32. Graham
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
graham
All good things must end
Savor each one while you can
Until the last hour
“ This feels like senior prom all over again,” Patrick groans.
“ Why , because you don’t have a date?” Dex earns himself an elbow to the ribs from Patrick .
“ No . Because we’re waiting for Johanna .”
“ Never rush a woman,” my mom chimes in.
“ Oh , believe me, I know. Lottie might as well be sixteen with her attitude recently. I love her, but I’m glad she’s with her mom tonight. I need a stiff drink.”
“ Pat , don’t you dare speak about my darling niece like that.” Florence throws him a warning glare.
We’re waiting at the steps of the venue, freezing our asses off as we wait for Quinn and Johanna to arrive.
While my family bickers beside me, I’m ready to crawl out of my skin. Regret at thinking this was a good idea has been festering since I woke up. It’s unlikely I’ll even have to interact with Jenna or Ralph , I just hate the idea of having Quinn in her vicinity.
Tires rolling on gravel pull my attention to the long road leading up to the small orchard where the ceremony is being hosted. It started snowing on Thanksgiving evening and hasn’t stopped for the last two days. The ground is draped in white and thickens before our eyes as large snowflakes float down from the sky.
The cab pulls up in front of us and Johanna is the first to step out. She looks lovely in a deep blue, knee-length dress and tweed coat. Patrick is quick to approach her and escort her up the steps.
When a delicate ankle laced in gold leather peeks out from the car my heart rate rises. Then Quinn reveals herself, and I stop breathing altogether. She’s ethereal, draped in a shimmering yellow dress that shifts against her curves like liquid gold. A divine beauty poets would struggle to describe. Half her hair is tied up while the other half runs over her shoulders in a mess of chocolate and honey curls.
“ Quinn ,” I breathe.
My hand falls to my chest, as if to keep my heart from falling out.
My Quinn .
I’m at the bottom of the stairs before my brain even registers I’ve walked toward her.
“ Hey , you.” There’s a sweet shyness in her voice.
“ Are you real?” My eyes skim up and down the length of her body, cataloging each detail.
“ You don’t look too bad yourself.” She adjusts the lapels of my suit jacket and then grips the edges to pull me closer. “ It’s not fair that you look this handsome.”
“ It’s not fair I have to share you with all these people tonight.” I take hold of the thick coat she has folded over her arm and wrap it around her shoulders.“ That’s better. You’re for my eyes only.”
“ Ohh , possessive.” She giggles and then loops her arm through mine. “ C’mon . Let’s get this over with.”
The ceremony went on without a hitch and I felt nothing as I watched the woman I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with share vows with another man.
When Ralph and Jenna were officially announced husband and wife the only thing that crossed my mind was that I hope I get to stand at the end of an altar with Quinn one day. If she wanted to elope or have the grandest wedding of the century, I’d give it to her.
The day has dragged, but it hasn’t been awful, not with Quinn by my side.
We’re now sitting around our table as we watch Patrick and Johanna sway among the other couples. Despite Booth’s grumblings, he’s slowly leading Mom across the dance floor, careful of her leg. Even Florence convinces Dex to join her and they laugh loudly as they tread on each other’s toes.
My siblings would be shocked to the core at my next question, but I don’t want her to miss out. “ Dance with me, honey?”
Surprise paints her face, and she glances out to the black-and-white checked dance floor before turning back to me.
“ Not here,” she whispers.
I don’t get the chance to ask her what she means before she’s dragging me to my feet, grabbing our coats, and guiding us through the crowd until we’re out in the chilly night air.
“ Here .”
The thrum of the music is loud enough to reach us and the light from the party reveals the paved courtyard beneath our feet.
I hold my hand out, desperate to have her in my arms. I’m tugging her into me the second our fingers make contact and seal our fronts together.
“ I would have danced with you in there,” I tell her as I rest my chin on the top of her head.
“ I know. But I think we’ve shown our faces enough for tonight. I want you to myself.”
Her cheek lies above my heart.
Does she feel it? Feel how each beat is for her. The organ might as well have been useless before she came along.
The deep blue sky is adorned in twinkling lights and the moon shines on us like a spotlight; perfectly round from where it hangs in the sky.
November’s first full moon.
The Beaver Moon .
It feels appropriate. Like folklore said, it’s a time for preparation and transition.
I wasn’t ready for her, but maybe all my life I’ve been preparing for the woman in my arms. And as she hums against my chest while we sway to the sounds of an acoustic guitar, it’s clear we’ve shifted into something so beautiful and unforgettable, it would be a shame not to put it into words.
If there’s going to be one time in my life that I’m impulsive, fearless, and say exactly what’s on my mind, it’s now. I’ll happily stumble over all other words. Not these three though. I want her to hear them strong and clear. Leaving no doubt about how I feel.
“ I love you.”
There isn’t an ounce of nervousness or hesitancy. Why would there be when those three little words were only meant for her?
Her breath hitches and heart beats against mine like a steady drum. Slowly she looks up at me. Soft fingers trace my lips, as if she’s searching for the words again.
“ There you go, giving me another first. I can’t imagine any other person, in any other life, sharing those words with me but you.” Tears pool in the corners of her eyes. She looks so damn beautiful as the moon reflects off those caramel irises. “ I love you so much, Graham .”
I can feel the truth in her words, and I can taste it when our lips meet underneath the tapestry of stars. This moment is one of many, and right now, it’s ours.
Everything I know is rewritten with the knowledge that Quinn loves me and I love her.
“ We’re leaving,” I declare. “ I can’t stand to be here for another second when all I want to do is worship your body. To sink into you and tell you I love you over and over again.”
“ Then what are we waiting for? Let’s g?—”
My lips devour hers before she can finish her sentence. She stumbles back from the force of it, but I keep a tight hold of her as I walk us to a darkened corner beside the barn. My hand rests against the wood, softening the impact when I push her up against it. The temperature has dropped to near freezing, yet we feel nothing but fire and yearning as we frantically kiss, suck, and bite.
Driving back to the apartment sounds excruciating. I want to fuck her here until the stars above us aren’t the only ones she sees.
As badly as I want that, she deserves better.
“ Quinn ,” I grit out as I pull away. “ Honey , stop trying to take off my belt.”
She fumbles with the buckle, her voice breathless. “ Why ? Do you want to do it?”
It’s then I notice her feet are blue from the cold. We’re wrapped up in thick coats but they’re useless against New England winters.
“ You can do it when we get home. I promise,” I add when she pouts. “ Why don’t you say goodbye to everyone, I’ll meet you at the car.”
“ Are you not coming?” she asks as we walk back to the large barn doors.
“ I’m not hugging my mother goodbye with the world’s most painful boner.”
The little minx giggles and with one chaste kiss to my lips, she dashes into the crowd to say farewell to my family. My heart grows in size as I watch her hug each one.
After a quick trip to the restroom, I wander down the narrow hallway leading to the back entrance. A few tipsy guests have ventured into the parking lot to smoke or gossip. I’m looking around for Quinn when I hear her first. Walking toward the sound, my anxiety rises when anger and frustration lace her tone as she stands face-to-face with the bride.
“ Jenna , go and enjoy your day. What happens between Graham and me is none of your concern. It hasn’t been for a long time.”
Disdain drips from Jenna’s voice and from her slurred words, she’s drunk. “ He was my concern for twelve years. I know him better than anyone.”
“ Do you? Or did you take advantage of his kindness and trust, only to twist it against him?” Quinn’s arms vibrate at her sides.
Jenna just tsks and rolls her eyes. “ He’s boring and useless. I’m doing you a favor. Girl to girl, you think you’re happy now, but you’ll soon work out why everyone calls him Gray . I’d cut him loose now if I were you. He’s not worth it. I tried to change him for the better and all he did was bury his head in that stupid little jour?—”
“ Be . Quiet .” Quinn’s voice is hushed, but ripples with warning. She steps forward, and despite their height difference, Jenna is right to be unnerved. “ Go back inside before I say or do something I’ll regret.”
Heat floods Jenna’s cheeks and she saves herself just as her heel falls in a crack in the patio stones. She doesn’t respond, just stares Quinn down for a beat before stomping away.
Buzzing sounds in my ears and panic swarms me as I watch the tension leave Quinn’s muscles. I’m hidden behind a row of bushes, but when I step out from my hiding place, the scuffing off my shoes catches her attention.
Her hand flies to her mouth when she sees me. “ How long have you been standing there?”
I should be thankful she stood up for me. I want to trust she doesn’t believe the things she’s heard, but I thought the same about Jenna . Thought we were it once upon a time.
She loves me .
So did Jenna .
I’m not Gray .
Yes , you are.
In one, five, ten years down the line, will she change her mind about me?
What if she quickly realizes I’m not the man she thought I was?
Maybe the Beaver Moon wasn’t about us preparing and transitioning into the next step in our relationship. It was about preparing myself for the loss of her and transitioning back to how it was before.
Before sunlight broke through the gray skies.
“ Are you ready to leave?” I ask, ignoring her question. I’m not sure how to even speak to her about this with so many doubts and worries spiraling in my head. This is my biggest fear. That Quinn will see how different we are, and I’ll be discarded, unwanted by another woman I trusted.
I want so badly to get out of my head. To trust the words we shared minutes ago. To give her the words I’m struggling to find.
But I can’t.