Chapter 36
Chapter thirty-six*
James
Seeing Killian tremble with want, just at my suggestion, is exhilarating.
The Obsidian Oath is quiet now, the only sound now is the swell of the water surrounding the ship that has become my home away from home. Despite the dim light in Killian’s dark quarters, his eyes seem to shine in anticipation; his Adam’s apple bobs again, like he is swallowing down his nerves.
“Are you sure about this, Killian?” I ask him.
It's true that I have been thinking about this a lot.
It would not be my first time topping. I love both, but with Killian, it is more than just the physical aspects.
His remark about being mine in every way has settled in my mind, a thought edged into my very soul.
“The only other thing I am more sure of is that we are worth it,” he tells me, letting his heavy leather coat glide from his broad shoulders. It is all the confirmation I need. I pull him closer, leaning in for a kiss. He groans as I step back, breaking the contact before I kiss.
“So you’re really sure,” I tease before finally kissing him.
He melts into my touch as we stumble to the sleeping quarters, never breaking the kiss.
Even when we bump into the bed, falling back onto the sheets still rumpled from this morning, we don’t break the kiss.
He is on top of me, leaning back to pull my new tunic off.
“I love seeing you in all these bright colors, but I love being the one to get them off you even more,” he murmurs against my skin, kissing the sensitive spot on my neck where he marked me yesterday. My head falls back to the pillow for a second, just enjoying his touch.
“Hmm, I love you taking them off me, but you seem overdressed now.” He sits back on his knees, pulling his shirt off at my answer. I take the time to get the lube from his drawer again, and this time, I see a small plug.
“Oh, what’s this, handsome?” I ask, reaching behind him, pushing the small plug against his ass. The solid shape of the plug presses into the harness of his muscular behind.
“My favorite toy before you,” he moans needily, hips jerking like he wants to be closer to me and at the same time wants to push into the toy.
“Get naked, on your back, and I will show you how good it is to have both your favorite toys with you,” I promise him.
“You’d…” Again, he trembles slightly, before his eyes widen his mouth falling open in a quiet O.
Instantly replaced by an eager grin beneath his now practically black eyes.
It’s not just the emotions on his face that make me thrum with want, but how eagerly he takes his trousers and underwear off.
Falling back on the sheets, his legs opening for me.
My own erection is throbbing against the soft fabric of my clothes, but it doesn’t matter. All that is on my mind now is to make Killian come apart, to give him more pleasure than he has ever felt. I want him to forget everything except for my name and the feel of my skin on him.
“Look at you, so needy, so handsome,” I practically purr as I lube the small plug.
“Only for you, daa-ahhw,” his praise morphs into a pleased moan as I push the plug in.
There seems to be a weight inside of it, making it shake when it’s moved.
The plug is not the only thing I have in store for him.
He is already hard, a string of pre-cum connecting the tip of his dick to his abs.
Abs I am not ashamed to admit I have been wanting to lick, and now is my chance to do so.
I wrap my hand around his length. He bucks his hips up and his eyes roll back as the sudden gesture makes the plug shake inside of him.
“Gods, Darling, please, this is torture I need more. I need all of you.” I ignore his pleas, now kissing my way down his stomach.
Gently stroking him, until tears gloss the eyes I want to get lost in, he is on the edge of getting enough “Ah yes, gods, yes.” Killian’s scream of joy seems to reverberate off the walls of his quarters, an echo of him when I take his full length in my mouth.
One of my hands wraps around his cock, reaching where my mouth can’t yet, and the other pushes against the plug inside of him.
The candles on the walls make the slight sheen of sweat covering his muscular body shine, bringing out his tattoos even more.
As the dual sensations have melted him into a needy puddle of joy, he moans and pants, but for the first time since meeting him, he is unable to form words.
The room smells of sex, of heat and sweat, the sound of silk ripping as his hook embeds in the sheets. His hand grips my hair, as he desperately seeks something to cling onto. I grind into the mattress, chasing a friction that isn’t here yet. Not before the taste of him covers my mouth again.
“Darling…” he moans, jerking his entire body up, arching off the bed before all his muscles tense, and then he melts into the sheets, his release flooding my mouth. I don’t stop my ministrations, not until I sucked down the last drop of his release.
“That was,” Killian struggles to find the right words, his body jerking with aftershocks from his orgasm. The orgasm I just gave him,
“Only the beginning,” I vow as I take the rest of my clothes off. “Or are you tired?” I would just lay down and go to sleep holding him if he really is tired, but as I see his flaccid cock weakly twitch against his stomach I feel my own leak precum.
“Never too tired for you, darling,” he whispers, his breath still ragged from earlier.
I gently pull the plug out, cherishing the sounds he makes at the loss of pressure.
I stroke my cock with the lube, preparing myself, and then I finally, agonizingly slow push into him.
The tight heat of him enveloping me. I start to move slowly, giving us both the chance to get used to the new sensations.
He struggles to get his hook off, when the prosthesis falls away, his bare arm rests on my shoulder, his other arm wrapping around my neck.
“You feel so good,” he moans, “I am so full.”
I speed up my pace, a steady rhythm that keeps us both on the edge, until I feel his body tensing.
So I pick up the pace, thrusting deeper, thrusting harder, until I hear the telltale punched-out sound of someone on the precipice of blinding pleasure.
His arms fall away from me, and then his cum splatters against my chest as he moves with me.
His orgasm milks my cock, and then I come, spilling inside of him as his body still trembles with his own.
“That was amazing too,” Killian says, once again burying his face into the crook of my neck.
“You’re amazing, darling. I meant what I said before.
I can’t lose you, I lost too much already.
” I don’t answer him I don’t have the heart to, because I feel the exact same.
Which is more frightening seeing as I have no idea how I can keep holding on to the happiness I found here when my family is suffering.
I don’t want Killian to feel like this is one-sided, that I am just using him.
I wish I could tell him how I truly feel about him, but that would only be giving him false hope, and that might be even worse.
I just kiss the top of his head, snuggling into him deeper, and let us both get pulled to sleep in each other’s arms.
“It is unfair you get to be this stunning waking up, darling,” a warm deep voice rumbles the second I open my eyes, making me smile.
I don’t even know what to tell him, I feel far from stunning. But I am not going to reject his compliment. I don’t have to because once again he seems to know what is on my mind, even before I can make sense of it.
“Tell me what is going on, darling. Do you regret last night? Do you think we are going too fast after you told me you want to take it slow?” He is worrying about me, trying to find fault in his actions to explain the shadow hanging over me now.
“That’s not it, handsome. I used to be happy with how I looked.
I used to be proud, but I let him take that away from me.
And I know you are falling for me, but I just can’t imagine how.
” I finally confess one of the worries I have, an insecurity I wish would have disappeared when the hold Peter had on me did too but it’s not the case.
He sits up looking at me, and I wince, expecting to see pity in his eyes, worried he would tell me he doesn’t mind being curvy. Like how Peter used to do, telling me he didn’t mind it but letting me feel he actually did, but I sense nothing of it in his honest gaze before he tells me.
“I adore every inch of your body, with all your curves, not despite them. I can get lost in the touch of your skin beneath my hands, and now there is more of it to get lost in. The sounds you make when I squeeze your body when I fuck you from behind are my favorite melody. Because of it I adore every bit of meat I can hold in my hands to make you moan my favorite song.”
His gaze is still on me when he continues talking.
“And last night when you made love to me. Still feeling your body underneath my hand was pure bliss. You told me that you didn’t think my amputated arm was ugly? Then why do you find it so hard to believe I can want you, be insanely attracted to someone as curvy as you are?”
He really means it, he is almost confused as to why I don’t think of myself as handsome. And he knows why as soon as he stops speaking. Because before I can answer, he speaks again.
“Nothing he said was true, so neither were the comments about your body. Celeste was slender and petite; I used to tease her that she couldn’t be above deck during storms because she would be blown off the ship.
For a moment, I want to comment, pointing out that his ex being slim only shows Peter did not like my curves.
“Before you’re going to tell me this proves the point, he was always telling her he wishes she was curvier.
And sure it could be he is into midsize people, more likely though, he will never ever see his partner as enough.
More likely he needs to criticize his partners to feel better about himself.
Some people are like that,” he tells me, his hand raised to stop me from talking.
He is right though this man lied about everything.
“Guess so,” I mumble. He might be right, and it was good hearing the truth come from Killian, he has always been honest with me even about the nastier parts.
That doesn’t mean that his honesty will suddenly make me believe I am as stunning as he deems me to be.
This is the second time waking up in his arms, and this is the second time when my worries threaten to take over the tenderness of the first morning shared together.
I am unwilling to ruin another morning, not that I think Killian perceives them as ruined, he seems to be genuinely happy about every second we spend together.
Still, I want this morning to not be about my worries.
“You know, I don’t mind walking in for breakfast together, but I do want to get some clean clothes, honestly if I am going to spend every night here with you, I might as well put some of my clothes in your dresser.
” It is a joke, not the fact I no longer care if the crew knows.
Not since I found out Samuel and Seviin were taking bets on us.
That clearly means we were far from as subtle as we thought we were.
I joked about me leaving some of my clothes in his dresser, and still when Killian seems to startle and says: “Leave some of your clothes in my dresser? No, that is a horrible idea.” It stings, it stings far more than it should considering we haven’t been together that long.