Chapter 35
Chapter thirty-five
Killian
“Because he knows how vulnerable he is when he comes here. If he dies, his magic dies, and thus the curse will be lifted,” Seviin answers James’s question with a wicked grin.
She is right, that was the end game. We had to lure Peter here, kill him, and get my sister back. I look at James, hoping he won’t hate us, won’t hate me for wanting to kill Peter.
“What would you have done to me if Peter had died?” Is all he asks, not giving any reaction to the news we wanted to kill Peter. Then again, he is smart, so he probably figured that out already.
“We actually didn’t plan for it, I was a bit short-sighted in wanting to get Celeste back,” I admit, another thing James already knows. But it’s his answer that shocks me.
“Can I not pretend to go home to get him and then bring him here?”
“James, you can’t. If he knows something is up, he will kill you, I can’t lose you too, not no—” As I am speaking, I realize what I just said, in front of Seviin and Samuel.
James eyes lock on to his boots not making eye contact with any of us.
And now I am not sure whether he is infuriated or just disappointed.
“So you two finally stopped pretending, that’s good.
You owe me 2 silver pieces, Samuel,” Seviin exclaims. She seems to be amused with this situation, but I am not.
The joy of finding out James felt the same as me was short-lived this morning as he kept giving me reasons as to why we should not be together.
Even now, even when he finally realized we are worth the risk.
I am not convinced he is willing to live in another realm than on earth with his family.
Things like this, like me messing up right away, my boatswain and my quartermaster placing bets on us, might mess up this fragile new reality between us.
“As fun as it is to know you all have been placing bets on us, how likely is it that Peter will find out?” James says, never commenting on my slip of the tongue.
Hours later, we still don’t have a plan to get to Peter, no other plan than James going back and luring Peter to the Obsidian Oath, which is too big of a risk.
Seviin and Samuel agreed with me. In the end James just went ahead to work his kitchen shift.
We will have dinner together with the rest of the crew, and then tonight I have the early watch, so James and I won’t have time to spend time together.
Today has been too much of a whirlwind, and then suddenly I hear angry wasps buzzing around me.
My sister.
We used to always talk about the boys we liked.
I want to tell her about James, ask her what she feels about him.
In a sense I can, but she can’t talk back; she can’t tell me what she feels about James.
Normally, even in this form, it is a joy to see her.
The regret always comes later, when she has to go back to the Silvermist Castle, because if she doesn’t go back soon enough, she will die.
“Hi, Celeste, I am beginning to lose hope in ever getting you back. I miss you… I miss everything about what we used to be. I am seeing someone new, you know,” I tell her, my voice cracking. As always, she gestures wildly, but with how small she is, not even her gestures make any sense.
“I am sorry, I don’t understand you, Celeste. I am not going to give up, I am just afraid I am going to have to disappoint you,” I confess. Celeste does as she has done so often—she just settles down on my shoulder leaning against me, until it is time for her to return to the castle.
I can overhear James through the slightly ajar door to my quarters.
“Oh hi, Celeste, I just came to tell your brother dinner is ready. I hope you’re doing well, and that you can tell me really soon if you forgive me for being on Peter’s side, for never realizing who the real victim is,” he says.
Ever since I told him who Celeste really is, James has made an effort to never call her Tinkerbell again.
And every time he uses her real name, my heart warms a little.
“Are you okay, Killian?” His voice is louder now, filled with worry, but what should I tell him? That I am not okay because I am giving up hopes of rescuing my sister. I don’t want him to worry, not for me, not for Celeste, and least of all, for his brothers.
“Yes, of course I am okay, darling. Seeing Celeste like this is just always complicated.” It is part of the truth. I am not completely ready to give up on getting to Peter, and lifting the curse, until I do I won’t tell James.
Soon after dinner, I retreat to the crow's nest for some solitude during my watch. At first I am annoyed when I hear the telltale sound of rope bumping into wood that groans with the weight of someone hanging from it. Until I see wild brown hair fluttering around in the ocean air.
“You told me you were okay, but it didn’t seem like it. So I figured you might want some company on your watch,” he lets me know in a voice soft with understanding.
“I always want your company, darling. I really am okay, though. Just today has been a rollercoaster of a day. Seeing Celeste always hurts too. I wanted to tell her about you… we used to talk about boys all the time.” I didn’t even realize how cold it was, until I felt the warmth of his body seeping into mine.
His fingers intertwine with my rigid ones.
“You wanted her opinion, right? Not just to talk about me but to have a conversation.”
“Yes, I did,” I admit. “Most of the crew knows I am always a little somber after she visits. Usually, I cannot stand people around me after she does. But it doesn’t feel so bad to have you here with me.”
James doesn’t answer me at first. He just squeezes my hand, and the wordless support, the tranquil understanding, warms me like a campfire. Like the fire he has in his heart and soul.
“We don’t have to talk, we can just sit here,” he whispers before going back to just being there for me. I have never just sat down with someone, listening to the waves slam into the ship, the soft rustling of the foam and the hubbub coming from below us, where the crew is enjoying their night off.
Before this moment, it has never been quiet in my mind.
Thoughts, obligations, and guilt are always waging war on each other.
Now the simplicity of his head resting on my shoulder, his hand holding mine is like an anchor to my thoughts.
Without it, they would be adrift again, but at this moment, holding on to him offers me some respite.
“Tell me about your family, please?” I ask after what feels like several hours of just watching the stars together.
“We used to be happy. We never had a lot of money, but we made it work. My parents never wanted me to take on an apprenticeship; they wanted me to be the first scholar of the family. Mom worked as a nanny so she could bring Matthew and Barry with her after they were born. When it was just me she didn’t work.
Dad worked at a printing house. He used to tell me one day he would help print my books.
He was a happy man before Mom got so sick.
We didn’t have money to pay for medicine, and she lost her job as a nanny.
She picked up some shifts at the grocers, but she could only work when she was feeling well. ”
He sighs before continuing, “That is why I decided to go against their wishes, and I took on an apprenticeship at a bakery. Another person I let down when I moved to Silvermist overnight. You must be disappointed in me too.” It isn’t so much of a question as him stating what he thinks is a fact.
“Why would I be disappointed in you, darling?” I ask, genuinely curious.
“Because look at all I risked moving to Silvermist to be with Peter overnight. And now with you when I know what we have is real. I am so hesitant, pushing you to take it slow.” I get where he is coming from, but he has it all wrong, and I am not going to let him think like this.
“No, darling. I told you I think it is more beautiful to fall for someone, to make it work. Part of that is taking the time to get to know each other to make sure that it’s not just real but that it will last before taking the next step.
I never believed in love at first sight.
” James turns to face me, never letting go of my hand, his knees resting against my thigh, never breaking the contact between us.
“Lust at first sight, now that is a thing, but love is something that grows. I would never blame you for wanting to be careful. For wanting to make sure we will make it, that we keep our focus on getting our siblings back. Because darling, that is what being with someone really means.” As soon as the words leave my lips, I pull him closer to me.
He twitches as my curls brush against his neck, before sinking into my embrace, not even the sound of Vani climbing up the robe ladder to get into the crow’s nest makes him withdraw.
“If Samuel and Seviin are making bets on us, I am sure everyone in the crew already knows. I wanted to keep it between us, to not put on additional pressure, but I never wanted to sneak around either,” he explains when I raise an eyebrow. Before I can answer, Vani gets into the crow's nest.
“Wow, it’s crowded in here,” they tease, “I just wanted to relieve you from guard duty, captain. My shift starts now.”
I get up, giving James my hand to pull him up before turning to Vani. “Thank you, Vee. We’ll leave you to it then. Just know I am still here if you need anything.”
When we get down, James grabs my hand again, following me to my quarters without asking.
Again, he is my anchor in the storm of my life right now, between slowly losing hope about rescuing Celeste and falling for someone whose brothers now see me as the enemy and who’ll end up living in another realm,.
And Peter being even more unpredictable than he ever was before.
The ease between us is a beacon of rest and quiet.
“Not sleeping in your own hut, I take it,” I tease the second we step inside.
“I wasn’t planning on it. I had other plans, but if you want me to go back to my hut, let me know.” His eyes are full of mischief as his hand wraps around the brass doorknob.
“Now, now, darling, don't be hasty. What were you thinking about?”
“Well, I might have spent an embarrassing amount of time thinking on being the one to fuck you after this morning’s conversation.” His cheeks turn a bright red, enhancing the gold of his eyes.
“Is that so?” I murmur, stepping closer to him, “and what was it you were thinking about all day,” I tease.
“I can tell you all about it, but I think I would much rather show you what has been on my mind.” I am unable to talk, my throat is too tight to swallow, my skin feels flushed, and even my mind seems to have overheated, unable to form a single thought.
“Oh,” is all I manage to stammer out, my skin prickling with the need to feel James’s hands on me. My hook trembles as I move to caress his cheek.
“I do think I prefer that option,” I breathe out.