chapter twenty-two
kira
As I sculpt the minuscule details of the bird’s feathers, I try my hardest to control my emotions. The sun is peeking over the horizon, casting an orange tint over the studio, which is usually peaceful. Not today, though. My thoughts are racing. I keep flashing back to last night and Jared’s words, the hurt on his face. What would he do if he found out about Noah and me? It would be the ultimate betrayal for him.
But I’ve never felt as at home as I do in Noah’s arms. He makes me feel safe and secure. He’s that stable rock that I’ve needed for what feels like my entire life. I know there’s no way we can work, but I’m afraid I won’t find anything like this again if we don’t. It’s like there are two parts of me split right down the middle, and I have no idea what I’m going to do.
I glance down at my piece. It’s nearly complete. The hand is partially closed around the bird, and the details of the skin are almost lifelike. I would be proud of it, but I can’t shake the feeling that it’s not finished. I can’t express it or figure out why, but I’m not done yet. Sighing, I pick up the project and set it on the shelf. I need to set everything up for when the students arrive in about twenty minutes. Their finished pieces are ready, and I’m beyond excited for them to see their work.
I set out the last donut as the first person walks through the door. It’s an older lady named Delores. She is one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met.
“Are those all for me?” she calls, a wide grin on her face.
“Sure, if you’re the one who tells Melinda that there’s no donuts this time.”
Her eyes widen as she shakes her head.
“Suit yourself. You can go ahead and take a seat at the table. Once everyone arrives, I’ll bring out the finished masterpieces.”
She grins at me as the door jingles, indicating more students. Maddie is the last one to walk through the door, of course. She’s always almost, if not entirely, late. We all still love her, though.
“Alright, everybody, are you ready to see your beautiful creations?”
“I don’t know about beautiful,” Melinda chuckles.
I roll my eyes, wheeling out the shelf cart. It’s a unique feeling looking at all of their art. I feel like a proud mom. I grab the first bowl. It’s surprisingly even, and the colors are gorgeous, with greens and teals.
“Delores, here’s yours.”
Oohs and Ahs fill the room. I swear, she has to have experience with throwing because this bowl rivals my own talent.
By the time they are all handed out, everyone is comparing their work. They’re laughing and smiling, and it’s at that exact moment that I realize what I want to do with my life. Regardless of everything going on outside of this studio, this is one of the best feelings I’ve ever felt.
We all talk for a while, and most of the students sign up for the next class.
“So what are we learning next, professor?”
I chuckle, looking up at Maddie. As the last student filters out the door, I wave at them.
“Okay, now that they’re gone, how is it going with the big broody DILF? Does Jared know yet?”
“ Maddie! ” I scold, my cheeks heating.
“Oh my god, I knew it! You fucked!”
I level a glare at her, and she tries to rein it in.
“I mean, you made love,” she says, her eyes squinting as her head tilts.
“Oh god, please don’t say it like that.”
“But, you did, didn’t you?!” accusation clear in her tone.
Sighing, I give her the slightest nod. She gasps, the sheer joy on her face a little unnerving. Her eyebrows squish together when she realizes I’m not matching her energy.
“What happened?”
I want to tell her everything. She’s the only person other than Noah or Jared I trust, but I can’t do it here. We need snacks and maybe some wine to get through it all.
“Do you want to come over tonight? Noah is at work, and Jared is at a friend’s. Maybe we can get takeout? We can debrief then.”
Her mood shifts slightly at my lack of an answer.
“Of course.”
I text Noah, making sure it’s okay for Maddie to come over. It doesn’t take long to get a reply.
Kira: Is it okay if Maddie comes over tonight?
Noah: Sure
Sure? A one-word response? He’s probably busy.
When Maddie shows up at the door at around seven with not one but two bags of takeout, I know this is going to be a good night. We get everything set up on the coffee table because there is no way I am eating at the dinner table if I don’t have to. Grabbing us two glasses, I pour some of the late harvest riesling I convinced Noah he wanted. It is the best wine in existence.
“Jared told me he was in love with me,” I spit out, needing to get it out there.
For the first time ever, Maddie doesn’t have a response. She looks at me without blinking, her jaw nearly grazing the floor.
“Yeah, and that’s not even the worst part.”
“You’re kidding,” she says, grabbing the glass from me.
I simply shake my head.
“After his drunk confession, he tried to kiss me. I obviously stopped that and tried to politely tell him I didn’t feel the same way.” Sucking in a breath, I continue, “He proceeded to tell me to find my own ride home, so I called Noah. You can assume what happened after that.”
“You didn’t...”
“I did, but I promise it wasn’t like that. I didn’t do it to spite Jared. It just sort of happened, and it wasn’t the first time.”
“What? When was the first time?” She thinks it through for a moment, eyes narrowing. “Oh my god, was it Fourth of July?”
My cheeks heat as I nod.
“Tell me about it now. Was it good?”
“You know that’s a dumb question,” I tell her.
“I know, but I want to hear it from the horse’s mouth!”
I decide to indulge her, not giving her exact details but letting her get the idea, and we sit there giggling and kicking our feet the entire time. It’s refreshing. Life has felt so heavy lately. Hanging out and gossiping with my girl best friend makes me feel like a person again.
Maddie leaves early the next morning. It’s Monday, and she has classes to attend, so I completely understand. She, however, doesn’t leave without the disclaimer that I have to do better at keeping her updated with my life. I agree and make it my mission to text her more often.
Thankfully, I have the day off today, so I spend it tidying up around the house. Grabbing my Bluetooth speaker, I deep clean the living room because, god, does it need it, and I also get all my laundry washed and put away. I’m feeling quite productive when the sound of a truck pulling in draws my attention to the front door.
I watch Noah as he steps inside, setting down his bag. Instantly, his mood is off. His hand brushes over his face as his eyes slide up to meet mine. My heart skips. Even when he’s exhausted, this man is handsome. He’s wearing his typical uniform, a t-shirt from the department tucked into his dress pants that fit him too damn well.
“Hey,” I say.
“I’m going to go shower,” he sighs.
I think back to that night in the shower and have half a mind to offer to join him, but something feels off. He’s never this short with me.
“Is everything okay?” I ask, closing some of the space between us.
“I’m fine. It was just a long shift.”
“Oh, okay. I’m sorry,” I say. “I’m going for a swim, so if you need anything, just let me know.”
He nods, turning to head upstairs. I stand there for a moment, confused as hell. He’s never like that. Did I do something?
I sink back into the feeling I used to get with my mom. Maybe he doesn’t want me around anymore. I’m too much of a burden.
No, he just had a rough day. Not everything is about me. I hate that I even care this much. Grabbing a towel from the downstairs bathroom, I head for the dock. If there’s anything that can distract me from the war of emotions spiraling in my head, it’s the water.
I pull my shirt off, tossing it onto the dock, followed by my shorts, leaving me in my bikini. Without hesitating, I dive into the water, the cold enveloping me. It’s almost ninety degrees outside, and the cool water is refreshing. Trying to get my thoughts under control, I sink under the surface, letting the wall of water block out the rest of my senses.
Everything is so confusing right now, and Noah is all moody, which isn’t helping. Jared still hasn’t texted me, and I’m worried our friendship is ruined. On top of all of that, Zach is back in town, which I’ve been pretending is not the case, but it’s only a matter of time before I run into him again. The thought makes me sick to my stomach.
The burn in my lungs tells me I need oxygen, so reluctantly, I push off the bottom of the lake, resurfacing to the sun reflecting off the water.
“You had me worried for a second.”
I jump, spinning around to face the dock. He’s sitting there, close to the shore, in his uniform. His shirt is now untucked, and his pants are cuffed. Swimming over to him, I stand, only half submerged now.
“What, no shower?” I ask, gasping for breath.
He’s silent for a moment, his eyes trailing over my chest before meeting mine again.
“I needed to see you.”
My heart warms at his admission. The feeling of having this man’s attention solely on me is intoxicating, but something is wrong. I inch closer to him, resting my hands on the dock between his legs. His body visibly tenses.
“Is something wrong? Did something happen at work today?” I ask, genuinely concerned. He shakes his head, his eyes landing on mine.
“You know I care about you, right?”
I nod slowly, my face likely showing that I don’t like where this is headed. He reaches for me before thinking better of it.
“You’re ambitious and assertive and the strongest woman I know. You’re going to do so much with your life, but...”
With that one word, my stomach drops.
“Please don’t.” I can’t do this right now. I am not going to sit here while he rejects me again. I knew it. I knew this was going to happen, and I’m an idiot for thinking he wasn’t going to do the same thing he always does.
“Kira, I need you to listen to me.”
I shake my head, refusing to have this conversation. I already know what he’s going to say, and I don’t want to hear it.
“Please,” he begs, his hand reaching for my wrist.
Tears prick my eyes, but I don’t let them fall.
“You deserve so much more than I can give you. You should be going off to college right now, starting your life, and getting the hell out of this town. You should be with someone your own age, someone who can hold you at the fucking gas station without the fear of what people think.”
Where is this even coming from? He doesn’t get it. I don’t want any of that. I want him. I want this town. This is my home.
He’s wrong.
“No.”