CHAPTER EIGHTEEN #2
No more feeling sorry for yourself, Kiara. You have so much to be thankful for. Focus on that. Your life is great.
“You feeling okay?”
Julian’s voice drew Kiara out of her thoughts. She blinked rapidly a few times, making sure there was no lingering emotion threatening to spill out in tears before she turned to look at him.
“Yep.”
“Riding in a car doesn’t make you feel sick?”
She shifted around to face him more fully, grateful for the distraction. “I’ve never had motion sickness, and it seems my morning sickness isn’t triggered by motion. I even had no problem flying in the helicopter.”
Angie turned her head to look at them. “She loves being on the plane and in the helicopter. Unlike me.”
Julian smiled. “I rather enjoy flying myself.”
“Maybe we should have flown to Coeur d’Alene for church,” Kiara said with a grin at Angie.
Angie shook her head. “Hah. No.”
“I would have kept you safe,” Jude said.
“I know you would.” Angie smiled at him as she clasped her hand around the back of his neck. “But I’d rather you not be put in that position to begin with. At least not more than you have to.”
For the remainder of the drive, the conversation was light, and Kiara was grateful for the distraction. When they reached the church, Anthony parked the SUV.
Jude opened the door and got out, then helped Angie from the vehicle. He flipped the seats forward so that Julian and Kiara could climb out of the back seat.
The six of them walked to the doors of the church, following other people heading inside the large building.
Lucy went in first, while Anthony held the door for the rest of them. It was odd to think there might be a security concern at the church, but Kiara didn’t question the need for the bodyguards. Duncan’s word was law when it came to the protection of his children.
“We’re going to sit at the back,” Julian told Jude. “Just in case Kiara needs to step out.”
“That’s fine,” Jude said, then turned to Angie. “Do you want to sit at the back with them?”
Angie nodded. “If it’s not too much trouble.”
“No trouble at all, love,” Jude assured her.
After a brief conversation with the bodyguards, Jude led them to a row near the back. Angie followed him into the row, then Kiara went next. Julian sat on Kiara’s other side, while the two bodyguards took seats in the row immediately behind them.
Julian shifted on the pew beside her, and Kiara wondered if he regretted his decision to join them at church.
As she looked around, Kiara realized they were garnering some attention from others in the sanctuary.
She glanced sideways at Julian to see how he was taking it.
He was looking straight forward, and Kiara thought maybe he was reading the information that was being shown on the screens at the front of the sanctuary.
It seemed like he was totally oblivious to the attention he was receiving.
This was the first time she’d been out in public with Julian, so she had no idea if he was usually oblivious to the attention he got from people. Jude, on the other hand, seemed to be on alert, his gaze roaming the sanctuary.
There was movement in the row beyond Jude, and a couple sat down next to him. Kiara recognized them as Cooper and Melanie, who had been at Jude and Angie’s wedding. Angie leaned past Jude to hold out her hand to Melanie, who smiled warmly at her, then gave Kiara a little wave.
There was no time for conversation, though, as the music that had been playing faded away when a man moved to the podium.
Soon, they were invited to stand for some singing.
Julian smoothly got to his feet, while Kiara was a bit more cumbersome, and she had to use the pew in front of her to leverage herself up.
“You okay?” Julian murmured, turning toward her.
“I’m good.”
Rather than face fully forward, Julian kept part of his body angled toward her, as if he was concerned that she was going to keel over and he’d have to catch her. Kiara doubted there was much likelihood of that. She hadn’t fainted yet.
She didn’t know the songs that the congregation sang, and she assumed Julian didn’t either because he wasn’t singing. Angie, however, knew them all and sang with confidence.
As she read the words on the screens at the front, Kiara found them to be both worshipful and full of hope. They were different from the songs she heard on the music streaming services or social media.
As they sang a song called How Great Is Our God, Angie lifted her hands, her head tilted back as her eyes closed. The words washed over Kiara as she took in the people around her. They were worshipping God, singing about how wonderful He was and how He was deserving of their praise.
God had always been such a distant entity in Kiara’s mind. But in that moment, He felt real and present. These people believed He was there with them. That He was accepting of their praises. They weren’t just praying and asking Him for things. They were praising Him. Worshipping Him.
She’d never experienced anything like it before in her life. Even when she’d attended church with Angie in Briar Hollow, she hadn’t felt like this.
The music quieted as one of the musicians prayed, thanking God for His presence in their lives. For the work of His hands in the world. For the hope they had because of what He’d done.
As the prayer ended, another song began, its words filling the screens on either side of the stage. The song had an almost Celtic sound to it as a woman began to sing. In Christ Alone My Hope is Found.
Kiara was once again drawn in by the words.
There was so much hope and promise in them.
Glancing over at Angie, she saw that Jude had his arm around her as they both sang, their eyes lifted heavenward.
Their worship seemed to not be constrained by those around them. In fact, it was a shared worship.
Since she didn’t know the songs, she felt like she was on the outside looking in. However, Kiara also knew that she didn’t have to stay on the outside. Angie had spoken about her faith enough that Kiara knew that, just like her sister had decided to become a Christian, Kiara could as well.
But was she ready to do that?
As she stood there, the music swelling around her, Kiara felt movement in her belly. She’d been feeling fluttering for a little while already, but this felt more substantial. As if her little boy wanted to remind her that she wasn’t alone.
Swaying in time with the music, Kiara pressed her hand against the spot where she’d felt the movement. As they continued to sing, she wondered if she could have hope in Christ for her future. For her little boy’s future.
When her marriage to Julian eventually ended, would God be there for her if she had faith like Angie did?
Though the thought was comforting, there was a kernel of fear inside her that she wouldn’t be worthy of God’s presence in her life. So many had deemed her unworthy… unwanted.
Even now, she was only where she was because of Angie. Because Angie was wanted. Because Angie had wanted Kiara there.
If she lost everything, could she still have God? Would He still be there for her?
Kiara didn’t know the answer to that, and she was scared to get to the point where she might discover what that answer was.