Chapter 21
I came in to my office the Monday after we got home to a massive bouquet of multicolored tulips with a note that read Until I can give you the whole garden. He left it unsigned, thankfully, since Christina was determined to figure out who sent them to me. I waved her off, smiling behind the card as I took in my beautiful flowers.
The next weekend was Clara’s birthday party, and I was happy that she wanted Paris there, not just because she was Sophie’s friend, but because she was hers, too. It made me hopeful our families would be able to come together one day.
Organizing everything for the party was hectic, and I had never been more grateful for Ben and Asia, who showed up early to help set up. Between my friends, Clara’s friends, and their families, we were numbering close to two dozen, and I moved it to the park after getting the full list of RSVPs. Even with our big backyard, I didn’t think my house could accommodate everyone.
Clara opened her gifts, tearing through them at record speed. Jewelry-making toys, soccer jerseys, Barbie dolls, and STEM kits were strewn across the picnic table in front of her, illustrating who knew my daughter and who googled the latest hip toy for ten-year-old girls.
She grabbed a card from the table, the last present besides the ones she had from us back at home. She slipped the card out, opened it up, and let out a dramatic squeal that would have done Sophie justice.
“What is it, sweetie?”
“Mom! Oh my gosh! I can’t believe it! I’m so excited!”
She clutched the card to her chest with tears in her eyes. I caught Ben at the edge of the group, a self-satisfied smirk on his face.
I walked over to extract the card from her, sending Ben one more curious glance before looking down. The perfect gift for my daughter was in my hands, four tickets to the season opening game of the Orlando City Soccer Club team. Tears filled my eyes, too. He was proving with every day he wanted to be a part of our lives.
Not mine, ours.
Clara ran over and threw her arms around Ben, and my heart expanded like my chest could hardly contain it.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you!”
I thanked him with a hug, too, whispering in his ear, “You’re never going to top that, you know?”
“Watch me.” His chuckle sent goose bumps along my arms, and I let my hand run down his back before stepping away, wishing I could thank him more thoroughly.
“I’m a little annoyed, though. Now my presents look like crap.”
He shrugged happily. “I got you four tickets, Clara. You can take your family and one extra friend.”
“Or,” Sophie said, and I tensed in anticipation, “I can stay with you and Paris. Then she can take two friends and I won’t have to sit through a soccer game.”
“Sophie, stop inviting yourself places. You don’t know what Mr. Ben’s schedule looks like, and he got a ticket for you, too.”
“Actually, Mom, if Sophie doesn’t come, I can take Olivia and Autumn.” Her two friends bounced next to her, anxiously awaiting my decision.
Sophie’s luck let her get away with everything. Saying no would prove a point, but it was Clara’s birthday, and if Sophie didn’t want to go, I wanted to let Clara use the tickets the way she wanted. Ben gave me the subtlest of nods: I can keep Sophie, but I won’t say it out loud in case you want to say no.
This was what I had missed most since Jason died. Obviously, I had missed sex, the heat and intimacy that comes from joining your bodies. But this was something deeper, truly joining your lives and acting as partners. The silent conversations and support. The knowledge that, no matter what, there was someone in your corner. I was shocked by how quickly we fell into those patterns.
“Fine.” I sighed, but sent a small smile Ben’s way.
“Yes,” Clara and Sophie yelled together.
“Mr. Ben, what are you getting me for my birthday?”
Sophie was born two weeks after Clara’s birthday, so it was fresh in her mind, but the question was still inexcusable.
“Sophie Elizabeth, what in the world was that? Keep it up and you won’t be getting presents from anyone.”
She sulkily apologized and ran off after Paris.
Ben tried to hide his smile. “You’re still going to let me get her a present, right?”
I groaned. “Yes. I swear, I don’t intend to let her get away with this stuff, but she seems to plan it so perfectly. I’m pretty sure she will be a criminal mastermind one day. Or maybe a politician.”
He subtly squeezed my hand, his eyes shining while we watched all three girls playing together. “I do have a present in mind for Sophie, by the way.”
“Is it going to top soccer?”
“Maybe. I was thinking about taking us all to Broadway in Orlando. Wicked i s playing right now, so if we went the Sunday after her birthday, we could still make it.”
“Ben, that’s too much.”
“It’s not terrible. Paris would want to go anyway, and the two of them run around singing the soundtrack at the top of their lungs all the time. After seeing Clara’s reaction, I want to do something special for Sophie, too, if that’s okay.”
I thought my heart might explode, and it took everything in my control not to kiss him right there in front of everyone.
“Let Paris spend the night tonight. You can sneak back in after the girls fall asleep.”
He smirked, his eyes heating. “Missing me that much already, baby?”
“Come over tonight and I’ll show you just how much.”
“I’ll be there.”
Ben said good night and “headed home,” waiting for my text that the girls were asleep so he could come back in for a night together. I impatiently paced by the girls’ bedroom door. Their giggling and determination to stay up all night was making me crawl out of my skin, a powder keg on the verge of explosion. I busied myself by touching up my makeup and fluffing my hair, though the humidity had poofed it up beyond redemption. I changed into my least frumpy bra and underwear set, thinking I should invest in some nicer things now that someone would see them.
Content they were asleep, I called him back over, bouncing by the door while I waited for his soft knock. I was on him in a heartbeat, pulling him as close as he could get as I half climbed his tall body.
“Your gift was so thoughtful,” I whispered on his lips between kisses, tugging him after me toward my bedroom, frantic to reach my bed. I felt more than heard his laugh, too impatient to leave his mouth.
“If I had known all I needed to do was give your kids gifts, I would have done it years ago.”
“Been pining that long?”
“From the second I saw you, baby. I fought so hard against it.” My kiss cut him off, and we finally got to my room, reaching back to lock it just to be safe. I finally let him go, desperate to get all of our clothes off. “But every time I saw you, every time you cut me down for my bullshit, every time I heard how brilliant you are at your job, I knew I was a goner.”
I looked at him then, naked before me and perfect, and knew my heart must have shined in my eyes.
“Me, too.” I ran my hands up his incredible torso and looped them around his neck. “Fighting with you was my favorite part of the day, even when I wouldn’t admit it.”
We stopped speaking then, falling into my bed with a laugh. I set a 6 A.M. alarm so he could sneak back out before anyone got up, happy to get another night to sleep in his arms.
“Mom…” A call came out early the next morning from down the hall, and I snuggled more deeply into Ben’s arms, hoping for a few more minutes of rest. The handle jiggled, and I shot up like lightning had struck me.
“Mom, why is the door locked?”
Clara’s question woke Ben up, too, and we looked at each other with a mixture of horror and hilarity. Apparently, the alarm didn’t go off, or maybe one of us turned it off in our sleep, but now we were like teenagers caught where we weren’t supposed to be.
“I was going to shower, honey.” I gestured wildly for Ben to get dressed. “What’s up?”
“I’m hungry. Can you make us breakfast?”
We were so busy talking through whispers and hand gestures, I hardly registered her question. “Um, yeah, sweetie. Give me a minute.”
“What do I do?” Ben whispered.
“The window?”
He rolled his eyes. “You’re really going to make me jump out the window? Like I’m your dirty little secret?”
“Well, baby, you’re dirty and my secret, but nothing about you is little.”
“Flattery will get you everywhere.” He gave me one last lingering kiss before opening the window. I needed to move to cover up how badly we destroyed my bedroom, but I couldn’t seem to look away from my six-foot-four boyfriend shimmying his way out of a small window.
After that, we both agreed sleepovers with the girls in the house probably were not the best idea.
The next weekend was the soccer game, and Clara woke up more excited than I had ever seen her. I got a call from Katie early saying Olivia was sick and couldn’t make it, so I called Asia to offer her the ticket last minute. She was always up for a soccer game. I felt slightly guilty about being happy a ten-year-old was sick, but I was more excited to get some much-needed time with my best friend.
The Orlando City stadium was right in the middle of downtown, which turned from a calm, easy-to-navigate town into a congestion nightmare on game days. We inched along, fighting for parking that wouldn’t cost us fifty dollars, charged by a sketchy man next to an even sketchier apartment complex.
Finally parked, we wound through the city streets in a flood of purple. Orlando City Soccer Club hadn’t been around long, but the city had embraced it as its hometown team in full force. Maybe it was because the only other sports team had been horrible for several decades, but within a few years, you could find Orlando City shirts in every store, and bumper stickers on most cars.
Clara and Autumn ran a few feet ahead of us as we came up to the stadium, both cheering in their matching jerseys as they saw the huge lion banner out front. Clara’s eyes were shining, and I snapped a quick picture to send to Ben.
Once settled in our seats, I fanned myself, wishing my daughter was obsessed with something indoors. Like basketball. Or volleyball. Or, hell, even just movies. I’d sacrifice my child’s physical fitness to get out of this Florida heat. With the girls distracted by a debate on which players were the best, Asia turned to me.
“So, how are things going?” With Ben was implied.
“Amazing. It’s almost too amazing. Like things have been perfect. At least something should be wrong, right?” I asked.
“I’ve been telling you for years he is a great guy.”
“I know. It’s just weird to be with someone else.” I glanced over at the girls. They were deep in conversation about the players’ stats, so I felt free to talk. “ Really be with them, not like with Mike.”
She had been subjected to all the mundane horror of last year’s fling. “That’s because you didn’t care one bit about Mike.”
“True, but also the s-e-x,” I whispered, “is on another level. Like guaranteed multiple Os a night.”
“What are Os, Mom?”
My eyes went wide in horror, and Asia stifled a laugh. I looked at Clara, who blinked at me with sweet, innocent eyes.
“Oh, nothing, honey,” I said awkwardly. “A boring work thing.”
She bounced a little in her seat. “I like hearing about your work things!”
Why did she have to be so inquisitive? A quick glance at Asia, who shrugged, told me I’d get no help from her. “Os are… applications for our company.”
Clara nodded. “Why are they called Os?”
Fucking hell, Clara. Asia was laughing hard now, and Clara looked between us, while Autumn ignored the conversation completely.
I racked my brain for an answer that made even the slightest bit of sense. “Because… we go ‘ Oh’ when the application is good.” So silly, but she seemed to accept it. “Who’s playing striker today?”
That got her off the topic, and eventually she and Autumn fell back into the excitement of the game, leaving me to talk with my friend, just not about anything sex-related.
Later that night, as I tucked her in bed, she whispered, “Today was so much fun. Mr. Ben is the best.”
I smiled against her hair as I kissed the crown of her head. “Yeah, he is.”
I pulled the comforter up over her, stopping to give Sophie one last kiss, too, wishing we hadn’t instituted the no-sleepovers-with-kids-in-the-house rule.