Chapter Seven
JULIETTE’S NERVES WERE working overtime. She was glad Seeley had brought out a glass of wine and a glass of water for her. She’d probably need both.
They were sitting in heavy wooden chairs by the firepit. She tried to calm her nerves, taking in the large deck, and the rest of his backyard, which was exactly like she’d imagined it might be. There were no manicured gardens or stone paths, just natural beauty. The spotty grass, rocky terrain, bushes, and trees were left to grow as they wished. Wildflowers added pops of color along the banks of the creek and around rocks and tree trunks. She saw the old wooden bridge they’d used that fateful summer to cross the creek.
She was surprised he hadn’t torn that down, too. She couldn’t help but wonder if he ever used it anymore, or went to the spots they’d once called their own.
Pushing those thoughts away, she watched Seeley take a drink of his beer. He was wearing a Dark Knights T-shirt, jeans, and black leather boots, looking at her so intently, it made her wonder what he saw.
She fidgeted with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. “Where do we start?”
“I’d like to talk about Lucas,” he said evenly. “But first I think I need to understand more about how we got here and what you’ve been through. You said your father gave you an ultimatum, and your mother didn’t help, which must’ve fucking crushed you. I know you had hoped she’d eventually get out from under your father’s thumb.”
She’d considered her father a lost cause well before meeting Seeley, but when she was younger, she had held out hope that her mother might open her eyes to her controlling husband and side with her on something. Anything . Her grandmother had cautioned her against that misguided hope many times, insisting her mother wasn’t under anyone’s thumb, but a gold digger who resented her station in life. Once she’d landed Juliette’s father, she’d become even more materialistic. As Juliette had witnessed too many times to count, her mother had no issue going along with whatever her father decided for every aspect of their lives in order to keep that gravy train going, even when it meant forsaking her own daughter’s future.
“I should have listened to my grandmother. She was right about her.” She sipped her wine. “I used to wish my mother was more like yours. Or at least like the person your mom was when I knew her.”
“She’s still the same loving person you knew. She’ll be furious when she hears about all of this.”
“I’m embarrassed, and I feel guilty about how my father treated you and your family.”
“You were a kid. You had no control, and everyone knows that.” He leaned his elbows on his knees. “I carry a lot of guilt for what I put my family through, too.” His dark eyes found hers again. “But I have never apologized for how I felt about you, and I never will. There’s a difference between regretting something and feeling guilty because of the trouble it caused others.”
She felt like she was going to cry. Nobody had ever loved her the way he did, and the vehemence in his voice confirmed everything she’d believed he’d felt when they were together.
“The thing I can’t make sense of,” he said, “is why Hazel didn’t step in to help you. She adored you.”
“She offered to take me in, and I wanted to go live with her, but my father threatened to ruin her business. He said he’d make sure she never earned another penny. I couldn’t do that to her.”
“That fucking cowardly bastard.” He picked up a poker and stoked the fire, sending sparks crackling toward the sky. “I should’ve taken care of him when I had the chance.”
“What do you mean, when you had the chance?”
He sat back. “Before the engagement announcement, when I still thought your father had lied to me about you and Josh, I was home for the weekend and got rip-roaring drunk. I grabbed one of our rifles and climbed into a truck to hunt him down.”
“ Seeley . What were you thinking?” She was shocked. Not that he’d want to go after her father, but he’d always been careful about not drinking and driving or doing things that could unnecessarily endanger others. “If you’d managed to do it, you’d be in prison right now, and that’s assuming you didn’t kill yourself or someone else first by driving drunk.”
“That’s basically what my old man said when he hauled my ass out of the truck and gave me hell.”
“Thank God he did.” She hesitated for a minute before adding, “As much as I hate that my father turned you into someone who would even think about doing something like that, when I thought you didn’t fight for us, I was devastated. As wrong as it is, I’m kind of glad to hear you were trying to after all.”
He shook his head, his lips curving into a slightly sorrowful smile. But it lasted only a few seconds before his expression turned serious again. “I was pretty messed up over losing you.” He took a drink and gazed out at the creek.
She studied his profile, seeing so much of Lucas in him, the relief of knowing he hadn’t written that letter hit her anew, bringing with it a wave of longing for the time Seeley and Lucas had lost. She had no idea how she was going to manage to break the news to Lucas, but she was getting ahead of herself. There was still a lot to wade through.
He met her gaze. “I don’t think I ever got over it.”
The honesty in his eyes drew her own confession. “That makes two of us.” Their gazes held for so long, the air felt electrically charged. She couldn’t afford to let that take hold and glanced at the fire.
“How did your father get Josh to agree to everything?” Seeley asked. “Taking on a wife and someone else’s kid is a lot for anyone, and he was, what? Eighteen?”
“It wasn’t hard to convince him. He’d loved me since we were kids, and I told you that summer how devastated he was when I broke up with him. I was such a mess when I thought you’d written that letter, Josh would have done anything to make me happier. I feel horrible about roping him into the whole situation, but I think there was more to it. His dad was my father’s attorney, and he was as corrupt as my father was. I don’t know much about their crooked business dealings, but knowing my father, he probably had something to hold over Josh’s father’s head.”
Seeley’s jaw clenched so tight, it had to hurt. “I’m thankful Josh agreed, and you were with someone who loved you. Did you get the wedding you always wanted?”
She shook her head, remembering how she and Seeley had made plans to get through college and vet school and get married on the ranch. She sipped her wine, trying to push away those painful memories. “We had a small ceremony in my parents’ backyard shortly after the announcement came out. I got my GED, and my father used his influence to get me into Stanford, where Josh was going to school. He rented us a house and paid for a nanny after Lucas was born so I could continue my education.”
“So Lucas thinks Josh is his father?”
She nodded, feeling guilty. “I’m sorry, but after I got that letter, I didn’t want him to grow up thinking he was unwanted, so I never told him the truth.”
“I understand.” Pain shadowed his eyes. “You said you’re not married anymore, but is Josh good to you and Lucas?”
“We separated when Lucas was four, and Josh was killed two months later in a hit-and-run accident.” It had been years, but it still hurt to think about him being gone.
“ Jesus . I’m sorry.”
“Me too. He was a good father.”
“Good. I appreciate that.” The tension in his voice was palpable. “Did you love him?”
Not like I love you. “I loved him like a close friend who I’d known forever, and I loved him for saving me from having to give up our baby. But everything changed after Lucas was born.”
“When’s Lucas’s birthday?”
“March thirteenth. He was born three weeks early, which worked in my father’s favor. Since I had broken up with Josh the week before I came to the ranch, nobody questioned the timing.”
“ March thirteenth ,” he repeated with a small smile.
“And his middle name is John.”
Disbelief rose in his eyes, but as quickly as it appeared, it was gone, replaced with gratitude. “Thank you for giving him that piece of me.”
Struggling against a rush of emotions, she said, “Even after everything I was tricked into believing, I still couldn’t let you go. After he was born, I wanted to reach out to you so badly, to show you the beautiful little boy we made, but that letter…” She paused with the painful memories. “The idea that you might turn me away again was too much to bear.”
“That fucking letter.” He set a serious stare on her. “Is that why things got harder with Josh? Did he know you wanted to reach out to me?”
“No. I never told him, but he knew how much I loved you. He was there when I was crying myself to sleep every night. But Josh loved Lucas, and he loved me. I mean, as much as he could love someone who didn’t reciprocate the same kind of love. It was just hard to be parents and keep up with school. We were kids, and there was a lot of pressure. I was happy when I was with Lucas, but I was heartbroken over you, and furious with my parents. Between school, Lucas, and being so unhappy, I had nothing left to give Josh. Toward the end of our relationship, he thought if we had a child together it might help. We tried, but I never got pregnant. Eventually we grew apart. He started partying and staying out later. I didn’t blame him. The situation was so unfair.”
Seeley turned his chair toward her. “I’m sorry I couldn’t stop that farce from happening. If I had known the truth, I would’ve been there for you and Lucas every fucking minute of every day.” He leaned forward, pulling her to the edge of her chair, and embraced her. “It kills me that you had to go through all of that, thinking the worst about me, and us, and…” He held her tighter. “I’m so damn sorry, darlin’.”
“It’s not your fault. We were both manipulated. I just never realized how badly.”
He drew back, his eyes blazing. “Your father is going to pay for this.”
“As much as I want him to, we have to be careful. I’ve seen what he’s capable of.”
“He can’t hurt us anymore, but I don’t want Lucas to think I’m a monster if I go after his grandfather to set things straight.”
“My parents haven’t been a part of our lives for a long time. When Josh and I first got married, I figured I’d be as ruthless as my parents were and let them pay for college and vet school to ensure Lucas and I had a solid future.”
“That was smart. It’s amazing you could think straight with all that was going on.”
“Thanks.” She appreciated that he recognized how difficult it was for her. “But it ended up being too hard to fake for long. I never went to see them and didn’t answer their calls. I only came back to Colorado for quick trips to see my grandmother, and I didn’t tell my parents because I didn’t want to see them or get her in trouble. I missed my grandmother so much, and I hated the threat of my parents making me feel like I couldn’t see her.”
“I’m sure she missed you, too.”
“She did. We talked on the phone a lot. But my parents would show up on my doorstep without notice, and I had no choice but to let them see Lucas. I hated that with a vengeance. Then one day Lucas said he wanted to be like Grandpa Marvin when he grew up, and the thought made me physically ill. I’d had enough. I didn’t care if I had to live in a homeless shelter. I needed to protect Lucas and get out of my fake marriage, but to do that, I had to completely cut my parents off. I didn’t want to involve my grandmother, but I had just graduated from college and I’d been accepted to vet school. I didn’t want to give that up, so I called her and asked if I could borrow whatever money I couldn’t get through student loans. She fought me on paying her back, but I needed to feel like I was standing on my own two feet. She helped me pay for a room on a small farm, and for babysitting, both of which she paid directly so there was no way for my father to trace it to my account.”
“And your parents let you go without a fight after all that?”
“I wish. There were weeks of ignoring my father’s calls and threats to take away Lucas. But I told my parents I’d get a restraining order against them, and you know how they are about their precious public image.”
“What a fucking nightmare. What about Josh? Where was he in all that?”
“He was ready for our relationship to end, too, and by then he understood why I needed to sever ties with my parents. But he loved Lucas and continued seeing him. And as I said, two months later, he was killed. We hadn’t filed divorce papers, so his insurance money came to me. That was the one piece of advice I was glad my father had given us when Lucas was born. He told us we had to have life insurance, and in the end that was my savior. I paid my grandmother back and was able to pay our way as long as I was frugal.”
“Jesus, Jule. That must have been awful for you, and I can only imagine how devastating it was for Lucas.”
“It was awful for both of us. I blamed myself. Josh and I were fighting a lot back then, and he’d gone out partying and was hit when he was crossing a street. If he hadn’t married me, he may never have started partying and maybe he’d still be alive.”
Seeley took her hand in his. “You can’t take on that responsibility. He made a choice to marry you. Nobody said it would be easy.”
“I know, but still.”
“How did Lucas handle it?”
“He had a hard time letting me out of his sight, which was understandable. The older couple who owned the farm where we lived were wonderful. They referred us to a grief counselor. It took a long time to find our new normal after that, but we made it. Eventually I finished vet school, and thanks to you pushing me that summer to believe in myself, I became a vet instead of a vet tech.”
“All I did was point out the obvious. You were always impressive as hell, darlin’. I knew you were strong, but this…” He shook his head. “You’ve lost your family, your husband, your grandmother, and you believed awful things about me for years. It’s hard to believe you’re still standing, much less raised our son on your own and managed to make a career for yourself.”
“For the longest time, I wondered if the pain of my parents’ betrayal, and the pain of yours, would ever go away,” she confessed. “But years of therapy helped me accept who my parents are and move past it. The strange thing is, therapy didn’t do a damn thing to help me move past my feelings for you.”
He leaned forward again, putting his hands on her outer thighs, bringing their faces closer together. “What we have has always been too big to deny.”
Her pulse quickened, his declaration filling the space between them like a living, breathing entity, the truth ensnaring them like a lasso, binding them together. His gaze bored into her, as if he were daring her to refute his claim.
She couldn’t refute the obvious.
She wanted to climb into his lap, to be wrapped in the safety of his arms again. Not that she needed protecting. She hadn’t needed that in years. It was the comfort of him she longed for. That feeling she’d never found in anyone else’s arms.
But this wasn’t the time to be selfish. The only person that mattered right now was Lucas, and that’s what she focused on.
“There’s no denying our chemistry.” She reached for her wineglass, breaking their connection, and went for levity. “I think I’m going to need a lot more therapy now.”
THERE WERE SO many things Doc wanted to know about her and Lucas, but it had been an emotional night, and he didn’t want to overwhelm her any more than he already had. So he bit back the questions about her that still remained and focused on their son.
“The most important thing is making sure Lucas gets through this without totally screwing him up for the rest of his life. Maybe we should talk to my mother or another therapist about the best way to handle this. I don’t want to lie to him. There’s been enough deceit already.”
“I agree,” she said, glad he was putting Lucas, and honesty, first. “But I think I can handle talking to him.”
“Do you want me to be there when you do it?”
“ No ,” she said quickly. “I don’t know how he’s going to react, and he’s not exactly your biggest fan at the moment.”
“Right.” He’d cursed himself a hundred times for being an asshole. “I’m going to make that up to both of you. If you change your mind or want to talk to someone about it, let me know.”
“I will.”
Seeley finished his beer and set the bottle down. “Can you tell me about him? What’s he like? What grade is he in? Is he a good kid?”
“He’s an amazing kid.” Her smile reached her eyes. “He’s funny and incredibly smart and compassionate, and he’s a good person, Seeley. He likes working with his hands and figuring things out. From the time he was little, if something broke, he’d get his plastic tools and try to fix it. And he loves horses. He’s been riding since he was little, when we moved to the farm, and if he’s ever in a bad mood, a few hours with the horses usually perks him up.”
“Like a certain girl I used to know.”
She smiled.
“What about the move? When did you get here, and how did Lucas handle it? It couldn’t have been easy at his age.”
“We moved at the beginning of June, right after his school year ended. Leaving his friends was hard on him. He spent so much time in the barn the first few weeks, I was worried he’d start sleeping there. But he settled in. He got his learner’s permit this summer, which he’s really excited about. I, on the other hand, am terrified every time I take him driving.”
“Is he a good driver?”
“Yeah, he’s careful. He loves old cars, and he has some respect for vehicles, which is good.”
“And school? You said he’s smart, but does he like it?”
“As much as teens can like school, I guess. He just started his sophomore year, and he’s making friends.”
“That’s great. The way he stood up to me was admirable. You two must be close.”
“We are. I’m lucky we get along so well. Although, teenagerhood has its challenges, and he definitely has a lot of you in him.”
Seeley grinned. “Why do you say that?”
“Because you’re alike in so many ways. You saw him. He’s got your build, your height, your hair and nose. Sometimes the way he smiles or stands catches me off guard, and my thoughts stumble for a minute.”
“I noticed he’s an arm drummer. Did Josh do that, too?”
“No. That’s been Lucas’s go-to defensive stance since he was eight or nine. As if that barrier makes him untouchable. The first time he did it, my heart nearly stopped. I thought I was seeing things. But he’s like you in other ways, too. He’s got your confidence and riding skills, and from the time he was little, nothing was fast or dangerous enough for him. He loves roping cattle, barrel racing, and bull riding. He’s good, too.”
“Bull riding, huh?” He couldn’t stop a prideful grin from breaking free.
“That’s why we were at the hospital. He fell off a bull. He was wearing a helmet, and they checked him out at the competition, but he seemed a little off right after, so I took him to the hospital. He was fine. He didn’t have a concussion or anything. Let me tell you, there’s a huge difference between cheering you on when you were bull riding and watching my son out there. I’m terrified every time he climbs on a bull. Do you still ride?”
“No.” He watched the flames flickering in the firepit, rubbing one fist with his other hand, his chest tightening. “I haven’t ridden since that summer.”
“ Oh . That’s too bad,” she said compassionately. “You were good. Why did you stop?”
“It was too hard to focus.” He cocked his head, meeting her gaze. “I kept picturing you cheering me on, and I knew I’d end up hurting myself. Better to focus on schoolwork and helping at the ranch when I was home.”
“I’m sorry I ruined that for you.”
“You didn’t, Jule. Your father did.” He sat up, holding her gaze. “I know we’ve got years to catch up on, and we’re not the same people we were back then. But I want to be in your and Lucas’s life.”
“Seeley—”
He held up his hand. “Please let me finish. We obviously still have feelings for each other, and I’d like to see where that takes us as time allows. We have a lot to deal with, and of course Lucas has to come first, and if you don’t want to see what’s still between us, that’s okay. I mean, I’ll fucking hate it, but…”
She laughed softly.
He smiled, but he was worried. They had explosive chemistry, but they had something so much bigger and deeper. He hoped to hell she wasn’t going to say that having sex had been nothing more than years of repressed desires breaking free and pleaded his case. “You need to know that even if you decide you don’t want to pursue anything with me, it’s not going to change my wanting to be in Lucas’s life. I’m here for him whether or not you want anything more with me. And as the mother of my child and the woman I’ve never stopped loving, I’ll be there to help you from this day forward, even if you don’t want there to be an us . No hard feelings.”
She opened her mouth to speak, but he held up a finger, quickly adding, “But for the record, I think that would be a big mistake on your part. I’ve got issues, like anyone else, but I’m an honest, loyal man, I’m easy on the eyes, and you know I’m great in bed,” he said playfully, earning another smile. “I’m not the cocky, carefree kid I was when you knew me before, and you might not like that about me, and I work a lot.” He realized what he’d said. “ Shit. I’m not doing a very good job of selling myself, am I?”
“Seeley, stop ,” she said with a laugh. “You don’t have to sell me on who you are. I’d like to see if there’s more to us, too, but Lucas has to come first.”
“Of course. I wouldn’t expect anything less.”
“I know. I should probably go.”
He wanted her to stay and talk all night, but he knew better than to put that out there. “I’ll walk you to your truck.”
As they headed around the side of the house, he put a hand on her lower back and said, “You know, nobody calls me Seeley anymore.”
“What do they call you?”
“Doc. It’s my road name.”
“ Doc . I like it. It makes sense. Do you want me to call you that?”
“No. I like hearing you call me Seeley far too much.” He opened her truck door and then took her hand and pulled her into an embrace, breathing her in. “I can’t believe you’re back.”
She tipped her face up, those baby blues drawing him in.
“Can I kiss you good night?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
He touched his lips to hers in a tender kiss, but she rose up onto her toes, and he couldn’t resist taking it a little deeper, holding her a little tighter. She moaned, and it took everything he had not to back her up against that truck and kiss her senseless. “I still love kissing you,” he said softly.
“ Mm . Me too.”
He kissed her again, slower and more sensually, groaning as he forced himself to break away. “You have to go.”
“Yeah.” She sank down to her heels and trapped her lower lip between her teeth, looking too damn sexy.
“ Jesus , Jule. Don’t look at me like that,” he gritted out. “Get in your truck before I lose my mind.”
“Yeah, I’d better go.” She climbed into her truck.
“Do you think I could get your phone number?”
She laughed. “Why do I feel sixteen again?”
He put her number in his contacts as she rattled it off, and then he texted her so she’d have his number, too, and pocketed his phone. “When are you thinking about breaking the news to Lucas?”
“As soon as I can, which will probably be tomorrow when he gets home from school.”
“I’m here if you need me.” He closed her door, fighting the urge to lean in for another kiss as she started the truck. “Thank you for raising our son when it might have been easier to make a different choice.”
“There was never a choice to be made. I wanted you, and I wanted him. End of story.”
Fuck it. He leaned in, sliding his hand to the nape of her neck, and kissed the hell out of her. When their lips finally parted, she sighed dreamily. “Drive safely, Peaches.”
As he stepped back from the window, she whispered, “ Peaches .”
He stood there, watching her drive away until he could no longer see or hear her truck. Then he went back to sit by the fire. When enough time had passed that he was pretty sure she was off the road and home safely, he took out his phone, thumbing out, That wasn’t the end of our story, darlin’. We’re just getting started , and sent the text.