Chapter Thirty
THE HOURS PASSED too slowly, giving Juliette far too much time with her own thoughts. She finished mucking the stalls and doing the other chores Lucas would normally do after school. Then she baked mint chocolate chip cookies for him. Seeley called twice, asking if she wanted him to come over, but she knew he had animals to care for, so she’d said she was okay.
Fifteen minutes after the second call, he was in her driveway, and she’d never been more thankful to see anyone in her life.
Her heart skipped as she went out front to meet him. “I told you that you didn’t have to come over.”
“What can I say? You’re a sucky liar.” He wrapped her in his arms. “I love you, Jule, and I’ll always know when you need me.”
She kissed the center of his chest, reveling in the depth of his love before meeting his warm gaze. “I love you, too, Seeley, and I hope I always know when you need me.”
“Not a minute goes by when I don’t need you.” He pressed his lips to hers in a tender kiss. “Want to take a walk?”
“A walk?”
“Yeah, you know, that thing where you put one foot in front of the other, breathe in the crisp fall air, appreciate the beauty around us.”
She gave him a deadpan look.
“Come on, darlin’. Let’s get out of that pretty little head of yours.” He took her hand, tucking her against his side as they walked away from the house.
“Your mom came by this morning.”
“She told me she was going to when I saw her earlier. Was that okay?”
“It was more than okay. I love your mom. I needed the visit with her. Hazel used to be my touchstone when I needed motherly love, but it was all long distance because of my parents. I never let myself think about how hard it was without a loving mom to help me through life and motherhood. But when your mom hugs me, it brings it all home, and I realize how much I really missed not having one.” She got teary and wiped her eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m just overtired.”
He drew her into his arms and held her. “You’re scared, love, and that’s okay.” He kissed the top of her head.
She gazed up at him. “Are you scared?”
“I’d have to be heartless not to be.” He tucked her beneath his arm again, and they walked along the grass.
“Your mom told me you’ve been talking to doctors.”
“I have.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
He hugged her against his side. “Because we don’t know what we’re dealing with yet. I don’t need to fill your head with potential treatment plans and possible outcomes that may never be necessary.” He kissed her temple.
“Then why do all that research?”
“Because I can’t control the outcome, and I had to do something.”
She rested her head against him as they walked, her heart hurting for both of them.
“Know what that research taught me?” he asked.
“What?”
“To be grateful for every minute we have together, every smile, every time you give me a look like I’m out of my mind or Lucas rolls his eyes and grumbles whatever .”
“Does that mean you’re worried we’ll get bad news?”
“No, darlin’. It means I never want to take my forever girl or our beautiful son for granted. Let’s leave the worrying for when we see the doctor and spend the time we have thinking happier thoughts.”
God , she loved him. She’d been so lost in worry, she never would have thought of taking a walk. But as they walked across the grass, talking and soaking in the afternoon sun, gazing out at the mountains in the distance, she realized his calming presence, and getting away from the place she’d been stewing, was exactly the comfort she needed.
By the time Lucas got home from school, she felt more at ease.
Lucas was thrilled to find the cookies she’d baked, and as he chowed down on them, he said, “All we need is some Dr Pepper, and this would be perfect.”
“We’ll pick you up some on the way to the doctor’s office,” Seeley promised. “But we better get going so we’re not late.”
“Okay.” He grabbed a few cookies, and as he put them in a napkin, he said, “Layla and I are going to hang out on Halloween, and her mom said she’d take us shopping sometime to get costumes.”
“That sounds fun,” Juliette said, and they headed out.
As they climbed into Seeley’s truck, Lucas said, “I did something today.”
“That sounds nefarious,” Seeley said. “Should we be concerned?”
“What kind of thing ?” Juliette asked.
“I asked Layla to the Snow Ball.”
Seeley cocked a brow, eyeing him in the rearview mirror. “That’s not code for something dirty, is it?”
“ Seeley ,” Juliette chided.
“What? Do you know all the teen slang these days?” he asked.
She rolled her eyes.
“Like I’m really going to announce something dirty to my parents?” Lucas shook his head, smiling. “It’s the winter dance.”
Juliette whipped her head around, unable to believe her ears—about his casual tossing out parents and about the dance. “You’re going to a dance?” He’d never wanted to go to dances at his old school.
“Yeah. With the coolest girl in school,” he boasted.
“Congrats, buddy,” Seeley said. “That’s awesome. When is it?”
“The last day before winter break.”
“This is so exciting,” Juliette said, taking his change of heart as a good sign from the universe. “We’ll need to go shopping to get you nice clothes. What do kids wear to school dances nowadays? Do you need a suit? I bet Layla’s excited. You’ll have to match your shirt or tie to her dress, so we should wait to go shopping until you know what she’s wearing.”
“Whatever,” he said. “Can I drive to the dance?”
“You know you can’t,” Juliette said.
“Come on ,” Lucas complained.
“Sorry, bud, but you can’t drive with a teenager in the car when you’ve only got your learner’s permit,” Seeley said as he pulled up to a convenience store. He put the car in park and pulled out his wallet. “You want anything, darlin’?”
“No, thanks.”
He handed Lucas a five-dollar bill. “Go get your soda.”
“Thanks.” Lucas snagged the cash and climbed out of the truck.
“Our boy got hit by Cupid’s arrow.” Seeley reached for her hand. “We’re in trouble now.”
She smiled. “He’s so happy.”
“As well he should be. He and Layla are crazy about each other.”
“I know, but what if—”
Seeley put his finger over her lips. “No what-ifs. Let’s bask in his happiness. He deserves it, and so do we.” He leaned forward and kissed her.
Forty minutes later they were led into Dr. Santowski’s office and told he’d be right in. There was nothing particularly threatening about the office, but as they sat in front of the large wooden desk, the room felt ominous. There were abstract paintings on the walls and a framed drawing that was so simplistic, it looked to be done by a child. A black line started at the bottom left of the canvas and turned into a dark, scribbled tangle with a single bumpy line coming out the other side, angling upward and then forming a spiral. On the other side of the spiral, it became a single line again, and as it reached toward the upper-right corner, it bloomed into a stunning array of colorful bubblelike petals and green leaves.
Hope.
That’s what the drawing said to her, but it didn’t ease her nerves. Lucas was sitting between her and Seeley texting, which for some reason was making her more nervous. “Lucas, put your phone away, honey.”
“One sec.” He continued thumbing out a text.
Seeley’s arms were crossed, his fingers drumming anxiously. He nudged Lucas, nodding to the phone. “Come on, bud. You heard your mom.”
“ Fine . We’d better get out of here in time for practice.”
She’d been so sidetracked, she’d forgotten he had practice today. “We should have plenty of time,” she said as the door opened, and Dr. Santowski walked in. He was a thin man, mostly bald, with serious, kind eyes. Juliette tried to read his expression, but he looked the same as he had the first time they’d met. Serious and kind.
“Sorry to keep you waiting,” he said as he closed the door.
“No problem.” Seeley stood, offering his hand. “Thanks for seeing us.”
The doctor shook his hand and went around the desk, lowering himself into his chair. “How are you feeling, Lucas?”
Lucas shrugged. “Fine.”
“Good.” He looked at Seeley and Juliette, and something in that steady gaze made the hair on the back of her neck prickle. “I’ve looked over the biopsy results. Lucas has Hodgkin’s disease, which is a type of lymphoma.”
Tears sprang to Juliette’s eyes. The room spun, and she struggled to keep herself in check, wanting to scream No! You have the wrong kid! but needing to be strong for Lucas. She knew he didn’t have the wrong kid, regardless of how hard she’d tried to bury her head in the sand, and now Seeley’s arm was wrapped protectively around Lucas, the tips of his fingers brushing her shoulder. You knew, too. That was why you did all that research.
“What is that?” Lucas asked.
“It’s a type of cancer that affects your lymphatic system, but it’s very responsive to treatment and highly curable.”
“ Cancer? ” Lucas snapped. “I don’t have cancer. I’m not sick. Look at me. I’m fine.”
Juliette put her hand over his. “It’s okay, Lucas.”
He yanked his hand away. “No, it’s not . He’s wrong . Do another test.”
“I’m sorry, Lucas, but the biopsy was conclusive,” Dr. Santowski said gently, leaving no room for argument. “It’s not uncommon for kids your age to find a swollen lymph node as their first indicator that something is wrong and not to have any other symptoms.”
“ No . You’re wrong,” Lucas insisted. “I don’t have cancer.”
“Lucas, look at me,” Seeley said sternly, turning his entire body toward Lucas, keeping one hand on his shoulder, and holding his gaze.
“This is messed up, Doc,” Lucas said shakily.
“This is messed up,” Seeley said with all the love, compassion, and strength a father should show. “No kid should ever get cancer. I know this sounds scary, but you’re strong . You’re a frigging bull rider, buddy. There’s nothing you can’t get through, and your mother and I, and everyone else in our family, will be by your side every step of the way.”
“ Every step of the way,” Juliette reiterated.
“We’ll fight this together, and we’ll beat it. Okay?” Seeley said.
Teary eyed, Lucas said, “What if we don’t? What if I…?” Tears slid down his cheeks, breaking Juliette’s heart.
“That’s not going to happen,” Seeley said, putting his arms around him, then reaching for Juliette, too, as she got up and hugged Lucas. Seeley put his arms around both of them, his body, their armor against the awful unknown.
As tears fell from Lucas’s eyes, drawing her own, Seeley held them tighter, their great protector. “We’re going to beat this. Don’t you doubt that for a second,” Seeley said, as if he truly believed he could control their son’s fate.
She desperately wanted to believe he could.
He held them until Lucas stopped crying, and his grip eased. Then he put one hand on Lucas’s shoulder, the other on hers, his gaze moving reassuringly between them. “Are we ready to make a plan of attack, so we can beat this thing?”
She and Lucas nodded. She was so glad Seeley was there, because she was afraid if she tried to speak, more tears would fall.
Seeley squeezed Lucas’s shoulder. “We’ve got this, Rodeo.”
Why did the nickname make her want to cry again?
She took her seat as Lucas sat back. He set his jaw and crossed his arms, drumming his fingers, looking like he did at four years old at Josh’s funeral, when he was consumed with grief and shock and trying so hard to be brave.
Seeley put his arm around Lucas again, the tips of his fingers touching Juliette’s shoulder, and addressed the doctor. “What’s next?”
“I’ll order a PET scan, which is like the CAT scan you had, Lucas, but we’ll look at your whole body to see if any other lymph nodes are affected. That will allow us to stage the cancer and determine a treatment plan…”