Chapter Five
James
“Fuck!” James shouted at the door as it was slammed closed. He ran to follow Jacob but stopped himself before opening the door. That had been fear on Jacob’s face. Something that made James’s stomach turn. He’d put that look on Jacob’s face and didn’t know why.
Admittedly he had overreacted, again, and had been cruel.
So much for the apology cake.
James locked his front door before returning to the counter where the plastic-wrapped action figure remained. It was just a stupid present. A thoughtful one yet James had freaked out.
Seeing the action figure with a red cape had instantly put him on the defensive. Like somehow Jacob had known that James had worn Michael’s cape that had been left behind. Or that he knew that James had cuddled and slept with the cape the night before after Jacob had left his apartment.
There was no way that Jacob would know any of that.
James’s issue was that he was curious. He couldn’t get the thought of spending an afternoon relaxing and playing. Not worry about money. If he’d screw up in the next six months and lose his chance at being a firefighter full-time.
Learning that his older brother was into age play had been eye-opening. Michael’s special trunk had been off-limits to him and that was like waving a red flag in front of him. So when he’d spotted the trunk under Michael’s bed, James had popped the top open.
And, okay, maybe he had freaked out, thinking that Michael had some secret love child, even though Michael had come out as gay years before.
The diapers and pacifiers had thrown him off though.
The toys had been really cool. Littles did have awesome toys.
James stroked the plastic around the action figure again.
Once Michael had explained about age play and regression, it had made sense.
Who cared if Michael wanted a Daddy and to act like a baby.
Michael was such a sweet guy that no one could blame him for that.
And working in a kink club had Michael learning more about himself so James totally could get behind his brother’s explorations.
But James wasn’t like that.
He couldn’t even imagine wearing a diaper or taking a bottle.
His whole life he’d tried to get people to take him seriously.
To not be the fuck-up. Going back, no, James didn’t have any desire to be a baby.
The toys though, the structure that he’d seen Michael find with his Daddy, the way that Michael didn’t have to carry all the burdens. That did call to him.
It was confusing.
James shouldn’t have yelled at Jacob.
There was no way that the professor was thinking anything about him being a little. Even knowing that Michael regressed and had a Daddy and Bubbie wouldn’t make Jacob think that James would like that too.
His overreaction embarrassed him. James kept insisting to everyone that he wasn’t a child but wasn’t that exactly how he’d just acted. Instead of talking things out with Jacob, he’d yelled. And the look on Jacob’s face. That gutted him.
In his bones, James knew what that look meant.
Jacob had been scared of him.
Of James.
Never in his entire life had someone looked at him like that. He’d recognized it though. The panic. The fear.
Why?
He could admit that even though he’d known Jacob for over a year, most of his information about the professor came from news stories about Jacob’s twin, Jesse.
Having a multi-millionaire for a brother. That had to be something. Although from some of the news he’d caught, Jacob was nearly as wealthy as Jesse. He’d just chosen to take another direction in life.
While Jesse owned and operated the newest and best casino/ hotel in Las Vegas and had recently got engaged, Jacob stayed out of the limelight for the most part. A professor. Why had Jacob chosen that line of work?
James had always hated school. Having a twin brother that was basically a genius meant that he could never stack up to his brother’s accomplishments. If James had a dollar for every time a teacher had asked why he couldn’t apply himself like Scott, then he’d be a wealthy man too.
Something must have happened in the womb. Scott got all the brains and James ended up being the scatterbrain that couldn’t sit still.
That didn’t mean that James didn’t have dreams of his own. Wants. Needs.
He picked up the action figure.
Like being a real-life superhero.
James would have sacrificed his entire life and all his time and energy to ensure that Scott got the education that he deserved. He didn’t mind the extra hours of work, the lack of sleep, or being the dumb twin. All he wanted was to help people, especially the ones that he loved.
Michael hadn’t needed to take on two punk teenagers when he’d only been eighteen.
Truthfully, even before their parents had died, Michael had been more of a steady presence in their life than their mom and dad had ever been.
Michael always claimed that they didn’t owe him anything for stepping up.
That he’d done what any brother would do in the same situation. James didn’t agree.
He and Scott could have easily ended up in foster care.
Would they have been kept together? Doubtful they would have been adopted but maybe in a group home or something.
If they’d been in foster care, would Scott still have excelled at school or would his brilliance have been lost?
No matter what Michael said, he’d saved them.
James would forever be grateful. And inside was a need to pay that back.
To show the world that he was worth something.
His insecurities didn’t give him the right to hurt Jacob though.
The professor irritated James because James doubted Jacob saw his full worth. Or that had been his fear. Now he wasn’t so sure.
Jacob had been kind to him that afternoon. Sweet even. He hadn’t gotten pissy about the mess or the cake debacle. He’d jumped in to help. Guided James. Touched him.
And maybe some of James’s anger had come from the fact that he’d been turned on by Jacob.
When the professor wasn’t looking down his nose at James, he was fun to be around.
His deep chuckle had made James shiver with need.
He wasn’t a stranger to hooking up. Sex was pretty easy to find in his new city and the guys that hung around the beach were hot.
Getting off was okay but finding a connection with any of them.
Yeah, that wasn’t what James was looking for.
Or he hadn’t been.
It wasn’t like he even had the time to date. Between his shifts at the coffee shop and the fire station, James’s free time went to training. To bulking up. To being the best.
Even he could admit that the connection he’d felt that afternoon had shocked him.
James didn’t think he even liked Jacob. Maybe he did more than he’d let himself believe.
Sure, the dude was hot. That wasn’t enough to upend his entire life.
And Jacob being nice didn’t mean anything.
Did it? Maybe the professor had been taking pity on him.
Like he really thought James was just some punk kid.
It was never fun being the guy that was around when no one wanted you.
Jacob wasn’t renting them the small apartment for James’s benefit. It was Scott’s brilliance and academic goals that had gotten them an affordable place to live. Jacob couldn’t care what happened to him. It was all about Scott.
But was it really?
As much as James bitched about Jacob and his overbearing ways, he could also admit that Jacob had watched out for him too. Had spoken to them both about the dangers of living near the beach and tourists that came and went.
When Jacob came by to check on them, he always included James in the conversation.
The plastic crinkled in his hand. James finally gave in and opened the little action figure.
A fucking superhero with a red cape. It really was perfect.
He tossed the plastic into the trash and caught sight of his dirty socks still on the laundry room floor.
Picking them up, he placed them in the basket by the washer then headed for the bedroom.
Before having breakfast with his mentor, James had rehidden the red cape.
He’d sworn that he would return it to Michael.
That was a total lie. James might not be a little but pretending had been fun.
Had taken off some of the stress that he carried around with him.
No one needed to know. James wouldn’t wear the cape around Scott.
If Michael asked for it back, then of course James would return it.
Just if Michael didn’t…maybe it could be his own little secret.
* * * * *
Jacob
Sleep was hard to find. Jacob tossed and turned in his big soft bed for hours, knowing that it was a futile attempt. Even the hot shower and the reminder that he was safe in his house hadn’t helped calm his racing heart. Or stopped the shaking.
He should call his brother. Jesse was the only person that he trusted when he was this vulnerable. Even with his fingers wrapped around his cell, Jacob couldn’t make that call.
Jesse had his own life. A partner to take care of and look after.
It wasn’t his twin’s job to chase away the terror any longer.
Jesse had been Jacob’s protector his entire life.
There wasn’t a time that Jacob couldn’t think of Jesse standing up for him.
It didn’t matter if it was their abusive father, their neglectful mother, the bullies at school.
Jesse had been the strong one. He stood in front of Jacob and taken a beating that had been directed at Jacob.
The scars, both physical and mental, never really went away.
Therapists, medications, running away, rebuilding their lives. All those attempts to be normal. Yeah, they were so far from what the world thought of them as.