Chapter Thirty-Four #2
“Look at Daddy.” His voice wasn’t quite steady. He didn’t hide any of his feelings as he waited for Bowie to reveal tear-swollen eyes. He had done this, and his heart hurt.
“I’m sorry I upset you by distancing myself these last two days. It wasn’t because I don’t love you, my sweet boy. I didn’t know how to handle my feelings when Silas was getting to show how much he loves Ziggy, and I don’t get to do that with you.”
Did he sound pathetic? Whiny, even? Possibly, but he wasn’t holding back, not when it was vital he make Bowie understand how much he loved him.
Bowie scrubbed at his wet eyes with his fists. Bewilderment came and went, his thumb going between his lips.
The thumping of Kari’s pulse caused a buzzing in his ears, which wasn’t helped by how much his wolf was pushing to shift.
“I should have spoken to you about how I feel. There is no excuse for not being honest. I’ve been so focused on stopping myself from pressurizing you, I lost sight of talking about what was bothering me.
I don’t want you to feel I’m forcing you to do something you aren’t ready for.
I swear it. I was just blindsided by Silas and Ziggy’s news.
It hurt that I couldn’t tell anyone. Act the way I want with you in front of my family, your friends.
Do you understand?” Please understand. “I love you and want everyone to know it. I want to be your mate, desperately, as does my wolf.”
The thumb popped free, Bowie’s eyes widening. “You want to be my daddy in front of everyone?”
Disbelief—there was no mistaking it. “I do, but only doing what you feel comfortable with,” he stressed, watching Bowie closely for any further signs he was fucking this up.
“Lennon and Isley know you’re my daddy.” It wasn’t more than a whisper, but he might as well have shouted it with the impact it had on Kari.
“Did you tell them?” His excitement was palpable at the thought that Bowie had breached whatever held him back from sharing their relationship.
“They guessed—”
“They what?” he asked in alarm, his mind jumping four steps ahead.
Did Bowie think he had been obvious at the ranch on purpose, to push him?
Push his friends into mentioning it? Had he?
Kari couldn’t honestly say because being Bowie’s daddy overtook him, and he did stuff for him with no in-depth consideration.
For him, taking care of Bowie was as natural as breathing.
Shit, this is a total fucking mess.
A pink hue graced Bowie’s cheeks as his eyelids shielded his gaze. “Guessed, Daddy. They were talking about Ko…” The blush deepened as Bowie stopped talking.
“You were talking about Kodi, is that it?”
Bowie nodded, looking at his fidgeting hands.
“It wasn’t bad… oh, it could be… I don’t know.
And I can’t share because I don’t know if I’m allowed.
” Bowie looked distraught as he waffled on.
“I didn’t know how you’d feel if I shared you were a daddy, but then Lennon said his brother was a daddy and then they said the way you behaved with me was like a daddy and I said you were.
It wasn’t wrong to tell them, because this is what you want, right? ”
He told them.
Bowie told them he had a daddy.
Relief came in a heady wave at Bowie taking the first step at really accepting what they had together, whether he realized it or not. After the distress, this was like storm clouds parting and the sun reappearing, bringing a rainbow to brighten everything with its colorful display.
“No, it wasn’t wrong, Babycakes. How do you feel about telling them?”
Bowie’s thumb went back between his lips and he stared at Kari in that way that meant he was thinking about how to answer.
He kept quiet, his wolf watchful.
Seconds turned into a minute or more before a wet, dribbly thumb popped out.
“I didn’t want to lose them. They are my friends—my family.
I was scared they wouldn’t like me anymore if they knew I enjoy being…
Little and having a daddy who takes care of me.
Only Isley said he likes teddy bears and has games he likes to play. He wasn’t horrible like Rex.”
And there it was—the reason he hid who he really was. Kari wished he’d ripped the fucker's hand right off.
“Isley’s not Little and doesn’t have a daddy, but he enjoys the same things as me and said he’d never judge me. Do you think the others would be the same? Isley and Lennon said they won’t share my secret, that it is up to me.”
“Are you ready to share with the others?” Kari held back the need he felt. Bowie had already taken a big step. His brave boy met his gaze, and Kari knew before Bowie answered what he was going to say. He acknowledged the disappointment and let it go. Bowie’s pace.
We are going at Bowie’s pace.
They had breached a barrier, and Kari had opened up and confessed how he was feeling. Being a daddy meant this part was the hardest for Kari. He just needed to be patient a while longer because however long it took for Bowie to feel comfortable, in the end, it would be worth it.
“If I said not yet, is that okay?”
Kari’s gaze never wavered from Bowie’s, knowing at the beginning of their relationship he would never have had the courage to ask such a question. That he could now, made it easier for Kari to answer.
“It is.”