Chapter 26
OLIVIA
I closed my eyes and leaned against the wall, hoping this was nothing more than a grief-induced hallucination. But the shouting and the banging on my door made it impossible to ignore the fact that my brothers were outside right now hanging off Jake’s arms like a pair of furious wasps.
More familiar voices joined my brothers’ outraged grunts—Kirsten’s soft cry of dismay, and then Dad’s booming laugh as he came upon the scene. No, this was no hallucination. My family was right outside my door.
“Liv, you in there?” A forceful knock sounded against the door.
“Getting out of the shower. I’ll be out in a few minutes,” I called, rushing into the bathroom and opening the faucet. I splashed cold water on my face and leaned against the counter trying to catch my breath as the voices moved away.
After a few minutes of deep breathing, I’d calmed down enough to face them.
Throwing on a pair of sunglasses so Kirsten wouldn’t notice my splotchy face, I headed toward the terrace.
Dad was spread out on a lounge chair by the pool (oh God!
If he only knew what I’d done there), while Kirsten and my grandmother sat under the pergola and the twins spun around the pool like copper-haired dervishes.
“There she is! There’s my little olive branch.” Dad hopped up and swallowed me in a big bear hug. As much as I wanted to pull away from his embrace, I also wanted to bury my face in his shoulder and sob. At least I could pass my tears off as happiness to see them.
“What are you doing here?” I asked him when he finally set me down.
“Don’t you remember I told you I was planning a surprise for you?” He spread his arms out. “Well, it’s us!”
“Wow.”
Numbly, I hugged Kirsten and my grandmother, who were wearing matching white capri pants and striped T-shirts. Kirsten had pulled her bright red hair up in a hairclip and was furiously fanning herself with some sort of brochure she’d picked up at the Office de Tourisme .
When Jake came out of the kitchen carrying a carafe of water and a bottle of lemonade, our eyes locked. I tried not to think of the horrible words he’d said earlier, but it was no use. They’d been echoing in my head since he’d spit them out at me.
You know this isn’t real, right?
“Are you all right, Livvy?” asked my grandmother, blinking at me from behind her glasses.
“Yeah, I’m fine. With the heat and all, I must have fallen asleep,” I lied.
From the way she studied me with furrowed brows, I could tell she’d seen right through me.
Turning around, I pointed at my brothers.
“Are you just going to let them run around like that? It’s not enough that you barge into someone’s house, you also let your demon spawn run wild? ”
Dad laughed, thinking I was joking. I was not. My sadness and shock had now turned into anger. I was pissed at Jake for giving up on us so easily, and I was pissed at my family for turning up at the worst moment imaginable.
“I still don’t understand why you’re here.” I sounded like a sullen kid, but I couldn’t help it. My dad’s face fell.
“Your dad decided you shouldn’t be the only one to have a European vacation this summer, didn’t ya, Ben?” said Kirsten, leaning into me. “I tried to talk him out of it, but you know how he is. And the truth is, I really did want to come.”
“How long are you here for?” Jake asked as he popped the cap on a bottle of beer for Dad. I’m sure I was the only one to pick up on the subtle anxiety in his voice.
“A couple days,” Dad answered, taking a long swig of beer. “We’ve got an Airbnb in uh . . . what was the name of that place again?”
“Port Grimaud,” replied Kirsten.
“Right, we’re planning to drive along the coast to Italy and go surprise Levi.
Then we’ll leave from Rome with just enough time to see this one off to Chicago.
” Dad nudged me, and I could feel cold panic rising in my throat.
“Our plans are flexible though, you know, if you wanted to invite us over, we wouldn’t take much convincing. ”
“Dad,” I warned, embarrassed by his brazenness, and horrified at the thought of my family staying here. “Jake has a lot of work right now. I don’t think he needs to deal with that . . .”
I gestured to the twins who were throwing rocks at each other and glanced over at Jake hoping he would go along with the lie.
“No, we wouldn’t dream of intruding.” My grandmother, once again the voice of reason, interjected. “I would, however, love to see more of your home, Jake. It’s absolutely stunning.”
“I’ll show you around,” Jake said. Relieved no doubt at having an excuse to get away from my dad, he ushered my grandmother and Kirsten inside.
“I’ll wait for you here. I want to catch up with Livvy and finish my beer.” Dad stretched out like he owned the place and patted the chair next to him. I sat down obediently. “So we haven’t heard much from you this summer. You a wine expert now?” He cocked his head at me.
“Not yet. It would take years to get to that level, but I’ve learned so much this summer.” And the last lesson was the most painful. I tried to ignore the lump that was forming in my throat.
“So I was right to suggest you come here?” He grinned, obviously pleased with himself.
Had he asked that question a day ago, I would have said yes. But now I wasn’t so sure. Was it worth it if it ended like this?
Dad started filling me in on everything I’d missed back home while I stared numbly at my brothers splashing water on each other at the side of the pool. I felt like I was in an episode of The Twilight Zone .
When Jake’s house tour finished, the others joined us outside and Kirsten asked to see the cottage. “I hope you don’t think I’m being nosy, Jake. I just love seeing inside other people’s houses. Especially at night from the street.”
“Oh, this is news to me,” cried Dad. “I didn’t realize you were a peeper, K.”
“I’ll show you.” I jumped from my seat, relieved to get away from Jake, and hoofed it back to the cottage, praying that I hadn’t left any errant panties strewn about.
Given the number of random places we’d had sex, it was certainly possible.
I hoped Jake hadn’t shown them his bedroom since most of my things were there.
“Gosh,” Kirsten said as we stepped out of earshot of the men. “This place is amazing. Are you sure you want to come back home, Liv? I’d move here if I could.”
I pushed the door open to the cottage, noticing how uninhabited it appeared. Apart from the rumpled, unmade bed and the damp towel I’d thrown on the ground earlier, the room was pristine.
Gran glanced around curiously and turned back to me. “It’s much neater than your bedroom at home. I’m glad to see you’ve been making an effort to tidy up.” She laughed, but once again, I felt like she’d sussed out the truth. “She’s radiant, isn’t she, Kirsten? This place agrees with you, Liv.”
“I’ve been happy here,” I agreed, my voice catching. Too bad it wasn’t real, I reminded myself, and stepped outside before I turned into a blubbering mess again. “Come see my garden.”
* * *
Somehow, I made it through the next hour without having a breakdown. I still couldn’t bring myself to look at Jake. Every time I did it was like a dagger in the heart. And I was too afraid I’d give something away.
“How about we take you to dinner tonight, Jake?” Dad suggested.
“You sure you don’t want to go yourselves to catch up among family?” Jake asked. He would have preferred to hide out in his cellar for the rest of the evening no doubt.
“Ah, come on, man. You’re like family after all these years.
I’d like to thank you for watching over my little girl.
” Dad slapped him on the back, and Jake met my gaze with a pained expression.
God this was awful. The last thing I wanted was to sit through a miserable dinner, pretending to be happy.
“And where’s that other employee of yours? Let’s invite him too.”
“Jin isn’t here. He had to go back to Shanghai for a work emergency,” Jake explained.
“So it’s just been the two of you in this big house?” Dad turned his sharp gaze to me.
“Well, there were also clients from Asia and some other colleagues of Jake’s from time to time,” I said quickly. “Callie even came down one weekend.”
That seemed to appease my dad. “You don’t say.”
We ended up at one of the busier restaurants on the coast. Dinner was interminable.
Dad spent most of it recounting stories from the neighborhood when he and Jake were kids.
He seemed to think it was hilarious that Jake was always trailing around after him and his friends, waiting to be asked to join the family for dinner.
It just made me sad. He was always alone even then.
Just a few days ago I would have been grateful for these additional pieces to the Jake puzzle, but I knew now that I’d never get to the heart of him because he wouldn’t let me. He was holding on to those last, essential pieces of himself and he had no intention of ever sharing them with me.
The realization hit me like a bucket of ice-cold water, and I shivered.
Toward the end of dinner, Dad brought up their plan of surprising Levi with a visit. “Liv, we were hoping that you might want to come with us. That is, if Jake here can spare you.”
“Of course. She should go with you,” Jake answered, and my eyes darted to him.
I started to protest, but then stopped myself. What was the use? I couldn’t force him to see the truth—that this was real, and we could make something of it if he was just willing to try. The harder I pushed, the more he’d retreat.
“Yeah, I would like to go. In fact, I can leave tonight if that’s all right with Jake.” I glared at him, forcing him to meet my eyes.
For a minute I thought he might refuse as irritation flashed across his face, but then it was gone, replaced by complete indifference. “Sure.”
“Really?” asked Gran. “We don’t have to leave for another day or two, Liv. No need to rush.”
“No, it makes perfect sense. I don’t have much to pack,” I insisted, stabbing my spoon into my crème caramel .
“Great!” Dad grinned. “Can’t wait to get you to ourselves again. Sorry, Jake, to steal her away like this.”
“It’s fine,” Jake mumbled into his glass.
On the way back to the house, I rode with my dad and Kirsten while Jake drove Gran and my delighted brothers in the Aston Martin.
As we rolled into the gravel driveway, I closed my eyes and imagined Jake jumping out of the car with the engine still running and begging me not to go.
I wanted him to argue with me, to insist I stay.
But when we got back, he just stood there like a statue.
I took my suitcase from the cottage and then, while the others were distracted in the living room, snuck up to Jake’s room and started throwing clothes into it, propelled by anger so I wouldn’t have to face the grief that this was ending.
All of it. Early mornings at the market, cooking lessons with Chantal, afternoon pétanque competitions in the town square.
We were ending.
I’d never feel Jake’s warm, calloused hands skimming over me or the scratch of his scruff against my skin.
I’d never again be able to lay my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat as I drifted off to sleep.
If I thought about any of that, I wouldn’t have the strength to leave.
My legs might grow roots and plant me in the ground.
If Jake thought that what we had wasn’t real, though, there was nothing I could do to convince him otherwise. I didn’t want to wait in vain for him to love me. It would end now or in a week. At least this way it ended on my terms.
Once I’d finished packing, I did a last sweep of the room and headed for the stairs.
Jake was coming up just as I started to go down, his face half hidden in the shadows.
He gripped my wrist and pressed me against the wall, and I couldn’t breathe as I waited for him to speak.
I could see the struggle in him, and a little flame of hope flickered to life inside me.
“Are you really going to leave like this?” he asked.
“Not unless you stop me.”
His eyes burned into me as he lowered his mouth just inches from mine . . . and then he released me. “I won’t stop you.”
And with that the dagger buried deeper in my heart.
“Will you at least let me know . . .” His voice trailed off.
“Yeah, I’ll let you know when I get my period.”
“That’s not what I meant.” He released me and dragged his hand through his hair.
“Okay. Looks like everything I say is wrong. Just promise me that you’re going to speak with your dad.
That you’re not going to let this opportunity to follow your dream pass you by. You’re too talented to squander it.”
“Why do you care?” I sounded petty even to my own ears, but I was too hurt to play nice.
“Because, dammit, I do care about you, I just . . .”
“You just don’t care enough to try. I understand.” I took the stairs two at a time before he could say anything else.
“Ready?” I asked as I marched into the living room where my grandmother and Kirsten were busy flipping through some of the old photos that we’d found in the cardboard boxes.
“That was quick. Look at these photos that Jake gave me, dear,” said Gran. “Such a lovely surprise.”
Jake followed us outside as we loaded up the rental car. After he embraced my grandmother and Kirsten, my dad slapped him on the back once again. “Don’t be a stranger, Jake. You still have a place at our dinner table anytime.”
I knew it would be awkward saying goodbye to him in front of everyone, but I hadn’t counted on how my body ached to fall into his when he bent to give me a kiss on the cheek. The strength it took not to fling myself into his arms, just to feel them around me one last time, nearly wrecked me.
“Take care,” he said, his hand lingering at my waist a touch too long.
I took a ragged breath and nodded. “You too.”
The rest of the drive was a blur. I couldn’t make sense of the voices around me. I just kept thinking about everything I’d just lost.
I wasn’t even aware I was crying until we pulled up to the Airbnb and Kirsten gasped when the car light went on. “What’s wrong, honey?”
“The cat.” I was crying freely now, tears streaking down my face. “I forgot to say goodbye to the cat.”