Chapter Fifteen
Bernard
Saturday, June 6/Sunday, June 7
RORY ARRIVED RIGHT on time to help Kelly move. Bernard opened the door, excitement jumping in his stomach at the thought of seeing Rory.
“Ready?” Rory asked.
“Yep,” Bernard said, stepping to meet Rory on the front porch.
They got in his truck and headed to meet Sarah, John, and Kelly at the storage facility.
Kelly and John were already loading boxes into a moving truck while Sarah and a woman Bernard didn’t recognize hauled boxes out of the unit.
“Well, it looks like you have plenty of help. We’ll just head out and have fun at the park,” Bernard joked.
“Ha-ha.” Sarah stuck her tongue out at him. “Just get in here and grab some boxes.”
“We saved plenty of fun for you,” John said.
Sarah introduced them to Mai Ishii, another real estate agent and friend of John’s. She’d traded for a higher commission property with John so he could sell it to Kelly. In exchange for the sale, she agreed to help Kelly move.
They worked through the morning and got most of Kelly’s belongings into the moving truck. Bernard and Rory packed the breakables in his truck.
Bernard tripped on a crack on his way to the unit, and Rory caught him from behind. Rory’s hand grazed his crotch.
“Are you okay?” Rory asked.
“Yeah, thanks.” Bernard smiled. He shivered as goosebumps ran up his arm. Heat flooded his body.
Rory’s eyes shifted down and back up.
“You look okay,” Rory said. “Doesn’t seem to be anything broken.”
“Thanks for the catch.”
“Anytime.”
Rory smiled at him. The smile warmed him inside. Why couldn’t he find a guy who was interested in him and made him feel like Rory did? Rory was the best friend he could ask for. No man would ever live up to his standards. Rory’s genuine kindness would make sure of that.
They arrived at Kelly’s new house around eleven.
“I’ve ordered pizza for lunch,” Kelly said. “It’s the least I could do for everyone helping me.”
“Thanks,” Bernard said.
“Yeah, that was nice of you,” Rory said.
Bernard and Sarah carried a dresser upstairs. She closed the door behind him and rounded on him.
“Okay, when are you going to ask Rory out?”
“What?”
“Seriously, you don’t see it?”
“See what?”
“I am one hundred percent certain I saw Rory check out your package and your ass at least three times today.”
“He did not,” Bernard protested.
Did Rory check me out? Rory was aroused in the pool.
If Sarah was right, and Rory was checking him out, maybe what he was saying at the barbecue was him trying to come out to him. Rory was not straight. He had suspected. Rory gave off some signs, but he was more religious than Bernard ever was. It’d be hard for him to come out. Bernard was lucky with a father and family who supported him. Rory didn’t have that support.
“Yes, he did. I saw him.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Bernard said. “Even if Rory was gay, he wouldn’t be interested in me. Just like Kelly isn’t interested in me.”
“Why do you think Kelly isn’t interested?”
“He said he wasn’t ready to date anyone. He didn’t give details, but I think it has to do with his ex.”
“Oh.”
“So, I’m not pursuing either of them. If I’m meant to be with someone, it’ll happen. Right now, I’ve gained a lot of close friends, and I don’t want to compromise that with a slight chance of dating someone that might not work out.”
“Okay,” Sarah said, “but I’m telling you. I saw Rory check you out.”
“I’d want nothing more than to be with him,” Bernard said. “I’ve loved him since high school. I kept my distance because he insisted he was straight. I think I chose Jason and Tracy because I wanted someone who reminded me of him.”
He said it out loud. He loved Rory, and now Sarah knew. She deserved to know. She’d done so much to help him find love, and wanted what was best for him. Knowing he loved Rory would help her understand why he rejected all other men.
“They were both horrible people. You know Rory is nothing like them. He’s a kind, caring man. He is just struggling right now.”
“I know.” Tears formed in his eyes. “That’s why I’ve been pushing everyone away. I can’t find someone like him. I want him.”
Sarah wrapped her arms around him.
“I know you love him. I can see it. Just be patient. I know one day he’ll realize his love for you and tell you.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“Dry your tears and let’s get some lunch.”
Bernard was grateful Kelly brought toilet paper. He blew his nose, washed his face, and headed into the living room.
They sat around the table John and Kelly assembled to eat pizza and drink soda. Mai turned out to be a talented woman. She played the cello, had written a book about how to succeed in a male-dominated world, and studied ballet.
“That’s an impressive list of talents,” Bernard said.
“Thank you,” she said.
“I have her book,” Sarah said. “It’s helped a lot in the workforce. Men don’t try to hit on me anymore in the breakroom.”
“Was that an issue?” Bernard asked.
“Oh yeah, constantly.”
“You never said anything to me.”
“Because I know you’d confront them, and I didn’t want to deal with that.”
She was right. Bernard wouldn’t let rude behavior go by without saying something. No one had the right to make others feel inferior.
“So, Kelly.” Bernard turned to him. “I’m only three blocks away. We should plan some doggie play dates or walks. It’d be nice to walk with someone.”
“That sounds great,” Kelly said. “Chester and I could use the exercise. What time do you usually go out?”
“I get home around six after dropping Sarah off. So, I go out around six-thirty. Then head home for dinner.”
“Sounds great. I tend to finish around six. So, that’d be perfect timing.”
They made plans to meet Monday at the nearby dog park.
Bernard caught Rory’s eye while they talked. He didn’t say much during lunch.
Does he think I’m interested in Kelly and that’s why I want to go for a walk with him? Is this going to make him jealous? They’d still have their afternoons in the park on Saturday. They were still friends. This wouldn’t change anything. Or would it?
They finished unpacking the trucks and moved everything to the rooms designated on the boxes.
“I have to get ready for church.” Rory looked at his watch. “Do you need help tomorrow?”
“I’ll be unpacking tomorrow,” Kelly said. “I’d be happy to have you all over again.”
“Count me in,” Bernard said. “I’m going to get Rory back to his car and then take care of a few things. What time would you like us here?”
“Noon should be fine.”
“I can get here around two after lunch with my family,” Rory said.
“That works,” Kelly said.
Bernard hugged everyone, except Kelly who insisted on handshakes, and followed Rory out to his truck.
They made it to his house and Bernard went in for a hug. Rory didn’t squeeze back with his usual vigor.
“What’s wrong?” Bernard asked.
“Kelly seems really nice,” Rory said.
“Yeah, he seems like a great guy.”
“So,” Rory looked at him. “Are you going to ask him out?”
Bernard couldn’t tell where this was coming from. It wasn’t like Rory to be upset when Bernard dated. He’d had two boyfriends that Rory knew of. He’d helped him through both breakups. Did he think Kelly would hurt him?
“No,” Bernard said. “We’re not interested in dating.”
“Oh,” Rory said. “He doesn’t want to date you?”
“He doesn’t want to date anyone.”
“If he was interested, would you date him?”
This was an odd line of questioning. Kelly was attractive, burly, and a sweet man. Bernard didn’t know if dating was the right move for him. He couldn’t say he’d say no if Kelly asked him out. Bernard was someone Kelly found attractive, according to Sarah. He didn’t know what to do. He wanted Rory but had to settle for someone who wasn’t him.
“I’m not sure,” Bernard said. “He seems like a sweet guy. I might go on a date.”
“So, if you and he were both ready, would you date him?”
“Rory,” Bernard said. “What’s going on?”
“I just don’t want to see you get hurt like you did with Jason and Tracy.”
Bernard pulled Rory into a hug. Rory cared about him, and this proved it. He wanted the best for him. Bernard couldn’t ask for a better friend.
“Rory, I know you won’t let that happen. I won’t make the mistakes I did with Jason and Tracy. Thank you for being my friend.”
“I just want you to be happy.”
“I know.”
Bernard held the embrace for a few moments longer than he normally would. He didn’t want to let go. He never wanted to let Rory go again.
“I have to go change for church,” Rory said. “I’ll be here tomorrow to help finish up with Kelly’s move.”
Bernard watched him go.
*
WHEN HE ARRIVED at Kelly’s house the next day, Kelly already had pizza and soda ready for everyone.
“Thought we could eat before we unpack.”
“I won’t say no to pizza and soda,” Bernard said.
After they finished eating Kelly gave them directions on what to unpack and everyone moved to their respective rooms. Mai couldn’t make it, so it was just the four of them until Rory arrived.
Bernard found box after box of books, which he wasn’t sure what to do with, so he stacked them to the side.
Bernard was putting together a desk when Rory arrived. Rory helped finish the desk and walked over to the boxes of books stacked in the corner.
“What do we do with these?” Rory pointed at the boxes.
“I haven’t found a bookshelf yet, so I’m not sure what he wants us to do with them.”
“He has to have at least three hundred books in these boxes. He may have more somewhere.”
“I’ll go find him and ask where his bookshelves are.”
Bernard headed upstairs to the largest bedroom to find Kelly.
The door was open, and he saw a light coming from the bathroom.
“Hey, Kelly…” Bernard stopped.
Kelly stood in front of the mirror. Small circular scars peppered through his chest and belly hair. Long scars ran down his back. They looked old, but still visible. Bernard looked in the mirror. Kelly was applying a cream to his front. His eyes met Bernard’s in the mirror.
He whirled around.
“Kelly, I’m sorry. The door was open and I just–”
“Why did you come up here?” he snapped.
Bernard shrank back. Kelly’s face turned a beet red. The veins in his neck protruded.
“We wanted to know where to put your books.”
“I’m sorry,” Kelly said. “I shouldn’t have yelled.”
“I had no right to come in here without saying something.”
“It’s okay, I just…” Kelly took a deep breath. “No one has seen me without a shirt in years. You just surprised me.”
Kelly moved to put his shirt back on. He walked out of the bathroom and faced Bernard.
“Please don’t tell anyone.”
“I would never,” Bernard said. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Kelly shook his head. “It’s a long story, and I’m not sure I’m ready to talk about it.”
“I understand.”
“It’s just…I had a hard time back home. I lived in a small town, and they didn’t take kindly to our kind.”
Kelly rubbed the back of his neck. His eyes fixated on the floor. Bernard stood there, not wanting to press him.
“I…I’m doing better.” He looked up and smiled. “I’m just not ready to go into detail.”
“Kelly.” Bernard moved forward. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want.”
Kelly leaned in for a hug. He gripped Bernard with a firm embrace. Kelly had never hugged him. He didn’t wear cologne. His musk filled Bernard’s nose. It was intoxicating and excited him.
“You’re the greatest friend someone could ask for,” Kelly said.
Kelly sobbed into his shoulder. His body shook with each shuttered breath.
“I’m glad I can be here for you,” Bernard said. “Everything is going to be much better for you here. And if you need anything, call me.”
They stood there for a few moments. Bernard rubbed his back. It was comforting to stand here with a friend and share a moment of weakness.
“Sorry to interrupt.”
They both turned to face Rory in the doorway.
“Rory,” Bernard said.
“Just come get me when you’re done. I’ll be unpacking other boxes.”
Shit, what does he think happened?
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cause a problem with you and Rory. It seems like he likes you,” Kelly said.
“What?” Bernard said. “No, it’s not like that. Rory’s straight.”
Kelly raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think he’s as straight as he claims.”
“Huh?”
“I just noticed things, but I won’t say anything to him. Please don’t tell him I said anything.”
“I won’t.” Bernard walked out of the bedroom. “I better go talk to him.”
Bernard found Rory in the room he’d left him in. He had unpacked a box with parts of a desk and was assembling them when Bernard walked in.
“Hey, Rory,” Bernard said. “You didn’t interrupt anything.”
“It looked like you two were having a moment,” Rory said. “I didn’t want to bother you.”
“Rory.” Bernard sat next to him. Tears streaked his face. “Kelly was telling me something about his past. He’s had a rough time, and I was consoling him. That’s all.”
“What happened?” Rory wiped away the tears.
“He asked me not to share,” Bernard said. It sounded absurd. He told Rory that Kelly was upset but couldn’t tell him why.
“I see.”
“I wish I could tell you more,” Bernard said. “But Kelly asked me not to say anything about what we talked about.”
“I understand.”
*
RORY DIDN’T SPEAK to Bernard for the rest of the day.
They finished unpacking and said good night to everyone.
Rory waited on the porch for Bernard.
“Rory, is everything okay?”
“Yeah, why?”
“You haven’t spoken to me since our conversation about Kelly.”
“I just needed time to think.”
Bernard watched his friend. His mannerisms had changed. He was somber and cold toward him.
“Is there something you want to talk about?”
“Can we talk at your place?”
“Of course.”
*
THEY SAT ON the couch at Bernard’s house, facing each other. Rory wrapped his arms around himself, shaking.
“Rory, you can talk to me.”
“I want you to know, if you decide to date Kelly, I’d support it. He seems like a genuine guy, and you deserve to be happy.”
This was not the reaction Bernard expected. Rory was upset when he thought something had happened, and now he was approving a relationship between him and Kelly.
“What’s the real reason you’re upset?”
“I’m just feeling a little lonely,” Rory said. “I think it’s because I’m seeing so many happy couples and I feel left out.”
Bernard reached over and hugged him. The only couple they’d interacted with was Sarah and John. Rory was hiding something but didn’t want to talk about it. It wasn’t his place to force anything.
“If you ever want to talk, know I’ll be here for you,” Bernard said.
“Thank you.”
They held the hug until Rory said he should head out.
*
BERNARD COLLAPSED ON his bed after he showered and changed. It had been a busy day. He couldn’t get the look on Rory’s face out of his mind. Something bothered him. His friends were right. Sarah said Rory was checking him out and Kelly thought Rory was interested in him. Maybe he should ask Rory out. What if Rory rejected him? He didn’t know what to do. His feelings for Rory had grown strong over the last few months. They were even stronger than when he was twenty-five and wished Rory was gay. He needed to move forward; he just didn’t know how.