Chapter 20
JESSE
It was barely nine in the morning, but I didn’t say a word as Eric pulled a cold beer from the fridge. He offered me one, too. I considered it, then shook my head, and not just because it was too early to drink. My stomach was too tied up in knots to risk offending it.
He leaned against the counter, took a deep pull, then closed his eyes and pressed the bottle against his forehead. “Fucking hell.”
I pressed my hip against the kitchen counter and tried to read him. “What did she say?”
Sighing, he lowered the bottle and shook his head.
As he stared at the floor with unfocused eyes, he said, “She’s still convinced she can win me back.
” He took another swig. “She’ll probably try the same shit with you, too.
Keep working at both of us until one of us gives in, then discard the other like last week’s trash. ”
I coughed a laugh. “She can try.” Gesturing with my phone, I added, “I forgot to block her second Instagram account, but it’s blocked now.”
“Good idea. Just don’t be surprised if she keeps trying from different accounts or whatever.”
I groaned. “Great.”
“Right?” He huffed another dry laugh as he brought up his beer for another sip. “Fucking Christ.”
He gazed out at the scenery with unfocused eyes, and I surreptitiously watched him. I was still jittery after that confrontation—some leftover adrenaline, I guess?—but I was coming back down to earth. Though Eric seemed steady, I wouldn’t have said he was in a good place.
As he drank in silence and stared out at the lake, he was someplace else.
There was something in his body language that I couldn’t put my finger on.
Something… defeated? Resigned? Ashamed? It was hard to say.
He barely looked at me. The counter he was leaning on seemed to be all that was holding him upright.
His shoulders slumped and his features were almost shell-shocked in their blankness.
What did she say to you? I wanted to ask, because she had to have said something that got under his skin. Something that drove him into a bottle at 9:00 am and sent him that far up into his own head.
He rolled a sip of beer around in his mouth for a moment. After he’d swallowed it, he spoke, and he sounded absolutely exhausted. “Would you be offended if I said I don’t feel like going out and doing anything today?”
Man, I’d be surprised if you had the energy to get up the stairs.
But I just shook my head. “No. I don’t think I do either. I’m fine with just hanging out here today.”
The relief came off him in waves, as if he’d truly expected me to demand he play happy tourist-slash-tour guide today. “Okay. I think… I don’t know. I’m probably just going to finish this beer and then spend the rest of the day with Mary Jane.”
I laughed softly. “That sounds like a pretty good idea, honestly. Even if we hadn’t been visited by the Adultery Fairy.”
Eric snorted, and I was glad to see some genuine amusement crack through. “That’s a fitting name.” When he met my gaze, his eyes were tired and sad, but with a spark of playful mischief. “How do we keep her from coming back? Smudge the place? Leave some Peanut M getting out and moving always seemed to help when I fell into a funk.
When I came back, he was still watching the movie, so I went out to the dock with a beer. There was a faint lingering smell of weed, probably from the remains of the joint in the ashtray, but I didn’t feel like indulging. That was a one-way ticket to overthinking things I didn’t want to dwell on.
So, I chilled on a chair, cracked open my beer, and FaceTimed my sister.
“How are my boys?” I asked when she appeared onscreen.
“Being feral gremlins.”
I laughed. “So, normal.”
“As normal as anything can be with cats involved, especially your two.” She turned the phone and showed me Clyde, who was rolling around on one of his perches.
“Hey buddy,” I said. “You miss me?”
He lifted his head and peered around.
“Clyde?” I grinned. “What’s wrong, buddy?”
He looked from side to side, clearly confused.
“Don’t tease the poor dumb animal.” Maureen tousled his ears, and he apparently forgot all about me. He grabbed her arm, then bunny-kicked with his back legs. “Okay, okay, that’s enough.” She laughed as she gently pried her arm free. “Silly goblin.”
I just chuckled. Clyde could be a little feisty sometimes, but he never bit very hard or scratched enough to draw blood. “Dare I ask where Chili is?”
The exasperated sigh was no surprise. Without a word, Maureen moved from the living room into the kitchen, where Chili was loafing on top of the refrigerator.
“What the hell is he doing up there?”
“You tell me! I think he got up there to get the cat treats and then decided it’s a fun perch.” She turned the phone again to show her own face. “The treat jar is in the microwave, by the way.”
I cocked my head. “The microwave? Why?”
“So your demonic house panthers can’t get to it!”
“Okay, that makes sense. That’s pretty smart, actually.”
“Uh-huh.” She dropped onto my couch. “So how’s the trip?” An eyebrow rose. “Are you two still”—she made air quotes with her free hand—“just friends?”
At that, my humor died away, and I broke eye contact with her.
On the other end, my couch creaked, and Maureen was instantly serious. “Oh. Shit. Did something happen?”
“It… sort of?” I exhaled as I ran a hand through my hair. “I don’t know what the hell we’re doing. And then the best part—Selena showed up.”
Maureen’s eyes went huge. “You’re kidding. What the hell was she doing?”
“I think she thought she was going to win Eric back, or humiliate us both online, or… I don’t know. Something.”
“How did she even find you?”
I took a deep breath and explained the video I’d posted and how Selena had apparently been stalking my account from one of her unblocked accounts. When I’d finished telling that story, I told her about the conversation with Eric in the kitchen, and how we’d both been doing our own things today.
“Wow,” she said when I was done. “Sounds like your ex threw a monkey wrench into your whole trip.”
“She did. And I have no idea what she said to him, but he’s on another planet.”
“Do you think he’s upset with you over something? Like she convinced him you knew they were together?”
Staring out at the lake, I chewed my lip and thought about it. After a moment, I shook my head. “I don’t think so? I mean, he hasn’t acted hostile toward me, or like he’s upset with me. We were even joking a little about how to ward off another visit from the Adultery Fairy.”
Maureen laughed, then slapped a hand over her mouth. “Sorry. That was funny.”
I managed a halfhearted chuckle. “Yeah. He thought so too. But like, he hasn’t done or said anything to make me think I’m the problem. And trust me, I’ve been looking for those signs from day one because I still feel awful.”
“You shouldn’t. I know you do, and you’re too good of a person not to, but you didn’t do anything.”
“Not knowingly.”
“Not at all,” she said more firmly. “You were dating a woman who you had every reason to believe was single. If you’d known about Eric, you wouldn’t have been with her. I can say that with absolute certainty because I know you.”
My throat tightened, and I nodded. “I still feel shitty about it.”
“Maybe you need to talk to him.”
I winced. “Probably. But… not right now. Whatever’s going on in his mind…” I shook my head. “I should let him process some of it.”
“Maybe talking to you is what he needs to process it.”
Gnawing my lip, I didn’t respond.
Maureen sighed. “Look, only you can judge if it’s the right time, but I wouldn’t let this thing fester. You guys seem to have a good thing going—whether it’s friendship or the googly eyes you insist you’re not making whenever you think of him.”
I scoffed as some heat rushed into my face. “I do not make—”
“Yes, you do. Don’t argue with me. Anyway, you seem to have a good thing going, whatever it is, so don’t let it get away because you’re too scared or stubborn to talk to him.” She paused. “I mean, I can see waiting until you’re back in Pittsburgh so you’re not stuck together.”
“We live together,” I reminded her.
“Right, but one of you can leave a bit more easily if you need some space. Out there, unless one of you gets a hotel or you rent a car, you’re kind of stuck until you’re back here.”
“True. Maybe we need to get out and do more tourist stuff. Break the funk a bit. Then we can talk.”
“Whatever helps. I think it’ll be worth the awkwardness when you do bring it up.”
“Probably.” She did have a point. Uncomfortable conversations were not my strong point, and I was terrible at initiating them, but it was usually worth it in the end.
We chatted a bit more, and then we ended the call. I drank in silence for a moment before heading back inside.
Eric was in the kitchen making himself a sandwich. When he glanced at me, a small smile curled his lips. “Hey. Did you want something to eat?”
“I’m good.” The words “maybe we should talk” dangled precariously on the tip of my tongue. Instead, I went with, “Think we should go do something tomorrow? So we don’t get cabin fever?”
“Sure.” He paused to spread some mayo on the bread. “You have anything in mind?”
“I saw an ATV rental place.” I hesitated, but suggested, “We could always try finding the moose again.”
As soon as those words brought Eric’s smile to life, I was sold. I didn’t care if it meant dragging my carcass out of bed at three in the morning—we were going moose-watching.
“One of the guides posted this morning that they saw several big bulls,” he said. “I think I know where they went, so we could give that spot a try.”
“Cool. Sounds great.” I smiled. “I’ll set an alarm.”
“I’ll make sure there’s coffee ready.”
We exchanged smiles, and then I headed upstairs to check my work email while he continued making his food. It was a start. We still needed to talk about some tough subjects, but he still wanted to go out and do stuff, and he wasn’t at all hostile toward me.
Step one, go have some fun and get out of our funk.
Step two…
Well, hopefully I’d work up the courage for that.
Because we definitely needed to talk.