Chapter 28
Jersey
Fire bites at my skin, my back taking the brunt of the flames, but even though I throw all of my weight against the door, I can't get it open. My fists hit the wood until my hands feel like jelly, as if I pounded until the bones turned to liquid.
In a moment of clarity, instead of shoving against the door, I pull, a wave of relief washing over me when it opens.
Horror fills every cell in my body when it's as if I'm no longer in the middle of the fire but watching myself from some far corner of the room.
Instead of running toward the boys' bedroom to save them, I turn left, opening another door that I've never noticed before. Barking meets my ears, but I don't hesitate to move further into the room, my blood freezing in my veins when I see Caitlyn's lifeless stare.
Strapped to the St. Andrews cross, her head hangs limply between her splayed arms, no life left in her pretty gaze .
Glass and other debris dig into my knees when I collapse onto the floor, my hands splayed on her thighs. She's already so cold, despite the flames licking up the walls in the room.
"She deserved better."
I spin to face the voice, anger swimming inside of me at the sight of Eden standing only a few feet away. The cigarette in her mouth doesn't even move when she speaks.
"But that's just what you do, isn't it, Roman? You feed a woman's addiction until she can't live without you. It doesn't matter what they give you. It's never enough. You didn't even bother to find your boys tonight. You ran to her instead, knowing she would still be alive if you were a better man. We would all still be alive if you were a better man!"
Flames engulf my wife, but it doesn't stop the sinister sound of her voice from echoing all around me.
I wake with a start, my skin covered in sweat. I've had some form of this dream enough to know that there's no sense in checking my skin for wounds despite feeling the burn of fire all over my body.
I don't waste a second in bed wishing the nightmare didn't happen. It gives it too much life, and I've spent years dwelling on my past.
I climb out of bed, ignoring the aches in my bones from no doubt tossing and turning all night as I head to the shower.
I don't bother to wait for it to warm, feeling as if the blast of frigid water is just one other way for me to punish myself for my shortcomings in life.
After I dry off and dress, my clothes feel scratchy on my skin as if the fire that licked at me in my nightmare had actually left injuries behind. It puts me on edge, my attitude in the fucking gutter when I leave my room for the day .
Maybe a long ride on my bike will set things right in my life, but I know as I glance at her closed bedroom door that my life hasn't been right for a very long time. I can't blame her. I'm responsible for my own actions, but it seems like my entire existence is making the wrong choices over and over again. That it doesn't matter what I choose, fate will find a way to fuck me over for it.
"Conference room," Jericho snaps as I pass by him, heading toward the kitchen.
I could argue, tell the man he isn't my fucking boss and grab a cup of coffee like I intended to do, but causing more problems than I already have in this house doesn't seem like the best idea.
When I step into the conference room, it appears that everyone was waiting for me to join them, and it makes me feel like a complete asshole for holding everyone up even though I had no idea I was needed down there.
"Morning," I say as I grab my chair, pulling it out from the table before sitting down.
The others grumble a greeting. Well, all except Nyx, who seems like he might've had a worse night than I had.
"We know that the man outside of Dr. Rudd's house the other night wasn't Scott Wilson," Casper says as soon as Jericho pulls the door closed.
The man doesn't seem to have ill feelings about not being one of the ones to take Adair down, and it sort of makes me wish my life were different. I had vowed to love Eden for eternity. Despite that passionate flame we shared dwindling rapidly after we got married, the woman gave me two beautiful little boys, and I knew I was going to always be grateful to her for that.
"If not Scott, then who?"I ask.
"We don't know. With nothing to go on, we're still trying to figure it out," Casper says .
He doesn't bring up the club and all that would possibly be linked to her, so I don't say it either, knowing he'll leave no stone unturned to figure out what needs to be done to ensure that she's safe.
"She wants to go back home," Hemlock says, his eyes locked on me. I know he suspects that I'm the reason she has made this request.
He'd be right, of course.
This is exactly what Jericho was worried about, but I couldn't lie to the woman yesterday morning. Yeah, I was pissed to see her sitting at the table so close to Zeus, but it was just the fucking slap in the face I needed. She wasn't mine to claim. I had no right to an opinion about what she does with her time. She was a free agent, and I needed to put some distance between the two of us before she made me feel weak by asking for it herself.
"We have placed an order for a security system to be installed in her home," Hemlock continues.
"She should stay here," I mutter, not wanting her in danger just so she can avoid me.
I'd feel like the biggest asshole who walked the earth if something happened to her because I can't give her what she deserves.
"We don't keep women here against their will," Hemlock snaps.
Ace huffs a laugh, drawing a glare from our president.
I know Hemlock hasn't forgotten that he locked Zara in the basement and refused to let her out for her own safety a few months ago, but Ace is one brave motherfucker to react the way he just did .
Silence fills the room, all of us looking from Ace to Hemlock until the former shrugs his shoulders with a wide smile on his face. Hemlock didn't make any friends with the way this chapter of the Cerberus MC began, but we all respect the hell out of the man. Love will make you do all sorts of crazy fucking things, and he won't make excuses for his behavior. Things ended up exactly how they were supposed to, I guess. He had Zara and the Gatlinburg chapter presidency.
"I want you to supervise the installation of all the equipment," Hemlock finally continues, his full attention on me.
I dip my head because I know Caitlyn will be strongly urged to stay at the cabin until the installation is complete. At least we can be in two separate places while it happens. Distance from that woman is exactly what I need to get my head back on right.
"After that, I'll head out to Hazard?" I ask, bringing up the conversation we had earlier in the week.
We've gotten wind that there's a trafficking hub in one of the shitty hotels out on Highway Fifteen.
Hemlock shakes his head, making my heart pound heavier in my chest.
"I handed that off to Lark and Nyx," he says. "You'll make sure the installation of the equipment is up to par then I want you to show Dr. Rudd how to use it."
I don't bother arguing although it's my first instinct. I want to tell him that Casper would be better suited to showing her how to operate the system, but security cameras and the apps that come on phones now are super simple and it doesn't require a tech guru like it might've fifteen years ago.
Arguing would raise too many suspicions, and the last thing I want is anyone in this room knowing for a fact that I've already fucked things up with Catilyn, despite them probably drawing that conclusion the second she requested to go home.
"You got it," I say instead. "Has anyone made plans on getting her a gun and teaching her to shoot?"
Setting her up with a security system might deter some, but a hardened pervert who really wants to hurt her wouldn't bat an eye at an alarm going off. They know how long it takes for law enforcement to make it up the mountain to respond, and there hasn't been a mention of someone sitting on her house, which really isn't possible in the long run.
My skin crawls at the idea of her being in that house alone and someone getting the chance to hurt her. It doesn't matter how many times I try to remind myself that I can't protect every single woman on the face of the earth, I still feel sick to my stomach for how thoroughly I've fucked this up. Jericho was right to have warned me to stay the fuck away from her.
"Zeus has already made room in his schedule to teach her to shoot," Hemlock says.
I fight the urge to look at the suggested man but lose my battle mere seconds later.
He's smiling, looking at the back of his right hand as if he doesn't have a care in the world whereas I want to flip the fucking table and wrap my hands around his throat, squeezing until he begs for mercy.
When he lifts his eyes to mine, he gives me a single nod of his head. It's a promise to keep her safe and to make sure she's capable of protecting herself.
I pull in a ragged breath before dipping my head in acceptance. I was truthful with Caitlyn last night. I have nothing to offer her. Now if I could only get my head and my heart on the same page.