Twenty-eight
Ben
“What the fuck do you mean she left? Why?” I yell and sprint back to the bus. I don’t know why I’m running. Nick told me she left, so it’s not like she’ll be there. The second I saw Nick, I knew something was wrong, and before he even finished telling me Sadie had left, I was on my feet.
“She saw you do coke, Ben. She left.”
“Fuck!” Damn it, I shouldn’t have done that shit, and I knew it the second after I did it. I promised Sadie I would stop the hard drugs, and not only did I lie but she saw it with her two eyes.
“You let her fucking leave me! Where the fuck is my phone?” I never bring it with me to shows, and I can’t find it anywhere on the bus. I look like a madman throwing things around and leaving everything in disarray.
“Calm down and let me find it.”
“Don’t tell me to calm down! I need to go home! I want to leave now. Get me a flight.” He hands me my phone, and I call her. Straight to voice mail.
Fuck. I keep trying, and it sends me to voice mail each time. Each time I send her a message, it says Delivered but never Read .
“You can’t. Tomorrow, you have interviews with three different magazines.”
“I don’t care!”
“Ben! Calm down or I will make you calm down. If you go home or call her when you’re fucking high, you’re going to make it worse. Give her tomorrow to cool off. You can go home to her once you both have a second to think.”
“She can’t expect me to change overnight!” My anger is growing more impenetrable by the minute. I’m becoming bitter because she left me instead of fighting for me.
“No, but Ben, doing cocaine isn’t exactly a winning scenario. You knew what kind of girl Sadie was when you married her.”
“And she knew who I was!” I grab the glass next to me and slam it on the table; the impact causes it to shatter and cut open my hand.
“Damn it, Ben! Calm down!” Nick yells, moving around the bus to find me something for my hand. Only problem is, I don’t want it. I want to bleed, want to hurt, want to punish myself for hurting Sadie.
“Here.” He wraps my hand, and I drop down on the couch, the night catching up to me. “You two have some shit you need to work out, Ben, but she has sacrificed a lot to be with you, and you need to learn that this isn’t all about you.” He defends Sadie’s honor, and as much as I grow jealous over it, Nick’s right. Sadie has put up with my rage, my drug use, and my jealousy. She went against everything she knew in order to be with me. Even gave up her family. Her parents mean the world to her, and I have selfishly sat back and watched as she has given up so much of herself to love me.
All she asked me to do was to stop the hard drug use and open up to her about therapy so I can be healthy and free from all the bad shit that weighs me down.
But the truth of the matter is, I’m an addict, and we can’t shed our skin overnight.
“After the interviews, I want to fly home earlier. Move me to the next available flight. Charge my card.”
“Fine.” That’s all he needs to say, because the fight is dead. I fucked up, and the only way I’m going to get better is if I work on this with Sadie and commit to the help I’ve been getting.
“I’ll do anything for her. I love her, Nick.”
“Good. Start acting like it, then. Now come on, we need to patch up your hand.”
The next twenty-four hours need to fly the hell by. If I lose her like this, I won’t bounce back. I won’t even stand a chance at surviving.