Thirty-Eight Ramin
thirty-eight
Ramin
Twenty Years Ago
The last day of Ramin’s senior year was on a Monday.
It was a half day, too.
Apparently state law dictated a minimum number of school days you could have in a year, and they’d had so many snow days this winter they had to make up one. Hence the half day. On a Monday.
Freaking global warming.
Ramin didn’t know how a half day was supposed to make up for a snow day, especially tacked on to the end of the year after graduation, when no one really cared, least of all the teachers. But whatever. The Missouri Department of Education worked in mysterious ways, or something.
Arya had tried to convince Ramin and Farzan to skip. It was a Monday! They’d already gotten their diplomas!
Well, they’d gotten the little blue frames. The actual diplomas were supposed to come in the mail. But whatever. They were graduates! They were off to college in the fall! What did it matter if they missed a half day?
But Farzan had announced his parents would kill him if he skipped. Even now.
And Ramin… well, Ramin wasn’t ready to say goodbye just yet.
He’d see Arya and Farzan over the summer, over college breaks.
They’d email and chat online and stay friends forever.
But there were other people Ramin would probably never see again.
Classmates who’d signed his yearbook wishing him luck or lamenting that they hadn’t known each other better.
Even a few apologies for bullying over the years.
But half of them had skipped, so now Ramin sat in seventh hour, alone and wondering what the point of any of this was, when he and Farzan and Arya could’ve played hooky and gone to get breakfast at Perkins or something.
Noah had probably skipped, too.
Except—
“Hey, Ramin!”
Ramin slipped into a small grin. “Hey, Noah.”
“Decided not to skip, huh? You’re such a nerd.”
Ramin laughed. “You’re here, too.”
“Well, I’m an even bigger nerd.” Noah dropped into the seat next to Ramin. “Got any plans for the summer?”
Ramin shrugged. “Not much. You?”
“Going to Branson with Stacy’s family. Working. You know. The usual.”
“Cool.” Ramin had been so relieved to see Noah, but now he just felt annoyed. Jealous. Noah had a girlfriend, and Ramin was still single, headed off to college as a virgin.
Whatever.
Thankfully their teacher didn’t actually try to make them learn anything. They all sat around joking and talking and sharing stories until the last bell rang. Ramin and Noah and the other seniors cheered and headed toward the student parking lot.
“Well,” Noah said. “We did it.”
“We did it,” Ramin agreed.
He looked at Noah. Noah looked back at him.
He didn’t know what to say.
He wanted to ask for Noah’s number. Promise to keep in touch. But they’d never been that kind of friends.
Noah seemed to think so, too. Because he looked past Ramin and waved, smiling, as Stacy skipped over and wrapped him in a hug.
Ramin felt cold all over. “See you,” he called, and Noah waved goodbye, and then that was it.
Ramin didn’t dwell on it, though.
Arya and Farzan were waiting for him.
Now
Ramin stood on the platform long after Noah’s train had steamed away. He stared at the dark tunnel.
“I better go.” That’s all Noah had said.
And what did Ramin expect, really? Noah to ignore Jake being in the hospital? Ramin wouldn’t like Noah nearly so well if he was the kind of man who could do that.
Wait for him? Well, maybe. Ramin understood panic. He didn’t really blame Noah for that, either.
That didn’t stop the ache in his chest, though. The sourness in his stomach. The burning in his throat.
Yesterday had been everything Ramin ever dreamed of. Not the sex (well, not just the sex, because fuck had that been good, every single time), but just being with Noah.
That’s all Ramin really wanted. To be with Noah.
Shit. He had it bad, didn’t he? There was no getting away from this. Maybe there never had been.
The truth had been bubbling in him for twenty years, building pressure until, like a bottle of Prosecco, fate had popped the cork and all Ramin’s feelings had come exploding out.
Eleven days. Half a lifetime.
A single look.
That’s all it had ever truly taken for Ramin, wasn’t it? One look and he was a goner.
Granted, at the time he’d been walled into the closet “Cask of Amontillado” style. For the love of God, Montresor!
But Noah had gone anyway. Ramin wasn’t enough for him to stay. No, that was wrong; it was Noah’s son , what kind of monster would Ramin have to be to want Noah to stay?
He didn’t want Noah to stay. He just wanted Noah to say Come with me .
To share the burden. That’s all he wanted.
But it wasn’t enough.
He wasn’t enough.
Ramin shook himself. He was probably just feeling this way because of all the sex.
Sex released oxytocin, and oxytocin made you feel close to your partner, made you feel euphoric, made you feel like you were in…
well. Either way, he was crashing after a huge high.
He was blowing everything out of proportion.
He and Noah were barely together. This whole thing was new.
Hell, Noah had never even done butt stuff before.
Noah was probably reeling from hormones, too.
That’s what Ramin kept telling himself as he headed back to the hotel to check out.