Chapter Eight
JULIETTE’S PHONE VIbrATED in her pocket as she finished washing the mixing bowl she’d used to make cookies. She set it in the dish drainer and took out her phone. Her pulse quickened at the sight of Seeley’s name on the text bubble. She hadn’t responded to his text last night. Her emotions had been reeling when she’d gotten home, and when she’d read it— That wasn’t the end of our story, darlin’. We’re just getting started —she’d wanted to grab ahold of it like a brass ring. But she couldn’t, because as good as it felt, she was too scared that their new beginning might mean an end to the safety and security that Lucas counted on. His world was about to change, and she had no idea what that would mean for any of them.
She’d been surprised when Seeley had texted this morning. But he hadn’t pushed for more. He’d said he appreciated their talk last night, and if she changed her mind and wanted him to be there when she told Lucas, to let him know. She wanted to do it alone, but it felt really good knowing she didn’t have to handle something alone after all these years of feeling like the entire world rested on her shoulders.
She swiped the screen to read the new text.
Seeley: YGT. TNYCD! He’d added a flexed biceps emoji, a thumbs-up emoji, and a heart.
Memories of their youthful coded messages brought a smile. They’d had to text in code because her father had monitored her phone, and she never knew how much he could see. That’s why they’d never taken pictures using her phone, either. It seemed like he had spies everywhere, and nothing was off-limits or too far-reaching for him. She knew the YGT meant You’ve got this , but it took her a few minutes to puzzle out the rest of the message. There’s nothing you can’t do!
Seeley’s support brought a rush of emotions. For all these years, she’d been a pillar of strength, making decisions for her and Lucas and never second-guessing or regretting them or allowing herself to lean on anyone. But she never realized how alone she’d felt until now. Not that she was looking for an easier road or for anyone to take over. It had been a long time since someone cared enough about her to cheer her on.
The oven timer chimed, drawing her from her thoughts.
She pulled a tray of Lucas’s favorite mint chocolate chip cookies out of the oven and glanced out the window toward the barn. Lucas had gone straight there when he’d gotten off the school bus, like he did most days. She should be thankful that he took his chores seriously and always made time for their horses, Warrior and Maxine, before doing anything else. But she couldn’t help missing the days when he’d run off the bus and into her arms as if he’d waited all day to see her.
She wasn’t selfish like her own parents, needing control. She’d worked hard to help Lucas become independent, teaching him to believe in himself and to think outside the box when problems arose. She’d never take that away from him just to appease her own maternal longing.
She spotted him coming out of the barn. His hair was a tousled mess, his backpack slung over his shoulder, and he was thumbing something into his phone as he made his way toward the house. He wore a crooked grin that she knew would melt hearts one day, if it wasn’t already. He stopped walking, laughed at something on his phone, and took a selfie. He went back to texting and headed up the hill.
Guess you are already melting hearts.
She wished she could freeze time so he could continue loving life, safe from the deception and heartache her family had caused. But as hard as this was going to be, she knew it was the right thing to do.
She tossed the oven mitt onto the counter and poured herself a glass of water. She was reaching for a plate when Lucas came through the kitchen door, his eyes still trained on his phone. She watched his brows knit as he sniffed the air.
“You made cookies?” He pocketed his phone and dropped his backpack.
“Mint chocolate chip.” She transferred several to a plate and set it on the table for him. “Want some milk?”
He looked at her like she’d lost her mind. “I’m not five .” He opened the fridge and took out a Dr Pepper. “Are we still fixing the barn and fences Saturday, or…?” He grabbed a cookie and took a bite.
Her grandmother had been incredibly generous to leave the mortgage-free property to her, but she hadn’t been the best at keeping things up the last several years. The house wasn’t in too bad shape, although little things kept breaking and it definitely needed updating, but the barn and fences hadn’t fared quite so well. Her grandmother must have either planned on having the barn fixed or had hired someone to do it and they’d backed out, because the wood and supplies were all there.
“Yes. They’re calling for rain Sunday, and I want to patch the holes in the roof and the siding before it gets here. Why? Are you planning a hot date?”
He scoffed and pulled out his phone. He thumbed out another text, then shoved his phone into his pocket again.
“Who are you texting?”
“A friend.” He finished his cookie.
“Does your friend have a name?”
He bit into another cookie and spoke around a mouthful. “Layla.”
“Jade’s niece?” Lucas had gone with her to Jade’s house a few weeks ago, and they’d met two of Jade’s sweet nieces at the barn, Layla, who was fourteen, and Adriana, who was a few years younger. They were getting ready to go on a trail ride with Jade’s husband, Rex, a strikingly handsome rancher with the biggest muscles Juliette had ever seen. That is, until she’d seen Cowboy outside the hospital.
“Yeah. She goes to my school. She’s cool for a freshman.”
Juliette had talked with Lucas about the birds and the bees a few years ago and had reiterated the importance of being careful when he’d started high school. But in California, he’d always hung out with groups of friends. As far as she knew, he hadn’t been into any one girl. This was new territory. She treaded carefully, picking up a cookie, trying to act casual and not like she had bigger issues to discuss with him. “Is this a friendship, or are you two an item?”
“Mom.” He stuffed the rest of his cookie in his mouth.
She smiled at his exasperation. “What? I’m just asking.”
“Whatever. We’re friends, okay? Don’t get weird about it.”
“Okay, no weirdness. I’m glad you’re friends. But she’s my boss’s niece, and she’s young, so please be good to her.”
“I’m not a dick.” He snagged another cookie.
“I wasn’t implying that you are.” She didn’t want to fight with him, especially now. “I need to talk to you about something. Can we sit down for a minute?”
“Am I in trouble?” he asked tentatively.
He asked that every time she said they needed to talk, and it always made her wonder whether she’d missed something. On the heels of that came a bigger thought. It made sense that guys hated to hear the phrase we need to talk . Their reluctance probably came from times like this, when a parent had to talk about something big. “No, you’re not in trouble.”
His brows slanted. “Are you sick or something?”
“ No . Why would you ask that?”
“Because the last time you made cookies and said we had to talk was when Grandma Hazel died.”
Her chest constricted. “Nobody is dying. Can we please sit down?”
“Yeah, hold on.” He put more cookies on his plate before sitting down.
Juliette’s stomach knotted as she pulled out a chair and sat down. She worried with her hands, wishing she’d never lied to him regardless of what she’d thought back then.
He ate another cookie, sitting back in his chair. It was hard to believe she was only a little older than he was now when she’d gotten pregnant. She’d felt so grown-up that summer with Seeley, making future plans together, excited about her life for the first time ever. As much as she wanted to hold Lucas when she told him the truth, to try to soften the blow, she couldn’t treat him like he was a little boy for this conversation. He was on the cusp of manhood, and he probably felt like he was grown-up, just as she had at that age.
He crossed his arms, drumming his fingers. It broke her heart knowing there was no barrier strong enough to block the hurt she was about to dole out. She’d spent last night and all of today figuring out how to tell him the truth, but now that she was looking at her boy’s sweet face, it was hard to remember what she’d come up with.
Her throat felt thick, anxiety prickling her skin. Mustering all of her courage, she said, “Honey, you know how I told you that my parents aren’t very nice people and that my father has been known to do some bad things?”
“Yeah. That’s why we don’t see them.”
“That’s right. Well, a long time ago, he did something to me that changed the course of my life, and yours, and other people’s, too. But I never knew the full extent of what he’d done until last night.”
“Does this have to do with that Seeley dude?”
“Yes.” She took a deep breath and looked him in the eye. “It has to do with all of us, and with your father.” It felt strange calling Josh his father after last night, but nothing about this conversation felt normal.
His brows slanted. “What is it?”
“It’s a little complicated. I dated your father when I was your age. We were great friends and we dated for a long time, but I broke up with him right before I interned at Redemption Ranch the summer before my senior year, where I met Seeley. His family, the Whiskeys, own the ranch. They rescue horses and help people who need a fresh start. Seeley was nineteen, and I was sixteen.” She swallowed hard. “And we fell madly in love.”
“I knew there was more to that story,” he hissed.
“I told you he was important to me. My father found out about us, and he was furious. He took me away from the ranch and forbade me from seeing Seeley. He threatened to ruin him and his family and close down the ranch if Seeley ever came near me again.”
He sat forward. “Did Seeley take advantage of you or something? Because if he did—”
“ No ,” she said adamantly, shutting that thought down. “He’s not like that. He always treated me well, and I know you didn’t have a great first impression of him, but there’s a good reason he was upset with me. Your grandfather didn’t like that he was from a blue-collar biker family and not a prominent family like your father’s.”
“What a dick.”
“Yes, he was. I was devastated, and I found out a few weeks later that I was pregnant.” She leaned forward and put her hand on his leg, trying not to let the tears that threatened fall. “Honey, Seeley Whiskey is your biological father.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” He pushed to his feet. “ No . I know my father, and that asshole is not him.”
“Lucas.” She got up, reaching for him, but he stalked away. “I know this is hard to hear, but Seeley is your biological father, and he’s not an asshole. He didn’t even know you were his child until yesterday. We were both lied to.”
“Have you known all this time that I was his ?”
“Yes, but—”
“You’ve been lying to me forever?” he shouted, tears spilling from his eyes. “Did Dad know?”
“Yes, he knew, and he loved you as his own from day one. We were trying to protect you.”
“Protect me by lying to me? What else are you lying about? Are you even my real mother?”
“How can you ask me that? Of course I’m your mother. Please let me explain. It wasn’t my fault. My father deceived all of us—”
“I don’t care what Grandpa did. You lied to me! I can’t even believe this.” He grabbed his head with both hands, keeling over like he was in pain.
She dragged air into her lungs, feeling his pain as her own. “Honey, you have to understand. I got a letter that your grandfather must have either written or had someone else write, but I thought it was from Seeley, telling me that Seeley wanted nothing to do with us, and—”
“And you decided it was better to lie to me? This is messed up. You had years to tell me the truth.” He stormed out of the kitchen to the front door and threw it open.
“ Lucas John , do not walk out on me. I am still your mother.”
He turned with one foot out the door, the hatred in his eyes slaying her. “Are you? I don’t know what to believe anymore.”
Her tears sprang free. “Lucas, please . There’s so much more you need to know. Just let me explain.”
“I’ve heard enough,” he snapped. “I’ll be in the barn.”
“Lucas!” Her heart shattered. She ran out the door, but he was already halfway to the barn.
“Leave me alone!” he shouted, and sprinted through the barn doors.
Her sobs broke free, and she crumpled to the porch, crying for her son’s heartache and for the way this would change their relationship. She cried for the teenage girl who had been deceived and for the young man who had loved her and lost them both.
She cried until she had no more tears left.
Then she forced herself to get up and go inside. She washed her face, needing to pull herself together before Lucas came back in. Parenting was so fucking hard.
It was hell not going down to the barn to try to reason with him. But he deserved time to process what he’d learned. Hopefully once he calmed down, they’d talk and she’d be able to explain what had happened.
She tried to busy herself cleaning up and doing laundry, but mostly she worried and paced.
When she couldn’t take it anymore, she tucked two cookies into a napkin as a peace offering, put on her boots, and headed down to the barn. Greeted by the scents of hay and horses, where she, too, had always found solace, she called out, “Lucas?”
Her horse nickered, beckoning her like the elegant, liver chestnut Morgan queen she was. Maxine had been her grandmother’s last broodmare before retiring several years ago. She was always Juliette’s favorite. Juliette petted her, and Maxine pressed her head into Juliette’s sternum as if she knew Juliette needed that extra bit of love. As she leaned in to kiss Maxine’s head, she realized Warrior wasn’t in his stall.
Juliette’s stomach bottomed out, and she ran out the back door. “Lucas!” She scanned the pasture, but she knew he was gone. She never let him ride when he was angry. She worried he’d make a mistake, or take too big a risk and get hurt.
She quickly saddled Maxine, hoping she wasn’t too far behind Lucas, and cursed herself for not coming down sooner as she climbed on. With her heart in her throat, she leaned forward, guiding Maxine at a fast clip toward the entrance to the trail she and Lucas had ridden most often. But fast wasn’t nearly fast enough.
With a tap of her heels, and a “ Hya! ” the horse bolted up the trailhead.