23. Forgiveness is a Choice
23
Forgiveness is a Choice
Asher
Another sleepless night came and went. As I lay staring at the ceiling, I almost called Daisy a few times, Evan’s words resonating in my head. But what would I have said? I’m sorry ? Because that doesn’t feel like nearly enough.
As I arrive at the Hackett Studios building, my chest constricts until I’m nearly suffocating. It’s the last place I want to be. Everything will remind me of her, but Jan asked me to come, and I owe her at least that.
The elevator opens, and I shuffle into the empty hall.
Jan appears as if out of nowhere. “Asher, thank you for stopping by so early.”
I nod, unable to meet her eyes. “Jan.”
“Come to my office, please.”
I follow her there, pulling up a chair across from her.
“I want you to take the job,” she says suddenly, her words sending me into shock.
My eyes stretch wide, and my response gets trapped in my throat.
“Don’t get me wrong. What you did was horrible,” she says, lacing her fingers on her desk. “But you came clean. You didn’t wait to get caught, and I appreciate the honesty. I always liked you, Asher. I know I can trust you.”
“How could you ever trust me?” I nearly shout. “I lied to you, deceived you.”
“I know what a skilled manipulator Doug can be. I’m sure he didn’t leave you much of a choice, and as I—”
“I could have refused,” I cut in, shaking my head. “I should have.”
“But in the end, you didn’t go through with it, and no information was leaked.” She pauses. “I’d love to have you as part of the team, Asher.”
My knee starts bouncing uncontrollably. “I can’t. I’m sorry. I could never do that to Daisy. This situation is all my fault, and I don’t want to make it uncomfortable for her. I’ll find another job here. T here are plenty of firms in the city.”
She quirks an eyebrow. “You’re staying in Chicago?”
“I am. I have family here.”
She swivels in her chair, her blue eyes set on me. “Then it would be a shame to refuse my offer, Asher. Please consider it.”
“I can’t take it,” I say with finality. “Thank you for trusting me even after what I did, Jan. I have the utmost respect for you as a mentor, but I can’t come to work and see Daisy every day. I don’t want her to have to see me, either.” She might even resign. The last thing I want is to put her out of a job. I’ve done enough already.
“Are you sure?”
I nod. “I’m sure.”
She sighs, standing up. “If that’s what you want.”
“I’m sorry again, Jan, truly.” I stretch my hand out, and she shakes it.
“I wish you the best.” She offers a warm smile.
“Bye, Jan.”
My chest feels crushed by the weight of my mistakes as I hurry out of her office, but I know I made the right decision. I’ll find another job. Working here would only serve as a constant reminder of what I did. It would be a suitable punishment for me, but Daisy deserves better.
The elevator opens, and a whiff o f floral perfume caresses me. Daisy raises her head, and our eyes connect. In that one look, I see a multitude of emotions, each one washing over me like a tsunami. Shock. Pain. Hatred. Anger. Pain .
Her eyes fill with tears, mirroring mine. I’m fighting to come up with something to say. Anything. But she simply raises her head high, looks straight ahead, and marches past me as if I don’t even exist.
Daisy
I knew I should have called in sick. After spending all weekend unable to drag myself out of bed, I thought coming to work would help me focus on something else. Wrong. So wrong .
Tears are welling in my eyes as I push past Asher, and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. He looks so different. Empty. Like there’s no life left inside of him. There’s no gleam in his eyes, no color on his cheeks or smile on his lips. My first instinct is to comfort him, but then I remember he’s not the man I thought I knew.
“Daisy,” Jan says, her head peeking from her office. “Can you come in for a sec?”
“Why—why was he here?” I wh isper, glancing behind me at the empty space. I slump onto the chair, not bothering to close the door.
Jan clears her throat and takes her seat. “I was hoping he’d be gone before you arrived, but I forget how much of an early bird you are.”
I frown. Wait, she asked him to come?
“I called him here to offer him the job,” she says before I can even ask.
“What!” I breathe out, placing a hand over my racing heart. “Why? After what he did! He betrayed us.”
She nods. “He did, but he also came clean on his own, knowing the position it would put him in. His moral compass led him back on the right path, even if it was a little late. And no info was stolen, so—”
“That doesn’t change the fact that he’s lied to us and manipulated us since he got here!”
“I’ve known Asher for a long time. He’s a good man. And I also know his boss, and how he manipulates people into doing his dirty work. I’ve seen it firsthand. He puts unbearable pressure on his staff. Doug is ruthless, and he doesn’t leave his employees much choice but to comply with his demands.”
“Still,” I say, folding my ar ms over my chest. “He could have refused. I don’t understand how you could ever forgive him.”
“It’s not always that simple, Daisy. Forgiveness is a choice, and, in the end, he was honest. That’s what matters.”
My boss is delusional. She’s completely lost it. How can she trust Asher after everything he did! “No one will want to work with him, let alone under him. I know I can’t.” I’ll resign if I have to, but I refuse to work in the same building as him.
“No one else knows.” She sighs, leaning back. “But it doesn’t matter, because he turned it down.”
I frown. “What?”
“He didn’t want to chase you out of your job.”
I swallow hard, my gaze drifting to the window. Who knew that, underneath all the lies and scheming, there was a shred of decency in him?
“Good. Can I get to work, then?” I ask, eager to leave her office and focus on something else.
She stares at me for a few beats, then frowns. “Sure. Of course.”
Today was a total nightmare. I go t nothing done. All I could think about was my conversation with Jan, and the pain and regret I saw in Asher’s eyes when I passed him in the hall. My heart tightens at the memory. No, Daisy. You can’t go there.
I’m tired of being the nice girl, the naive pushover who always gets taken advantage of. I’m done.
Lucy isn’t back from work yet, so I grab the remote and slump onto the couch, hoping to distract myself with some TV, but nothing works. No matter where I look, all I can see is Asher. Him moving the couch to build our pillow fort. The way his face glowed as we watched TV. How he used to look at me and call me Red.
My phone rings, and I pick up without glancing at the screen.
“Yes?”
“Daisy, hi. It’s Evan.”
Evan? Why on earth is he calling me?
“You know, Asher’s brother . . .?” he ventures.
I clear my throat, sitting up straight. “Yeah, sorry. What’s going on?”
“Look,” he says, his voice su ddenly low. “It’s not really my place, but I had to call you. Asher feels terrible. He hasn’t slept in days; he barely eats. He’s a shadow of himself, and I’m really worried.”
A pang hits my chest, and I draw a shaky breath. “Evan, you’re a good guy, but please stay out of this. It’s complicated.”
“No, it’s not,” he says firmly. “You guys were so good together. It was obvious to everyone. I know what he did was wrong, but he owned up to it. And he’ll regret it for the rest of his life.”
As he should . I force myself to inhale deeply. Okay, maybe that’s a bit harsh. But at least for a while. “Why are you even defending him? You guys haven’t talked in years.” My pulse quickens. “Wait, did he ask you—?
“He’s my brother, and I’d have to be blind not to see the pain in his eyes. And no, he didn’t ask me. He doesn’t even know I’m calling.” He pauses. “In fact, I’m not doing this for him. I’m doing it for you.”
I scoff, grabbing a pillow. “For me?”
“You helped me reconnect with my brother, so I owe you a favor. And I’m telling you now, you’re making a mistake. I’m sure you’re as miserable as he is. You should give him a second chance.”
I sigh. “Evan . . .”
“And you don’t have to decide right this second,” he says in one breath. “He’s staying in Chicago, so you’ll—”
“He’s not going back to New York? But he has no job here.”
“He’s staying with me for a while.”
I shake my head. That doesn’t make any sense. Why would he stay in Chicago if he turned Jan down?
“Anyway,” Evan says. “I’ll leave you to it, but think about what I said.”
I close my eyes, hugging the pillow. “Yeah. Bye, Evan.”
Hanging up, I lean back on the couch, my heart rattling in my chest as if it’s trying to break out. My conversations with Jan and Evan are floating in my head, meshing with Asher’s face and our moments together—the bad ones and the good. It’s all too much to take. I wish I could empty my brain and press reset. Just breathe, without all these emotions creating a tempest in my mind.