Chapter 19
Suzanne waved Jen over as she walked through the main doors of the restaurant. In the last several days, things between them had been slow and steady. Suzanne had thrown herself into her work, making up for the lack of it in recent weeks, and Jen was equally as busy. Whenever Suzanne contacted her, their exchanges were pleasant, but it was clear that Jen was holding back a little. Understandable but hopefully short-lived.
“Hi.” Jen leaned down and kissed Suzanne on the cheek, smiling down at her as she drew back. “I didn’t think you’d be here already.”
“I only arrived a few minutes ago. They asked if I wanted to wait at the bar, but I decided to take our table instead.” Suzanne looked back at Jen, admiring that gentle smile playing on her lips. “Busy day?”
“Steady, actually. I’m definitely looking forward to the day off tomorrow, though. I’m sure they’ve added someone else’s round onto mine. It’s been a hellish week.”
Now that Suzanne knew Jen was originally a primary school teacher, she could imagine how mind-numbing her current job must be. “Is it something you plan to continue doing?”
“The job I’m in?” Jen asked as she took a seat facing Suzanne and looked around the restaurant. “I hope not if these are the kinds of places we’re going to be eating. Looks very fancy.” Jen puffed out her cheeks as she lifted the menu. In Suzanne’s mind, the prices were reasonable in here. Especially with inflation at the moment. “Food looks good, though.”
“We can go somewhere else if you’re not comfortable here…”
“I’m comfortable.” Jen smiled. “And before we go any further, I’m not on the bones of my arse. I do have money.”
Oh, God. That wasn’t what Suzanne was saying at all. “I’m sure you do. That wasn’t what I was getting at.”
“No, I know. But you probably think I’m taking out loans and stuff to get myself back on my feet, but I’m not. When my dad died, he left us all a significant amount of money. Mum took mine off me when I went off the rails…and now that I’m back and doing better, she’s returned it to me.”
“She helped you through a lot, didn’t she?” Suzanne clasped her hands under her chin, wanting to know more.
“My mum? I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for her.” Jen lifted a shoulder and took her glass of water from the table. “And I know everyone says that, but it’s true. She saved me.”
“I’m glad you have her. A good support system is the most important thing in life, regardless of who is going through what.” Suzanne had been lucky to have a great support system of her own. Without her family, she didn’t know how she would have worked through John’s death. “I’d…like to meet her one day.”
Jen smiled and lowered her eyes.
“If that’s something you want too, of course.” Suzanne couldn’t quite put her finger on Jen’s mood, but she didn’t seem overly enthusiastic about the idea of Suzanne meeting her mum. That had Suzanne wondering if this was going anywhere the second time around. Jen had been excited to meet Elsie all those weeks ago, but when it came to this…not so much. “Jen?”
“Y-yeah?”
Suzanne dipped her head. Their eyes eventually met. “ Is that something you would want to do?”
“Eventually, yeah.”
Suzanne exhaled a deep breath. “Okay. Eventually is good enough for me.”
“I’m sorry. I’m just trying to get back into the swing of this. Us, you know?” Jen sipped her water only to almost spit it back into the glass as her eyes widened. “Is that…” She squinted over Suzanne’s shoulder. And then the biggest smile spread on Jen’s mouth when Suzanne heard a gasp behind her.
“Jen?”
Jen shot up from her seat and embraced a woman who came rushing towards her from behind Suzanne. She watched their interaction, how they held onto one another, and then she slumped back in her seat. Suzanne didn’t know why she felt so off about all of this, but she had expected more from tonight. Sure, the night was only just beginning, but Jen wasn’t feeling it. That much was clear.
“I can’t believe you’re here!” The woman squealed as she hugged Jen again. “Chloe and Mel are over on my table.” She drew back and held Jen at arm’s length. “You look amazing. How are you?”
Jen cast her gaze on the floor. Was she…blushing? Suzanne couldn’t quite tell. “You know what, I’m great. You guys all doing okay?”
“Oh, yeah. Same old, you know.” The woman who Suzanne was yet to be introduced to flicked her hair and nudged Jen’s shoulder. “I bumped into your Grace last week. She was saying you were out and that you were back in work and stuff.”
“I’ve been back in work since a couple of weeks after my release,” Jen explained to the nameless woman. “Had to wear an ankle tag for a couple of months and see my probation officer, but yeah… Life is kinda falling back into place now. I’m feeling good about the future.”
“Oh, that’s brilliant. It’s so good to see you, Jen.”
Jen cleared her throat and turned to Suzanne. “Hey, Lizzie. This is Suzanne, my…date.”
Lizzie.
Huh .
“Hi.” Suzanne sat up straight in her seat and smiled back at Lizzie . She was trying to ignore the fact that Jen had just referred to Suzanne as her date. It felt unusual to hear it, given the place they were once at with one another. “Nice to meet you.”
“You too.” Lizzie wore a beaming smile as she wrapped an arm around Jen’s shoulders. “You’ve struck lucky here with this one.”
Suzanne simply nodded and offered a smile of her own, wishing this woman would leave their table. This was supposed to be a date. The first one they’d had in…three weeks now.
“Stop it.” Jen laughed and shook her head. “Don’t make her run.”
Oh, Suzanne wasn’t planning to run anywhere .
“Look, I should get back to the girls. I’ll let them know I’ve seen you, and I don’t know, maybe you could come over for a cuppa one day when you’re not busy?”
Jen lifted a brow. “The wife wouldn’t mind?”
“What wife?” Lizzie seemed deeply confused. “I don’t have a wife. I’d need a girlfriend first before I can make someone a wife.”
“But…I bumped into Reece a couple of weeks after my release. He said you’d met someone practically right away, you were married, and she was pregnant.”
“Oh! Her! No, that didn’t last. And she was pregnant because of the guy she was fucking behind my back. Turns out he’s only her husband and she was having an affair with me.”
Ouch. Suzanne inwardly grimaced at that. What a dreadful thing to do to someone.
“We were never married, though. You know what our Reece can be like. He loves to make up stories to make it all sound better in his head.”
“Tell you what, let’s exchange numbers before you leave with the girls. Once I have an afternoon to myself, I’ll call you, and we can all get together. Then I can hear all the gossip that I’ve missed. I’m sure there’s plenty of it.”
“Only if we get the prison gossip,” Lizzie whispered, but Suzanne heard her.
“Sure. We can trade.” Jen hugged Lizzie again and then hiked a thumb over her shoulder. “I should really have a look at the menu so we can order. Suzanne has been waiting on me long enough now.”
Lizzie held up her hands. “Of course. Sorry for disturbing your date. It was lovely to meet you, Suzanne.”
Suzanne smiled, praying it appeared genuine to both Lizzie and Jen. “It was lovely to meet you, too.”
As Jen returned to her seat and lifted the menu, Suzanne watched her from the other side of the table. God, she really hoped that Jen was back to her usual self sooner rather than later. This half-arsed conversation was torturous.
“So, what are you feeling like?” Jen looked over the top of her menu, her eyes a little brighter now that she’d had a heart-to-heart with an old friend. “I can’t decide between about ten different dishes.”
“Mm. That’s where I’m struggling, too.”
Jen smiled as she side-eyed Suzanne, walking hand in hand with one another through the park. If Jen was being honest with herself, she hadn’t thought this night would be possible. Before they’d sat down and given one another the opportunity to say what needed to be said, Jen felt entirely hopeless about her relationship with Suzanne. It didn’t seem as though she’d have the pleasure of holding her hand ever again. But here they were, making a go of it. “Dinner was amazing, thank you.”
Suzanne offered a single nod, keeping her focus ahead of her. “You’re welcome.”
“Next time it’s on me, okay?”
“Next time,” Suzanne said, managing the smallest smile. “I wasn’t sure if there would be a next time.”
Jen stopped on the pathway, halting Suzanne, too. “I’m sorry? Why wouldn’t there be a next time?”
“I don’t know. Tonight feels different.” Suzanne guided Jen towards a bench nearby. Once they’d taken a seat, she waited with bated breath for more from Suzanne. “You feel distant.”
Fuck . Jen hadn’t meant to come across that way. She was just trying to get back into the right mindset. She wanted to be entirely here and not in her own head, but it was hard. Suzanne knew who she was now, and even though Jen didn’t want it to…it did change everything. “I’m trying to just be me. The me you know anyway. But that’s not who I am to you anymore, and I understand that.”
“You’ve lost me, Jen. I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
Jen turned side-on and took Suzanne’s hand. “I just want us to be the way we were before everything changed. I thought that was how I would feel when we got back together, but I have it in my head that you probably think differently of me now.”
“I don’t think differently of you. To me, you’re still just you.”
Jen wanted to believe that, but it was a struggle. “It’s just taking me a moment longer than I thought it would, that’s all. But I do definitely want another date. I want so many more, Suzanne.”
“Is that all I am to you now? Just your date…”
Jen’s brows drew together. Suzanne was so much more than that. “Just my date? No, babe. Of course not.”
“That’s how you introduced me to your friend.” Suzanne crossed her legs and looked out at the darkened park. “And if that’s the way it has to be, I understand. I just wasn’t expecting it.”
“Shit. I didn’t even realise I’d done that.” Jen scrubbed a hand down her face. “I’m fucking this up a bit tonight, aren’t I?”
“Not at all. Dinner with you was great. Tonight just feels a little odd to me.”
Jen got that. It had felt odd to her, too. Especially when she had spotted Lizzie at the restaurant. Part of Jen wanted to just ignore her and smile, but Lizzie had done nothing wrong when it came to her past with Jen. “Yeah, I know. I was shocked to see Lizzie, and I think that just threw me a bit.”
“But her reaction to seeing you was a good sign, right? You said you’ve lost all of your friends and most of your family, but she seemed happy to bump into you. She surely wouldn’t have invited you to get together for a catch-up if she didn’t want to remain friends with you.”
Jen grimaced ever so slightly. Suzanne was already wary of how this night had played out. How would she react to finding out who Lizzie was? Jen briefly thought about not telling her, but look where that had got her last time! “Lizzie is my ex.”
“O-oh.”
“My ex-fiancée, to be specific.”
Suzanne shifted uncomfortably on the bench as she cleared her throat. “Well, then, I guess it’s nice that you’re still amicable with one another. She certainly looked happy to see you.”
“I was quite surprised that she came over to me. It wasn’t the expected reaction, that’s for sure.”
“Ended badly?” Suzanne asked. She seemed distracted, perhaps in her head a little, but she had nothing to worry about. Jen and Lizzie had been a long time ago now.
“It ended better than it should have.” Jen laughed, but Suzanne didn’t join in. She just glared at Jen. “Lizzie and I were together for six years. We had a house together, a great life with one another, and then everything happened with Ruby. A couple of years into my fuck ups, she left me. She couldn’t handle me anymore, but I never would have expected her to.”
“I see.” Suzanne rolled her lips inwards. “So, you didn’t break up because you didn’t love one another anymore?”
“Lizzie didn’t love me anymore. It’s why she left. I’d made her life hell for two years.” Jen would never forget the look in Lizzie’s eyes as she kicked Jen out the door and changed the locks. “As for me, I’m not sure I loved anyone at that point in my life. I hated everything I’d become. I couldn’t look after myself, let alone love another person.”
“She seemed very fond of you.” Suzanne’s dark eyes clouded over as Jen looked back at her. Was Suzanne questioning whether it could be going somewhere with Lizzie again? Absolutely not. “And she most definitely wants to get together when you’re available.”
“Lizzie and I were friends for a long time before we started a relationship. Ruby and I had gone through school with Lizzie. She spent most of her late teens and early twenties in the closet, but then one thing led to another, and we started dating. She was another best friend to me, even though she was my fiancée.”
“Yet she left you to fend for yourself when you needed help.”
Ouch. Jen didn’t like Suzanne’s tone as she spoke that out loud.
“I think she had to walk away for her own sanity. I’d already pushed her away within a few months of Ruby dying. I’m surprised she stayed as long as she did.” Jen toyed with the frayed denim on the knee of her jeans. “Lizzie has a good heart. I was the one who ruined our relationship, and I admit that.”
“Could it be worked out?” Suzanne asked, brow quirked.
“As friends, I’d love to work it out. We’ve known one another for so long. But relationship-wise, that part of my life is over. Who I was when Ruby died…died with her.” Jen hadn’t known how powerful that one sentence would be, but her chest ached as she allowed it to sink in. “That includes my relationship with Lizzie.”
“I think she may surprise you.” Suzanne slid her hand from Jen’s and placed it in her own lap. “The connection is still there. Even I felt… something as I watched you both.”
“There was life before and life after.” Jen shifted closer to Suzanne, shrugging her blazer off and resting it around Suzanne’s shoulders when she shivered. “ You are that life after. Not Lizzie or anyone else. Just you, babe.” Jen dipped her head and brought her lips to Suzanne’s ear. “It’s you that I want. It’s you that I love.”
Suzanne pressed her cheek to Jen’s as she said that, the tension in the air slowly falling away. “I’ve never been insecure, but I don’t know. There’s something about losing you again that terrifies me.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” Jen drew back and brushed Suzanne’s hair from her face. “God, you’re so beautiful.”
Suzanne blushed, but she didn’t take her eyes off Jen.
“You ready to head back? I’ll walk you home.”
Suzanne searched Jen’s eyes as she took her hand. “Stay the night.”
“You’re sure?” Jen had no issues staying over at Suzanne’s, but she wanted Suzanne to be absolutely sure before they reconnected. Jen couldn’t deal with another fallout any time soon. She wanted this to work, of course she did, but she needed one hundred percent certainty from Suzanne. “You’re absolutely sure I’m the right person for you?”
“I think I’m more sure now than I was the first time around.”
Jen grinned as she guided Suzanne to her feet. She pressed their bodies together, one arm around Suzanne’s waist, and kissed her softly. “Then, yes. I’ll stay the night.”