Chapter Thirteen
Bernard
Saturday, May 30
BERNARD RUMMAGED THROUGH his closet for something to wear. He’d only been to a few games and never bought any merchandise, so he settled on a polo shirt and shorts.
“Okay, Ginger. You’re staying with Sarah while I’m at the ball game with Sean.”
Ginger barked.
“It’ll be fine. Chester will be there. You can play with him.”
Bernard knocked on Sarah’s door. Kelly opened it.
“Hey, Kelly.”
“Oh, is this Ginger?” Kelly bent down and petted the dog. “She’s so cute.”
“Yes, this is Ginger.”
“Well, she’ll have a great time with Chester.”
“Is Sarah here?”
“No, she and John went to the store to get some supplies or something. She left in a bit of a hurry.”
“Well, I’m glad you were here,” Bernard said.
“Me too.”
“I’ll be back tonight to pick her up.” They shook hands and Bernard walked back to his car.
Sarah had clearly engineered this interaction. She was so determined that he date someone. He’d have to talk to her again about his lack of interest in pursuing Kelly. He might be ready to find someone, but Kelly wasn’t.
Bernard pulled up to Sean’s house a few minutes before ten.
Who would have thought I’d find myself back here?
Bernard took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Sean answered, wearing a Giants jersey and shorts. The jersey hid his barrel chest and belly. Bernard remembered them well. Images of Sean on top of him sprung into his head. He pushed them away, reminding himself they were friends.
“Bernard, it’s great to see you.” Sean shook his hand.
Sean’s neighbors appeared interested in their interaction. They watched everything that happened.
“We’re heading to a ball game, Mr. Parker. If my package arrives, can you get it for me, please?” he asked his next-door neighbor, a man in his fifties.
“Of course, Sean.”
“You have some neighbors interested in what you do,” Bernard said.
“A few of my students live in the area,” Sean said. “I need to keep a low profile so they and their parents don’t get suspicious.”
“I get it,” Bernard said. He understood discretion. Being a gay teacher couldn’t be easy. “Where are we heading for lunch?”
“I was thinking we could hit up Pete’s Deli. It’s good, fast, and easy.”
“That sounds like a plan to me.”
At the deli, Bernard took in the scent of garlic bread, grilled onions, and sliced steak. The aroma made him smile.
The hostess found them a table and sat them. “Your server will be with you shortly.”
“How have I never been to Pete’s before?” Bernard asked himself.
“Wait. You’ve never been?”
“Nope.”
“Man, you’re gonna love it,” Sean said.
When the waitress arrived, Sean ordered a burger, fries, soda, and milkshake. Bernard settled on a cheesesteak sandwich, chips, soda, and a milkshake.
“I haven’t had a good milkshake in a while,” Bernard said.
“You’ll love theirs.”
“I can’t wait.”
“I’m glad you reached out,” Sean said. “I’ve thought about how we left things.”
“You have?” Bernard asked.
“I know things didn’t end as planned. I didn’t want to rush you into a friendship after that. I wanted to be friends, but when you didn’t answer my calls, I thought it best to let you contact me when you were ready.”
“Thanks for that. I’m fine with it all now. I took the time I needed.”
“I’m happy to hear that.”
“When I reconnected with Rory, I realized how important friendships are.”
“I’m guessing that’s a friend of yours.”
“Yes. Rory and I were close when we were younger.” Bernard glanced upward and thought of their conversation at the barbecue. “I’m glad he came back into my life. He was my best friend.”
“Is there something more?” Sean’s eyebrows raised.
“What? No, we’re just friends. Why?”
“Oh, because you just lit up when you talked about him.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Nothing, maybe I’m seeing things.”
Bernard watched him, but he didn’t say anything else.
Their food came. Bernard bit into his cheesesteak. “This is amazing,” he gushed.
The cheese wrapped the meat and onions together. The flavors eclipsed any cheesesteak he remembered having.
“Told you,” Sean said with a grin.
They finished up and got their milkshakes. Bernard savored the chocolate shake. He held it in his mouth to drink the flavor in before he swallowed.
“I wanted to ask you something.” Sean stirred his milkshake. He refused to make eye contact.
Bernard’s heart sank at the sight.
“Sure.” Bernard tried to catch his eye, but Sean’s eyes stayed on his shake.
“Do you think sleeping together was a mistake?”
“Honestly, I thought it was at first.” Bernard reached over to put a hand on Sean’s hand. “But as I thought about it, I can’t live that way. I can’t think something like that was a mistake. It happened, and I am okay with it.”
He rubbed Sean’s hand and waited for a response.
“I’m glad you don’t think it was a mistake. I’d feel even worse if you did.” His smile didn’t reach his eyes. Did Sean want more, but was afraid to connect with someone?
“It was an amazing evening. We had great conversations and got to know each other.” Bernard lowered his voice. “We had great sex.”
“You thought it was great?” Sean perked up and his smile widened.
“Yes. I even told Sarah it was. I only told Rory yesterday we had a date. Nothing more.”
“Why not?”
“I…” Bernard paused. “I don’t know. I guess I just got him back, and that’s not something he wants to hear about.”
Why didn’t he tell Rory? He had told him about men he’d slept with, even if not the details.
If I told Rory, would he be jealous?
Bernard dismissed the thought. There wasn’t a reason for someone he wasn’t dating to be jealous.
“Or you like him and don’t want him thinking about you in bed with other men,” Sean joked.
“Stop.” Bernard punched him lightly. “I’m not in love with Rory.”
“Yes, you’ve mentioned that.”
“I stand by that, and—”
Sean cut him off. “I know there’s something more there. You light up this place when you talk about him, the connection you have with him.”
“Okay, maybe once upon a time I hoped.”
“Have you ever told him?”
Rory would run the other way. The reason they were friends was because Bernard didn’t hit on Rory.
“Oh no, I’m not doing that. We’re friends, he’s straight, and I won’t do anything to ruin things.”
“I can understand that.”
“I need friends. He’s a great friend, and even if he was gay, I couldn’t ask him out.” Bernard took another sip from his shake.
“So, if you found out that Rory was gay, you still wouldn’t ask him out?” Sean asked.
“No, I couldn’t do that.” Bernard felt his face flush.
“Why not?”
“He was my best friend, and I have him back after six years. I want that friendship back.”
“The best partner is someone who is your best friend,”
“How can you tell what I’m thinking?”
“I’m a high school teacher. I’ve learned to see the signs. It’s not much different with adults. Do you want some advice?”
“What could it hurt?”
“See how your friendship goes. If you see any signs that he might be interested in you romantically, then ask him out,” he said.
“That’s sound advice.”
“Great, now let’s get going so we don’t have to struggle to find parking.”
They reached the parking lot and found a spot in the rear.
“Why are you parking here?” Bernard asked.
“Because they usher people out from the rear first then the front to prevent a traffic jam inside the lot and the outside street.”
“That’s brilliant,” Bernard said.
“I’ve been to enough games to know.”
They followed the crowd through the ticket booths and into the stadium. A crescendo of sound echoed as they walked through the tunnel to the stands. Excited voices surrounded them. A sea of black and maroon came into view as they entered the stadium. The scent of hot dogs, popcorn, and nachos swirled around them.
Sean led Bernard to their seats behind home plate.
“How did you get these seats?” Bernard’s eyes widened.
Sean smiled. “From the coach. We went to college here together, so sometimes I get perks.”
“This is fantastic.”
Sean got him a root beer and a hot dog. Sean got a beer with his. Bernard smiled. Sean remembered he didn’t drink. Sean was treating him like they were on a date. Did he want something to happen?
They settled in to watch the game. There wasn’t a run until the fourth inning by the Diamondbacks. The Giants came back in the sixth inning with two runs. The Diamondbacks didn’t have a chance after that.
After the game, they shuffled out with the crowd. “I can’t believe that—4-1. That was amazing,” Sean said.
“Yeah. That was a great game,” Bernard agreed.
“Hey, Sean.” A voice came from behind them.
They turned around to see a man dressed from head to toe in San Francisco Giants gear. His round glasses matched his build. His goatee was dyed a bright orange and his hair a jet black.
“Hello, Hugo,” Sean said. Bernard noted his stiffened posture and polite greeting. Sean refused to meet Hugo’s gaze.
Hugo had a smile that reached his eyes. He looked over at Bernard. “Hugo Janssen.” He held out a hand.
“Bernard Silva,” Bernard said. “Nice to meet you.”
“You too,” he said. “How do you know Sean?”
“I work with his brother-in-law at an insurance company,” he replied without skipping a beat. No reason for him to know we went on a date.
“Sounds fun,” Hugo said.
“Well, it’s a lot of paperwork.”
“I see.”
“How do you know Sean?”
“I teach music at Gilroy High School,” Hugo said.
“Oh, so you work with Sean,” Bernard said.
“Yes, we don’t get to work together much, but my band plays all home games.” Hugo changed the subject. “So, are you on a date?” He frowned, looking at each of them in turn.
“No,” Sean blurted. “We’re just hanging out.”
Bernard made eye contact with Sean. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead. His eyes widened as he stared at Bernard. Fear covered his face.
“Sean had tickets and his brother-in-law, Mark, asked if I was free so the ticket didn’t go to waste,” Bernard said. “I thought it’d be fun to get out of the house and to a game.”
“That’s great.” Hugo didn’t smile. “Did you enjoy it?”
“Yes, I haven’t been to a game in a while. It was fun.”
“I’ll see you at the staff meeting on Monday, Sean. Have a good night.”
They watched him walk away.
“What’s going on?” Bernard looked at Sean. “When he asked if we were on a date, the tension intensified.”
“Let’s get to the car, I’ll tell you there.”
Bernard struggled to keep pace with Sean. While Sean was chubby, he was in much better shape than him.
They rushed to Sean’s car and jumped in.
“He seemed like a pleasant man,” Bernard said. “What is going on between you two?”
“He’s my ex.”
“Wait, he’s what?”
“He and I dated in college,” Sean said. “I broke it off before graduation. We both ended up at the same high school and he asked me what happened.” Sweat dripped down Sean’s face.
“So, what did you say?”
“I told him I wasn’t gay, and that I was just experimenting.”
“Why would you say that?”
“He got hired at Gilroy High School a few years after me,” Sean said. “I didn’t want him to out me.” He turned on the car and blasted the air conditioning.
“That’s rough.”
“He doesn’t hide being gay like I do,” he said. “He doesn’t flaunt it, but most of the staff knows and his students have probably figured it out.”
“Have you tried talking to him about what happened?”
“Well, not really,” he said. “We don’t run in the same circles, and he’d shun me anyway.”
“He clearly knows you’re interested in men, or he wouldn’t have asked if we were on a date.”
“I know, and it’s hard. I liked him, but being out in my career isn’t easy.”
“Remember the advice you gave me about Rory?”
“Yes.”
“Same applies. Talk to him. Let him know you made a mistake and that you want him to know you’re gay, but not out.”
“But I’d have to admit I lied back then.”
“We all make mistakes.” Bernard looked at him. “I know from experience.”
“Thanks.” Sean smiled.
“Just giving you your own advice.”
They drove back to Sean’s house. He parked in his driveway and glanced over at Bernard.
“So, wanna come in?” Sean waggled his eyebrows and laughed.
“Funny.”
“I like my sense of humor,” Sean said.
“It was nice getting to hang out and have fun. It’s been a long time.”
“I’m glad we could spend time together and be friends.”
“Me too.”
*
ONCE HOME, BERNARD dressed in night clothes and sat on the couch. He put on My Best Friend’s Wedding and ate some cookies with milk.
Bernard thought about Jules’s love for Michael as their relationship played out in the movie, and how it reminded him of his own life. He loved Rory, but deep down his love could only be a friendship. He couldn’t lose Rory again because of what he hoped might happen. Could he?
What if Rory is gay? He seemed like he was hinting at it at the barbecue. He placed his hand in mine at the movies and left it there for a few minutes. I want to ask him out so badly.