Chapter 36
THIRTY-SIX
LEVIATHAN
Aiden hasn’t spoken to me in a week.
I know that he can speak now. He asked for water the other day and has been able to express when he needs to go to the bathroom, but besides that, it’s been nothing but silence from him. It makes me feel twitchy, uncomfortable that he seems different than normal.
I helped him into the tub earlier, filling it enough for him to be covered, but for me to still be able to clean every inch of him. It’s hard with his bandages that need to be kept dry, but I’m trying my best to be gentle. Still, as I run the sponge down his body, he winces.
“So, I thought maybe you could have some sweets today,” I say, trying to see if that’ll perk up his mood. “I can have Gerald make those cupcakes you like? What do you think?”
He stares straight ahead, body trembling as I move down to his bruised arms. I wrinkle my nose, biting down on my bottom lip. I don’t understand what the problem is. I know he’s in pain, but I’m helping him. I told him that I was here for him and that everything would be okay. Is he doubting that?
“If you wanted to get some sunlight, I could find a wheelchair.” I cock my head, trying to get him to just look at me. “What do you think, little lamb? Do you want to go to the park?”
Silence.
“Why won’t you talk to me?” I snap, digging my nails into his arm until he whines, trying to see if I can get a reaction out of him. “Fucking talk.”
He keeps looking straight ahead, disfigured jaw clenched. He’s not budging. I start to grow desperate, my chest rising and falling. Maybe he just needs to see that I’m truly worried about his silence.
Tears well in my eyes as I press kisses to his cheek. “Talk to me, please. I need to hear your voice.”
Where’s his sympathy? His compassion? I’m suffering here in a way that’s foreign to me. I don’t know what to do or what to say to make him… okay. I just want things to go back to the way they were before. Things were perfect. We were intimate, we were what I think happy is. He’s making this difficult on purpose and I resent it.
“Aiden,” I say through gritted teeth, slamming my fists against the edge of the tub. “Talk or?—”
“Or you’ll beat me?”
I rear my head back at his cold words, even through a choked and distorted cadence, the venom can’t be missed. He’s still staring ahead looking at the wall like he hates it.
I chuckle to clear the tension. “There you are. What do you think about the cupcakes? The park? I know you probably can’t knit yet, but we can figure something out.”
“You think I want to knit? I—” He cuts himself off, swallowing harshly like it’s causing him pain. “Are you fucking crazy?”
I blink at him repeatedly. No… This isn’t my Aiden, my sweet little lamb. He’d never speak to me like this. “Aiden? What’s wrong?”
He snorts, shaking his head as best as his sore neck will let him. “You nearly killed me.”
“But I didn’t mean it,” I argue, growing frustrated. “You ran away. What was I supposed to do?”
“You were supposed to beat my face in? You were supposed to give my body wounds it’ll likely never recover from? You were supposed to let your brothers watch as you…” He drops his face, hands clenching into fists. “You hurt me. You could have killed me.”
“I would never have done that,” I breathe, reaching for him.
“You will,” he spits, recoiling from my touch. “You’re going to kill me, Leviathan. I can’t keep pretending I’m just okay with that.”
“Stop it,” I beg, standing on my shaky feet. “Just stop. You don’t know what you’re saying. Don’t you remember? I see you. Your soul is mine?—”
“No, Leviathan. My soul is repulsed by you. Did you think I would, what? Forgive you? Love you? Beg you to hurt me some more?” He scoffs, finally turning to look at me, and the sheer hatred in his eyes knocks me on my ass and makes my heart clench painfully. “My soul could never belong to a fucking monster like you.”
I…
I slap him.
He cries out in pain but doesn’t break down. If anything, he squares his shoulders, keeping my gaze with those blue eyes I’ve become obsessed with. “Thank you for proving my point.” With all the effort he can manage, he takes the sponge from the lip of the tub and turns back to the wall. “Get out.”
“No. I’m taking care of you?—”
“I don’t want you!” he screams, cursing under his breath as he holds his jaw. “Get the fuck out! I don’t want you anywhere near me!”
I stagger back as if I’m the one that’s been slapped. He can’t mean any of that. He doesn’t. Rage bubbles within me, but instead of turning it on him, I spin and slam my fist against the bathroom mirror. He doesn’t react, just continues washing himself as he ignores me. I tear the bathroom apart in my frustration. I knock over all the shit on the counter—the two toothbrushes mocking me as they clatter to the ground—and rip everything off the walls. I kick and I thrash and I yell.
But, for some reason, I do leave.
I march out of my room, slamming the door shut and sliding down the frame. I drop my face into my hands, breathing harshly as I try to figure out what the fuck just happened.
“Things not going well?”
“Fuck off, Mammon,” I spit. “I don’t need this shit right now.”
He sighs, stepping in front of me until I see the tips of his shoes. “What did you expect?”
“I…”
I don’t know what I thought. I thought things wouldn’t be different.
But I’m starting to realize that things between Aiden and I will never be the same again.