Chapter 52
CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO
It takes me the whole shower and another jacking off session to process what just happened.
Holli kissed me. She touched me. While Ky watched.
I stifle a groan, trying to dry off without touching my dick, which is hard again. What is wrong with me? This is so fucked up. This isn’t how you’re supposed to get into a relationship with someone. With…two people?
I’m drying my hair when I stop, the black towel falling in front of my face.
Relationship?
My stomach plummets. They haven’t said anything about a relationship. I was the one who assumed that.
I grip the fluffy towel.
Of course I assumed that. Of course I did. Fuck, I always do this. Meet someone and immediately grow attached. Friendship, relationship, doesn’t matter. Then they leave, and I get hurt.
My gut twists with how much I want them. Kyan and Holli. Both of them. And immediately, I rip the towel off my head.
Don’t be stupid, Oakley. Two people? You can’t get even one person to like you, let alone two? Plus, they haven’t even said that’s what they want.
That familiar feeling twists inside me, and I stare at myself in the mirror.
Impulsively, all I want to do is start reviewing the behaviors I’ve seen from them, noting anything that suggests they wanted to be with me.
They would want to, right? Maybe if I put purple in my hair like Ky wants?
If I apologize enough to Holli for getting her into this situation? Do anything she wants?
The smell of cedar swirls through the bathroom, pulling me back into reality.
It smells like Kyan. It makes me relax for a second, and when I’m relaxed, I realize how my entire body is tense with anxiety.
How my stomach feels like ice, and how it feels like there’s a dark cloud behind me, screaming that I’ll never be good enough.
I don’t like this.
I glare at myself in the mirror. I don’t fucking like this. I don’t like feeling like I’m not enough. I am enough. I’ve always been enough.
Still, my past demons eat at me, the words empty. It’s not as easy as thinking yourself out of a situation. If logic worked, then I would have worked my way out of this problem a long time ago.
Holli’s a therapist. She could help me.
I jerk back, standing straight.
No, then I’d have to tell her everything.
I’d have to tell her about her and…Poppy.
I take a breath to calm my racing heart, realizing it’s been a long time since I’ve thought about Poppy.
And it still hurts a little. But I realize just how differently Kyan and Holli treat me compared to her.
They pay attention to me. Listen to me. Stay with me.
As I stand there, I realize that that relationship wasn’t perfect. I see that now. I wasn’t happy.
Am I happy now?
My heart sinks.
No. And yes? I’m trapped on an island surrounded by murderous people. Also surrounded by two people who have helped me and stuck with me despite everything. And I can’t argue that that doesn’t make me a little happy.
But how would a relationship with Ky even work? With multiple personalities?
I can’t help but think about it. Ky, Holli, and I together in some house far away from everyone else. Safe. Learning about each other. Slowly. The way it’s probably supposed to be.
Fuck, I don’t want it to be slow. I want to bury myself under their skin and trap them so they can never leave me. And yet that's the old me. I can’t have those thoughts anymore.
There’s a soft knock on the door, and I realize I haven’t gotten dressed.
“Uh, hang on.” Scrambling, I throw my pants on, then crack the door open. It’s Holli.
“Use all the hot water?” She arches an eyebrow.
I flush. She looks so pretty there with her unique hair giving her a fairy-like look, even though I know she could kill me with a single rock.
I feel my dick getting hard. Fuck, I like that.
Holli shoves at the door, stepping in.
“Ohhhh, if you guys are gonna fuck, be loud so I can hear you!” Ky’s voice drifts in from down the hall.
Now I’m really blushing, but Holli is going after the shower, stripping off her shirt. Immediately, I feel an odd sense of modesty. What if she doesn’t want me looking at her?
I turn to face the sink opposite her. Then I realize I can still see her back in the reflection. Her pretty, slender back.
I close my eyes, dick throbbing again. I can’t take advantage of her.
“You can’t call Wyatt Ky.” I hear the shower curtain close.
I pull in a breath. Right. Multiple personalities.
“Isn’t he Wyatt, too?” I ask.
“No.” Her answer is snappy; her mood has changed since she stood outside the door, almost flirting with me.
I scowl. Why is she mad at me? What did I do? Immediately, I start thinking back through everything. Is she mad because of what happened on the couch?
“Wyatt is not Kyan, and Kyan is not Wyatt. They’re different people.”
She has a right to be mad. I cross my arms.
“Did you hear me?”
Right. Kyan and Wyatt are different people. “But the same body,” I say. “How am I supposed to tell who’s who?”
There’s silence, then I hear the shampoo open. “They both act differently.”
“What if I accidentally call one the other’s name?”
“Don’t.” The answer is harsh again. “You don’t want to trigger Wyatt out when Ky is fronting.”
I pause. “So then wouldn’t it trigger Ky out if Wyatt was fronting?”
Holli sighs. “I don’t know.”
It’s hard to wrap my mind around this whole thing. Why hasn’t Ky said anything about it? Why didn’t he warn me?
I’m reaching down to grab my shirt when Holli says, “Don’t talk to Ky about Wyatt. Just pretend like everything is fine.”
I frown. It’s like she was reading my mind. “Why?”
Holli pokes her head around the shower curtain. “Are you being stupid, or is that a real question?”
Defensiveness fills me. “What’s stupid about that?”
“Ky doesn’t know Wyatt exists and vice versa.”
I just stand there for a second, rolling that ridiculous idea around in my head. Why wouldn’t they know? They share a body.
“Did you hear me, Oakley?” Holli’s voice is sharp again.
“Yeah, I heard you.” I’m annoyed now. Holli is angry at me, assuming I’m stupid. I’m not stupid. There’s no need to get snippy with me.
“Good. Don’t ruin this.”
I glower, storming out of the bathroom. And yet, my dick is still hard, and all I can think about is that island away from everyone where Holli punishes me using that same tone while Kyan grins up at me from where I’m riding him. And when we’re done, everyone collapses together, and no one leaves.