Chapter Thirty-Four
Kari
Kari hung back when he saw Bowie talking with Lennon and Isley, his stomach twisted into horrible knots. When Bowie walked past to collect his luggage, Kari didn’t know how to act. He wanted to help, wanted…
He swallowed a sigh, not listening to one word Kodi was saying.
He watched out of the corner of his eye as Bowie returned to Lennon.
His behavior suggested he wasn’t happy, but after the call with Popi the day before, Kari was totally out of sorts and didn’t know what to do with himself.
He’d been thrown when Popi had suggested he leave Bowie.
The very idea made him sick to his stomach and his wolf furious.
Instead of confronting the feelings, he’d put up a temporary wall around them, because leaving his boy just wasn’t even a possibility to consider, under any circumstances. Bowie would see that as rejection, and Kari would never willingly hurt Bowie, despite how his actions caused Kari pain.
Talk about how we feel.
It seems easy, but with Bowie, it’s not!
“You okay?” Kodi stepped directly in front of him, frowning. “You weren’t listening to me. You’ve been acting weird since dinner last night. Is it ‘cause Silas never told us ‘bout Ziggy?”
Kari met his brother's troubled gaze. “I knew there was something going on between them. Remember I told you ‘bout it? The scent coming from his office gave him away. Just didn’t realize how serious it all was,” Kari deflected, not wanting Kodi to start on his personal life.
“It was always serious, I just couldn’t admit it to myself,” Silas interjected as he stepped up behind Kari.
“Why?” Kari asked, turning to face his big brother.
“I doubted I was enough.”
The words slammed into Kari, and he reached for Silas’s arms, gripping them as they stared at each other. Silas looked more like Dad, whereas Kodi and him were like Popi. But their heights were similar.
“Honestly?” he exclaimed, his own problems shoved aside at what popped into his head and out his mouth. “Is this to do with those fuckers who attacked you?”
“In part, yes, but it’s not for now.” His gaze went to where Ziggy stood. “I came to my senses. Love will do that to you.”
“I fucking doubt it,” Kodi grumbled.
Kari heard Bowie call goodbye, and he waved absently at him, his mind running over what Silas had said. Could love make Bowie come to his senses?
Only if you’re honest.
Kari chewed over that as he followed behind Kodi’s car to their childhood home, having overheard the conversation that the PAs were all heading to collect Emmy then go to the lake.
Kari held on to his wolf’s sense of urgency to get to the talking side of things, so he could claim Bowie the way they wanted to.
As he exited the car, he noticed Kodi heading inside the house. There was no sign of Lennon’s vehicle in the driveway. Had Lennon taken Bowie back to the apartment instead of coming here?
Silas pulled up next to Kari’s car, and he noted Rue and Monty had traveled with him and Ziggy.
Kari didn’t wait for them and strode up to the front door Kodi had left open, hearing Frey’s excited chatter and Emmy gurgling happily.
The hallway was crowded; Hollis and Taylin were with Dad and Popi.
Booker was cuddling Frey, who held Emmy.
Jupiter was right there, wearing an expression full of impatience. There was no sign of Kodi.
Booker glowered at Jupiter as if warning him to leave Frey be with Emmy.
It was comical, and he’d have laughed if he wasn’t feeling as if he was waiting for the other shoe to drop.
His anxiety grew by the second as he kept glancing at the doorway, expecting Bowie to appear any second, only there wasn’t any sign of him.
“Monty, can you ring Lennon and tell him to head straight to the lake carpark?” Frey questioned, moving out of Booker’s arms and sidestepping Jupiter. “Emmy needs a nap and if I leave it too long, she’ll end up grumpy like her daddy.”
“Can do.” Monty disappeared back outside, and Kari resisted following to check whether Bowie was with them.
Popi slipped an arm around Kari’s waist. His clothes smelled of cookie dough, and he sported an inquisitive look that Kari was very familiar with.
“Did we have a talk last night?”
The quiet question had him kiss Popi on the forehead. “No, it wasn’t the time, Popi.”
Kari wanted privacy for such a conversation, and a cabin with paper-thin walls was not it. Not when his brothers were on either side of him and had the potential of overhearing. And talking about it now, when everyone was crowding the hallway was so not happening. “And now is not the time, Popi.”
Kari acted like he’d not seen the warning light in Popi’s eyes that said he wasn’t going to let this go. He had no one to blame but himself. He’d been the one to call Popi and blab in his moment of weakness. He tugged out of Popi’s hold gently.
“Need to go pee,” he muttered, escaping and only letting his breath go when he shut the downstairs bathroom door.
He laid his head against the wood and closed his eyes against the thumping headache he was developing. He didn’t know how long he stood just as he was when a knock on the door brought his head up and his eyes open.
“Yep?” he called, stepping back from the locked door.
“I’m heading to Ren’s to grab a burger and a beer. Wanna come?”
Kodi’s question, though it came through wood, held a begging quality to it that Kari didn’t miss and would never ignore. “Yeah, just give me a few minutes.”
You’re delaying.
Kodi needs to talk. You sense it too, so give over.
Kari splashed cold water on his face, not looking at himself in the mirror. The cold did little to help with the dragging fatigue he felt after a sleepless night holding Bowie, searching for a way forward when Popi’s initial solution was not the answer.
When he exited the bathroom, Kodi was lounging against the wall, arms folded. There, in his eyes, was the reason Kari pushed away his own worries.
“You can drive.”
“Don’t I always!” Kari muttered and walked after Kodi, who seemed in an all fired rush as he charged off.
After hurried goodbyes to their parents, Kari got back into his car. The second Kodi was strapped in, he drove off. Out of the driveway and on their way, Kari glanced at Kodi briefly and asked, “So, are you gonna tell me what’s up?”
The conversation with Kodi had required several beers and Kari ended up getting a cab back to Bowie’s apartment.
Not drunk but feeling the effects, the alcohol cushioned some of the reality of the conversation he’d had with his twin.
There were some things Kari didn’t need to know about his brother, and now that he knew, he wished he didn’t.
He pinched the bridge of his nose, entering the foyer. It was empty, so Kari strode through to the elevator and typed in the code. He hummed to break the silence, nerves dancing in his stomach. The liquor that had held them in check evaporated during the elevator’s assent to Bowie’s floor.
Guilt didn’t sit well with Kari. Outside the front door, he hesitated, licked his lips, and eyed the key he held up to the lock.
Should I knock?
It felt like a stupid question, yet…
He had put distance between them, wanting to find a way to not push Bowie while also revealing how he felt. As the seconds increased, his stomach upped the ante, and he started salivating unpleasantly. Key in the lock, his hand trembled. Inside, the place was in darkness.
What have you done!
There was no lingering scent of food. Had Bowie eaten with his friends?
Kari’s anxiety went from a solid five to awful ten. He flipped on the switch by the door, flooding the room with light. He checked his watch; it was barely eight pm.
You didn’t bother to message him to let him know where you were, so why would he wait for you to come home?
And you know why I didn’t. Kodi—
He isn’t your priority, Bowie is.
A sinking feeling came when his wolf side was right. He knew he’d fucked up. It didn’t matter that there was a genuine reason for not calling to say why he’d be late. The silence, as Kari strained to hear, suggested there was no one home, but Kari knew differently.
He walked through to their bedroom. The door was ajar, the room also in darkness. Just a slither of light trailing over the carpet from the hallway lit the room as Kari poked his head around the door. There, in the middle of the bed, was a mound. His eyes adjusted to the darkness as he listened.
The mound, unmoving, made no sound. It was too unnatural, meaning Bowie was wide awake.
“Babycakes,” Kari murmured, stepping fully into the room. A whimper, barely there, met his ears and made his heart accelerate.
Kari moved to the side of the bed, sat on the edge and reached to turn on the lamp. Soft, cream light cast a warm glow over the bed. Kari couldn’t even see any part of Bowie, buried as he was under the covers. Placing a hand on the mound, he released a shuddery exhale when Bowie didn’t move away.
“I’m sorry I didn’t call to say I was going to be late. Kodi was… being Kodi” It was all he had when he couldn’t explain what was wrong with Kodi without breaking his confidence.
Another whimper came, this one louder.
“Can you come out from under the covers, so Daddy can see you?”
The covers were flung off at such a rate they hit Kari, but he wasn’t able to react when Bowie launched himself at him. He caught him in the covers and worked to keep from toppling over at the force. Kari’s relief died at Bowie’s sobs.
“You still want to be my daddy?” he wept, his damp face burying in Kari’s neck.
“What… why would you think I wouldn’t want that?” he asked in genuine confusion, holding on to his clingy boy, placing kisses on top of his head, seeking to reassure them both.
“Your… eyes… they changed,” he stammered, between sobs. “They were like… like m-y f-family.”
Oh gods. How could I be so selfish?
Fix it. Fix it now, or I will, his wolf threatened.