Chapter Forty-One
ZANDER SPED DOWN the highway, his helmet shutting out the world. No wind on his face, no distractions. Only miles of open road and the familiar roar of his motorcycle. Riding was supposed to clear his head, but he’d been riding since before dawn, and it only made the noise louder.
He’d woken to Shauna sprawled over him on the couch, her hair spread across his chest. He hadn’t wanted to move, much less leave her, but he’d needed to so he didn’t fuck up her life.
Signing the divorce papers with Justice yesterday and having them notarized had felt like he was ripping out his own damn ribs, but leaving the papers for Shauna to find? Christ, that was worse.
So he rode.
For hours.
But fuck, he couldn’t do this alone, and that pissed him off.
The sun burned high in the sky, sadness clinging to him like baked-in sweat as he pulled off the highway, slowing to merge onto the main drag, and headed for the only place that made sense.
To the only person who knew how to talk him off a ledge.
The one he gave shit to for having his back when he didn’t want it.
Now here he was, winding through backroads, hoping like hell his brother could help him one last time and that he still had enough fight left to listen.
He parked in the dusty drive and stalked up the porch steps. His heart hammering and his mind whirling, he pounded on the door. Too restless to wait, he threw the door open and stormed in, hollering, “Zeke! Where the hell are you?”
He heard Zeke curse up in the loft and headed over to the stairs.
“Zander, do not come up here.” Zeke’s warning split the air, deep and serious.
“Fuck,” Zander bit out, and paced the living room. He heard Zeke talking to someone, heard the clinking of metal. There were reasons he didn’t make a habit of showing up at his brothers’ houses without texting first. But nothing was normal right now.
Zeke stalked down the stairs buttoning his jeans, his jaw tight. “You okay?”
“No, I’m not fucking okay. I’ve been riding around for hours trying to get my head on straight, and I can’t,” Zander gritted out, taking in the scratches on his brother’s shoulders and feeling like a dick for interrupting.
“Sorry about…” He nodded toward the loft, still wearing a path in the hardwood floor.
Ignoring the comment, Zeke crossed his arms, watching Zander pace. “What happened?”
“I left the divorce papers for Shauna this morning and took off before she got up, and fuck, Zeke. I feel like my heart is being ripped to shreds.”
“Why the hell did you leave them for her instead of handing them to her?”
“Because I fucking couldn’t,” Zander seethed. “You have no idea how hard this is.”
“So go get the papers. Take them back.”
“I can’t do that. She doesn’t want that.
” No matter how many times he said it, it still didn’t feel true or possible that he was alone in what they had.
He’d felt her love, had lived in it. Hell, they’d built a whole damn cottage around it.
Those were the thoughts that had him feeling like he was losing his mind, so he wrestled them down deep and said, “She’s moving back in with Brian tomorrow and going back to her life.
That was the agreement. Brian needs her.
She loves him. They’re making future plans, and I’m not about to fuck that up for her.
I just need help getting my head on straight. ”
A tall brunette walked out of the loft and headed down the stairs in a short, fitted dress and heels that reeked of money.
With her head held high and her tousled hair cascading down her back, she glanced at Zander when she reached the landing, giving him a keen-eyed once-over, her lips curving up like she knew something he didn’t.
Turning a confident smile on Zeke, she said, “I called a car, and it’s almost here.
I’ll catch up with you next time I’m in town. ”
Zeke nodded and graced her with the coy smile that held a mix of flirtatiousness and mystery and had been mesmerizing women for as long as Zander could remember, despite the crap he and his brothers gave Zeke.
After she was out the door, Zander said, “Dude, is she an escort?”
“No, you idiot. That’s Genevieve—Gigi—Nice. She owns an elite gentleman’s club in New York.”
“How the hell…? Never mind. Hope she wasn’t too nice,” Zander bit out, pacing again, too irritated at his own situation to deal with the one he’d caused for Zeke. “I need you to talk me off the ledge. I don’t know what to do with all these feelings. It’s not supposed to hurt this much.”
“Yes, it is,” Zeke said evenly. “You were catching feelings for her before you even got married.”
Zander glowered at him. “You’re not helping.”
“What do you need me to say?”
“Tell me I’m doing the right thing,” Zander barked.
“I can’t tell you that,” Zeke snapped back. “This is about feelings, not buying a new bike or what tool to use. Only you know the answer to that question.”
“What the fuck, Zeke?” Zander seethed. “You stick your nose in my business twenty-four-seven, and the one time I really need you, you’ve got nothing to say?
Forget I said anything. I’ve got to go see Brian.
” He headed for the door, feeling like a prick for blaming his brother when, like always, Zeke was fucking right.
Zeke grabbed his arm. “You are not taking this out on Brian. He just got out of rehab.”
“No shit.” He yanked his arm away. “I’m not a total asshole. Shauna’s working today. I told her I’d check in on him. I don’t want that guy floundering after all the hard work he’s done.”
“Let me take a quick shower, and I’ll go with you.” Zeke headed for the stairs.
Zeke’s offer after Zander had barged in and screwed up his morning had Zander biting back the knee-jerk reaction to bark at him and storm out the door. He forced himself to calm down enough to give his brother the respect he deserved.
“Thanks, man, but I’ve got this. I’m not going to scare the guy. I’m pulling for him, and I’m sorry for barging in here and fucking things up with that woman.”
Zeke lifted his chin. “It’s all right.”
“No, it’s not. I shouldn’t have barged in and expected you to talk me off the ledge. This is why you’ve always felt the need to rein me in, because I do what’s in my head without thinking it through, which is exactly why I’m in this situation with Shauna right now.”
“I can’t dispute that,” Zeke said earnestly. “But today it’s your heart driving the bike, not your dick and not your need for thrills.”
Zander let out a breath. “I’m fucked, aren’t I?”
“You’re definitely not used to dealing with real emotions, but that doesn’t mean you’re fucked.
You need to go with your gut on this, Zan.
Are you sure you want to go see Brian alone?
I’m not asking because I think you’ll go off on him.
You said you won’t, and I believe you. I’m asking because that big-ass heart of yours is torturing you, and while you’re giving Brian support, you might need some for yourself. ”
“Thanks, man, but this is something I’ve got to do on my own.”
Zeke gave a curt nod and pulled him into an embrace, clapping him on the back. “Call if you need me.”
“You know I will.” Zander couldn’t resist asking, “When did you go to New York? Or was that chick really an escort?”
“Jesus, Zan. With everything that you’re dealing with, that’s what’s on your mind? I love you, man, but get the fuck out of here.”
ZANDER PULLED UP in front of Shauna and Brian’s cottage and cut the engine, the rumble of his bike giving way to the rustling of leaves in the warm summer breeze and the torrent of conflicting emotions inside him.
He’d told Zeke the truth. He wanted to see Brian succeed.
Not solely for Shauna but because Zander truly gave a shit about others, despite his sometimes selfish habits.
That didn’t mean it was going to be easy facing a man who had loved Shauna’s body and had later left it bruised.
The man who owned a piece of her that Zander could never touch.
He just had to remember that Brian had also been there for Shauna when she’d had nobody else.
He climbed off his bike and headed up to the door, his chest tight, his stride steady. His phone conversation with Brian about Shauna’s birthday had been cordial, but short and to the point. He didn’t know what to expect from Brian or himself today.
He knocked, standing taller as footsteps sounded on the other side of the door.
The door opened, and when their eyes met, the feeling that this was some sort of minefield fell away.
The last time he’d seen Brian in person, he’d been spitting fury through a drugged and drunken haze.
Now he was clear-eyed, fresh-faced, and looking at Zander with a mix of apology and gratitude, and so damn nervous the air buzzed with it.
“Brian,” he said, his voice even, though his pulse didn’t match, and offered his hand.
Brian’s brows knitted, and he looked at Zander’s hand like it was the last thing he expected, but he shook it, a little awkwardly, and said, “Thanks for coming over.”
“No problem.”
Brian stepped back. “Want to come in? Sit down?”
“Sure.” Zander headed inside. The place was still clean, the faint smell of coffee lingering in the air.
“Want something to drink? I’ve got water, iced tea, coffee. That’s about it.”
“Nah, man. I’m good, thanks.”
“Do you want to sit down?” Brian motioned to the armchair.
Zander nodded and sat in the chair, while Brian lowered himself to the couch. “You look good. How’re you feeling?”