Chapter Thirty-Four - Thalia
I DIDN’T FEEL like going out after the long flights, layovers, and meetings I had once I got here, but I didn’t have a choice once Penelope came home with Mae. Simone meets us at the club we used to frequent last year, and it feels good being with my friends again.
Mae’s dark skin helps the bright colors of her dress stand out against the dim lighting, and she gestures wildly with her hands about a customer who came into the coffee shop she works at today. I feel bad I’m not paying attention to it. My mind is elsewhere.
Penelope is in the middle of the dance floor, bouncing around with a constantly refilled drink in her hand, and Simone is with a new boyfriend that I didn’t even know existed.
I didn’t think so much would change after I left, but once again, I’m left feeling like I don’t really have a place I belong to. Paris moved on without me, and Durham moved on without me. I feel stuck, like I’m someplace in the middle. Unfortunately, that puts me in the middle of the goddamn Atlantic Ocean.
My phone was blowing up earlier with texts from Owen, wanting to know why I hadn’t called him before I left. He must have told our parents I left because they called a few times during my flight. I called them back after landing to let them know how last second everything was. They weren’t thrilled I left without saying anything, but after letting me explain, they understood. Blake sent me a text telling me to eat a pastry for her but to remember to send her a picture first.
Natalie sent me the final edit of the article Callie wrote a few days ago, and just like I knew she would, she chose the picture where Sebastian was talking about…me.
His smile is so brilliantly beautiful it hurts to look at. Bash’s brown eyes are shining, and I can see the faint indent of his dimples. Sebastian’s dark hair was a little wild by that point, but his high cheekbones and strong jaw were accented by the angle at which his head was unintentionally tilted. I got that text during my layover, and it’s embarrassing to admit how long I stared at the photo on my second flight.
My phone starts vibrating on the table beside my drink, and I jump for it, hoping it’s Sebastian. Except it’s not him; it’s Chris. I don’t know why the hell Chris would be calling me.
Unless something happened to Owen—oh no. Now that my mind has gone there, I’m spinning every possible scenario.
I interrupt Mae’s story by quickly getting up and finding a quiet-ish corner. “Is Owen okay?” I ask urgently, and my heart feels like it will hammer right out of my chest. Is it possible to have a heart attack at twenty-one?
“Owen’s fine, but you know who isn’t? Bash. Now what the fuck happened between yesterday and today? I’ve never seen Sebastian smile like he was when he left practice last night, and today, he was barking orders at everyone like a drill sergeant,” Chris seethes, and I cringe despite being an ocean away. “Where are you?”
I press my hand to my chest, trying to get my heartbeat to slow. “Paris, I’m here for work. I don’t know what to tell you. I haven’t heard from Sebastian.”
He exhales sharply. “Did you try telling Owen that you’re together, and he flipped out? He seemed perfectly content ignoring how practice went today.”
“I got a call while you guys were at practice that I needed to be in Paris earlier than planned. It was all last second to begin with, but Vera was kissing Sebastian when I got back to the apartment.I’m sorry he was in a poor mood today, but I told Bash we would talk when I return. It’s not my fault if he didn’t listen.” I’m attempting to stay calm, but I wonder who Chris thinks he is. This is none of his business. Just because he helped me in the coffee shop doesn’t mean I owe Chris an explanation.
“Are you at a club? It really seems like you were needed there.” He laughs sarcastically. “Why didn’t you talk to him before you left?”
“I just told you why,” I say, growing more irritated.
“No, you didn’t. You said you walked in on Vera kissing Sebastian, not the other way around, so why didn’t you talk to him then?” Chris asks, and I fail to bite my tongue this time.
“You’re telling me that if you walked in on another man kissing Allie in your apartment, you wouldn’t question how she ended up in the situation in the first place? I know Bash didn’t initiate anything with Vera, but it’s the fact he let her in the apartment, already knowing what she was going to say, that is frustrating. I didn’t point fingers, but I did what I needed to keep from saying something I’d regret by giving myself a breather before finishing our conversation.”
“What about what Sebastian needs? You’re running away because you’re afraid of letting him in.”
Am I that transparent to everyone?“You have no idea what you’re talking about. I didn’t say we were done, but we would finish our conversation when I’m back if you listen to what I’m saying instead of pegging me as the villain. For the record, Sebastian needs to think before speaking as well,” I reply tightly. I’m half-tempted to hang up on him.
Chris swears quietly enough the phone misses him. “I don’t know why I’m bothering. You’re hell-bent on fighting everyone who tries to help you. Bash isn’t perfect, but he cares about you enough to risk his friendship with Owen. I would think you’d care if he’s hurting, but you take your few days.” Chris hangs up, and I bite back a scream. I do care. I care so much it’s why I didn’t want to hurt him.
I needed a couple of days to breathe. I know he didn’t mean for Vera to kiss him. I believe he genuinely thought hearing her out would work, and it attests to what kind of person he is. I’m mad that Vera finds a way to get in the middle whenever things start to improve. I know I lash out when I’m hurt or scared, so I genuinely thought it would be in the best interest of our future to walk away at that moment to collect my thoughts.
Tears well up because I miss him, but I can’t call him right now. This isn’t the time or place to make this call. With the thumping bass pounding in my head, I wipe away the tears that slip quickly down my cheek before forcing a smile on my face. Sebastian is fine. I’m fine. We’ll be fine.
~
“Vera, come on, smile!” I insist, angling the camera to show her behind me on the trail we’re hiking.
She rolls her eyes but complies by grinning and sticking her tongue out as I snap a picture. My long blonde hair is pulled up on top of my head in a messy ponytail that keeps sticking to the areas of skin that my tank top doesn’t cover. It’s annoying, but it’s too heavy to pull up completely.
“Stop taking pictures; we have a long way to go,” Owen calls out.
Vera walks next to me on the wide trail. “Can you believe we’re finally juniors?” she asks, and I shake my head.
“I’m just glad I passed finals. I was worried I wouldn’t pass my math one; it’s not right to have letters with numbers. It’s summer, so we don’t have to worry about any tests for the next three months.” I grin, fist-pumping excitedly.
Sebastian has his arms crossed over his chest as we get closer to where the guys are standing waiting for us. “You’re technically not juniors for another three months.”
Owen laughs, shaking his head. “We’re also not technically twenty-one for another four years, but that doesn’t stop us from drinking, does it?”
“Only three for me after my birthday next month.” Bash smirks, clearly enjoying the one-month age difference he has on Owen. “Let’s go. We still have a long hike left,” he says, and Vera groans.
“Do we have to hike the entire way? It’s hot. We could just go to your house and swim in your grandparents’ pool. I wonder if your grandpa would make those burgers he made a few weeks ago,” she suggests, and I wish I’d thought of that instead of inviting everyone to hike.
In the last year, Sebastian went from awkward and skinny to tall and muscular. I’m not the only one who has noticed. It’s wishful thinking for him to notice me in return. Bash tolerates me because of Owen. Hell, he might even enjoy being my friend, but there’s not a chance in hell he’ll ever see me as more.
“We can go swimming after. We’re out here already, so suck it up.” Owen snorts, but I ignore him to run up behind Bash, jumping on his back to surprise him. His quick reactions balance us instead of sending us both to the ground. “Holy shit, Lia, what the hell are you thinking? We could have gone down the side of the hill and died.”
“You’re being dramatic,” I insist, rolling my eyes. “I’m nothing compared to what I’ve seen you bench-press.” Sebastian’s arms loop behind my knees to help support me instead of telling me to get down. It makes the butterflies in my chest go crazy.
“I’m confused as to why you are being carried instead of hiking the trail when it was your idea we come out here?” Vera points out, frowning at Bash and me.
“Pure laziness.” Owen scoffs, and he’s not wrong. I could walk on my own, but I don’t feel like it right now. Why would I when Sebastian is willing to carry me?
“You’re the one who said we still have a long way to go; I’m using the resources available to me.”
Bash shifts me slightly on his back, and I feel his laughter. “I would love it if someone would carry me instead. I already had weights this morning, and I wouldn’t have come if someone told me I’d be carrying you.”
“Consider it extra training for football season.” I pat his shoulder encouragingly.
~
A sudden breeze sends my curled hair flying in my face, yanking me from my thoughts of when I thought life was simpler. I wrap Penelope’s overcoat tighter around me. I didn’t have room to pack mine in the small suitcase I brought, but I knew whatever I didn’t have, I could borrow from Pen.
I should be happy and celebrating tonight. I’ve talked to more curators tonight than some photographers twice my age. Except I’m not happy. I can’t get Sebastian out of my head.
The Eiffel Tower glitters in the distance across the Seine from where I stand, pacing on the steps of the Grand Palais as I internally debate whether to call him.
I pull my phone out of my pocket, deciding to go for it. The phone rings and rings until Sebastian’s voice mail picks up. His familiar voice causes goose bumps to prickle over my skin for an entirely different reason than the cold. “Hey, it’s Sebastian Walker. Sorry, I missed your call. Leave a message, and I’ll get back to you.”
The line clicks, and I hesitate for a moment. “Hi,” I say softly, my words choosing this exact moment to fail me. The words get caught in my throat, and I lose track of my carefully planned speech. “Shit, you’re probably at practice. I’m sorry I haven’t called sooner. I didn’t know if you wanted to hear from me. God, what am I even saying? I just…I miss you. I’ll be back in a few days, and I hope we can talk. Um, so yeah…I’ll talk to you later.” I hang up, wondering if I said the right things. I guess it doesn’t really matter; I already left the message.
It’s not until I’m climbing into my old bed at Penelope’s apartment that I get a response from him that assuages some of the anxiety that’s been pooling in my stomach the last few days.
I miss you too.