apology on his face.
“You have.” I pull my bottom lip through my teeth to keep my smile from splitting my face in two. It’s nearly impossible to do when this man just makes me so incredibly happy .
It’s hard to wrap my head around the fact that just a couple of months ago, I wondered if happiness was something I’d ever truly feel again. Now, here I am, feeling ready to burst apart at the seams with it. I just wish I could fully embrace it. And maybe one day soon, I will.
“As much as I would like to keep you right here for the foreseeable future...”
“We don’t have to leave in order for you to feed me,” I tell him. “We could just order in.”
“We could.” His smile spreads.
“We should.” I match his smile with one of my own.
“Pizza?”
“Pizza sounds amazing.” I let out a satisfied sigh as he rolls out of bed, giving me the perfect view of his glorious backside. “And while you do that, I should text Charlotte and Maisie and let them know I got back to campus safely.” I roll to the side and grab my phone off the nightstand.
I had every intention of going back to my dorm after dropping off the rental car, but then a certain someone called me and well, I never made it there. I mean, technically, I’m only a couple blocks away, not that either of them knows that. And considering I said I’d be back hours ago.
I watch Kai slip into a pair of shorts before pulling up my text thread with Maisie and Char, firing off a quick message. By the time I’m done, Kai is already on the phone with the pizza place. He doesn’t ask what I want. He already knows, given that this is definitely not the first time we haven’t wanted to leave this bed to eat.
He casually paces the room as he places our order. He makes even the most mundane tasks incredibly sexy. Then again, I don’t think there’s a single thing this man could do that isn’t sexy.
He stalks toward me seconds after ending the call, dropping his phone next to mine before crawling back into bed. I scoot up, settling myself in the crook of his arm as I rest my cheek on his bare chest.
“I never got the chance to ask how your Thanksgiving was,” I say, swirling my finger in circles across his abdomen.
“It was good. All things considered, it was pretty uneventful, really. Would have been a lot better if you had been there, that’s for sure.”
My heart stutters in my chest.
“Did you win your football game?” I ask, arching my neck to look up at him.
“Was there ever a question?” He leans down, dropping a chaste kiss to my forehead.
“I guess not.” I chuckle, settling my cheek back against his chest.
“How was your visit with your family?” he asks, his fingers playing in my hair.
“It was good. The girls are huge. I can’t believe how much they’ve grown in just a few short months.”
“And your brothers?”
“Same. Apparently, River is talking to some girl, and he kept it from me, which is so not a River thing to do. And it was Dalton, of all people, who told me. Butthole,” I grumble.
“Well, if that’s the most interesting thing that happened, I’d say your Thanksgiving was about as lackluster as mine.”
“That’s not the only thing that happened,” I softly admit, having not yet decided if I was going to tell Kai about Leo until just now. Pushing myself upright, I reach for my shirt that’s at the foot of the bed and quickly pull it on.
“If you’re getting dressed to tell me, it can’t be good.” He scoots further up the bed, propping himself up on the headboard.
“It’s not bad, necessarily.” I locate my panties hanging across the footboard but don’t bother with putting them on, knowing Kai will have them back off in a few minutes anyway.
“Okay.” He waits for me to continue.
“Leo showed up at my parents’ house on Thanksgiving.” I blow out a breath. “Not for dinner or anything. He definitely wasn’t invited. In fact, he never made it past the driveway. I was out back talking to River and we heard a car pull up. I thought it was my sister-in-law with the girls, so I went around the side of the house, and there he was.”
“What did he want?” he asks, an unreadable mask marring his perfect face.
“To tell me he loved me and wanted me back.” I bark out a laugh like it’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard, probably because it is.
“How did that make you feel?” His stoic expression and the way he asks the question make me feel like I’m at a therapist’s office rather than in bed with the man I’m currently ass-over-head in love with.
“Pissed,” I state matter-of-factly.
“What did you say back to him?”
“I basically told him to go fuck himself and that I was seeing someone new who—and I quote—made his pencil dick look like a Tic Tac.”
I brace myself for his reaction to implying that we’re seeing each other, but whatever I thought he’d do or say, he doesn’t.
A smile touches his lips seconds before his warm laughter fills the room.
“Oh, Converse. You really are full of surprises.” He reaches for my hand and I give it to him willingly, smiling as he pulls me into his arms.
“I hope you don’t mind I used your dick as reference.”
“You can do anything you want with my dick, verbal or otherwise.” He smirks, his hand tangling in the back of my hair. “I’m sure there was more to it than that.” He slides his nose against mine.
“Well, I did have a few other choice words for him,” I admit. “It felt good to finally let him have a piece of my mind. For so long, I’ve bitten my tongue, too scared to say what I truly mean, but this time I didn’t hold back. I think it’ll be a cold day in hell before he finds himself in my presence again.”
“I’d be happy to ensure that’s the case, if you’d like.” He presses a soft kiss to my lips, causing my already raging heart to beat even faster, thumping against my ribs like a herd of angry elephants. “Maybe he’ll walk outside and find me in his driveway.”
“As much as I’d love to see the look on his face if you did just that, I’m done letting him think he holds any power over me anymore. That I care enough to have you show up there. I know Leo well enough to know that the thing that will hurt him the most is knowing I don’t care enough to try to hurt him back.”
“He didn’t deserve you.”
“You’re right. He didn’t.” I stare into his eyes for a long moment, words I know I shouldn’t speak on the tip of my tongue. And God help me, I almost let them slip... Almost.
“So I make his dick look like a Tic Tac?” He tilts his head, a cocky smirk tugging at his lips.
“I was being generous. Maybe more like an aspirin.” I throw my leg across his waist to find him already rock-hard beneath me. “Yeah.” I fist him in my hand. “Very generous.” I hum, lining him up at my entrance.
He drops his head back on a deep groan as I lower myself down on his thick erection, taking him all the way inside of me in one fluid motion.
And just like that, all talk of ex-boyfriends and almost whispered I love yous flitters away to the all-consuming desire that burns me raw every time this man so much as touches me.
I am the instrument and he is the musician, able to pull from me the perfect note with every strum of his fingers.
I can’t help but wonder if I’ll ever tire of the feeling of this man’s body moving inside of mine, and I get the feeling the answer will continue to be a resounding no. Because how could you ever grow tired of something so exquisite that you want to bottle it up and keep it for forever?
And that’s exactly what I want to do.
I want to keep him.
Maybe for forever.
“Oh my God, she lives!” Maisie announces the second I step through the door of our dorm room to find her and Char lying in the same bed, watching something on a laptop that I can only assume is a movie.
“Ha. Ha,” I deadpan, dropping my bags on the floor next to my bed before taking a seat at my desk to remove my shoes. “What are you watching?”
“ Gilmore Girls ,” they say in unison.
“Wanna join?” Maisie pats the nonexistent space in bed next to her.
“Might be a bit of a tight squeeze.” I shake my head. “I appreciate the offer, but right now a hot shower is calling my name.”
“I bet it is.” Char gives me a wicked grin.
“You two really are so funny.” I stick my tongue out at her as I stand, quickly gathering my bathroom essentials. “Give me twenty minutes and then I want to hear all about your Thanksgiving break,” I tell them before tugging open the door and stepping into the hall.
Moving toward the bathroom, I startle when the door opens and the bombshell blonde from across the hall steps out. Claire, as I confirmed her name with Maisie after our last run-in, takes one look at me and sneers.
“Hi,” I squeak, attempting to step past her, only instead of moving out of my way, she steps directly into it, nothing more than a towel covering her naked form.
“How does it feel to be the flavor of the month? I bet you find the attention very exhilarating.” She smiles but not in a friendly sort of way. In the kind of way that says she’d like to rip out my eyeballs and then serve them for appetizers at her next meal.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I square my shoulders, refusing to be bullied for no reason other than I’m sleeping with someone she used to sleep with. It’s not like they were ever a couple, and it’s not like we are either.
Though, the thought of them together does leave me feeling a bit inadequate, given how incredibly beautiful she is. A vision of Kai above her flashes through my eyes, two perfect specimens moving as one, and it’s enough to make me want to coil into a ball and never unfurl.
“I bet by now he almost has you convinced that this is real, doesn’t he?” Her words send my galloping heart into a full-on sprint. “He did the same thing with me, too, you know. I was his first call to hang out. To get dinner. To... Well, you know. And the next thing I know, nothing. He doesn’t call, doesn’t text, and the next time I see him, it’s when he’s coming out of your room.”
I can see the hurt behind her eyes that she tries to hide.
“I’m sorry. I—”
“You know he did the same thing to Devin downstairs. I think they were hooking up for like two or three months before we met.” Suddenly, her sleeping his way through the building comment makes a hell of a lot more sense.
Jealousy and doubt swirl in my gut in a lethal concoction. I can already feel their venom slipping through the cracks in my makeshift armor, spreading poison through my veins.
“And let’s not forget about poor Annie upstairs. Though I didn’t find out about her until... Well, until the day I saw the two of you together.” She tsks, like a scolding parent who’s disappointed in my life choices. “You’re just another in a long line of women he’s done this to. He wants you when you’re shiny and new, until he tires of you, and trust me, he will tire of you, then he moves on to the next shiny new toy that catches his attention.”
“It’s not like that.” I clench my things to my chest harder, tighter, not sure who I’m actually trying to convince, me or her.
“Oh, honey, we’ve all said those words at one point or another. Let me guess, he told you he couldn’t give you more, that he’d only hurt you, and yet somehow still got you into his bed?”
My face pales. I can actually feel the blood as it drains from my cheeks as the familiar panic starts to take hold. The crippling anxiety that I haven’t felt in weeks takes my lungs hostage.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” She chuckles, not a trace of humor in her voice. “This is what he does. Ask around. I think you’ll find there are more of us out there. No, I know you will. Painfully gorgeous, broken, closed off. What woman doesn’t want to be the one who saves him?”
I open my mouth, unsure of what might come out, only to snap it closed again because I honestly don’t know what to say, not when she seems to know so much, which can only mean one thing. She’s been there too. This isn’t some ploy to make me jealous or to hurt me, as much as I want to believe it is.
“Don’t feel too bad.” She finally moves to the side, giving me room to enter the bathroom, though I don’t immediately move to do so. “We’ve all fallen for it. And what’s even worse, we ignored the warnings from others and ourselves, as I’m sure you have done and will continue to do, even with me standing here telling you that he’s not a good guy. Because that’s his superpower. He knows exactly what to do, what to say, to keep us crawling back for more.”
“You don’t know him the way I do,” I force out, each breath becoming more difficult to pull in.
She laughs, the sound high and shrill.
“You know, I think I said those exact same words to Devin when she tried to warn me. I was so sure that I was different. Now look at me.” She gestures at her towel-clad body. “I’m just as pathetic as the rest of them.”
With that, she turns and disappears inside her room, leaving me to fight off the panic attack clawing up my back like a rabid animal. I’m not sure how long I stand here, my mind swirling a million miles a minute, my stomach threatening to expel the pizza I ate earlier as I sat across the bed from Kai, my lungs working harder than they should to gather the necessary air.
Spinning on my heel, I shove my way back into my room, needing to talk to Maisie before I’m past the point of no return.
“Is this what he does?” I ask abruptly, not missing the two confused gazes that swing my way. I hone in on Maisie. “Kai. Is this what he does?” I pant, unable to catch my breath. Unable to slow my too-fast heart.
“Clarify what this is, Lyric.” She looks almost as confused as I feel.
I don’t even know why I’m asking. I already know it is. Already know that I’m not special. That I mean nothing. A part of me has always known because he told me so himself.
“I just ran into Claire in the hallway.” I try to explain through panted words. “Did you know he’s slept with several people in this very building? Not just slept with them once but for months, and then he moves on to another. Am I just another stone in his trip across the pond?” I sputter out, heaviness weighing down my shoulders.
Maisie throws her legs over the bed and quickly hops down, crossing the space toward me so quickly I blink and she’s standing in front of me.
“Hey. Take a breath.” She grips my shoulders and it isn’t until she does that I realize I’m shaking. “Tell me exactly what she said.”
I pull in a slow breath, trying to focus on my words and not the feeling of dread slowly pulling me under.
“She gave me the names of other women he’s slept with. Women who he led to believe he cared about, only to drop them when someone new he wanted to fuck came along.” I grimace at the word on my tongue, still not used to saying such things so casually. “Is that all I am? Haven’t I known this all along? Didn’t he tell me this very thing himself?” Hot tears streak down my cheeks, but I don’t attempt to bat them away, my emotions firing on all cylinders.
“I told you to steer clear of him, so yes, obviously, I knew his pattern, which is why I wanted you to stay away from him in the first place. But then I saw him at the party with you and... I’ve known him most of my life, Lyric, and when I tell you that I’ve never seen him with anyone the way he is with you, I mean it. He took you to meet his grandma, for goodness’ sake, which I don’t think he’s ever done in the history of ever. And at Thanksgiving, anytime we found each other in the same room, all he wanted to talk about was you. Does that sound like a man who’s just using you until something else comes along?”
“I-I don’t know,” I stutter, my panic somewhat deflating but certainly not dissipating entirely.
“Look at me.” She urges my eyes back to hers when I attempt to look away. “If I thought he was going to hurt you, I would say so, and I don’t think he is. He’s different with you, Lyric. I know maybe that sounds hard to believe given his past, but he is. Even my brother noticed that he was acting differently. You weren’t even there and Jackson could tell something about him had changed. You are changing him, even if you don’t realize it yet.”
“She’s right.”
I swear I blink and Charlotte appears next to Maisie, reaching out to take my hand in hers. She gives my fingers a gentle squeeze.
“I may not know him well but when a man looks at a woman the way he looks at you, it usually only means one thing. Don’t let Claire get in your head. That bitch was just waiting for her chance to start trouble.”
“Why?” I croak, wiping away the trace of tears from my cheeks, starting to feel like maybe I overreacted a bit. Of course she was trying to rile me. But that doesn’t necessarily make what she said any less true.
“Because she’s a miserable cum shot who wants everyone else to be miserable too,” Maisie sneers. “He fucked her, didn’t want her, gave her back, so of course she’s going to target you for it, even if your relationship with Kai is completely different than hers was. She doesn’t want you to believe that it is because if she can convince you that you’re just the same as her, then maybe you’ll end things with Kai, which is ultimately what she wants.”
A pang of guilt slides through my chest. Maybe she came at me to hurt me, but that doesn’t change the fact that she herself is hurting. Loving someone who doesn’t love you back is something I am all too familiar with. Loving someone who values you so little that they would screw your best friend behind your back and not even have the decency to be genuinely sorry about it, or in this case, they would start screwing the girl next door almost as if to rub your nose in it.
My stomach sours at the thought.
“I didn’t realize you knew her so well,” I finally say after too long.
“Unfortunately, we went to the same high school, so yeah, I know her better than I’d like. Doesn’t mean I like her, though. She tried to come onto my brother once at a birthday party when she was like fourteen. He was like nineteen at the time.”
“She didn’t?” My mouth drops open.
“Oh, she did. She’s the first to spread her legs and the last to take any accountability when things go south.”
I wish I could say Maisie’s words make me dislike her more, but in reality, all they serve to do is make me feel even more sorry for her, though I can’t really explain why.
“You really think she was just trying to get under my skin?” My anxiety has eased, not enough to calm the raging gallop in my chest that feels like a storm of hooves clamoring around inside of it, but enough that I can somewhat keep my thoughts in line.
“A hundred percent,” Charlotte interjects, squeezing my fingers a second time before letting go of my hand, which I hadn’t even realized she was still holding until then. “But the real question is, if you guys are just casual, why did you let her get you so worked up in the first place?” A slow smile spreads across her face, like she already knows the answer.
“We already know you’re in love with him,” Maisie announces before I can even think of how to respond to Char’s question. “So you can just admit it out loud and get it over with because it’s been painfully obvious for weeks.”
“It has?” I ask rather than deny.
I mean, obviously, I’ve told them that I have feelings for him, but I’ve never once said I was in love with him, or even insinuated that my feelings were heading that way. Then again, I guess it probably wasn’t that hard to put together.
Try as I may, I never stood a chance against Kai. From the moment I met him, he has done nothing but dismantle every obstacle I’ve spent months putting into place to protect myself, to prevent what happened with Leo from ever happening again.
If you don’t give someone your heart, they can’t break it.
Only problem is, Kai never asked, he simply reached right in and took it, and there wasn’t a single thing I could do to stop him.
“No offense, but you’re kind of easy to read.” Charlotte chuckles.
“I don’t know how I feel.” I shake my head.
“Bullshit,” they say in unison—again—clearly having some kind of twin mojo going on today or something.
“Just say it,” Char urges. “You’ll feel better once you do.”
“She’s right. Besides, there’s no harm in telling your best friends. We aren’t going to tell Kai or anyone else. That’ll be for you to do when you’re ready,” Maisie reassures.
“Fine. I admit it.” I toss my hands up in defeat.
“We’re not going to let you off that easy.” Charlotte tsks. “Not until you say the words.”
“I’m in love with Kai freaking Elliot!” I announce loudly, spreading my arms wide. “Happy now?”
“I’m happy if you are,” Maisie tells me, wrapping her arm around my shoulder.
“Same,” Char agrees, sliding her arm over Maisie’s from the other side.
“Thank you for talking me down,” I tell them, smiling when Charlotte puts her other arm around Maisie, enclosing us in what can only be described as a circle hug.
“That’s what friends are for.” Maisie leans her head against mine. “I’m sure I’m going to need to be talked off the ledge more than a few times over the next four years. I hope you ladies are up to the task.”
“Bring it on.” Char giggles.
Out of all the people I could have been paired with, I got two people who not only embraced me from the first day but have shown me more love and support than most of the people I’ve been friends with my entire life.
I’m taken with just how blessed I truly am. With my family. With my friends. And with a certain someone who has changed me in ways I can’t even begin to put into words. Four months ago, I walked into this room a shell of a person. And now, here I stand, relatively whole, mostly sane, and definitely loved. And I won’t ever take any of it for granted.