Chapter 8
Without looking at a clock, Paisley knew it was late as she and Kydrick crept down to the kitchen, giggling and whispering as if they were teenagers about to get caught by their parents.
When they made it to the kitchen, Paisley caught a glimpse of the time on the stove before Kydrick lifted her onto the counter, causing her giggle uncontrollably.
“What’s so funny?” he asked as his face nestled into her neck.
He knew she was ticklish, so the question wasn’t one that needed answering, thankfully for her, because she couldn’t even if she wanted to. She now laughed so hard she could barely breathe.
“Kyd!” Her words finally tumbled out of her mouth, coming out in a screech. “Cut it out! Come on. It’s almost one in the morning. You know it’s way past my bedtime. I need to eat something quick and then get some sleep.”
“Oh yeah?” he murmured. “Because I thought we could stay up all night and do some more of this.” He slipped his hand under the shirt she wore, which happened to be his.
“We’ve been at it for hours,” she whined.
“So what?” He kissed her neck before tweaking one of her nipples between his fingers.
“So…” She dragged the word out. “We both have to work tomorrow.”
With a sigh, he pulled away from her. It was as if once they unlocked this physical side to their relationship, neither of them truly wanted to stop. They both knew if Kydrick had pushed a little harder, Paisley would have given in, but she was right. They had yet to eat anything since they got home hours ago, and they needed to sleep.
“Aight, man, aight. Sit your pretty ass right there, and let me see what you got.” Kydrick placed another kiss on her soft lips, causing Paisley to feel like she could melt into the counter.
She couldn’t believe how easy of a shift it had been for them to slip into lovers from friends. She felt like she was walking on clouds, but there was still something nagging in the back of her mind.
While she watched Kydrick walk into her pantry and grab the bread, peanut butter, and some chips, she chewed on her bottom lip.
By the time he put everything on the counter next to her along with some jelly, she couldn’t hold it in anymore.
“Kyd?”
He glanced at her as he assembled sandwiches for them. “Pooh?”
A soft smile played on her face. “Why did Janelle want to meet with you?”
Kydrick shrugged nonchalantly, which confused her because a meeting between him and Janelle shouldn’t be so casual.
“Didn’t we already talk about this?”
She cocked her head to the side. “You never answered my questions, so no, we didn’t talk about it. Not really.”
“Why were you there anyway?” he asked, completely ignoring what she said as he spread peanut butter on a few slices of bread.
Alarm bells rang as her brows pulled in. She desperately wanted to change the subject altogether, but her anxious mind wouldn’t allow her to. While her thoughts raced, she absentmindedly said, “I was there with my boss.”
“Steven?”
She nodded slowly.
“But like, what did you guys talk about?” She stumbled over her words.
Where there were once butterflies in her stomach, there were now nerves. She hated that Janelle had the power to cause so much chaos within her, but it had been that way for a long time. It definitely didn’t help that her love for Kydrick had just been solidified in the most beautiful way. When she met Kydrick’s eyes, she noticed his brows pulled together as well.
“Why were you at that fancy ass place with Steven? Y’all got something going on?”
Communication had officially flown out the window. It felt like they were simply talking at each other at this point instead of having a solid conversation.
“What? No. I mean, he…” She bit her lip and avoided his eye contact.
After placing the knife on a paper towel, he grabbed her chin and asked, “He what?”
She blew out a breath. Somehow, she knew Kydrick would not be okay with what she was about to say, even though it was all for him.
“In order to take on your case, he made me promise to go on a date with him once you were released. He’s been waiting a long time, and since you got out, he’s been bugging me about it. I finally let him take me to lunch, but that was ruined when I saw you and Janelle.”
“Wait. We aren’t just going to skip over the fact that you promised that man a date if he could get me out of prison.”
“Oh, yes we are. We can table that for later. You need to answer some of my questions, Kyd. Why don’t you want me to know about Janelle?”
He sported a scowl that matched her own. “What do you want to know, Paisley?”
She reared back at his tone, but curiosity got the better of her, so instead of commenting on his attitude, she asked, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
He rubbed a hand down his face. “I didn’t know I had to tell you my every move.”
This time, she jumped off the counter and retreated to the far wall of the kitchen out of fear that she would put her hands on him. That comment was completely uncalled for, and she could tell by the way his face fell he knew it too.
“Paisley—”
She held her hands up. “No. You’re right. You don’t have to tell me shit, but since you were using my car, I think the courteous thing to do would have been to tell me you were going on a date with your ex.”
She didn’t wait for an answer, nor was she even hungry anymore. Angry tears fell from her eyes as she turned and slipped out of the kitchen. Her chest felt like it caved in, and as she made her way to her room, she wondered how she managed to go from having the best night of her life to one of the worst.
Tiana’s jaw hung wide open as she looked at her sister with large eyes. Paisley sat there, playing with the sleeve of her hoodie while she avoided her sister’s eyes.
“Now, why in the hell did you go and do that?”
Paisley’s eyes snapped to Tiana’s, and her face scrunched up. Pointing a manicured nail at her chest, she asked, “ Me ? What about him?”
Tiana sighed and shook her head as if she was disappointed in Paisley, which caused heat to flush her features. She’d spent all night and then all day feeling bad for herself. She’d called in to work and spent most of the morning sulking in her room, wanting to go to Kydrick and make things right but believing that he should have been the one to put in that effort. She felt completely conflicted but ultimately allowed the day to go by without speaking to him. She’d heard him leave that morning for work and watched from her bedroom window as he got into an Uber.
It was now dinnertime, and she’d found her way to her parents’ house since her siblings told her their mom was making her famous red beans and rice in their group chat. When she got there, Tiana took one look at her and whisked her up to their old room so they could talk.
“Paisley, I’m going to hold your hand when I say this…” And she did. She grabbed Paisley by both her hands and squeezed them. “What that man and Janelle talk about has nothing to do with you. You understand that, right?”
Paisley blinked slowly at her for several seconds before she tried to snatch her hands away. Tiana wouldn’t allow it, though. She held Paisley’s hands tighter, causing the eldest sister to sigh heavily.
“You know how close the three of us were.”
Tiana rolled her eyes. “Duh. You used to barely let me hang out with you guys.”
“That’s not true.”
“Felt like it.” Tiana pouted. “I used to want to be a part of the trio, you know?”
Paisley offered a weak smile. “I know, and I loved you and Nasir. I hope you guys know that. You’re all I have now, and that was never in question. It was just that… Janelle and Kydrick, we just clicked, you know? From day one, we were thick as thieves, and being with them was exciting.”
“I can understand that,” Tiana murmured.
“I think I’m having a hard time now that Kyd is out,” Paisley admitted as she gave Tiana her watery gaze. “It’s like I’m mixing before he went to prison with present time, and that’s a problem. Those two times really don’t mix well. Before, our business was always up for grabs between the three of us. We didn’t have many boundaries.
“When Kydrick and Janelle lost their virginities to each other, I knew about it. When I managed to have a crush on someone other than Kyd, they both knew. I guess seeing them together with no prior knowledge and then him being so tight-lipped about it triggered me. It reminded me about how hurt I was when I found out they were dating. I felt blindsided and like there was a new duo in town that I wasn’t a part of.”
“Yeah, you have to stop that,” Tiana said, finally letting go of Paisley’s hands after giving them another gentle squeeze. “Y’all aren’t kids anymore, and honestly, you need to climb out of Kydrick’s ass and let him breathe. He has a lot he needs to figure out now that he’s out, and he might need to spend some time with people from his past in order to move on. Did you ever think of that?”
Tiana always told Paisley how it was. She got that bluntness from their mama. Over the years, her family tried reminding her to rest and to take time for herself, but she never could. Not until Kydrick was okay. Hearing Tiana say it so bluntly made her wonder if she clung too tightly to him. That made her wonder why. She had so easily been able to block Janelle out of her life. Why couldn’t she leave Kydrick in the past? Better yet, why couldn’t she allow him some breathing room?
While questions raced through her mind, a knock on the door sounded. Tiana called out, “Come in!”
Alyssa poked her head in and smiled at her girls. “Dinner is ready. Tiana, go wash up. I need to talk to Paisley for a second.”
Tiana hopped up, patted Paisley on the shoulder, and said, “Think about what I said. Let that man breathe.”
Paisley didn’t pay her any mind as she allowed her thoughts to consume her. A moment later, the bed dipped, causing her gaze to land on her mother.
“Now what did she mean by let that man breathe?”
Paisley scoffed. “Take a guess.”
Alyssa chuckled. “You know your sister is smart. All of you are, but that doesn’t mean she has all the answers.”
Paisley let out a long breath, tired of people giving her their opinions when she didn’t ask for them but knowing her mother was going to say what she needed to despite Paisley’s irritation.
To speed up the process, she asked, “And what do you mean by that?”
“I mean that only you and Kydrick know what’s best for y’all.”
“I kind of doubt that,” Paisley admitted. “I thought things were finally looking up, but they came crashing down pretty quickly.”
“Does it have anything to do with him meeting Janelle yesterday?”
“You knew about that?”
“Chile, of course I did. Linda was the one that gave Janelle his number after she begged him for it. She’s been wanting to talk to him for a long time now. Let me guess. You don’t think she has that right?”
“You do?” Paisley asked as she stood up and paced the length of the room. The pink wallpaper and two double beds always transported her back to her teenaged years.
“That’s not my place to judge. What I know is Kydrick accepted her invite, so apparently he thought she did.”
Paisley stopped pacing and looked at her mom with genuine confusion written all over her face.
“But why , Mama? I don’t understand why . She left him. What could she possibly say to him after all this time?”
“Why don’t you ask her yourself?”
“What?” Paisley’s head cocked to the side as if she didn’t comprehend that combination of words.
Alyssa chuckled. “You always been so strong willed. You get that from your daddy.” She stood and squeezed Paisley’s shoulder. “Kydrick wasn’t the only one Janelle wanted to talk to. She called me this morning and asked that you go see her.”
“Why the fuck would I do that?”
“Hey,” Alyssa snapped. “Language, little girl. Now, I know you’re angry with Janelle. Hell, a blind man can see that, but I also know you two spent many nights in this very room building a sisterhood. She was your first female friend, and like it or not, you two have a deep history. You might owe it to yourself to hear her out.”
Allowing Paisley time to process what she just said, Alyssa walked out of the room. Paisley slowly sat back down and allowed her thoughts to consume her once again, completely ignoring her rumbling stomach.
The neighborhood was so familiar, even though she hadn’t stepped foot in it in years. It was as if everyone who knew her understood that she didn’t want to be reminded of Janelle ever. Whenever they had get togethers for a celebration between the two families, it was like an unspoken rule that the Cooper family didn’t host.
Paisley wondered if that had been a good thing now that she pulled up in front of her ex-best friend’s home. It was just two houses down from her parents home, and despite her irritation at being there, she smiled slightly. The home was beautiful, and Janelle and Paisley spent a lot of time admiring it in their youth. Janelle made good on her side of the pact to buy it. Paisley was supposed to buy the one in between that one and her parents. It was no secret that the Coopers were the richest family between the trio, which was why living in this neighborhood had always been a goal of theirs. It wasn’t super prestigious like Ellington Heights, where all the celebrities lived, but the manicured lawns and large homes seemed perfect for raising a family.
Paisley shook her head at the old memories that flooded her mind. Her gaze averted away from the home that was supposed to be hers, the pretty yellow color popping out at her like a beacon as she rushed toward the front steps of Janelle’s home. She admired the screened in porch as she rang the doorbell.
The only reason she even came was because everyone else seemed to see something in Janelle that she didn’t, and that bothered her. Kydrick didn’t mind having a conversation with her, and her own mother urged her to do the same. What Paisley couldn’t understand was what the fuck they had to talk about.
The front door opened, and Jaden, Janelle’s husband, froze, staring at her through the screen that wrapped around the porch. After they stared at each other for several seconds, he took a couple of steps and opened the screen door with an uncomfortable smile on his face. Suddenly, Paisley wondered if in all these years she had made Jaden uncomfortable around her. Janelle definitely deserved it, and while there may have been a time she didn’t care much for Jaden, that had passed quickly. None of what happened had been his fault. From what she knew of him, he was a great father and provider for his family. Linda and Charles raved about him, his children adored him, and Janelle was clearly head over heels. Jaden didn’t have that many people fawning over him for no reason.
After clearing her throat, Paisley offered him a warm smile. Her beef was never with him. “Hi, Jaden. My mom told me Janelle wanted to see me…”
She allowed her sentence to fall off because she wasn’t sure what else to say. Paisley was almost 100 percent certain that Janelle didn’t mean for her to stop by unexpectedly, but if she was going to do this, it would be on her terms. There was no part of her that wanted to carry this into the next day, and she definitely didn’t want to spend a whole lot of time fighting with herself about if she wanted to talk to her former friend or not. It was now or never for her, so she hoped Janelle was prepared.
“She did,” Jaden said, running a hand down his crisp waves. He smiled, showcasing his perfectly straight white teeth, and she noticed his brown eyes crinkled at the gesture. “We didn’t expect you tonight, but she’ll be happy to see you. Please, come in. She’s just finishing dinner.”
Paisley shifted her stance and fidgeted with her hands. “Actually, I won’t stay long. Could you tell her to come out here, please?”
Jaden’s smile fell slightly, and Paisley suspected it was on his wife’s behalf. She knew Janelle missed her. She didn’t spend her entire childhood with Janelle and not pick up on her emotions, even when she didn’t want to. Paisley wasn’t here for that, though, and she wanted to set that boundary up front.
He nodded. “Of course. Please, have a seat in here. She’ll be right out.”
“Thank you,” she uttered but stayed planted in place.
He offered her one last understanding smile before quickly disappearing back into the house. Seconds felt like minutes, and Paisley fidgeted as her anxiety mounted. Finally, Janelle walked out of the house, her gaze sweeping over Paisley as if she hadn’t believed she was really there.
The two women stared at each other for long seconds before Janelle walked to the screen door like she was in a trance and opened it.
“P… I didn’t know you would come by today. Not that it matters. I’m… I’m glad you’re here. Please, come in.”
Paisley shook her head, annoyed that she had the sudden urge to cry. Every time she saw Janelle, she was so put together and picture perfect. Right now, she was still perfect, but in a different way. Her curls were piled on the top of her head and barely contained by a scrunchy. She wore a brown, oversized sweater, black leggings, and brown slouchy socks. She looked like a mom , like a wife , and that made Paisley want to run away and cry because those pesky thoughts of what if swirled through her mind.
What if they had stayed friends? Paisley surely would have been her children’s god mom.
What if Janelle and Kydrick had gotten married? Would Paisley have gotten over her crush and found love of her own? Would she be married herself now with kids? What if Kydrick had never walked into that room at that party that night…
Tears gathered in Paisley’s eyes, and she shook her head stubbornly. “I’m good out here. What did you want to talk to me about?”
Paisley saw the moment Janelle’s hope deflated. Her eyes lowered, and she chewed on her lip before nodding once and stepping out into the cool evening air.
With weary eyes, she looked at Paisley and murmured, “Thank you for coming.”
“Why am I here, Janelle?” Paisley asked, wanting to get to the point so she could go home and make some brownies so she could eat her feelings. A twinge of anxiety sparked through her as she thought about Kydrick. She wondered if he would want to talk. Before her thoughts could get too carried away with that, Janelle spoke.
“You know I never meant to hurt you, right?”
Paisley’s eyes snapped to Janelle’s, and they narrowed. “Excuse me?”
Janelle sighed before sitting on the top step that led to the screened door. “Back then, I never wanted to hurt you. Believe it or not, I didn’t want to hurt Kydrick either.”
Paisley scoffed and folded her arms over her chest. “You cheated on him.”
“I did. I’ve always owned up to that. The guilt I felt behind that was too immense to keep in. Jaden was just… there. We became friends when we started our freshman year. He was there that night, you know? At the party. And when Kydrick was arrested, he allowed me to cry on his shoulder. One thing led to another…”
“That’s bullshit, and you know it, Janelle. It had always been you, me, and Kyd. Always. You had me to lean on. I was fucking there. You didn’t need Jaden, and you didn’t need to hurt Kydrick like that. That was a selfish ass choice you made at a shitty ass time.” Paisley’s heart rate picked up, and she felt her skin heat with anger that had been suppressed for far too long. It wouldn’t take much more for her to explode.
“But you weren’t there,” Janelle muttered.
Paisley’s head reared back. “The fuck did you just say? Because I know you didn’t just say I wasn’t there. I’m the one that always held shit down. I was a good friend to you. I know like fuck you aren’t trying to deny that.”
Her finger jabbed at Janelle, but she didn’t dare take a step toward her because Paisley was sure to knock her head off. She shook with rage, and the tears she had been trying to hold back now fell freely.
Janelle stood up quickly, jabbing her own finger in the air and ignoring her falling tears.
“No! You weren’t there,” she roared. “Not for me ! You weren’t there for me . You were there for him !”
Silence hung between them as Paisley blinked at her in shock. Finally, she wiped her tears and shook her head before whispering, “That’s not true.”
“But it is, Paisley. I’d just lost my boyfriend to the system, and he had these atrocious claims against him?—”
“False claims!”
“How was I supposed to know that?” Once again, Janelle’s voice elevated in frustration, and Paisley clamped her mouth shut out of complete shock. “I wasn’t there when it happened?—”
“But I was! Kyd didn’t do it, and you know he didn’t.”
“Of course, you were there,” she muttered under her breath.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means exactly what it sounds like. You two were always joined at the hip, but he was my boyfriend.”
Paisley took a step back in offense. “Okay, but you know it wasn’t like that. He’s my best friend just like you were.”
Janelle shook her head. “You don’t get it. You never did.”
“You were my best friend!” Paisley’s words came out in a shriek, cracking with emotion as she swiped at her tears angrily. All the pain she felt toward Janelle spilled out, and she couldn’t stop it from leaking all over her former friend’s lawn. “You were my only female friend. I don’t trust bitches now because of you. Because you abandoned us. You abandoned me. I needed you. I fucking needed you. While you were out getting married, buying this beautiful home, and popping out babies, I was busy fighting tooth and nail to get our best friend out of prison. Fuck everything else. Fuck all of it. That is what hurt me the most. You left me to pick up the pieces.
“You cheated. Fine. Shitty thing to do, but we all mess up. What you should have done was shrug that shit off and stand beside me to still fight for him. Fuck whatever complaining we did. Fuck if we claimed we didn’t want you there. Fuck whatever insults you had coming. You chose to leave us. You left me . If you would have stayed, I would have forgiven you eventually, but you chose to leave, and that right there is why we could never be friends again.”
Paisley covered her face and sobbed into her hands. She wanted so badly to sit down on the concrete and rock herself to soothe the pain, but she held it together just enough to not embarrass herself in that way.
“I didn’t know how to be there for you after what I did,” she mumbled, her voice cracking as she spoke. “Shame and guilt kept me away, and I was wrong, but I convinced myself you didn’t need me.”
“Well, you were wrong,” Paisley replied, trying to control her tears. “So fucking wrong.”
Janelle lifted her watery eyes and gazed at her with such raw pain, causing Paisley to take another step back. The energy coming off Janelle at the moment was so potent Paisley wanted to run. Her next words completely knocked the wind out of her.
“You love Kydrick. You did even back then. And he… he loved you. I could never measure up to you. The chemistry you guys had was unlike anything he and I ever experienced.”
Paisley shook her head. “That’s not true. We’re grown now, so I’ll admit that I had a secret crush on Kyd for as long as I can remember, but I never allowed that to get in the way of you two. I was crushed when you guys announced that you were dating, but you two were my best friends, pretty much my entire world, and I would have never come between you.”
“You don’t think I know that? I know your heart, Paisley, which is why I could never be mad at you. Not after all these years and probably not ever. You have the kindest most selfless heart I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. When I started realizing how you felt about Kydrick, it tore me apart. Not because I was sad Kydrick and I would never make it but because you were suffering. You did your best to hide it, but I saw you, Paisley. I always saw you, and even though Kydrick didn’t even realize his feelings for you back then, I knew I was only hurting him too.
“I was going to break up with him… before everything happened. I had made up my mind that I was going to bow out gracefully and let you two naturally figure things out. I knew I would rather that than lose my best friends by being the wedge that stood between them.
“And then he was accused of such terrible things, and Paisley, I didn’t know what to think. There were so many emotions, and I never really thought he did it. You have to believe me when I say that, but my emotions were at an all time high. Life with a man in prison for rape was too much for me. I knew I wasn’t built to withstand that test, but I knew you could. Cheating was never part of the plan. I fucked up in a major way, and I will live with that regret for the rest of my life, but I have a slice of peace knowing you two had each other, even if I was no longer in the picture. I knew because of you, Kydrick would be alright. He never needed me, Paisley, but he always needed you.”
Tears streamed down Paisley’s face as she took in Janelle’s words. Admittedly, she hadn’t been as selfless as everyone claimed. She didn’t care to see Janelle’s side of the story. Paisley assumed she’d done a good job of hiding her feelings all those years ago, but now, she realized that assumption had been wrong. She couldn’t imagine how Janelle must have felt when she realized her best friend was in love with her man.
After wiping her tears, Paisley looked down the street toward Janelle’s parents’ house. The ghost of a memory tugged at her. She could still see the blue plastic kiddie pool Paisley, Kydrick, and her would swim in when they were toddlers as their parents stood around the grill and sipped on hard seltzers and beers.
Taking in a deep breath, she moved her gaze back over to Janelle and said, “So much could have been avoided with simple conversations. I should have been honest with you back then about my feelings from the jump, and for that, I’m sorry.”
Janelle’s brows rose in surprise as she sniffled. “I’m sorry too. Mistakes were made mostly on my end, and you have to know I’ve suffered because of it.” She hesitated and then said, “I saw Kydrick, you know?”
Paisley scoffed. “I heard.”
Janelle’s brows pulled in, and then as if realization dawned on her, she put her hands up, palms facing Paisley, and said, “Oh, no. Not like that. I… I took him to lunch. To apologize. I have been holding onto this for a very long time, and my therapist suggested I try hard to have these conversations with you. I was able to tell him the same things I just told you. I… I also told Kydrick that he shouldn’t allow the pain I caused him to stop him from loving again… from loving you.”
Paisley’s eyes widened. “You told him that?”
“I did,” Janelle said with a soft smile and a nod. “I know this means absolutely nothing to you, but I also know you. I don’t care how much time has passed, I know how loyal you are, even to people who you hate.” She chuckled sadly at that and Paisley joined in because she knew Janelle was referring to herself. “You two have my blessing to be together. I’m not going to claim that I’m the reason you haven’t taken that leap over the years. I know there were other factors in place, but for what it’s worth, you can take me and my family out of the equation. Anyone with eyes can see how much you two love each other, and honestly, Kydrick would be a fool not to choose forever with the woman who stood by him through hell and back. I told him the same thing.”
Janelle was right. Paisley was extremely loyal, and though she would never admit it, she had been worried about Janelle’s feelings surrounding her and Kydrick. She shouldn’t have been, but she wasn’t wired that way.
Paisley recognized the weight of the moment and the kindness in Janelle’s words. Her empathy allowed her, for the first time in a very long time, to put herself in Janelle’s shoes. Giving her blessing to her ex and her former best friend couldn’t have been easy, but it was the most selfless thing anyone had done for Paisley in a really long time.
“Thank you,” Paisley murmured before straightening her shoulders. “I can’t promise that we will ever be friends again, but I can promise to stop being so cold to you. I heard everything you said, and I’m thankful that you were the bigger person and reached out so we could clear the air.”
Janelle nodded. “Thank you for being receptive.”
They stood in awkward silence for a moment before Paisley lifted her hand and jammed her thumb toward her car.
“I should get going.”
“Okay,” Janelle whispered, looking like she might cry again.
“See you around.” Paisley turned on her heels to walk away, but Janelle stopped her.
“Paisley?”
“Yeah?” Janelle looked down at her feet as if she was contemplating something. Paisley sighed. “Just say it, Janelle. I see you still overthink everything you say.”
Janelle smiled shyly. “I just don’t want to overstep. I was just going to suggest you do something for yourself by yourself. Take a vacation or… I don’t know. Just do something for you. We all see how hard you push for everyone around you. You’re an amazing person to know… but it would be nice to see you going just as hard for yourself. Take care of yourself.”
Janelle quickly turned on her feet and walked toward the screen door, no doubt rushing away so Paisley wouldn’t see her cry again. She was thankful because fresh tears spilled from her eyes as she watched her go.
Many people over the years had told her similar things, but there was something about Janelle saying it that made it click for her. She chewed on those thoughts as she slowly got into her car, feeling drained from the day and ready to get into bed.