Chapter Forty
SHAUNA AWOKE IN a fog, registering the warmth of Kitty curled against her stomach and the scent of Zander beneath her cheek.
She forced her eyes open, squinting against the sting of too little sleep.
She expected the familiar smell of coffee to greet her, the sight of Zander standing outside the patio doors, but that brief blissful bubble popped when she remembered he’d gone riding.
She vaguely recalled feeling him brush a kiss to her forehead when he’d gotten up, but she and Brian had talked for hours last night.
He’d told her about rehab, and she’d told him about her life, including how Zander had found her bracelet.
They’d run the gamut of emotions, and by the time she’d gotten to Zander’s, she’d been bone-tired and hadn’t been able to muster the energy to wake up and say goodbye this morning.
She gave Kitty some love and sat up, her attention drawn to the photos on the mantel.
She’d never forget the day Zander had come home with the frame for the picture of her and Brian, or when she’d come from a grueling shift to find that picture, along with one from her and Zander’s honeymoon, up there on the mantel with his family photos.
She knew they were contractually bound, but they didn’t feel like just an obligation.
Or at least they hadn’t, until they’d acknowledged the end of their relationship yesterday morning, and then confirmed last night that she was going to be moving out.
Could she have romanticized her feelings?
She was too grounded for that, wasn’t she?
She got up to take a closer look and took the photo of them down from the mantel to study it.
There was joy in Zander’s piercing blue eyes.
He couldn’t fake that, could he? She thought about the day he’d dropped to his knees and presented her with that outrageously beautiful ring.
What do you say, Shauna? Will you marry me and show the world we’re not just great looking, but we’re also the best damn actors around?
Fucking actors.
She swallowed hard with that reality. The strange thing was, she felt like she was acting every day of her damn life, trying to fit in, pretending she wasn’t lonely or worried about one thing or another. The only time she wasn’t acting was when she was with Zander.
But he was.
She set the picture back on the mantel and tried to shake off the weight of the truth as she made her way down the hall to get ready for work.
Her stupid legs stopped working by the butt prints on the wall, the memory of making them slamming into her. The paint! she’d squealed. He’d flashed that devilish grin and said, Conversation starters, and then he’d fucked her senseless.
With a tremor in her chest, she headed into the bathroom.
She took a long, hot shower, trying to scrub the ache away, to no avail.
She pinned up her hair, dressed for work, and packed her duffel with an extra uniform and a change of clothes for tomorrow.
She put her bag by the front door, then headed into the kitchen for coffee.
She glanced at a stack of papers on the island as she walked past and froze, her mind tripping over the words Divorce Agreement.
Her knees wobbled, her feet rooted to the floor.
She couldn’t breathe, could barely see through a rush of tears.
“Nonono.” Not now. Not yet.
Her hand trembled as she frantically shoved each page to the side. In her haste to get to the last one, papers sailed off the island, and she stood numb, the sight of Zander’s signature slicing through her as brutally as a knife.
She stumbled backward, trying to drag air into her lungs.
She thought she could handle this. Thought she was prepared for the inevitable end of their agreement.
But he wasn’t supposed to mean so much, and God, she wasn’t supposed to feel so much.
She hadn’t even known she was capable of it.
She grabbed the counter to combat her weak knees.
Breathe. Just breathe. You save lives. You saved your own life. You can do this.
Shoring up the walls she no longer wanted, she fumbled with the junk drawer and grabbed a pen.
It felt wrong in her hand as she signed her name.
Kitty wound around her feet in her tiny pink shirt, but Shauna didn’t trust herself to pick her up without breaking down, and she couldn’t afford to break down.
She had to get to work, had to be on top of her game to do her job, so she blew out a breath, drew her shoulders back, and started making a game plan.
Heading back down the hall to the bedroom she hadn’t used since the honeymoon, she found her checkbook.
She wrote a check to Zander to repay him for Brian’s rehab; then she headed into his bedroom, trying to ignore that ache it brought to see the bed they shared, the dresser that held their clothes, and focused on the jewelry box.
She wanted to pack all her stuff, but she had to get to work.
Zander would be at work when she came back Monday morning to get her things, so she put on blinders, grabbed her engagement and wedding rings, and made a beeline for the kitchen.
Quickly picking up the papers from the floor, she piled them on the counter and put the rings and the check on top of them.
It only took ninety days for her to fall madly in love with Zander Wicked, but as she strode out of the kitchen, trying not to look at the cat she loved or the home they’d built, she had a feeling it would take a lifetime to get over him.