Chapter 13
Clara
When Beck reached for me in the middle of the night, I went willingly. I straddled his hips and eased myself down his length. I felt fuller than I ever had in this position, and the expression of wonder on his face made me feel like I was flying.
I felt like the most beautiful woman he'd ever been with. It was a heady feeling and a little confusing because he'd said at the beginning of the night that he couldn't offer me anything more than sex.
I wasn't sure if the confirmation was more for him or for me.
I certainly wasn't going to forget a second of our time together.
It was different than anything I'd ever experienced before.
All my senses were heightened. I didn't know if it was because of the secrecy or the end date, but there was a desperate quality to us coming together.
As if he needed me but couldn't hold onto me at the same time.
I moved over him while he cupped my breasts. His thumb brushed over my nipple, and it felt like there was a direct line from my nipples to my core. I moved faster, chasing the release. One of his hands drifted lower to circle my clit, and I cried out as the orgasm washed over me.
He took over, thrusting from underneath while I trembled and shook. I dropped to his shoulder, his arm banded around my back, holding me in place. His teeth bit into my skin as he let go.
There was something powerful about this man losing control with me. I wasn't just boring Clara who worked at her grandmother's shop. I was a desirable woman.
When I tried to move away from him, he held onto me. "Don't move. Not yet."
Eventually, I'd need to, but I was content to rest on top of him. I wasn't sure he was the kind of guy to want to cuddle. Especially considering the fact that he didn't seem to want to get attached to anyone.
I shifted slightly and felt stickiness on my thighs. "Did we forget a condom?"
He bit off a curse as I moved off him. "I'll get a washcloth."
Was he upset that we'd forgotten protection? It was the middle of the night. Neither of us was fully awake.
When he returned, his expression was inscrutable as he cleaned me.
"I'm on birth control," I said softly.
He tossed the washcloth by the hamper. "I'm clean."
"I am too."
His gaze finally lifted to meet mine, and I was able to see the outline of his face as the moonlight fell across the bed. "Then we have nothing to worry about. But I shouldn't have taken that risk with you."
"There are two of us here." I didn't want him to think that he was solely to blame.
He rolled onto his back and threw an arm over his forehead. "I should have thought about it."
I stayed on my side of the bed, thinking he didn't want to be close anymore. "Do you want me to go?"
He glanced over at me. "It's late."
Did that mean he'd ask me to leave if it wasn't late? I hate that I felt so insecure after what we'd just shared. I wondered if he was freaking out internally. If he was going to say that we should stop what we were doing. I had a feeling I'd always be waiting for the other shoe to drop with Beck.
He didn't want a commitment, and a surprise pregnancy was a big one. I wasn't sure how he felt about kids, but I knew he didn't want to be tied down. "We'll be more careful."
"Yeah." He didn't reach for me, so I stayed on my side, facing him. Eventually, my eyelids drooped, and I couldn't stay awake any longer.
In the morning, I woke to the shower running. It was time for me to get ready for work, so I pushed out of bed and reached for my clothes.
I pulled the dress over my head, not bothering with panties or a bra, and Beck opened the bathroom door.
A towel was tied at his waist, and water droplets lined his chest. I wanted to cross the room and lick them off, but I wasn't sure how he felt after last night. Would he tell me that he didn't want a repeat?
I braced myself for any possibility. "I have to get to work."
He cleared his throat. "Me too."
So this was the awkward morning after that I missed last time by sneaking out. I should have done the same last night. Then we wouldn't have had the middle-of-the-night scare. Should I grab my shoes and walk out, or was I supposed to kiss or hug him? I had no idea what the protocol was.
He studied me for a minute, then said, "Come here."
I crossed the room and stopped a few inches away from him, unsure what came next.
He cupped my cheek, and my breath faltered. He kissed me, his breath minty fresh. When he pulled back, he said, "I don't have time for breakfast."
I stepped back and turned my head away from him to hide the disappointment in my face while I hunted for my shoes. "That's not what this is."
He cleared his throat. "Right."
"I'll just get out of your way so that you can get ready for work."
"Drive safely," he said, still holding that towel at his waist.
If we were together, I'd tug that towel off and pick up where we started last night. His body was chiseled, and I wanted to explore every inch in the morning light.
"See you later," I said with a smile, wondering if that were true.
I was sure he'd stop by my parents' house one more time before he left.
Maybe I could make myself scarce until then.
But then again, he'd just kissed me. He hadn't made any promises, but you didn't kiss the woman you didn't want to see again, right?
I was so out of my depth in this situation.
There needed to be a manual—what to do when your one-night stand turns into a part-time fling.
I didn't look back; I kept walking. I didn't bother to look around the cabin. Who knew if I'd see it again? There was no point in lingering. I slipped on my shoes and opened the door. Outside, it was cold. I ran for the car and turned on the engine for it to warm up.
I backed out before it was fully heated. I didn't want Beck to come out and tell me that we weren't going to see each other again. I'd rather pretend that it was one more night we'd shared, and that would be it. Our time together wasn’t deep, but I was feeling things.
I felt closer to him when we realized we hadn't used a condom. Being in that vulnerable moment with him made my heart break open for him. He might want to create distance. I'd have to be ready for that and protect my heart.
I had a feeling he was already getting under my skin and into my heart. There was something about him that made me want to get to know him better, to see all the layers underneath. There was a reason that he kept himself apart from people, and I wanted to know why.
It was Saturday afternoon, and I left work early since I had a local college student who could close for me. I forced myself to take these breaks, especially since I'd been feeling so uninspired by my job lately.
I was almost to my car when I got a text.
Malcolm: I'm supposed to go hiking with Beck, but I can't get away from the restaurant. One of the freezers broke.
Clara: You could reschedule.
Malcolm: I figured you wouldn't mind going with him since you're his tour guide.
Clara: That was a one-time thing.
Malcolm: He said you took him out again the other night.
And we still hadn't seen everything in town. I was hoping we could move on from that.
Clara: I'm not his tour guide. I told Mom I'd show him around one time. Obligation fulfilled.
My phone rang. It was Malcolm. I slid into my car and turned on the engine before I answered. "Hello."
"Hey, I really need this deal with Beck. I was thinking if I could make him fall in love with the area, he'd want to hang around longer. Maybe even think about getting a place."
"That's a big if for a guy that doesn't have a home base. He travels from one business arrangement to another."
He sighed. "I need him to see how amazing the community is, and that we don't need gimmicks like a beer bath to bring people in. If I could meet with him, I would. But I was hoping you could step in for me. He seems to like you."
I laughed at that. "Uh. No."
"He went willingly on the tour. I'm sure he won't object to the substitution."
"You're not leaving us much of a choice." I felt at a loss for how to get out of this.
"I don't want to put it off. He gets calls for consultations all the time. He could leave at any time, and I don't trust that he'd come back."
I sighed. "Okay."
"You'll do it?" His voice filled with excitement.
"Just this once."
"It's just for a few hours."
"Not everyone is an outdoor nut like you," I said, already recalibrating my day to include hiking with my fling now. What did one wear to something like that? It was hard to look sexy in hiking clothes and boots.
"Trust me. He'll love it."
My goal was to make him fall in love with the area, the topography, the town, and its people. "I'll do it. But you owe me."
"Of course." Someone shouted in the background. "I have to get back to it."
He clicked off the call, and I put the phone aside. It looked like I was going hiking now. It would be easy to keep our hands off each other. It was cold out, and we'd be covered in layers. There'd be no reason to go to dinner afterward or spend the night with him.
Our time was over. I was confident about that. I hadn't heard from him since the other night. Our circumstances and my irritating family kept throwing us together. Beck wasn't going out of his way to see me or reach out.
I could do this. I could be an independent woman and hang out with the man who I desperately wanted another night with and not talk about my feelings.
While I was driving home, Malcolm sent the time and location where they were planning to meet. I wonder what Beck thought of the change. He hadn't cancelled, so he must be okay with it. And there was the issue where he could compartmentalize his relationship with me and business.
I dressed quickly, then stuffed granola bars and water bottles into a backpack before driving to the park. I got out of my car and wandered over to the trail head. I wondered where I was supposed to meet him.
His rental car pulled up a few minutes later, and I waited for him.
He walked toward me, his hands in his cargo pants pockets. "I thought I was meeting Malcolm."
I shook my head, laughing. "He didn't tell you?"
His forehead wrinkled. "Tell me what?"
"He couldn't get away from the restaurant." I waved my hand. "Something about a freezer breaking."
"Are you my Malcolm substitute?" he asked, not moving closer.
"Is that okay? I won't be insulted if you don't want to go with me, but Malcolm was insistent that you go on this hike. Something about falling in love with the area."
He shook his head. "Malcolm always wanted me to visit. Said as soon as I came here, I'd want to stay."
"It's like he doesn't know you at all," I mused.
"Oh, he does. He knows more than anyone else; he just holds out hope that things will be different or that I'll change."
"That's not going to happen," I said, more for myself than him.
He nodded. "You want to go on that hike?"
"Let's do this." I let out a breath as we started walking.
Now that I was here, I remembered what I enjoyed about hiking.
It was good exercise, and I loved being in nature.
The topography here was unlike what you'd see even on the East Coast, or at least that's what my grandmother had always said.
We were lucky to live in such a beautiful landscape.
"Are you going to teach me about the trees or the birds or something?" he asked with amusement after we walked in silence for a bit.
"I thought we could be quiet and enjoy nature," I quipped. That would make it easier for me. The more time we spent together, the more I wanted him. It was best to maintain some distance. "I'm just your tour guide."
"Is that how it's going to be from now on?"
I looked away from him. "You know it's how it has to be."
"I thought we had an agreement." His tone was low and dangerous.
I drew in a shaky breath. I hadn't meant to address this at all. "I thought you changed your mind after the other night."
"I'm not going to say it didn't freak me out a little. It did. I'm the last person who should be bringing children into the world."
I frowned. "Why's that?"
"Let's just say my parents weren't the best example of what a good parent should be."
I wondered if Malcolm knew his story. If so, he hadn't shared it over the years. Not that he would ever betray Beck's confidence.
I'd shared a lot of myself with Beck. At one point, would he share more of himself with me?
We walked in silence for a bit longer, both of us absorbed in the world around us. It was cold, so the land was more barren than it would be in the spring, but the mountains stood tall with white caps on the tops. "It's beautiful."
We paused at a lookout.
"Is this supposed to convince me to move here?" he asked.
"Maybe he hopes this will convince you to invest in Rowan's brewery?" I asked.
"I don't make business decisions based on emotion."
"Is that what you'd be doing if you fell in love with this place."
"You have to separate your emotions and feelings from the facts and numbers," he recited, as if he'd given that line a thousand times before.
"You don't like it when people pick a home or investment based on a feeling then?" I summarized.
He snorted. "Your feelings will lead you astray every time."
"My grandmother always told me to trust my instincts. That my heart was always guiding me. I just had to pause and listen." The memory rushed through me, along with all the feelings when I was around Gran in life. "Wow. I hadn't thought about that in a long time."
"Your grandmother sounds wise."
I frowned. "But you don't believe what she said."
He looked away. "I think she believed it was true."
"But you don't?" I wasn't sure why I was pushing this. It was just something my grandmother said, not something I subscribed to over the years.
"I trust my instincts. But they're not based on feelings."
I looked at him. "Aren't they though? Your intuition is a feeling you get in your gut. I can't think of anything more metaphysical than that."
"The business will do well in this location, or it won't. I'm just making a prediction based on the numbers and what I observe in the community. It's not foolproof obviously. It's an educated guess."
"I think some of that decision is based on a feeling. You're just not identifying that." Beck might not be that self-aware. He assumed everything was black-and-white, never stopping to consider the alternative.
He grunted. "We'll have to agree to disagree."