Chapter 19
I can feel the tension in the room rise as my parents begin to chat over dinner.
Carina’s gaze burns into me as I sit in awkward silence.
However, my mind is solely focused on Sienna and how I treated her.
I used her. There is no other word for it, and it sickens me.
At the same time I shouldn’t care for her.
I hate her, I try to remind myself, yet that anger for her is blurred with my need for her.
Finally, my mother speaks up, breaking the tension.
“Are you alright, son?” she asks softly.
“I’m fine,” I answer curtly.
Carina, however, has other ideas as she adds in her own commentary.
“Xandros brought Sienna back to the castle,” she says, her eyes darting between me and my parents. “She’ll start as my maid in the morning.”
Anger rises within me as Carina looks in my direction, almost as if daring me to deny her words.
My mother nods as she takes a sip of her wine.
“Good, I’m being very tolerant, allowing her back in my castle,” my mother says, her voice barely containing the contempt that is evident in her words.
“My castle,” I snarl.
“Not until after the wedding. You may technically hold the title of king, but nothing formal has been announced yet, son.”
My father’s words do nothing to quell the emotions that are raging within me. I feel them boiling over as I glare at the table, thinking of my mate and the feeling of her in my arms.
I barely notice my parents engaging in conversation as I contemplate my situation. The night drags on, and the meal we are having consists of roasted duck, glazed carrots, and a side of creamy mashed potatoes.
My mother, an elegant woman with a regal manner, takes dainty bites while my father, a sturdy man with a stern face, digs in heartily.
Carina, her hair cascading down her back and her green eyes gleaming, only picks at her food.
Mostly because I know she already had blood, which suppresses a normal appetite.
Eventually, the meal is finished. Once I find enough reason to abandon the small talk, I excuse myself and quickly storm out of the dining hall, heading back to my room.
When Carina arrives soon after, I immediately lunge forward and grab her throat.
“What the fuck are you playing at?” I snarl.
“Next time you visit your whore, try not to come to dinner smelling of her. I may accept you need her, but there’s no need to rub it in my face!
” Carina snarls back. “You reeked of her! Your mother asked me earlier where you were. I know exactly what you were doing with her. Do you think your parents can’t smell her? ” she asks.
I suck in a breath and let go of Carina. I can still feel the anger boiling inside me. Furthermore, I want answers, and I want them now.
“What are your intentions? Why are you stirring all of this up right now?” I ask her.
Carina’s expression softens as she reaches up to rub her throat. “Xandros, I know this is all difficult for you,” she says. “You’re betrothed to me. It’s not fair for you to be carrying on with Sienna behind my back. At least not publicly.”
I let out a bitter laugh. “Is that what you think this is about? Me cheating on you?”
Carina hesitates before nodding slowly. “I mean...yes. Isn’t it? I don’t care that you are fucking her, Xandros, but don’t make it so fucking obvious. I don’t need my father asking questions, sham marriage or not!”
I shake my head and take a step closer to her.
“No, Carina. This isn’t about cheating, or anything like that.
It’s about me wanting someone who isn’t you.
” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I know they are the truth.
This marriage will be the death of me. Despite hating Sienna, I love her.
This is torture of the worst kind. She is the forbidden fruit.
Carina looks taken aback for a moment before recovering herself. “And what about our engagement? What about your duty to our kingdom?”
“To hell with duty, Carina! I can’t spend the rest of my life with someone who makes me feel so suffocated and unhappy.”
Carina snarls, baring her fangs. “And I am not going back to my father. Keep your mate. This wedding is going ahead!” she spits at me.
“You really still want to parade around like some… loving married couple! I don’t want you!”
“But I want you!” Carina screams at me.
I scoff. “Really? Because you weren’t so sure when I first met you!”
“Things change,” Carina states, not elaborating. I rub my temples in frustration. This entire thing is a mess.
“Your mother will never approve of her. Think about this, Xandros. It is a win-win situation for both of us and her. You get to keep your mate. I am not stopping you from being with her, just don’t flaunt her where people can see!”
“You think it’s that easy?” I ask her.
“You have no choice!”
“You’re up to something. I fucking know you, Carina. What is it you want from me?”
Carina grins, a wicked glint in her eyes. “Don’t act so innocent, Xandros. You know exactly what I’m doing.”
I frown, unsure of what she means.
“I’m manipulating this situation to my advantage,” she continues. “I want you to remember you belong to me. We are already legally married! Sienna is just a plaything, nothing more. She will never replace me.”
I grit my teeth, feeling the fury building inside me once again. I’ve had enough of Carina’s games.
“You dare speak of Sienna like that? She’s my mate,” I growl.
Carina scoffs. “Your mate? Don’t be ridiculous. You think I would let some commoner come in and take my place as queen?”
I step forward menacingly, but Carina doesn’t flinch.
“I’ll do whatever it takes to keep my place as queen,” she says coldly.
My heart sinks as I realize the depth of Carina’s goals. I know then that it won’t be easy to break free of her grasp.
“Just remember, Xandros, unless I sign those papers, Sienna has to challenge me for your hand. You and I both know that is not a fight she’ll win,” Carina snarls. I clench my fists in frustration.
Carina is right.
Sienna would never win a fight against her, especially if it comes to the throne. And Carina will go to any length to make sure she stays in power. But I won’t let her hurt Sienna, either. Carina wanders off to the bathroom, stopping at the door.
“Don’t risk your mate, Xandros. Most women would have told you to get rid of her. I haven’t asked that. But don’t push me to do something we’ll both regret.”
“I won’t let you hurt her!”
“I never said I would, but for her sake, and mine, you can’t be cuddling your mistress, especially in front of your mother or father, she is to be my maid, and I will treat her as such, just ensure she crosses no boundaries.”
“You and I both know now she has shifted; it is going to be almost impossible for her to resist the bond.”
“Then command her. Her life is not the only one on the line here!” she snaps at me.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
She pinches the bridge of her nose. “It doesn’t matter. I’m not the person you have to worry about. I am okay with this. It’s your mother who wants her dead, not me. I have no vendetta against her, unless she comes for my throne. Are we clear?” Carina asks me.
“For now…” I growl.
Carina raises an eyebrow at me.
“I’ll have the maids send for her tomorrow,” I tell her, and Carina nods once stepping into the bathroom, and shutting the door.
I curse, falling onto the end of the bed and placing my head in my hands. Her parents caused my family so much anguish, and I’m not sure if I will ever be able to see past that. But I fucking want to at the same time.
I need Sienna, but having her means putting her life at risk. I have to eventually come to terms with the monsters who brought her into this world and also get my mother to see reason, which won’t be easy.
Maybe it is best to keep my distance, not just for me, but Sienna? Maybe it will be easier if I pretend she is nothing more than a bed toy. Though the thought sickens me.
How fucked up does one have to be to love and hate their fucking soulmate? Never in my life would I have conjured up such a scenario where I want to love my mate as much as I want to kill her.