Chapter Six
JULIETTE WAS UPSET with herself for letting her anger get the better of her twice in one day. She gripped the steering wheel tighter as she neared the ranch.
When she’d driven onto the ranch earlier, she’d been nervous about talking to Seeley, and she’d been furious with him when she’d left. This time, as she turned into the ranch, her emotions were all over the place. She was angry that he’d denied writing the letter, thankful that he’d pulled himself together once Lucas had come outside, and confused to no end about what was going on.
She hadn’t thought to ask where he’d be on the ranch, so she drove to the veterinary clinic, which she’d seen earlier was still located just past the rehab barns. She’d sleuthed Seeley over the years. Not often, but enough to see whether he’d ever married or if he had a family. She’d been happy for him when she first learned he’d followed his dream and was working on the ranch. But that happiness had been squashed seconds later by resentment.
As she wound through the ranch on roads she’d once known by heart, it took her a great deal of effort to stuff that still-present resentment down deep. Especially after he’d basically called her a liar. She drove up to the clinic, and when she saw Seeley’s motorcycle parked out front, resentment reared its ugly head again. He’d had everything he ever wanted for all this time, and she’d had it all ripped out from under her. She’d had to fight for her freedom, and every single thing she and Lucas had.
She was so nervous, she felt sick as she parked beside his bike. Leaving the engine running, she rolled down the window and closed her eyes, trying to regain control so she wouldn’t fly off the handle. She took one long, deep breath after another, missing her grandmother, wishing she were there to lean on. Grandma Hazel always knew how to talk her off the ledge. She pictured her grandmother’s face, dotted with sun spots and mapped with wrinkles. Her grandmother had called them sun kisses and lifelines . She’d said every time she got to feeling sorry for herself, she’d remember she’d earned every one of those spots and wrinkles.
Juliette conjured her grandmother’s loving blue-gray eyes, remembering the day she’d told her about Seeley’s letter, and her grandmother’s raspy voice whispered through her mind. That doesn’t sound like the boy who looked at you like you were the prettiest filly in the barn. But I’ve been fooled before. Juliette had sobbed until she had no tears left to fall. Her grandmother had taken her by the shoulders, holding her teary gaze, and said, Listen carefully, Juliegirl . Your heart has found its voice, and it will always speak louder than your head. I fear there will be no quieting those screams, so it’s up to you to learn to think past them in order to do what’s best for your baby.
The sound of footsteps on gravel startled her, and her eyes flew open as Seeley strode up to her truck. Why did he have to look so damn hot in those low-slung jeans and that black leather cut? He put a hand on the door, his T-shirt straining against his muscles with the movement. His jaw clenched, his dark eyes scrutinizing her in a way that made her heart beat so hard, she was sure he could hear it. “Your boy okay?” he asked.
“ Our boy” flew angrily out before she could check it. “He’s our boy, Seeley. Lucas is our son.”
His eyes narrowed. “Does he know that?”
“No.”
His jaw ticked. “We can talk at my place. Follow me.”
So much for not flying off the handle.
As she followed his motorcycle down the narrow lanes and turned toward the creek, she filled with disbelief. Unless they’d developed more of the property back there, she knew exactly where he was going. They used to sneak off to an empty cabin in the woods by the creek. It was where they had first made love. The cabin that he’d claimed, the night before she’d been taken away by her father, would be theirs one day.
She’d never forget that first time. The ranch had kept a tight rein on kids her age, and they all stayed in rooms on the second floor of the main house. The gathering space, kitchen, dining area, and offices were on the first floor. A big, bald man named Dwight had been the cook and resident manager in charge of watching over them. That night she and the two kids they’d gone on a trail ride with had gone to hang out by the horses. A little while later she’d told the other kids she was going for a walk but had really gone to meet Seeley. She hadn’t wanted them to know, for fear they’d get in trouble if she and Seeley got caught sneaking out together.
Seeley had been waiting for her at the end of the lane that led to the cabin, and his whole face had lit up when he’d seen her. He’d drawn her into a kiss so deep and powerful, she could still feel it curling her toes. His voice had been gruff but tender. Are you sure you want to do this? She hadn’t even hesitated to say yes , and when he led her into the cabin, there were candles flickering on sheets of metal to protect the scuffed and marred wooden floor, two sleeping bags zipped together, a pillow, and a tin can full of wildflowers he’d picked from beside the creek. He’d been so loving with her, so careful not to hurt her. But their emotions had quickly taken over, just as they had with all the other things they’d done, and there was no holding back.
That cabin had become their love nest, and a few weeks later, he’d carved a heart with their initials in it into the floorboards with his pocketknife and had said it would be theirs one day.
Her throat thickened as she followed his motorcycle around the last turn, and his headlight illuminated a beautiful log home with a deep front porch. She couldn’t believe he’d torn their cabin down. Wiped away their memories. Was it that easy for him to forget what they’d had? That easy to obliterate his memories of her and move on?
Of course it was. Otherwise he never would have written that letter.
While she’d been naively giving her heart and soul to him, he’d been merely satiating a physical desire. Anger and hurt prickled her skin as she parked and cut the engine.
She watched him climb off his bike and walk around her truck to help her out. She’d been taking care of herself and Lucas forever. She didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of thinking she needed him for anything , so she threw open her door.
He stepped back, his brow furrowing as she climbed out. He reached for the truck door, but she got it first and pushed it shut. Those muscles in his jaw bunched, and she was pretty sure hers were, too. She didn’t want to be that angry or that petty. She didn’t want to feel that much, period , but she couldn’t help it. Being there was unearthing everything they’d said and done to each other, bringing it all back in painful detail.
An Irish setter stretched at the top of the porch steps as two other dogs bounded around the side of the house, heading straight for Juliette. Seeley whistled and patted his thigh. As if he’d carved a new path for them, the dogs ran around her directly to him.
“I see you’re still a dog whisperer. Are they all yours?” Juliette asked.
“Yeah. This is Sadie.” He petted the Irish setter’s head. “Mighty.” He petted the black Lab. “And Pickles.” He ruffled the fur of the husky mix.
“Pickles?” she asked with amusement.
“I found him on the side of the road. He was emaciated, and he smelled like pickles.” The dogs pushed their noses into him even as he petted them. He snapped his fingers. “Enough.” The dogs stepped back. “Go play.” They scampered away. “Let’s go inside and talk.”
She followed him up the porch steps, memories of whispered secrets and their naked bodies entangled in the cabin, deeper in the woods, and in the lake, came at her like a swarm of mosquitoes she couldn’t bat away.
He held the door open, and as she stepped inside, she told herself not to look around. For all she knew he had a girlfriend and there would be pictures of them everywhere.
She shouldn’t care, but jealousy speared her, and her gaze skated over a rustic yet lavish kitchen to her left with several windows, a large island, and a stone wall behind the cooking area. To their right was a spacious, two-story living room with a dark leather sectional, a stone fireplace with a live-edge mantel covered with framed photos, a bar with the same live-edge design, and an old rocking chair. Two large windows flanked glass patio doors, and the peaked wall above the doors boasted four massive windows. The walls were a mix of wide-planked knotty wood and stone, which might have seemed too dark if not for the plethora of windows and three large skylights. The skylights brought memories of the nights they’d lain in the grass by the creek, wishing on stars, sharing secrets, and making plans for a future they’d never have together. Her heart squeezed with the memories.
“Can I get you something to drink?” Seeley asked, heading for the bar.
“Yes, please.” She needed it.
He lifted his chin as if asking what she’d like.
“Whatever you’re having is fine.”
“I’m having whiskey.”
One glass to calm my nerves. “Perfect.”
He cocked a brow, amusement dancing in his eyes.
She smiled, having forgotten how much she’d liked his sense of humor, and shook her head. “I meant the drink .”
He carried the bottle and two glasses into the living room and motioned to the couch.
“I like your home,” she said as they sat down. “Do your dogs stay outside?”
“No. They have doggie doors, but they like to patrol the property.” He poured them each a drink and handed her a glass. He downed his own, then poured himself another. “Sorry for showing up at your place out of the blue. I didn’t mean to cause trouble with Lucas.”
“I wasn’t exactly discreet when I was here earlier.” She felt guilty for what she’d yelled. “I didn’t mean to blurt it out the way I did in front of everyone, but you were being such a jerk, I was just…” The hurt came out with a crack in her voice, and she hated that. She took a drink, wincing at the burn as it slid down her throat. “I don’t know why you think you have the right to be an asshole toward me after how you threw us away back then.”
“I never threw us away,” he said angrily.
“Seeley, I don’t want to play games. You destroyed me that summer, and I get it. I was young and naive and you were just doing what nineteen-year-old guys do, but I’m not naive anymore. I grew up really fast after that summer, and all I want is to clear the air.”
“I don’t play games,” he said through gritted teeth. “I loved you more than I have ever loved anything in my entire life. Everything I said tonight was true. I went to your house, I confronted your father, and his bodyguards kicked my ass.” He pushed to his feet, pacing.
“ What? They hurt you? When did you go to my house?” she demanded, stepping in front of him.
“I don’t know . A couple of weeks after you left the ranch. I kept waiting for you to reach out, and I couldn’t take it anymore.” His words flew fast and angry. “I thought I’d be able to reason with him. I thought if I showed him how much I loved you, he’d come around. But I was a fucking fool to believe you loved me. He told me about you and Josh. He said I was your last hurrah. I was so fucking stupid, I didn’t believe him. I spent weeks looking for you at your school and at the hangouts you told me about, and then I saw the fucking engagement announcement. So don’t you dare tell me I threw us away, when you were out there fucking around with that guy.” He turned away.
“Seeley, wait !” She grabbed his arm, spinning him around.
“This isn’t getting us anywhere,” he snapped. “It’s fucking torture. I can’t handle any more lies.”
“I never lied to you! Not then and not now. I begged my father to let me see you. He wouldn’t let me out of the fucking house. I never knew you came by.” Tears welled in her eyes, the pain hitting anew. “He monitored all the phones. That’s why I wrote those letters and gave them to Ana to give to you.” Their housekeeper had been the only person in that house she’d trusted.
“Ana? That woman who came to see you at the ranch? She never gave me any fucking letters.”
“Stop lying!” She pushed her hand into the back pocket of her shorts and pulled out the letter, thrusting it toward him. “I kept the letter you wrote me, because it broke my fucking heart. I was not with Josh back then, either. I didn’t even talk to him until after I got your letter, and then he was the only friend my father let me see. But I never slept with Josh until after Lucas was born!”
“You married him.” His voice dripped with venom.
“Because I was sixteen and had no choice. I found out I was pregnant in late September, right before my birthday, and like an idiot, I told my parents I was pregnant because I thought my mother would stand up for me for once, and my father would give in and let us be together. But you know my mother. She’s all about appearances, and it only infuriated my father that I would let myself get pregnant by some guy from a biker family. After I got your letter and realized you’d turned your back on me, I had no choice. It was either marry Josh or abort our baby. So stop pretending that I’m the one who gave up on us.”
Tears streamed down her cheeks, and she shook the letter at him. “You can’t lie your way out of this.”
DOC SNATCHED THE paper from her, and read it.
Juliette,
I figured if I didn’t respond to your letters, you’d stop writing. I guess I was wrong. I don’t know if your letter is a desperate attempt to get my attention, or if you’re really knocked up. But if you are, I doubt the kid is even mine. I don’t know who else you’ve been with, and I don’t really care, but don’t drag me into your mess. I’ve moved on, and you should too.
Seeley
Rage burned through him. “What the hell?” He read it again, studying the handwriting, which was identical to his. “I didn’t fucking write this. Where did you get it?”
“That’s your handwriting, Seeley.” She set her jaw like she had set it as a teenager, her eyes shooting daggers, her voice full of disappointment, hurt, and disbelief.
It was the disbelief that made him even angrier. “ Where did you get this, Juliette?”
“Ana gave it to me. She got it from her brother. You know that. He brought all my letters to you at college, and that was the only time you ever wrote back.”
“How many times do I have to tell you, I never got any fucking letters? How could you even believe I’d write something like this? I fucking loved you. I risked my future and my family’s ranch to be with you. I would’ve burned down the entire fucking world for you.” He shook the letter, trying to harness his fury. “Whoever wrote this is going to pay.”
Her father was going to answer for this, too. For the years the bastard had stolen from him with Juliette and for the years he’d lost with his son. But that would have to wait, because right now the only thing that mattered was the woman standing before him crying—the woman he had never stopped loving—and getting to know the son he’d unknowingly left behind.
“Are you…?” She swallowed hard, swiping at the tears flooding her cheeks. “Are you being honest right now? You really didn’t write the letter? Because I don’t know what to believe.”
He stepped closer, needing her to know, to remember who he was and realize he never could have written that letter. “Did I ever give you a reason to believe I’d write something like this?”
“ No , but—”
“Did I ever lie to you about anything when we were together? Big or small?”
“No,” she choked out.
His chest felt like it was cracking open. “Then why would you believe I’d write this garbage? You were everything to me. I was a fucking mess after you left, and when you got married?” He slammed his fist against his chest. “You broke my fucking heart.”
“I broke my own heart, but it was either marry Josh or lose the only piece of you I had. I cried myself to sleep every night when I was pregnant, but our baby kept me going, and even if I was naive and you were using me, it didn’t change the fact that I loved you.”
“Fuck.” He hauled her into his arms, holding her tight, struggling against the emotions swamping him. “I never used you. Don’t ever say that. None of this makes sense, but I believe you, and we’re going to get to the bottom of it.”
He framed her face in his hands, gazing into her eyes, wishing he could take away the pain he saw there. He wiped her tears with the pads of his thumbs, gritting out, “Do you believe me about the letter?”
She nodded. “Yes.”
Thank God. He touched his forehead to hers. “All these years, I thought you played me. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”
“I loved you.” She clung to him, tipping her face up, fresh tears hitting his thumbs. “I never stopped loving you.”
Her words sent the room spinning. “ Jule ” fell from his lips as he crushed them to hers. Their mouths fused like molten metal, their tongues sweeping deep and greedy in a fierce devouring. Blown away by how right and unfuckingbelievably incredible it felt to kiss her after all these years, he tore his mouth away, needing to know he wasn’t imagining it and that she felt it, too. She was clutching his shirt, desire brimming in her eyes. Neither spoke, but in the silence an unstoppable tsunami of want and need brewed. Holy shit. Nothing has changed.
Their mouths crashed together, their tongues plunging, possessing, claiming more by the second. Their hands were everywhere at once, their desire so powerful, her back hit the wall, but neither broke their connection. He reveled in her hunger for him, in her hauntingly familiar taste and needful touch that had fueled his fantasies and driven him out of his fucking mind for years. He’d been with dozens of women, chasing this high, but none had sparked white-hot passion or unleashed the beast in him the way Juliette always did.
It was like no time had passed and a lifetime had gone by in equal measure, and he couldn’t get enough of her soft womanly curves and needy sounds. Desire burned through him as they groped and moaned, their bodies grinding together. He fisted his hands in her hair, growling against her lips, “I fucking missed you.”
He took her in another punishingly intense kiss and stripped off her shirt and bra, freeing her full breasts. “ Jesus , Jule . You’re fucking gorgeous.” He palmed her breasts and lowered his mouth, teasing one nipple with his tongue as he squeezed the other. She cried out, clinging to him as he sucked her nipple to the roof of his mouth, hard . The way she used to like it.
“Ohgod. Seeley.”
As he sucked, fondled, and teased, her fingernails dug into his flesh, her moans and pleas fueling his desire. He unbuttoned her shorts and pushed his hand into her panties, sliding through her slickness. “You’re so fucking wet for me.”
“Only for you,” she panted out, breaking the last shred of his control.
He crushed his mouth to hers, feasting as he pushed two fingers inside her tight heat, gritting out a curse when she moaned. He swallowed her moans and mewls as he fucked her with his fingers, her sexy sounds searing through him, making his cock ache to be inside her. He fisted his other hand in her hair, ravenously devouring her, wanting to reclaim every inch of her. “I need my mouth on you.”
He tore off her boots, shorts, and panties and buried his face between her legs. She tasted so fucking sweet. “ Seeley ,” she panted out. “Feels so good.” She’d always said his name when they’d made love, and it still brought a primal pleasure that nothing else had ever come close to. She was his drug, her pleasure, his addiction. Taking her clit between his teeth, he pushed his fingers inside her again, stroking the spot that had her thighs flexing, her breath coming in fast gasps. He licked and sucked, taking his fill, sending her climax crashing over her. “Seeleyseeleyseeley—”
He took everything she had to give, soaked in the sounds of pleasure sailing from her lips, even as the last shudder rippled through her. He rose to his feet, taking her in a brutal kiss, needing to be inside her more than he needed his next breath. She was right there with him, tugging open his jeans. He lifted her into his arms, and her legs wound around him as he carried her down the hall and into his bedroom.
He laid her on the bed and stripped off his clothes and boots in three seconds flat.
“ I need you ,” she said breathlessly, reaching for him as he came down over her.
His mouth covered hers, rough and urgent, and he entered her in one hard thrust, pleasure searing through him like fire. She gasped, and he cursed. “Did I hurt you?”
“ No . You just feel so good.” She pulled his mouth back to hers.
They thrusted and gyrated, feasted and fucked with reckless abandon. She was so damn tight, so insanely perfect and familiar, he felt like he’d been lost, starved, and she was the only person who could satiate him. He felt like he’d finally come home. He lifted her ass, angling her hips, taking her deeper, driving, stretching, claiming her. “I fucking missed you,” he gritted out between feverish kisses.
“ So much ,” she said, clinging to him, her nails digging into his flesh.
Their bodies grew slick with their efforts, the sounds of their lovemaking filling the room. He pushed his arms under her, holding her tighter, thrusting harder. “ Don’t stop ,” she pleaded. Didn’t she know it would take a fucking act of God to drag him away?
He quickened his efforts, her pussy squeezing him so perfectly, every sensation magnified. Their kisses were more powerful, their touches more intense, and the sounds they made were drenched with dark desires, as if they’d bottled up all their passion for each other during the years they were apart, just waiting for this moment. It took everything he had not to come. He sank his teeth into her neck, and she cried out, her hips bucking and her inner muscles spasming around his cock, sending an earth-shattering release barreling into him. “Fuuck. Jule—”
They rode the waves of their pleasure, moaning and thrusting, consumed with passion, with each other’s pleasure, which went on longer and was more intense than ever before. Doc had never felt anything like it.
When they finally collapsed to the mattress, breathlessly kissing, their tangled bodies jerking with aftershocks, he held her tighter. After sixteen years of missing her, his sweet, fiery Jule was right there in his arms, and he was never letting her go.
AS THE WORLD came back into focus, Juliette reveled in the feel of Seeley’s big, warm body cocooning her. In his arms had been the only place she’d ever felt truly safe. His body was thicker and stronger now, his scruff more abrasive, his moves more nuanced and powerful. But the way he touched her, the way he felt inside her, while more intense, was as familiar as if he were still a part of her.
He kissed her forehead, those delicious lips curving into a sexy smile. “You okay, darlin’?”
Her heart squeezed at the endearment. “Mm-hm.” She’d seen flashes of the tattoos on his chest, shoulders, and upper arms. She wished she’d been there when he’d gotten them and knew the secrets behind each one.
His phone chimed from somewhere on the floor, drawing her from her reverie. His eyes shifted in the direction of the sound. She leaned back, putting space between them. “Do you need to get that?”
“No. Get back here.” He pulled her into a kiss.
Why did she have to love that so much? How many times had he done the same thing during that fateful summer? Fighting the end of whatever time they’d stolen together. As if by doing so he could stretch each hour into two.
More chimes rang out in rapid succession, and his muscles tensed, bringing reality, and anxiety, rushing in. She forced herself to push away again. “ What are we doing? We have so much to talk about, and sex complicates things.” Not that she regretted it or could’ve stopped herself from wanting everything he was willing to give. They were as explosive as they’d always been, but they weren’t irresponsible kids anymore. They needed to deal with reality.
“Things are already complicated.” He pulled her close again, but she put her hand on his chest, stopping him.
“Seeley, we have a lot to talk about. I came over to clear the air. I didn’t expect to need a suit of armor to battle the heat between us.” She couldn’t suppress her smile. “Not that I’m complaining, but we didn’t even use protection.”
“ Shit . I’m sorry. I lost my head. You’re not on birth control?”
“No. I can’t get pregnant anymore. Josh and I tried, but it never happened.”
His brows knitted. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
“It’s okay. I have Lucas, but please tell me I don’t have to worry about diseases.”
“Jesus, Jule. Do you really think I’d be with you if you did?”
“I’d like to think you wouldn’t, but we don’t know each other anymore. I don’t even know if you’re involved with anyone, and those texts sounded important.”
“Those texts are probably from my brothers making sure I’m okay because I took off early from a club meeting to see you, and I’m not involved with anyone.” His brows slanted. “Oh fuck . Are you still married?”
“No.” She pushed to her feet, hurt by the question, which made no sense given that she’d asked him a similar one. But her heart was racing, and she wasn’t exactly thinking rationally. “Despite what you’ve thought of me for all these years, I wouldn’t have slept with you if I were.”
She hurried into the bathroom and shut the door. Leaning her back against it, she closed her eyes. Breathe. Just breathe. With everything that was at stake, how could she let herself get carried away like that? She told herself what was done was done. It was just sex. They were adults. They could handle this.
She opened her eyes, taking in the dark wood-and-stone bathroom, which was as ruggedly handsome as the man who had knocked the sense right out of her with a single kiss. She looked in the mirror and winced. Her hair was a mess. Seeley had always loved having his hands in it, but her body had changed so much. She was strong from working with horses, but she was also thicker and softer around the middle, and her breasts were heavier and far from the perky girls she’d had at sixteen.
Chiding herself for worrying about what she looked like, she used the toilet and washed up, trying to figure out how to navigate this. The same way you’ve navigated the last decade and a half. Head-on.
She dried her hands, took a deep breath, and opened the door.
Seeley was standing right there , ridiculously handsome in a pair of black boxer briefs, looking at her with an apologetic expression. He handed her one of his T-shirts. As she put it on, he said, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten carried away.”
“It’s not your fault. We both got carried away.” Feeling awkward, she tried to step around him.
He gently grabbed her hand and drew her into his arms, holding her tight. “I know we need to talk, but give me a second. That was pretty intense.”
She closed her eyes, soaking him in, glad she wasn’t alone in those feelings.
“Why don’t I make a fire and we can sit outside. I think we could both use some air.”
“Okay.”
“Do you need to check in with Lucas?”
She loved that he considered him. “No. I told him I might be gone for a while, but thanks for thinking of him.”
“I have a feeling you two will be all I’m thinking about for a very long time.” He released her hand, a tease glimmering in his eyes. “I should make you talk naked, so you can’t storm off.”
“ You’re the expert at that.”
He nodded, his expression serious. “I’m sorry about that, too, darlin’. I won’t do that to you again. Let’s get dressed.” His brows knitted, and he plucked something from her shoulder and held it up. “Sadie’s fur. Sorry.”
She smiled. “They sleep with you?”
“Every night.”
As she headed into the living room to find her clothes, still missing him so much that she ached with it, she wondered if he had any full-body armor she could borrow.