Chapter Twenty-Three
Rory
Friday, July 24–Sunday, July 26
IT WAS FRIDAY afternoon. A week had gone by since Rory and Bernard’s date. Rory had little to occupy his time now that he’d started summer break. He needed to prepare for the classes he’d be teaching, but that wouldn’t take long. He’d use the same curriculum he’d used for the last three years, with minor alterations.
His mother continued to try to convince him to take Missy out on a date. That would never happen, but his mother refused to give up. She was determined to find him a wife. He was sure Missy’s mother was doing the same thing. They didn’t know he and Missy had talked and didn’t want to date.
Rory was finishing up lunch when the phone rang.
“Hello?” he said.
“Hey, Rory. It’s Jeff. We’re going out tonight and want you to join us.”
“I’m not sure. I’m not feeling so good.”
“Oh, are you sick?”
“No, it’s just… Things have happened.”
“Well, you need to come out and talk about it. We’re here for you.”
“I don’t know.”
“Drinks are on me?”
“Well, when you put it that way.” Rory laughed. “Okay. You’ve convinced me and I hope you’re ready for some sad stories.”
“We wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
“Okay, see you at Shaffers at six-thirty, as usual?”
“We’ll see you there.”
Rory spent the afternoon cleaning his apartment, which relaxed him.
When he was done, it was five. He showered and dressed.
He was heading out the door when the phone rang. He looked at his watch. It was almost six.
I don’t want to be late. I’ll check it later.
He shut the door and headed to Shaffers.
His friends sat at a table in the back when he arrived at six-thirty. He moved through the thick crowd to meet them. They each had a drink in front of them and a gin and tonic for him.
“Aww, you remembered what I drink,” Rory said.
“Of course,” Davi said.
“Okay, now what’s going on?” Jeff said.
“Not much,” Rory said.
“How’s it going with Bernard?” Sophia asked.
“It’s not going anywhere now.”
“What happened?” they all said in unison.
“Well, it was our date last Saturday…”
Rory went into detail about their date and how much fun they’d had. Mini golf, the stage play, and dinner. He thanked each of them for helping him with the setup. He came to the end of the date. They almost kissed. His heart fluttered as his lips approached Bernard’s. Then his mom arrived.
“Then he called her a controlling bitch,” Rory said.
“He said what?” Sophia put her hand to her mouth.
“Yeah,” Rory said, “so I left, and I haven’t talked to him since.”
“Has he tried contacting you?” Nicolas asked.
“No,” Rory said. “He’s probably never going to. I stormed away.”
They all sat there in silence. He met each of their gazes. They’d convinced him to ask Bernard out. He could blame them for this, but he wouldn’t. He’d had feelings for Bernard before they said anything to him. It was the push he needed, but it was a mistake. It was a bad idea from the start. The whole thing was absurd. He couldn’t be in a relationship with a man. Rory had to live alone. His mother would hound him about finding a nice young lady. So long as he wasn’t with a man, the church wouldn’t consider him an abomination and excommunicate him. What else could he do?
“Are you going to call him?” Jeff asked.
“I can’t call him,” Rory said. “He insulted my mother.”
“Bernard didn’t seem like a horrible person to me,” Davi said. “He seemed like a nice guy who cares about you.”
“He called my mother a bitch though. Who does that?”
“Someone who’s hurt,” Sophia said.
“Or someone who sees something wrong happening and is angry about it,” Nicolas said.
“She … ” He stopped. She’d called him a faggot and accused Bernard of tricking him into going on a date.
“She pulled you away from him. You also said she told you never to see him and that he would corrupt you,” Jeff said.
“She also called him a horrific word. Who calls someone that?” Davi said.
“Remember that man in the park? The one who confronted you and Bernard for hugging?” Sophia asked.
“What about him?”
“What he said to you and Bernard? Your mother sounds like she was doing the same thing.”
“He made me question my faith.”
Why was Rory defending his mother? She’d done horrible things.
Am I defending her because she’s manipulated me into believing everything she says? My mother is in the wrong, not Bernard. What am I going to do?
“Oh please,” Nicolas said. “You were friends with him for years before that date. Did he ever hit on you?”
“No.”
“Did he ever try to get you into bed with him?” Jeff asked.
“No.”
“Did he ever ask you out?” Sophia asked.
“No.”
“Then he never tried to manipulate you,” Nicolas said. “Your mother’s telling you what to do, not Bernard. If he hasn’t called, then he’s giving you space. He’s not trying to force something on you.”
They had a point. Bernard always gave him space. He never asked him out or tried to get him naked. Bernard wasn’t like the gays his mother warned him about. Bernard was a great man who he cared about.
They all finished up their drinks and said their goodbyes.
“Don’t be too hard on Bernard,” Sophia said. “He’s a great guy. You need to give him another chance.”
“I’ll see how I feel after a few days.”
“Don’t wait too long,” Jeff said. “Or you’ll miss your chance.”
*
THE CONVERSATION REPEATED in his mind on the drive home. They had valid points. His mother hurt and upset Bernard. He needed to talk to him, but he didn’t know what to say.
He walked past his phone and ignored the blinking light. It could wait. He needed sleep now.
*
SATURDAY WENT BY in a blur of grocery shopping, errands, and cleaning.
Rory sat in the pew with his family on Saturday evening. His mother opted to sit next to him. She wrapped her arm around his shoulder and squeezed tight. He recoiled at her touch.
“I hope you’re doing better, dear,” she whispered in his ear. “You’re better off without that Silva boy. He hurt you and you don’t deserve to be hurt.”
The thing was, he didn’t feel Bernard hurt him. He did nothing to hurt him until his mother attempted to intervene. That’s when Bernard became upset. He could see why. His mother was controlling. She forced him to live the life she wanted, rather than the one he wanted. She’d called Bernard a fag. He still didn’t know how to approach Bernard. He needed to apologize for what he’d done, but also expected Bernard to apologize too. Bernard had insulted his mother. For all her faults, she was still his mother.
His mother met with the priest after church.
“Oh Father, that was a lovely service,” she said.
“Thank you, Maeve, I’m glad it touched you,” the Father said.
“It’s so good to feel the Lord’s spirit when you speak.”
“I’m so blessed that the words moved you, my child.”
“We must have you over for Sunday lunch one day.”
Rory cocked an eyebrow. Father Joseph was not married and had no children. She didn’t invite people who had no daughter to palm off on him over for Sunday lunch.
“That would be lovely,” Father Joseph said.
“You have a niece, right?”
Here it was. She’d found out he and Missy had no connection and didn’t want to date. Missy must have said something to her parents, and they didn’t want to come over again. There was no other explanation.
“Yes, my niece Harriet.”
“Oh, what a lovely name,” his mother gushed. “How old is she now?”
“She’s twenty-five now.”
“Oh, what a wonderful age,” she said. “Would she like to join us?”
Father Joseph raised his eyebrows. This man knew what Rory’s mother was doing.
“I’m sure she would love to,” he said. “As long as she could bring her fiancé.”
“Oh, of course, he’s welcome to join.” His mother deflated. She’d wanted to set Rory up again, and it failed.
“Let us know when and we’ll be happy to join you,” Father Joseph said. “Now, I must be going. Have a blessed day.”
The family moved to the exit to leave. Rory’s parents whispered angrily back and forth as they made their way to the car. This was another argument about him. His father had insisted his mother stop trying to set him up, but she refused to give up. If only she knew. He only had eyes for one person. Bernard.
His parents invited him to dinner, and he reluctantly agreed. He didn’t want to be alone.
*
RORY PICKED AT his food. He wasn’t hungry. He’d barely eaten the past week.
“Mother, Father, I think I’m going to take a walk.”
“Okay, dear,” his mother said. “Take a sweater. It’s a little chilly.”
Rory grabbed his sweater from the hook and headed outside. He walked down the street. His mother was wrong. It wasn’t cold. The warm August wind blew through his hair.
He walked with no purpose. His feet took him to the park. The same park where his father talked to him. The same park where his brother pushed him to accept who he was.
Rory sat on the bench and watched the wildlife. The birds sang to one another. It reminded him of being in the park with Bernard. He wanted to hold his hand. He wanted to kiss him. Now, he’d never see him again.
“May I join you?” His dad walked up to the bench.
“Yeah.” Rory didn’t look up.
“How are you feeling?”
“I don’t know.”
“Rory, I’m sorry about what happened between you and Bernard. I know you care about him.”
“It’s fine,” Rory said. “Mother’s right. It’s disgusting and I should be ashamed of what I was doing. It’s not normal.”
“Your mother is wrong.”
Rory stared at his dad. Crow’s feet decorated the corners of his eyes. He’d turned sixty back in February. Rory’s own green eyes looked back at him. Rory saw his future self in his dad.
“What?”
“Loving another man isn’t disgusting, and there’s nothing wrong with you.”
“But the Bible–”
“The Bible doesn’t determine who you can love.”
“It says my love is a sin.”
“I don’t believe that at all,” his dad said. “I loved a man once.”
Rory gaped at his dad. He had never mentioned this. His dad was straight. He was married to his mother. How could he have been in love with a man?
“You?”
“His name was Angus. We went to school together. He and I kept it a secret for years. We were in love, but it was not acceptable.”
Rory couldn’t believe his ears. His father just admitted he loved a man.
“But you’re with Mom?”
“Yes, I fell in love with your mom.”
“You’ve loved both a man and a woman?”
“That’s right. I’m attracted to men and women.”
“Then, you’re bisexual.”
“Yes.”
“What happened to Angus?”
“After we left school, we went our separate ways.”
Tears formed in his father’s eyes. The pain of the memory reflected on his face.
“We were from a small village. Someone was bound to find out. So, we separated. I haven’t heard from him since.”
The tears pooled around his cheeks. He wiped them away.
“You’re still in love with him?”
“Yes, I’ve never forgotten him.”
“I’m so sorry, Dad.”
“It’s okay. I love your mother dearly. I wouldn’t trade our time together for anything.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I know you have the same feelings for Bernard that I had for Angus.” He placed a hand on Rory’s shoulder. “The difference is you have shown no interest in women. I don’t want you to live a life that makes you unhappy.”
“But what do I do?”
“Do you still love him?”
“Yes, with all my heart.”
“Then you need to decide if you want to be with him, wait for someone else to come along, or live alone.”
“But…will I honor God?”
“I don’t believe God will punish you for loving another man. You’re both consenting adults, and what you do, so long as it doesn’t harm others, is no one else’s business.”
Rory wrapped his arms around his father. “Thank you, Dad.”
His dad held him tight.
“I want you to be happy,” he said, “and don’t worry about your mother. I’ll help you when the time comes.”
*
RORY STOPPED FOR fast food on his way home. He didn’t want to cook; even reheating leftovers seemed daunting.
He said hello to Mina after she leaped onto his shoulder. She followed him into the bedroom. He changed into his pajamas and headed to the living room to watch television while he ate.
His father had given him a lot to think about. Bernard wasn’t a mean person. He’d been protecting Rory in his own way. Rory had to make amends.
He walked into the kitchen to throw away his bag and the light on the answering machine still blinked.
I never checked that message.
He pushed play. Bernard’s voice played. He apologized for what he’d said and had defended Rory.
Tears welled up in Rory’s eyes as he dialed Bernard’s number.
Please pick up. Please pick up.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Bernard.”
Rory’s heart ached. He picked up. Rory took three deep breaths. He didn’t know what to say.
“Rory, are you there?” Bernard asked.
“I’m here, Bernard,” he said. “I got your message. I’m sorry for not talking to you. I’ve realized what my mother has been doing. I want to see you.”
“I want to see you too.”
“Let’s meet at the park tomorrow after church.”
“Can you come over now?”
Could he see him now? He wanted to be with Bernard. He needed to be with Bernard.
“Yes, I’ll be right over.”
Rory’s heart sang. He and Bernard were going to make this right. They were going to be together, like they’d both wanted. Nothing was going to stand in their way.