CHAPTER FOUR #2
She nodded, not trusting her voice, and made her way to one of the cushioned chairs. Julian settled across from her on the loveseat, leaving a careful distance between them. His usually perfectly styled hair looked disheveled, as if he'd been running his hands through it.
The silence stretched between them, filled only with the soft hum of the solarium's climate control system. Kiara twisted her fingers in her lap, trying to find the right words to begin.
Julian cleared his throat. "Duncan told me you're pregnant," he said finally, his tone and expression both neutral.
Kiara nodded, her mouth suddenly dry. "Yes."
"And he believes I'm the father."
The directness of his statement caught her off guard. She'd expected more dancing around the subject, more hesitation. But Julian got right to the point.
"You are," she said softly, meeting his gaze directly despite the tremor in her voice. Her heart thudded painfully against her ribs.
Julian's expression tightened, a muscle working in his jaw. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, hands clasped together so tightly his knuckles whitened.
"I don't remember us…” His words trailed off, and he didn’t attempt to pick them up, leaving Kiara to fill the silence.
“I figured as much,” she said. “When you acted like nothing had happened the next day.”
“I guess I drank a little too much.”
Kiara nodded. “You were drinking a lot.”
“And you weren’t?” he asked.
“I drank enough to kind of give me a bit of a buzz,” she said. “When I stopped, you kept drinking.”
He looked down at his hands, and Kiara could see the strain in his profile.
“So you weren’t as out of it as I was when we…”
Again, his voice trailed off in a way that felt so unlike the Julian she’d known up to that point. The directness of just a few minutes ago was gone now that he had confirmation of his role in her pregnancy.
“What do you mean?”
He looked up then, his gaze holding wariness. “Our time together. Was it consensual?”
For a moment, Kiara could only stare at him. As the strain grew on his face, she quickly said, “Yes. It might not have been a good decision, but it was one we both made, even if our judgment was impaired.”
Relief crossed Julian’s face. “Okay. As long as you’re telling me the truth.”
Kiara struggled with being the only one who had memories of that night. She wished he didn’t have to rely on her word because he might have doubts until the baby’s paternity could actually be determined through a DNA test. “I am telling the truth.”
“Duncan wants us to get married.”
Shock jolted through her. “Married?”
The word hung in the air between them like an actual physical thing. Kiara's chest tightened, and she struggled to draw a proper breath. Marriage? To Julian Burke? The idea was so far from anything she'd ever imagined for herself that she couldn't form a coherent response.
“That's his solution," Julian continued, his voice strained. "For the baby."
Kiara pressed her palm against her stomach. "I don't… I wasn't expecting that."
Julian ran a hand through his hair, leaving it even more disheveled. "Neither was I, but my father was very clear about his expectations."
The way he said "expectations" made Kiara's heart sink. There was something cold and formal about it, like this was a business arrangement rather than a life-altering decision about their future—and their child's.
"I'm not expecting you to marry me, Julian. That's… that's not why I kept the baby."
He angled a look at her, his expression still unreadable. "Why did you keep it?"
The question wasn't accusatory, just curious, but it still stung, and for a moment she wondered if he would have preferred she end the pregnancy. Kiara swallowed hard against the sudden lump in her throat.
"Because it's my baby," she said simply. "And I… I've always wanted a family of my own."
Julian's eyes softened slightly at that, and he looked away, staring out at the garden. The morning sunlight caught the highlights in his hair and gave a glow to his skin. He was truly a handsome man. More handsome than she’d ever imagined her future husband being.
Kiara had always figured she’d end up with a down-to-earth man who spent his days working with his hands. She would have assumed that a man like Julian would be completely out of her league.
But alcohol had stripped away all of their differences, reducing their interactions to a physicality that hadn’t cared that they wouldn’t have made a good couple in real life.
But it was more than just the alcohol. Loneliness, coupled with a desire for a love of her own like Angie had with Jude, had created a situation where she hadn’t been thinking rationally.
When Julian had kissed her, she’d assumed that he’d felt something for her.
That he too was looking for a connection.
She couldn’t have been more wrong.
Whatever he’d been looking for that night, it hadn’t been a lasting connection. And since he couldn’t remember that night, he’d likely never be able to tell her what his motivation had been.
She might not know what his motivation had been that night, but she certainly knew that this marriage proposal wasn’t being driven by his attraction to her or his desire to be married to her. No, it was Duncan who was dictating things now.
“So, are you agreeable to getting married?” Julian asked.
Kiara frowned. “You’re actually on board with the idea?”
He didn’t answer right away, his gaze distance. “I think it’s probably for the best.”
That surprised her. “But… how would it work?”
“I think we just need to stay married until the baby is born,” Julian said. “Then we can get a divorce.”
It hurt Kiara’s heart to be talking about divorce before they’d even gotten married. What would happen if she said no to getting married?
Would Duncan accept her answer if it was no? Would Julian?
Julian cleared his throat as his head bent forward. “One other thing. Duncan is insisting that I go to rehab for my drinking.”
Kiara was shocked once again. “He is?”
“Yes. He says it’s become a problem,” Julian said, then gave a humorless laugh. “And in light of our situation, I can’t exactly argue with him.”
“And you’re going to go?”
“I don’t really have a choice,” Julian said. “If I don’t go, I’m out of a job.”
“Duncan would fire you?”
“He said he would.” Julian shrugged. “And he’s usually a man of his word.”
“I’m surprised.”
“I was too, but such is life.” He sounded very resigned.
“I’ll be leaving for rehab as soon as we get married,” he said. “Provided you agree to the marriage.”
Kiara had a lot of thoughts tumbling through her mind. But there was one question that kept coming to the forefront.
“Do you lose your job if we don’t get married?”
The hesitation before Julian responded hurt more than it should have. “He didn’t say that specifically. His focus was on the rehab.”
“Do you want me to say no?” she asked. “To tell Duncan I don’t want to get married?”
Julian's eyes widened slightly at her question. For a moment, he looked almost… relieved? The expression vanished so quickly that Kiara wasn't sure she'd seen it correctly.
“I'm not asking you to say no," he said carefully. "I'm trying to do the right thing here."
Kiara twisted her hands in her lap, the pressure of the decision weighing on her shoulders.
Marriage to Julian Burke. It was surreal—like something from one of her romance novels—but she couldn’t allow herself to view the situation that way. This was obviously something that was being forced on Julian, and he clearly wasn’t happy about it.
"What will happen to the baby if we don’t get married?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
"I'd still support the baby financially. I'm not going to abandon my responsibility.”
The irony was that she didn’t really need his financial support. Thanks to Duncan’s generosity, she had plenty of money to support herself and the baby.
Maybe she should have left the estate as soon as she found out she was pregnant so that she could have avoided all of this. But she hadn’t done that, so now she had to deal with the situation and Duncan and Julian’s attempt to address it.
Silence was heavy between them as her thoughts went to the baby.
What would be best for them?
In this particular case—since Julian was a good man—it would be better for the baby to have two parents in their life, regardless of what path they took.
But would it be better for them to know that their parents had been married when they were born, even if they divorced later, than for them to have never been married at all?
Deep down, Kiara didn’t want to have to tell her son or daughter that they’d been born as a result of an alcohol-fueled bad decision. She’d rather they think they’d been conceived in love, even if the marriage hadn’t ended up working out.
Maybe that was delusional reasoning, but she didn’t want her child to have any reason to feel unloved or unwanted.
She thought of the prayer Angie had prayed with her not that long ago and wondered how this scenario fit into God’s plan, and which decision would be an answer to that prayer.
In the end, she had nothing to go on but what she thought was best for the baby.
“Let’s get married.”