CHAPTER 17
ADDY
“I think I’m going to enjoy this.” The voice startled me. It was a voice I recognized now. Joseph Lyle. He’s standing over me, that smug smile on his sick face.
In the blink of an eye we’re in that room, alone. I’m cowering on the floor as he runs his hand through my hair, making me shudder.
“You’re pretty, but I saw that fire in your eyes. You’re tough too, just begging to be broken.” I cry out, desperate for it to end. Desperate for this man to not be there. I slam my eyes closed; his face too close to mine now as he yanks at my hair he has now wrapped around his hand.
When I dare to open my eyes again, praying it’s all over, I’m on the bed. My wrists and ankles are bound to the bed posts. I try hard to pull on the ropes, desperate to get free, but all I feel is the coarse rope cutting into my wrists and ankles, at each corner. I pull against them as I lift my head.
“Time for that lesson I promised you, little girl,” Joseph says as he stands over me, his shirt gone and his chest bare. Another blink and he’s on the bed. Leaning so closely into me that I can feel the heat of him on my skin. “Remember, I’m always in control and I never, ever lose.” I feel his breath brush my cheek as he speaks, then his cold hand skimming down my body.
More flashes come then, one after the other. Snippets of my memories. I feel pain – so much pain. There’s screaming - never-ending, deafening screaming, and I see Joseph leaning over me again, the whip in his hand, blood dripping from it and onto the white sheets.
“Scream louder, little girl. Scream all you like for me,” he hisses.
Another flash and I’m untied, curled up in the center of the bed, my body trembling and pain ricocheting through every inch of nerve ending. Blood everywhere. On me. On the sheets below me. I can smell it. I can feel it running down my back.
I dare not close my eyes because I don’t want to see anymore, but the scene changes anyway. I’m being pinned to the bed, a heavy weight over me, my hands held in place so tightly I can’t move an inch, heavy thighs pinning my legs down. Grunting and pain. So much pain. I feel like I’m being ripped apart.
“Look at me!” That deep voice. I look up and he’s over me. He’s the one pinning me down. He’s the one ripping me in two. Joseph. My father. “I own you. Never forget that. I fucking own you!”
“ADDY!” The bellow ripped me from hell, and my eyes snapped open. I began to fight to get up, to get away, and threw myself to the floor in the process.
“NO!” I screamed, but my throat was so tight, little sound actually came out. I started to back away from the bed. I have to find the door. I have to get out!
“Addy, it’s me. It’s Kane. You’re home.” Kane’s voice jolted me to enough awareness to look up and there he was, knelt on the floor just a couple of feet before me. “You’re home, angel. You’re safe.”
I allowed myself to take a desperate gasping pant for air, but my lungs wouldn’t allow it. My chest felt like it was being crushed. I could still feel his weight over me, pinning me down.
“No,” I rasped again as the images started to play out in my mind, over and over. I can feel his breath on my face; smell it too - almost like cigarettes, but different. I can hear his words over and over as he tears me apart.
“Addy! Look at me right now!” Kane barked and instantly my eyes opened and searched out his. I hadn’t even realized I’d closed them. “Good girl. Keep looking at me. Who am I?”
“Kane,” I whispered.
“That’s right. You think I’d let anyone hurt you? You think anyone in this house would allow anything to happen to you? Look around. Tell me where you are,” he said firmly, but still keeping a distance between us.
I did as he said and glanced around me quickly, returning my eyes to his the second I was sure where I was. I needed him in my sight. He was the only thing keeping me from sinking back to that hell.
“My r-room. Home…I’m home,” I shakily told him.
“That’s right. You’re safe. It was just a nightmare. There’s only you and I here right now,” he soothed.
“S-sorry,” I told him. My whole body was shaking so hard it was making my muscles ache. I was so cold my teeth were chattering and I just couldn’t seem to get enough air in to stop my desperate gasping.
“I’m going to come closer so I can hold you now, okay?” he asked gently.
“No!” I cried. “D-don’t touch me…please don’t.” A sob slipped free between my fight to breathe, and tears were streaming down my face.
“Okay. I’ll stay right here. Do you want me to get someone else? Asher or Adam? Tell me what you need.” I looked up into his eyes and broke even more at the mix of pain and fear I saw in them.
“I…I can feel him…on m-my skin. H-he r-raped me, Kane. Joseph…he…he’s still here. I c-can feel him!” I cried as I ripped up the t-shirt I weas wearing and clawed at my stomach where I could still feel his weight pressed into me, his skin rubbing against mine, slick with my blood. Tears streamed down my face as I looked to Kane with desperation. “Make it stop. Please! Please j-just m-ake it stop!”
“I will, Addy. I promise I will,” he pledged as he looked to me with glassy eyes. “We’re gonna take a shower, okay? Can you let me help you up?”
I nodded, unable to form more words. Kane approached me cautiously, but I was just relieved when I felt his arms go around me. I fell against him, knowing he was safe, and I just broke. I was already pretty sure that this flashback; those images of my own father destroying me in the worst way possible, would be one that I’d never find a way to live with. This may be the one that crippled me for good.
KANE
“Addy? Can you hear me, pretty girl?” I tried again. I had her in the bathroom, the shower running behind us, filling the room with steam, but I didn’t dare take Addy’s pajamas off before she’d responded to me. And that wasn’t happening. She was clinging on to me, her hands gripping my bare shoulders tightly, so I knew she was conscious, but it was like she’d checked out and I couldn’t get her to respond to me. It was scaring the shit out of me.
“Okay. I’m gonna pick you up and we’re gonna get some help, okay?” I told her, trying to sound less frantic than I felt inside. I hoped it might make her come back to me, but still she just leaned into me and didn’t move.
I wrapped my hands around her thighs and lifted her legs, wrapping them around my waist and holding them there as I moved back to the bedroom.
I felt like a total failure as I grabbed my cell phone from the nightstand and dialed Jordan. Apart from the night Addy had come out to my place, this was one of the first full nights I’d spent alone with her, and I was already calling for help. I just didn’t know what to do though, and I was terrified of making things worse for her when she was already so fragile.
Maybe it would have been better to call one of her brothers, or Adam, since he seemed the most together of the three of us that had fallen for Addy, but I didn’t want any of them to see me messing up. I didn’t want Jordan seeing it either, but I felt like he was the one who would judge my uncertainty the least.
“Kane?” Jordan answered, obviously half asleep.
“Can you come to Addy’s room? Something’s wrong and I…I need help,” I admitted, hating myself for the show of weakness. Jordan ended the call and seconds later he came bounding through the door and into the room. He hadn’t even stopped to pull on a shirt, but he was fully awake and worried as he looked around and took in how Addy was slumped against me where I now sat on the edge of the bed. Her legs were still around my waist and her hands clutched my shoulders, but otherwise it was like she was unconscious.
Jordan turned and closed the bedroom door quietly, then he crossed the room and crouched before me.
“What happened?” he asked.
“A nightmare. A really bad one. She was scared, but I managed to bring her round. She was talking to me. She said she could feel hands on her, so I suggested a shower. By the time I got her up and into the bathroom, she was like this. She won’t answer me. She won’t even move. I…I didn’t know what to do,” I explained, knowing I sounded a little frantic.
Jordan rose up onto his knees and leant around until he could see the side of Addy’s face. He placed a hand on her back and ran it up and down slowly.
“Hey princess,” he said gently. Addy didn’t respond, but her fingers around my shoulders twitched. “We really need you to talk to us, right now, beautiful,” he added when he got nothing in return.
Addy shook her head just slightly, then pressed her face against my chest. I could feel her, still way too fast, breaths against my skin, and she was shaking so damned hard in my arms.
“You don’t have to talk, Addy, but we need to know what you want,” I told her as I held her even closer and pressed my chin against the top of her head. “You want to go back to bed? Jordan can stay with us too. We can get you all snuggled up between us,” I suggested.
“Shower,” she whimpered, then she hid her face again, and I could feel tears running from her cheeks and onto my skin.
“Okay, babe. You want to go in with your clothes on, or you want us to take them off?” Jordan asked as he rose to his feet, and again leaned in close to her.
“I n-need it all gone. I c-can still feel him,” she said and I was relieved to hear her talking more. I was starting to worry she was becoming catatonic.
Jordan looked to me with question and I mouthed the one word that would make it all clear to him. ‘Joseph’
Jordan stood up and rubbed his hand over his face as he took a deep breath. I knew what he was feeling in that moment. If Joesph Lyle were still alive I’d have ripped the man limb from limb by now for what he’d put his kids through, but especially Addy. He’d raped her! He had to know who she was and he fucking raped his own daughter!
“Okay. Let’s do this. Let’s get her in the bathroom where it’s warmer first,” Jordan directed and I just followed. I was usually the one giving orders, but I couldn’t in this scenario. I was too terrified I’d get it wrong and make things even worse for the woman I was seriously starting to think I was in love with.
“One of us will need to go in with her. I don’t think she’ll be able to stand. She’s shaking too hard,” I told Jordan as we reached the steam filled bathroom.
“We’re both going in with her, unless you have an issue? One of us can hold her while the other one gets her clean. I think that’s what she needs.” I wasn’t sure I had ever heard Jordan sound so serious and in control, but I was seriously fucking grateful for it in that moment.
Jordan made quick work of pulling off the pajamas Addy wore, and we both tried not to look, even if it did almost fucking kill me having her naked body pressed tightly into my front.
Jordan stripped off the shorts he wore so he stood in just his boxers, then he held his arms out. I reluctantly handed Addy over so I could shuck the pants I’d slept in. Once I was down to my boxers too, I slid the door of the shower open and stepped in, hating having Addy away from me for those few seconds that Jordan had gotten her into the shower without me, especially in the state she was.
“Kane’s here now. We’ve both got you. Everything’s gonna be okay,” Jordan soothed her as I stepped up to her back under the spray and grabbed some body wash.
I tried not to think about how silky soft her skin felt under my hands as I washed her, starting at her legs and making my way up to her thighs, then her back and shoulders. It was the first time I had fully seen the scars that marred her back and shoulders and I had to take some deep breaths to hold back my rage at the realization of just howe much she had truly been through.
There were many scars, of different sizes and shapes, the causes of some, like the puckered lines clearly made by a knife, obvious, while others had my mind going to some dark places, imagining what could have caused them and the pain and fear she had to have felt with every single one placed on her creamy, silky skin.
Even with the scars she was so beautiful and sexy. She was too thin, but her shape whispered of the possibility of curves if she got back to a healthy weight. Her skin was so soft and smooth, and the perfect curve of her ass was calling for me to press against her.
Thank God Jordan had thought to keep her panties on, because even though the moment was far from sexual, my dick seemed to be getting ideas all of its own.
I slid my hands between Addy and Jordan and ran soap over her stomach and sides, then up her chest, just glancing over her breasts and trying not to think about how good those perfect handfuls felt. The fact I was also running the backs of my hands against a dude in the process helped me to calm my dick back down, thank fuck. The last thing I wanted to do was traumatize my already traumatized girlfriend with an erection.
“You want us to wash your hair, Addy?” Jordan asked when I’d finished rinsing away all of the soap.
My relief was indescribable when Addy pulled her face from where it had been resting against Jordan’s shoulder and looked up at him. It was the biggest response we’d had from her since she zoned out.
“Where’s Kane?” she rasped.
“Here, angel. I’m right here,” I said as I stepped up to her back and ran my hand down her arm. Even under the warm spray of the shower, she still felt ice cold, and the shaking wasn’t getting any better either. She wrapped her petite hand around my wrist and pulled my arm around to her front.
“H-hold me…please. Just for a while,” she squeaked, and I knew more tears were coming. I stepped closer until my front was pressed to her back, then I slid an arm around her chest and one around her middle. Jordan was holding her too and we pressed her between us as the floodgates opened and she started to wrack with sobs.
As we both held on to her tightly, and whispered words we hoped would reassure her, that we had her and that she was safe, I realized something. I realized that this crazy sounding relationship, that Jordan had proposed, really could be exactly what Addy needed. After everything she had survived – not just in the years she was held by those sick fucks, but also during her childhood with her bitch of a mother, and all the years after that she’d had to learn to live and cope completely alone – she needed all of us to love her. She needed more than any one of us could give her. She needed the support, protection, and nurturing of all three of us.
One of us could never be enough, especially not me. I was so fucked up, that I had resigned myself to living the rest of my life alone, so sure I would never be able to make a relationship work. Adam too had his demons which I knew he fought on a daily basis. Jordan was the most together of all of us, but he had his own scars after witnessing the death of his parents, and dealing with the fallout of it all at such a young age. None of us were perfect and we never could be, but maybe together we could be everything Addy needed. Maybe together we could find a way to make things work and carve out a future for ourselves – a future worthy of the amazing woman we all adored.
I don’t know how long we stood there under the shower, but Addy’s sobs seemed to calm some eventually and she was getting more and more relaxed in my arms.
“She’s worn herself out, I think,” Jordan whispered as he looked over Addy to me.
“Let’s get her into bed,” I suggested. Jordan reached over to shut off the water, then indicated for me to stay with Addy while he slipped from the shower, returning a moment later with a towel wrapped around his hips and another laid open over his arms. We worked wordlessly to get Addy, who was definitely asleep now, into Jordan’s arms and wrapped in the large fluffy towel.
Addy stirred a little as we got her dried off and carried her through to her room, but she’d obviously exhausted herself, because she didn’t wake up. I sat on the bed with her while Jordan grabbed some pajamas. I was relieved when he set to work removing her wet panties under the towel she was still wrapped in and pulled on dry ones. I knew it made me an asshole, considering how upset Addy had been, but I knew I wouldn’t have been able to slide off her panties without getting an erection faster than a teenage boy in a girls locker room.
Once Addy was dressed we set her under the comforter in the middle of the bed, then took turns to go to the bathroom and pull off our wet underwear, and pull on the dry pants we had.
When I walked back into the bedroom and saw Addy curled into Jordan’s side, his arm firmly around her, I waited for jealousy to hit me, just as it had that day they were together in the park. But it didn’t come. I knew I had nothing to be jealous of. Yes Jordan and Adam could claim Addy as theirs, but so could I. We all cared for her, and she was ours. That was something I was good with, shocked as I was to realize it. As long as Addy was safe and content, maybe I could be too.