Chapter 27
OLIVIA
W e spent the next couple days driving through towns on the C?te d’Azur—Nice, èze, Menton. Kirsten and my grandmother oohed and ahhed over each quaint village and picturesque view of the Mediterranean, but the beauty of the scenery was completely lost on me.
It was as if someone had dipped me in bucket of dry ice. Everything rolled off me like mist. Even the twins were perplexed and left me alone.
I kept replaying different scenes in my head from my last day with Jake: from our horrible fight to the moment on the stairs when I thought he might ask me to stay.
In the back of my mind lived a hope that he was as miserable as I was and, at any moment, he’d call or text.
But as the days passed with no word from him, I had to face the fact that he was more likely relieved to get back to his old life without me.
It didn’t make matters any easier that my grandmother kept bringing him up.
“I’m so pleased to see how well Jake’s done for himself.
He was such a solitary little lamb,” she reminisced.
“His parents left him alone too often. Even now he strikes me as a particularly independent kind of man.” Gran smiled as brought her keen gaze to mine.
“I suppose you know him better than we do now, Liv. Isn’t life funny that way?
It’s like our paths were always meant to cross and recross again. ”
I swallowed. “I guess so.”
I know you were made just for me. I closed my eyes. I couldn’t read too much into this. It was confusing enough as it was without bringing fate into the mix.
By the time we’d crossed into Italy, my mood had plummeted, and my stomach ached.
When we pulled into a highway rest stop teeming with truckers and tourists, I made a beeline for the toilet, knowing I’d find a bright red spot on my underwear.
Now, I had no excuse not to forget about Jake and get on with my life.
Back outside, as I waited for my family to load up on overpriced snacks from the convenience store, I sat at one of the concrete picnic benches lining the parking lot and pulled out my phone.
There was no point in trying to make polite text talk, so I got right to the point: Hey, just wanted to let you know I got my period.
So you’re off the hook , I thought but didn’t write.
Almost immediately, three dots appeared on my screen and then disappeared. I waited.
Jake: Are you all right?
A hysterical little laugh escaped me. No, I most definitely was not all right, but if I told him the truth it might make his phone melt. Yeah, I typed.
The three dots appeared and then . . . nothing. I slid my phone back into my purse and stared at the snowy peaks of the Alps in the distance, listening to the conversations in a mix of German, English, and Italian around me.
I heard Gran say my name. Only as she slid onto the bench next to me did I realize that my cheeks were wet. I brushed at my tears quickly, but it was too late. She’d already noticed.
“Oh, sweetheart. What’s wrong?” She put her arm around me, and I breathed in the familiar scent of her floral perfume.
I shook my head and tried to smile. “It’s nothing. Cramps, you know.”
“I certainly don’t miss those.” She took my hand in hers. “That explains the funk you’ve been in since we arrived. I was afraid it might have been something else.”
I couldn’t bring myself to look at her and stared down at my lap instead.
“Did I ever tell you about how I met your grandfather?” Confused by the sudden change in subject, I glanced up at her.
“He worked with my father. He was older, divorced, had just moved to town,” she continued. “I was just out of college and at home that summer to help at the office. I just thought he was the handsomest man I’d ever seen. I’ll have to show you some of the photos I took back then.”
I continued to stare at her, surprised that I was only just now hearing this story.
“He was so kind and funny when he wasn’t trying to act disinterested in me.
We kissed once, and he felt so bad about it he stayed away from me for weeks.
Told me I was too young, and I didn’t know what I wanted.
But I did. I wanted him, and I was bound and determined to get him. ”
I swallowed, trying to imagine my gray-haired grandmother as she was back then—a petite blonde in bellbottoms and crocheted vests. “What did you do?”
She smiled, adjusting her thick glasses over her nose.
“I started going around with boys my age. Some older ones too. I wasn’t interested in any of them, and maybe that was wrong of me, but I knew I had to make him realize what he was missing.
And I did. Drove him crazy with jealousy until one day he couldn’t take it anymore.
He told me he couldn’t stop thinking about me.
He missed me and wanted to take a chance on us.
He was so reluctant, you see, because he’d made bad decisions before.
I just needed to give him the time and space to realize it. ”
“Wasn’t that risky though?” I rubbed my hands against my jeans. “He could have convinced himself it wasn’t worth it.”
“It is a risk, giving your heart to someone. Especially, someone who never had much love in his life . . . like Jake.” My eyes darted to hers. “But I think especially with men like that you must be patient. It takes time for them to open up.”
Tears burned in my eyes. “How did you know?”
“Well, sweetheart, not only was the tension between you palpable, but you obviously were not staying in that guest house. I’ve never seen a room you’ve occupied look so tidy.”
“Does Kirsten know? Or Dad?”
“I think Kirsten might, but she won’t say anything to Ben.” She rubbed a hand over my back. “Now, if I know anything about Jake, it’s that he’s in desperate need of love and affection. But like most men he’s probably convinced himself he’s fine on his own.”
I nodded solemnly. “There’s nothing I can do to change his mind.”
“I don’t know about that. I’ll bet he’ll realize soon enough what he’s missing.” She held me closer, and I leaned on her shoulder. “When he realizes what a fool he’s been, be gentle. Deep down he’s still that lost little boy who doesn’t know how to ask for love.”
If only what she said was true. But the silence from my phone convinced me otherwise.
* * *
By the time we arrived at Aviano Air Base a couple days later, after a detour to Lake Como, I was a ball of misery. I hadn’t heard from Jake. Not one word. It was the strangest, most dizzying feeling to have been so close with someone and then to have no contact with them whatsoever.
Levi was shocked to see my family and even more surprised to see me with them. After showing us around the base and his small living space, he took me aside, his blue eyes searching mine. “Why are you here? Is everything okay?”
“No, Levi. It’s not.” I fell into him and cried against his uniform. It felt good just to let him hug me. He was like a best friend and a big brother rolled into one.
Levi was no stranger to heartbreak. He’d lost his parents as a child, then had spent his high school years in a military academy in Colorado. He’d had a hell of a broken heart a few years ago when his fiancé had left him for some other guy. He didn’t like to talk about it, not even with me.
“Do you want me to beat him up for you?” He rubbed his hand up and down my arm, and I laughed into his chest.
“Actually, I don’t know if you’d come out the victor in that fight. He’s taller than you.”
“Yes, but did he train on the mean streets of Lake Odessa like I did?” I laughed, remembering Levi and his three best friends playing ping pong in the park. “Sorry I can’t give you better advice, but I’m not an expert when it comes to relationships.”
I never could understand why that was the case. With his dark blond hair, deep blue eyes, and chiseled jaw, he used to make my girlfriends giddy whenever he was around. Plus, he was the best guy I knew.
“Hey, I know just the place to take your mind off things. Come on.” We walked to a local bar filled with old Italian men playing cards.
We bought a couple beers, and then Levi led me to a vintage pinball machine hidden in the corner that reminded me of summer days in my uncle Ted’s basement when we’d gorge ourselves on Cheetos and Otter Pops.
As we took turns on the machine, he brought up the other problem that was weighing on me. “Are you going back with your parents? I thought you were going to break the news to them about culinary school.”
“I don’t know, Levi. Maybe my dad’s right. I should just go to law school. It’s a sure thing.” I was beginning to doubt my judgment in everything now. I’d been wrong about Jake. Maybe I was wrong about culinary school too.
“What are you afraid of, Liv? You know you don’t want to be a lawyer. Just talk to Ben. Believe me, you don’t want to regret not following your dreams.” Levi squeezed my shoulder. “I’ll back you up if you need me to.”
He was right. I had to talk to my dad. I was afraid of disappointing him, but I was also sick of people thinking they knew what was best for me. Like Jake. Why did he think I was better off without him? Because that was clearly not the case.
“What if I’m making the wrong decision?”
“There are no wrong decisions. Just ones that take you a little off course. You don’t want to get so far off course that you lose your way.” Levi stared at the bottom of his glass.
“Are you speaking from experience?”
He smiled sadly. “Maybe.”
* * *
The next day, Dad suggested going on a hike, just the two of us. Levi recommended some hiking trails near a lake about a half hour away from the base.
It had rained during the night and a heavy mist hung over the blue-green water, obscuring the mountains beyond. It was beautiful, and it felt good to stretch my legs and walk some of my anxiety off. But I could tell that Dad was up to something.