50. Chapter Forty-Nine
Chapter Forty-Nine
Lisette
I feel Bay watching me closely, but I don’t turn to her as I keep my eyes on the painting I’m packing.
I haven’t been active on social media the last few days, but after sending out the first batch of orders, I received a few more and I’m so glad I kept most of my art because I’m making a lot of money from stuff I did years ago.
In the corner of my eyes, I see Bay shake her head at something before she looks back at my phone. She’s helping me sort through my messages. I’m still working on how to price my art, but she’s been a big help.
In the corner of my eyes, I see her throw her hands up in defeat. “I’ve had your phone for five hours and he hasn’t texted you once.” She breaks the silence and finally brings up the Jackson thing.
“He isn’t going to call.” I try not to sound like I feel so bad about it, but I feel like shit and the only reason I’m not drowning in liquor is because she’s here.
“It’s been two days and he hasn’t called.”
“He’s not going to. I fucked up, why would he reach out?”
She shakes her head as if that’s the most unbelievable thing. “I’m not saying that your sobriety is in his hands, you know I always try to take accountability, but I couldn’t be with someone who doesn’t call me after a fight. Especially if that fight was regarding my sobriety. You could be getting high and overdosing right now. Does he not care?”
I bite my lip as I think of her words and another dark cloud seems to loom over me. “You don’t know Jackson… he’s incredibly overprotective with his daughter and so particular. It’s probably the OCD, but she has to sleep at a certain time, she needs to eat certain foods in specific portions, only certain people are allowed to babysit her, and even more specific people are allowed nights with her. I wasn’t just drinking, I was drinking while supervising his child. Maybe he doesn’t care about anything concerning me because he thinks I don’t care about his daughter.”
“But you do,” she counters and maybe it’s just how dark and blue her eyes are, but they’re almost filled with as much heartache as I feel.
I let out a long breath before flopping on the couch beside her, popping the bubble wrap between us. “I do care about her… I think that’s what hurts the most. I never wanted kids, but now I can’t imagine not having her in my life. I love his daughter more than I thought it was possible to love someone.”
And yet I still got wasted in their home.
A weight settles in my chest as I lean back, soaking in all the bad feelings and thoughts.
Beside me, Bay turns so she’s facing me, bringing one of her legs onto the couch. “He didn’t say he wanted to break up with you, right? He just wanted you to leave…” She cringes as she says it out loud again.
“That genuinely makes it worse.” I bring my legs onto the couch, hugging my knees to my chest.
When my phone starts ringing, I slightly sit up in my seat. I turn to her, but when she frowns I sit back in my seat.
“It’s Harmony,” she says, just as disappointed as I feel.
“Just text her and tell her I’m on the phone with you and that I’ll call her back.” I sound miserable and I’m glad she doesn’t comment on it.
My phone immediately starts ringing again and I roll my eyes as I turn to Bay, but she sits up, her eyes wide.
She turns the phone to me and the picture Jackson, Belle, and I took on Thanksgiving stares back at me as Jackson calls.
“Talk about speaking him into existence,” Bay mumbles, but I’m stuck in place as I watch my phone ring.
“What do you think he wants to talk about?”
“Girl, I don’t know. Answer.” She holds the phone out to me but I don’t take it.
“What if—”
“Oh my god. We’re not doing this.” She swipes her finger across the screen, answering his call.
I open my mouth to yell at her, but Jackson speaks up before I can.
“Hello?”
I look up at Bay and she mouths something I can’t understand.
“Hey…” I speak into the phone before taking it from Bay.
“Where are you?”
I feel my brows furrow as I glance around my living room. “Home?” I glance over at Bay and she shrugs before leaning forward to listen better.
“It’s a tutoring day.”
“Yeah… I know.”
Bay mouths something again as she moves her two pointer fingers around each other.
“What?” I whisper.
“He wants to see you,” she whispers back.
“Are you with someone?” Jackson pulls our attention.
“Um…” I look up at Bay and she shakes her head. “No?”
She quickly shakes her head again before imitating cutting her neck.
“Yes? No , no, I’m not.”
Bay slaps a hand on her forehead and I throw a hand in the air, completely lost.
“Okay.” Jackson sounds just as confused as I am. “Nice to see we’re lying to each other now,” he grumbles.
“What? No, Jackson—”
“In case there was some sort of miscommunication, we’re not broken up, so I hope for both you and your friend’s sake that your friend is a girl.”
I bite my tongue not to laugh. “I didn’t think we were broken up, but thanks for the clarification, caveman.”
He lets out a sigh and I can’t tell if it’s one of relief or frustration, but either way, my smile slowly fades.
“Jackson, about the other day…” I take him off of speaker and bring the phone to my ear as I stand from the couch. “I have no excuse for what happened, but I need you to know that I care a lot about your daughter. I love her and I would never put her life in danger. I know you feel like I did, but—”
“I don’t feel that way, Lissy. You did. Anything could’ve happened in the blink of an eye and you weren’t there. Not mentally at least, and I understand that. I know you think I don’t, but to a certain extent, I do. I just need you to be honest with me, reina. This isn’t going to work with secrets. I don’t care that you drank—”
He lets out a frustrated breath and I settle in the kitchen, chewing at my nails impatiently.
“I do care, I just mean that’s not why I was mad. I would never be mad if you came to me and said, ‘hey, I’m having a really hard day and I slipped up.’ Do you understand that?”
I nod in return before clearing my throat to respond. “Yes. I do.”
“Are we going to be honest from here on out?”
I feel like a child in trouble, but I force the self-sabotaging part of myself to shut up for once. “Yes.”
He’s quiet for a beat before he speaks up again. “Were you just drinking?”
My eyes fall to the ground before a warm blush meets my cheek. “I wouldn’t get high while supervising your daughter, and I really was not that drunk…”
“Okay.”
I stop biting my nails as I stand a bit straighter. “Do you believe me?”
“I’m choosing to, Lisette.”
I hold back a sigh before asking, “Would it have changed anything if I was high?”
“No,” he answers quickly, making me believe him. “I would’ve been just as upset, but also as forgiving.”
My brows furrow at his last part.
“You’re an addict, Lisette, that’s the reality. It doesn’t make me love you any less and I’m not an idiot. I’m fully aware that you’re going to struggle and possibly relapse. I’m not going to hold that against you, but don’t mistake this for toxic forgiveness. I’m giving you a chance, but they’re not limitless. This is your opportunity to earn my trust back and make this work because I want to be with you, but don’t think for a second I’m going to ever put this relationship above my daughter.”
His words sting, but I think it hurts more that I can’t be angry at him. Of course, he isn’t going to put me above his daughter.
“I understand that. I don’t want you to put me above your daughter. I want this to work, too, but I need you to remember what I said before we started this.”
“Don’t do that,” he warns. “If we’re doing this then we’re all in. I know you think you can’t be a good mom, but don’t use that as something to fall back on to say you told me so when you fuck up. If you’re not ready, then I understand and we can put this on pause, but my daughter loves you, so there’s no half-assing this. I don’t plan for you to step into the mom role for a while, but I know she’d love that more than anything. I’m not forcing that responsibility on you, but I know deep down you want her to call you mom.”
I do… I want her for the long haul. I’m just incredibly scared that I’m going to fuck this up beyond repair and neither of them deserve that, especially not that little girl.
“Okay.” I nod to myself, convincing myself I’m capable of not ruining everything nice I have.
“Do you feel like you want to put this on pause?” He sounds like he didn’t even want to ask, but I immediately shake my head.
“No, I don’t want to. Trust me, I don’t.” I hate how desperate my words come out, but there’s no taking them back.
“Okay.” He lets out a breath I’m choosing to believe is relief. “Are you coming over for tutoring?”
I quickly agree before I can change my mind.
Ending the call, I let out a long breath, my head falling to the ground.
“That bad?” Bay voices from behind me.
I turn on my heels, shrugging mindlessly. “He’s so perfect and forgiving.” I shake my head at myself and hold back from saying I don’t deserve him because I know what she’s going to say, I just need to believe it.