Chapter Twenty-Two
Bernard
Monday, July 20–Friday, July 24
BERNARD MADE HIS way through another week of work without contact with Rory. He checked his answering machine every morning when he woke up. Nothing. He came home every day and checked it. Nothing. He took Ginger for a walk and checked it when he got home. Nothing.
On Wednesday evening Bernard met up with Kelly at the dog park. They met every Monday and Wednesday for their dogs’ play date. Time spent with his friend eased the tension in his stomach. The tension caused by his actions that had led to Rory’s absence in his life.
“How are you doing?” Kelly asked.
“Honestly?”
“Of course. I want to know how you’ve been.”
They sat down on the bench. Bernard took a breath. Kelly knew the situation and wouldn’t judge him. He was a wonderful man. He’d opened up to Bernard about his past. Nothing he could say would scare Kelly away.
“Not so good,” Bernard said. “I miss him so much.”
“I know you do.”
“I’ve been waiting to hear from him, but he hasn’t called yet.”
“He may need more time,” Kelly said. “There’s no telling how long it’ll take for his scars to heal. He’s close to his mother from what I’ve heard, so that had to be hard for him to hear.”
“I know. I just hope he can forgive me.”
Bernard would take any punishment imaginable as long as Rory forgave him. His heart pounded with every thought. Dogs barked in the park, happy to play with one another. He thought back to when he reunited with Rory. They’d watched Bonnie and Ginger play. So innocent and free. They had wanted that.
“You have to remember who raised him,” Kelly said. “That woman is horrible. I’m sure it’s hard for Rory to know what to think.”
“I wasn’t as patient with him as I could have been. I know what it’s like in the church, and I lashed out. I wish he could see what his mother is.”
“I’m sure with enough love and patience from you, he will. You need to let him know how you feel.”
“I will, I promise.”
“I trust you’ll do the right thing.”
“So, how are you doing?”
Bernard wanted to show support for Kelly. He was in a strange new place and needed a friend to reassure him he was in a safe place.
“I’m really good,” Kelly said. “I’m going to turn one of my spare rooms into a little library.”
“That sounds amazing.”
“I’m sure you’ve noticed all my books. I had more, but…”
“I know.” Bernard placed a hand on his shoulder. “You had some horrible years. You were strong enough to get away though. Now you’re here, and we won’t let anything happen to you. I promise.”
“Thank you,” Kelly said. “That means a lot.”
They walked home together. Kelly’s house was closer, so they stopped by his place first.
“Hey, I haven’t eaten yet,” Kelly said. “I’m going to order a pizza if you want to join me.”
Bernard was quick to agree. Since his fight with Rory, he hadn’t had the energy to cook and was going to order takeout anyway. And this way, he wouldn’t be eating alone.
“Sure, I’m in.”
When the pizza arrived covered in pepperoni, sausage, bell pepper, and extra cheese, they dug right in.
“This is great,” Bernard said.
“I only order Round Table Pizza , ” he said.
“I haven’t had it in years. It’s wonderful.”
They finished the pizza and talked for a bit about life and work.
Bernard checked his watch. “It’s getting late, I better head home.”
“It was great having you,” Kelly said. “Thanks for having dinner with me.”
“Thanks for cheering me up.”
They hugged, and Bernard headed home with Ginger.
There were no messages when he got home, so he went to bed.
*
THURSDAY WAS THE same as the rest of the week. No calls from Rory.
“You need to reach out to him,” Sarah said during lunch on Friday afternoon.
They’d decided on Carl’s Burger Hut for lunch today. It was a bit of a drive, but well worth it.
Carl’s only had outdoor seating. Bernard and Sarah grabbed a table outside and placed their orders.
He decided on a Philly cheesesteak with onion rings and iced tea. Sarah ordered a burger with fries and diet soda.
“I know,” he said. “That’s what Kelly said.”
“That’s right, you guys have dog play dates. How’s that going?”
“It’s going great. We meet on Mondays and Wednesdays, and we had dinner at his place Wednesday.”
“I’m so glad you guys are getting along. It’s good to see you spending time with friends.”
“It’s nice.” He smiled. “Now, I need to figure out what to say to Rory. I miss him.”
“I know you miss him. You will find the words. Just speak from your heart.”
“I know. It’s just really hard,” he said. “So, how’s the adoption going?” He changed the subject. He wanted to talk about Rory, but it felt repetitive. Everyone gave their advice and nothing more would come of just rehashing it.
“It’s going great.” Sarah’s face lit up. “We didn’t want to say anything yet, but we are supposed to pick him up at the end of this month. His name is Michael, but he goes by Mikey, he’s four, and he is the most adorable kid.”
She pulled out a picture. A small blond boy with large round blue eyes stared back at the camera. His clothes hung on his thin frame.
“He’s so cute,” Bernard said.
“We’re setting up his room now. He’ll have a bed, toys, and everything he needs. I’m so excited.”
“That’s amazing,” Bernard said. “I’m so happy for you two. You’re going to make wonderful parents.”
“Thank you.” She beamed.
“So, what are you going to do about work?”
“I’ve put in for a leave of absence for a year. I’ll stay home with him and take care of him. Once he starts school next year, I can go back part time.”
“I’m gonna miss my carpool buddy, but I understand.”
“You’ll be fine.”
Bernard bit into his food. The juice slid down his throat. Rich salty beef mixed with the warm cheese and onions. The combination produced a perfect cheesesteak.
“This is fantastic,” Bernard said. “I’m glad we came here.”
“It is superb.”
They finished up their meal and headed back to the office. In three weeks, Bernard would make the trip alone. He and Sarah had been making this trip together for over five years. They’d missed a few trips here and there. Now, he’d have to do it alone for a year. Talking to her was therapeutic.
“Hey, Bernard?” A voice at his door woke him from his dreamlike state.
“Hey, Rich,” Bernard said. “What can I do for you?”
Rich stood in a well-fitted tan suit. It emphasized his muscular build. Rich was a strict boss. He valued hard work and dedication. He was genuine and kind to all his employees and everyone liked him.
“I’m just coming to check on you,” he said.
“Oh. Did someone say something?”
Sweat permeated Bernard’s pits. He was out to four of his coworkers. Rich was not one of them. If anyone asked, he wouldn’t lie, but he’d rather keep his personal life under wraps.
“Not at all,” he said. “May I sit down?”
Bernard indicated an empty chair. His mouth dried out. He tried to swallow, but nothing came. He grabbed his coffee and took a sip.
Rich shut the door. He sat across from Bernard with his infectious smile.
“So, to what do I owe the pleasure?” Bernard managed.
“I’ve just noticed you acting differently, and I wanted to check on you.”
“I’m fine.”
Rich raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think you are. Do you need some time off?”
“No, I’m saving my time for a nice vacation next summer.”
“Okay, but if you need time off, let us know. I’m sure we can find someone to cover your caseload while you’re out.”
“Thank you,” Bernard said. “Is there something that drew your attention to me?”
“You just seem stressed, and that can have a negative effect on your work.”
Bernard looked into Rich’s eyes. He couldn’t tell what his boss was getting at. His body tensed. Goose bumps ran up his arm. Bernard concentrated on his breathing.
“Everything is fine.” Bernard took another sip of coffee.
“If you’re stressed, just let me know. I’d rather you take some time and come back fresh than to underperform.”
Bernard had a clean work record. He’d always performed above standards. If his performance drew the attention of Rich, he needed to fix it.
“I’ll let you know,” Bernard said.
“Okay.” Rich stood. “I’ll see you on Monday.”
Rich closed the door on his way out.
*
BERNARD TOLD SARAH what happened on the way home.
“What?” she said.
“I need to get it together. This thing with Rory is affecting my work.”
“Call him,” Sarah said.
“Sarah. I—”
“You obviously miss him. I’m sure he misses you. He’s going through a lot right now, and it is compounded by the fact that his overbearing mother and the man he’s in love with are at odds with each other. You need to reach out to him.”
“Okay, I’ll call this weekend.”
“Good, now get home and work out what you’re going to say.”
*
BERNARD ARRIVED HOME and checked the messages. There was one from his brother, checking in on him. He called back and they talked for a few minutes about life, work, and how their dad was doing.
Bernard went for his evening walk with Ginger. The warm air filled his lungs. The scent of grilled meats and vegetables wafted from backyards as he passed. His mouth watered and his stomach growled.
His walk took him to the local park. Children played with their parents on the swings and slides. A few dads watched their children. Would he have children one day?
He walked home, filled Ginger’s bowls, and grabbed leftovers for dinner.
He tried watching TV, but nothing interested him.
He looked over at the phone. Rory hadn’t called. He wanted to hear his voice. Hear his laugh. Hold him. Kiss him. He wanted to be with him. He’d never felt this way before and may never feel it again. Rory might be out of his life forever, and it was his fault.
They hadn’t spoken in a week. He couldn’t resist anymore. He had to call. It was Friday evening and Rory would be home.
The phone rang, and he heard Rory’s voice.
“You’ve reached Rory Sinclair. I can’t answer the phone right now. Please leave a message and I’ll call you back.”
“Rory, I wanted to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry I lashed out. Your mother said some nasty things, and they weren’t just directed at me, they were directed at you. I didn’t want you to face that kind of hatred from your own family. I miss you and I want you back in my life. I want to talk and work this out. Please call me.”
Bernard breathed a sigh of relief. He’d reached out and let Rory know how he felt. He prayed Rory would return his call.
Bernard went to bed crying. He hugged his pillow.
“Lord, if you can hear me, please bring Rory back to me. I miss him and need him back in my life.”
He’d hurt Rory. He didn’t care how Mrs. Sinclair felt. She was a selfish, spiteful woman. Rory deserved to be happy, and he’d be damned if he let that woman ruin his happiness.