Twenty-nine
Sadie
It’s nearing six in the morning when my flight lands, and Kate is waiting to pick me up. I told her everything on the phone from start to finish as I waited to board my flight, knowing I couldn’t go the entire trip without someone hearing what I have to say. Even then, I was losing my mind the whole flight. The flight attendant came around with tissues more than I’d like to admit, and if my sobs had gotten any louder, they might have stopped the damn flight.
Ben has called repeatedly and sent me an ungodly number of messages. I resisted reading any of them with the strength of a saint. But what if he sucks me back in? That’s what keeps happening. We’ve fallen into a cycle, and at this point, I don’t know if either of us knows how to break it. How did we get here? How did it get this bad so fast?
“Oh, Sadie,” Kate says empathetically the second I clear the sliding doors. She leaves her car running and comes to hug me. I fall into her arms and sob, exhausted and emotionally run dry.
“I hate this,” I cry into her shoulder, not caring if I’m all tears, snot, and drool in public. I feel like I’m living in a parallel universe and I can’t find my way back home.
“I’m here, babe. Let’s get you home. Your parents are waiting.”
“You told them?” I didn’t want to tell them until I was ready to admit that they were right and I need their help. They have never been disappointed in me. My father warned me, and I didn’t listen. Plus, regardless of how hurt I am, I don’t want them to judge Ben. They don’t know the whole story, and they don’t know the man deep inside. The one I keep fighting for.
Kate’s face is scrunched up, and I return her look quizzically. She grabs my luggage and packs up her car. We both slide in at the same time.
“I didn’t know what to do, Sadie. I was worried, and I think you need them right now. They want to be there. Let them. Let us all be there. Please?” she begs. I look over at her, tempted to tell her she is wrong, but she isn’t. I do want my parents. I need them. God, do I need them.
“Am I in the twilight zone?” I ask, sliding on my seat belt.
“That or a really bad horror movie. Either way, we got this.” She tries her best to comfort me, but it’s a lost cause. Off to face my parents . . . here we go.
* * *
“How long have you two been struggling with this?” my mother asks from the opposite side of the kitchen table. My father hasn’t said a word. Instead, he sits there with his arms crossed over his chest and his tight jaw tilted to the ground. My palms are sweating. I want to throw up, and I worry he may flip the table.
“I knew about his disorder and the drugs, but when we first met, there was this string of really good days—weeks, even. It got bad a month into me going on tour with him,” I admit. Kate is sitting next to me holding my hand in a firm, comforting grip, and I draw as much strength from her as I can.
“Why didn’t you call us?” My father’s tight voice slices through his silent standoff, and my body shivers. I have never seen my dad so cold.
“I didn’t want you to worry. And . . .” I pause, finally looking up at him. His eyes are glazed over. That look. That look right there is what I wanted to avoid. Why did I look up? “Because I love him, Papa. I love him, and I didn’t want you to tell me you were right and try to convince me to leave. I hate this, but I can’t let him go.” I break down again, dropping my head in my hands and falling against Kate’s shoulder. I’m so ashamed of how weak I am. Ben has molded me to bend and break at his will, but he always comes back and heals me.
“I wouldn’t throw that in your face, Sadie. You’re our daughter, and regardless of whether we agree with your choices or not, we don’t want you to suffer. God, sweetie. Come here.” He stands and rounds the table, opening his arms and letting the tears leak from his eyes. I stand on shaky legs and fall into him, crying from deep in my chest.
“He’s a good man, the greatest, he just needs someone. I promise. Help me figure this out? Be there for me and for him. Please. That’s a lot to ask, but for me?” I beg him to give in. To let go of any preconceived ideas of Ben he may have, even if some of them hold weight.
“Shh, we are here. We love you, and we will help you through this. I am sorry we went this long pushing you out.” My mother’s warmth surrounds me. She closes the circle, and I’m engulfed in my parents’ love, something I didn’t think I would still crave like a child into my adulthood.
“I don’t know what to do. I really don’t,” I cry. Their soft voices try their best to soothe me, but it’s futile. These past few months have challenged me. Caged me. Changed me. Freed me. Then lured me back into the cage. There must be a con they can sell a fool to get over this faster.
For the next hour, they focus on calming me down. They tell me I need a breather and to put some space between us right now. My father says I shouldn’t react or come up with a plan when I am this emotional, and my mother and Kate agree. They are right. Kate takes me to her place. Like I should have known she would, she goes to the extreme in attempting to keep my mind off Ben by convincing me to go out the following night. As if it’s possible to not think about him.
* * *
I continue to ignore Ben’s messages and calls, moping around Kate’s house and hardly getting anything ready to start my internship—at least I have that to look forward to. I miss Ben. I miss his dirty jokes, his thundering laugh, his touch, his voice, our conversations. But no matter how much I miss him, I can’t forget that my love isn’t enough to save him. The hard drugs and him shutting me out when he needs to let me in—these things are a threat to us, and my fragile heart doesn’t have what it takes to compete with that. I can’t watch him destroy himself anymore.
“Kate, I don’t know if I’m in the mood to go out. I don’t think it’s a good idea.” Rising out of the chair, I drag myself to the bed and climb in, lying on my side and staring at the opposite wall, ready to zone out.
“But it is, and you need it. Girls’ night, don’t you want that? You can forget everything.”
I scoff. “I can’t forget about my husband, Kate.” I blink rapidly as my eyes begin to water.
“I didn’t mean it like that, but you need to get out. Besides, he’s gonna show up everywhere until he finds you when he gets into town, so maybe being out will buy you some time.” She has a point.
“You’re right. I’ll put something on and come out.”
“Okay, good. Do you want me to do your hair and makeup? We can talk about everything.”
I debate for a moment. I could use a thousand and one vent sessions. “Sure. I’d like that.”
“Perfect, go shower first.”
Before I stand to do as she said, I read Ben’s last messages over and over again.
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
You’re my wife, you can’t give up on us. We made a vow, Sadie. Please—I’m sorry.
“How about you don’t do things you have to be sorry about?” I say under my breath. Turning off my ringer, I drop my phone in the heap of blankets and go shower.
* * *
“I’m jealous of your hair, Sadie Jay. I swear, is there anything wrong with you?” I keep my eyes focused on the floor while Kate curls my thick hair into waves.
“My marriage.”
“I knew you weren’t done talking about it. Let it out; stop getting in your head and blocking me out.” I peer up and look at her through the mirror. Kate’s eyes don’t meet mine, and it’s purposeful.
“Kate, we’re so young. We fell in love too fast, and we got married even faster.” I bite my lip, playing with the gold band on my finger. “You know when I’m sad because I miss him? Well, I want to call him and tell him how bad I’m hurting and what I’m going through, but then I remember he’s the reason I’m here. He’s the reason I’m drowning.”
“Oh, Sade.”
The tears have escaped against my will, and I do nothing to catch them. I want them to fall; I want to waste my tears on him, waste my pity, because no one else can heal this.
“Why am I not good enough for him? Why did we get married so young? Did we make a mistake, Kate?” I ask, wiping away my hot tears.
“No, Sade, you didn’t. Most people search the world and spend years building a love like yours, and you two found it right away. You’re enough. It’s Ben who needs to work on himself.” Standing beside me, she wraps her arms around my shoulders, and my face drops against her. I shake uncontrollably, feeling reduced to nothing.
“Shh, Sade, it’s okay.”
A loud sob rips through my chest, echoing in the silent room. “I miss him so much.” My back aches with the weight of the world, and anxiety collects in my chest. What do I do? Seeing Ben doing those drugs was a dagger straight to my heart. I can’t unsee that, not even if I tried. “I can’t believe we’re here, that within such a short time we fell so deeply in love and now we’re heading for what? A divorce? Am I making a mistake? God, Kate, I have so many questions.” Rubbing my back, she hushes me some more, finally loosening her grip a little.
“I can’t answer that for you, babe. This is a choice you two have to make.” I wish she weren’t right.
I finally dry the well of tears enough to continue getting ready. “Now that I look like roadkill, can we focus on getting me ready so I can get out of this house?”
“Of course. I have the perfect outfit.”
* * *
Beach waves in my hair, red lips, and a smoky eye later, I’m dressed in a skintight strapless dress with a thick choker and a leather jacket. My heels add a few inches, and although I’m dying on the inside, surprisingly, my body looks alive and well tonight. I’m shocked Kate could hide the dark circles under my tired eyes.
“You look so damn good, babe!” Stepping away from the closet, Kate looks me over, zipping up the side of her strapless romper. She looks stunning. Her long, lean legs and slender torso make the outfit. Kate could make a trash bag look couture.
“You look great, Kate.” I return the compliment, still feeling a little out of my comfort zone with this whole look. Ever since I got married, I’ve slowly started wearing more revealing clothes and doing my makeup a little differently. I stopped being the doctor’s daughter and became the rock star’s wife.
“Don’t. Don’t think of him. We’re doing so good, we’re almost out the door. Come on.” Grabbing my clutch, she hands it to me then ushers me out the door and down the steps of her porch.
Catching an Uber, we head downtown. I’m not sure who’s playing here tonight, but getting out after twenty-four hours of wallowing does make me feel a little bit better. The air is crisp, and it glides against us when we climb out of the cab. I straighten my dress, my legs erupting in goose bumps. I don’t miss the men passing and gawking at Kate and me.
“Keep walking, boys, eyes on someone else,” Kate hollers. They smirk and whistle. “Pigs.”
“I agree.” We weave around the crowds. Entering the venue, I’m instantly hit with the smell of smoke, and it reminds me of Ben. The only thing missing is his spicy cologne.
“Kate, where do you want to go?” I ask as I turn, but she isn’t behind me; she’s stopped at the door to talk to someone. I shrug and head to the bar, not really concerned enough to put in any effort.
“Can I get a Coke, please?” I order as I find a stool. The scratched-up wooden bar top holds my attention while I wait for my drink.
“Sadie?” My back stiffens, and my eyes widen. That voice—the only voice that can paralyze me. It’s both inviting and daunting. I pivot, and my eyes meet Ben’s honey ones. His head is covered with a snapback, his eyes are heavy and dark, and the scruff on his face forms a five o’clock shadow. The way his black jeans and leather jacket fit is lethal, and my knees quickly feel like buckling.
“Ben, what are you doing here?” I ask, exasperated. How did he know where to find me?
“I invited him. I think you two need to talk,” Kate says. Feeling betrayed, I stand abruptly, throwing down a ten-dollar bill on the bar top.
“Wow, thanks a lot, Kate. I thought I could trust you.” Looking back and forth between her and Ben, I shake my head. “Forget it. Have a good night.” I push past them.
“Sadie!” Both Ben and Kate call after me, but I make a hasty retreat. I feel cornered and vulnerable, which doesn’t help. Seeing him slammed my heart back into the ground. I thought tonight I was going to be able to forget him, even for a short reprieve, but instead I was faced with him head-on.
“Sadie, baby, wait! Come on.”
Stepping onto the sidewalk, I start walking, not bothering to slow down while I try to hail a cab. I’m not ready to make nice with him, not ready to face all the things that have ultimately put us in this very spot.
“No, Ben! Stay away from me.” I try to walk faster, but the uneven sidewalk doesn’t give me much of a head start in my black pumps. Within seconds, he’s on me, grabbing my arm and turning me to face him.
“You can’t avoid me anymore, Sadie. You have to talk to me.” I look up at his sad expression and see a mirror of my own broken reflection. That’s the most twisted thing about this—we’re both deeply broken, and the only cure is each other.
“Yes, I can, because there is nothing to say.”
“To hell there isn’t, Sadie! You’re my wife; you can’t throw in the towel when shit gets tough,” Ben yells, throwing his hands in the air. The breeze hits us, and his smell wafts over to me, assaulting my senses. That smell and the sight of him have my eyes welling with defiant tears. How the hell do I still have tears left to cry? I’ve missed him, and my wires are getting jumbled. I don’t know if I want to scream, cry, fight, or make up. This is exactly why it’s dangerous for us to be in the same vicinity.
“You don’t want to commit fully to healing. You are using everything but the things that can help you and keep you safe, Ben. On top of that, you won’t let me in. You push me away when you know it will only make things worse. I can’t sit around and watch you kill yourself for the high. I can’t—I won’t!” A group of girls walk by, and they chuckle, mumbling about my sudden outburst. If it weren’t for how overwhelmed I am, I would say something.
“You think it’s that easy, Sadie? It’s not. I can’t be cured overnight!”
“I’ve tried getting you to talk about therapy to see if we need to try something different. I’ve tried to be another outlet for you to lose yourself in instead of drugs and violence. I’ve begged for you to let me in.”
“Damn it, Sadie. I can’t be cured so easily. This shit is real. You don’t love me enough to stay and work through this?”
“How can we work through this when I don’t even know what the hell is going on beneath the surface! Don’t try to make this my fault. I have sacrificed a lot to make you happy and to help you, so don’t you do that to me!” I poke his chest, shaking my head back and forth.
“What the fuck have you sacrificed for me, Sadie? Huh, what?” he yells, throwing his arms out to the side with a shrug.
“I gave up my life before you to create a new one with you. My life was set before you came along and changed everything!”
“So what? I’m the prick who ruined you? Is that what you’re saying? Because I was fine before you, too, Sadie, but I made a choice when we got married that I would fight for this and I would learn to be a different man for you.”
“But you aren’t! You are using my love as a crutch to excuse your choices! You’re still the same! Don’t make it sound like I forced you into this marriage, Ben. You wanted this, too, all so you could get me in bed.”
“I didn’t fucking marry you so I could get some. I can get any woman I want. I married you because I love you!” I cling to those words; they’re all I’ve been craving to hear. It’s still not enough, though, for me to forget everything.
“Stay away from me, Ben. Go live the life you wanted before I came to screw it all up. I get that you don’t understand me and why I want to help so badly, just like I don’t understand your need to self-medicate with drugs and women and fighting. We rushed this, our marriage was a m—”
“No, don’t you dare say it was a mistake. You can’t take it back once it’s said.”
I drop my eyes, and the grooves in the sidewalk hold my gaze as the tears fall. “Ben, we both have so much we want in this life, but all the things that hang over us are bound to end everything we want.”
“The things I want in this life are you. All of you—every part of you.”
I shake my head, and my chest shakes with my sobs. “Ben . . .”
“Give me tonight, please.” He steps toward me, grabbing my elbows.
“I can’t . . .” I don’t lean into him, but I don’t push away either.
“Why?” he asks, moving the hair away from my face and wrapping his hand around the column of my neck in a possessive way. That is a power move. It’s ownership. And he knows it’s something I crave. My desperation for him is growing stronger by the second, completely shattering my resolve.
“I can’t answer that because I don’t even know why,” I admit.
Before we question each other further, he pulls my smaller frame to his taller one, and in a flash our lips fuse together. I taste mint and tobacco, an acquired taste but one that, since the day I first had it, has become something I constantly crave.
Gripping his leather jacket in my hands, I feel a rush of butterflies low in my stomach. My legs get weak, and my mouth opens, kissing him back with as much force as he is giving.
His hands leave my neck and reach around to grab the underside of my ass. He leans in to get a complete handful, and I moan into his mouth. Nipping, sucking, biting, and licking, our tongues fall into the dance we’ve both learned so well.
I barely notice that we’re moving until my back is against the side of the brick building next to us.
Ben moans, his erection growing against my stomach. We both know we’re in public, and I hear the passing strangers and the honking horns, but all I feel is Ben against me.
Bringing one hand up beside me, he lays his palm flat against the brick while his other hand keeps gripping my backside. I finally pull away, knowing if we continue, we will be arrested for public indecency.
“Ben . . .” I put a few inches between us by pushing on his chest.
“I’ve missed you, Sadie. Please let me take us home,” he begs, kissing my cheek, then my neck, then down the swell of my breast. I moan and shake.
“I’ve missed you, too, Ben.” I add fuel to this fire, forgetting everything other than lust for my husband. I want him, no matter the consequences. “Okay,” I whisper against his ear as he sucks on the skin of my neck. Pulling away, he smirks down at me. Giving me one quick kiss, he hails us a cab.
In the cab, we sit so close it’s hard to tell where he starts and I end. I let him whisper in my ear all the ways he is sorry, how beautiful I am, and how much he wants to save us.
Before we even make it in the apartment door, he’s on me from behind, his hand coming to my front and going up my dress to cup my pussy. His mouth is latched to my neck.
“Ben, baby, wait. Let me lock the door,” I tell him, shutting the door with shaking hands.
“I want you,” he groans in my ear. His hand travels up my thigh and under my dress. I went with full coverage tonight, not really prepared to spend time with him. “Tell me something.” Finally, I get the door locked, and I’m able to turn to him. I let him remove my jacket, and I help remove his.
“What?” I ask breathlessly, all hormones and need at this point. He puts me against the wall, lifting my legs up and around his waist. I grab his neck and kiss him, nibbling at his full lips.
“Did you wear this because you wanted to find another man? Tell me you don’t want someone else, Sadie.” My confident playboy is anything but.
“No, I don’t want anyone else, ever. I’m never going to want anyone other than you,” I whisper, feeling bad that he thought that I would ever do that. But I’ve been on the opposite end as well, wondering if he would ever cheat on me. The women he once preferred are the kind that still crawl around his stage each night.
“What . . . what about . . . about you?” I stutter, scared. I don’t know what it will do to me if he ever gives in to temptation.
“Never. I haven’t been with another woman since the day I met you, Sadie. And I never will,” he confesses. At first, I don’t believe him. I don’t know who I trust anymore.
“Promise?”
“Sadie, don’t question my desire for you. I only want you.”
“What if I’m never going to be enough, Ben?” I ask, and he moves, carrying me toward our bedroom at the end of the hall. The walls are full of framed pictures of us. My heels fall, and I cross my arms around the back of his head, gripping the lush fullness of his hair.
“You’re more than enough, Sadie. More than anything, you are enough,” he whispers, his breath moving across my face.
“Show me. Please, Ben, because you’re losing me,” I admit in a low cry, my voice cracking.
“I’ll never let that happen,” he professes. But until I see him actually changing, tonight isn’t going to fix anything. Passion cannot mask the dark side of things. He has to put in the effort and get better or he will lose me for good; that is one thing I will not waver on.
I sit on the edge of our bed and anticipate his next move. I’m letting him take the lead tonight. Ben grabs the hem of my strapless dress and lifts it from my body, leaving me in my black panties and matching strapless bra.
“You look like you but so different, and it’s only been a fucking day.” He removes the shirt that adorns his body, showing off his abs, his V growing more pronounced. “You’re my muse, the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen. Those lips tell me beautiful tales and truths—they tell me they love me.” I stand no chance when he whispers to me, blessing me with his poetry—the perk of being married to a singer.
“Ben . . .” I don’t even have words to reciprocate.
He doesn’t say anything. Instead, his hands start to work on me. Starting at my thighs, he trails his fingers up the length of me, all the way up my stomach, laying me back on the bed. When I’m flat, he leans in and kisses my stomach right under my belly button.
This is real intimacy. Those random kisses are deadly to my psyche.
“Relax, baby.”
I stay focused as the kisses continue to go lower and his hands find my ankles. Lifting them up, he places them on the bed. Now between my legs, he casts his eyes over my desperate body, kissing me one last time atop the fabric covering my pubic bone as I grow needier.
“Oh, Ben . . .” I cry, ripped in two with pleasure and despair. Moving across my pubic bone, his hand slides into one side of my panties at my hip while his mouth latches onto the fabric on the other side. In a slow, steady move, he drags them down my thighs, over my knees, and down my shins, where he lifts my feet enough for them to drop from his mouth and fall on the floor.
The lover my husband is. I’ve never before known what desire could be, but now I believe he invented it. I’m entranced as he kisses his way back up my legs, finally ending with his tongue against my center. I cry out, gripping the sheets, and my toes curl. He doesn’t just lick me, he feeds on me, eating me with a purpose. This is Ben spoiling me out of both need and guilt, and I don’t stop him.
My legs fall further open as he alternates between biting, licking, and sucking. As I’m chasing the edge of glory, he stops, kissing my thigh and bringing his face to mine.
“You’re beautiful. You taste so sweet,” he tells me, letting me taste my own arousal on his lips. We are a mixture of moans and heavy breathing. His fingers trail lazily down my body before two enter my dripping core. I bite my lip, breaking our connection and dropping my head back. The cry that leaves me is animalistic. The high-pitched sound earns me a moan of appreciation from Ben that vibrates against me.
He works his fingers up and down, round and round, deeper and faster. Ben has always known how to get me off in record time. That’s why he drives me to the edge then pulls away before I can jump headfirst.
“I can’t lose this. I can’t lose you, baby. Don’t leave me.” His voice is hoarse, and I nod my head, giving in for the moment. The haze of love messes with our judgment, and right now we are deep in that fog.
“Ben, make love to me, please.” I’m physically aching inside for him, for his touch.
“Anything, angel.” Sitting up, he looks over me while he slowly unfastens his pants. I wiggle under that gaze, my blood pumping heavily through my veins as I eagerly anticipate his next touch.
His large cock springs free, hard and ready, pre-come already wetting the tip. I lick my lips and reach out for him. He comes to me with no words—we’re always connected in a silent understanding. Spreading my legs, he opens me enough to make room for him while he lines his cock up with my entrance. His arms around my head and his hands lost in my hair, he gives me a gentle kiss. With one thrust, he’s all the way inside, deep and thick—I feel it all. My home. My husband. The antidote to my broken heart.
“Oh!”
“God, Sadie, you’re killing me.” My feet move against his calves as he starts thrusting in and out of me, fast yet steady. The closer we get, the more I want to cry. This seems like we’re saying goodbye. Each touch feels like the last touch, and I savor it.
We kiss, our lips only breaking apart when we need to breathe out the pleasure. Reaching my hands down, I grip his ass, pulling him in deeper with each thrust. He’s everywhere right now; my senses are overtaken by him. I smell him, see him, feel him, taste him—he’s in every pore.
“What do you want, Sadie?” he questions, keeping his thrusts strong and giving me his eyes, a connection deeper than the physical. I shake my head as the tears start to fall.
“I want you. I want you to stop hurting yourself because it’s killing me, Ben.” I run my hands over his face, holding his cheeks in my hands. We’re in the shadows right now; I don’t know what’s lurking around the corner, and all I want is to feel safe again. I want to step into the light.
“Isn’t this enough for you?” he questions, thrusting into me with a hard drive of his hips. I choke on a cry, but I don’t go silent.
“If it’s not all of you, it’s not enough,” I admit, speaking from deep inside me because if he doesn’t get it now, when we’re soul to soul, he never will.
He doesn’t respond. Instead, he speaks with his body, making love to me. I let it go for now, knowing that though I may never get through to him, right now I can pretend—even if it’s for a moment of temporary bliss.
* * *
The storm of our lovemaking has slowed down for a short time. I lie on my stomach pretending I’m asleep so I can hold off the inevitable goodbye for as long as I can. The longer I lie here, the more I realize he will not change unless he really wants to, and there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight for him.
My eyes stay closed while he worships me. He lies across my lower back, kissing up and down my spine, running his hands over my curves.
“You’re beautiful. You’re my drug. My everything,” he whispers. I wish I could believe that. The soft sound of “Skinny Love” by Birdy plays on repeat over the speakers in our room. It’s not loud enough to overshadow his sweet words, but it definitely makes them more painful to hear. It’s the soundtrack to our devastation. “I could kiss your skin every second of every day and never get tired of it. I never knew I could fall in love, baby.” I feel the tears threatening to fall—although I don’t think they’ve ever really stopped. “Let me fix us, angel. Give me a chance to make this right.” With his whisper, I feel him stand at the side of the bed. His cock stands tall against my ass as he moves. “Wake up, Sadie, I want you again,” he whispers in my ear, moving me onto my side and pulling me to the edge of the bed, my knees lifting out in front of me.
I open my eyes just as he thrusts into me. I’m on my side, so I can’t move too much, making it hard to squirm away from his invasion. “Ben, baby.”
“I need you again.” I have to fight the urge to ask him if it’s me he’s craving or if I’m something he’s using instead of the drugs he can’t use when he’s around me. Leaning over me, he grabs hold of my full breast, the large globe spilling out of his hand.
“I love your breasts, baby. I love your entire body. Fuck, you’re like a masterpiece,” he moans, kneading my breast, his other hand gripping my hip for leverage as he pounds into me. “Make me come, Sadie, take everything from me,” he groans, skating his hand between the valley of my legs. When he lands on my pussy, he rubs my clit in fast circles, speeding up my orgasm.
“Then give me everything, Ben.” I look at him with my lips parted, one hand gripping the sheet as the other one moves along with his over my clit, adding pressure.
“Shit, beautiful, just like that. Give it to me, you’re squeezing me so tight. Squirt on me, angel.” I clench down on his cock, his words driving me over the edge. I come fast, seeing stars and hearing symphonies.
“Oh my!” I scream, bearing down on him.
“Fuck, yes! Take it all, baby.” He releases. His head falls back, and his lip is caught between his teeth. His eyes are dilated when he finds mine again, his thrusts slow and lazy, giving me every last drop.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too, Ben.”