Chapter 28
Dayyan
The check marks are blue. He’s read my message. I quickly open the chat and Jannis is still online. My heart is pounding in my throat. What should I do? Should I text again? Wait and see?
I scroll back to check again that I haven’t written anything stupid, when a new message pops up. He’s replied.
I quickly swipe up. It’s not a message, it’s a reaction to my last text. A pink heart, nothing more, nothing less. Tears run down my cheeks uncontrollably. Hope fills the hole in my chest that has been growing bigger and bigger over the last days.
When I go to reply, Jannis is already offline again. I turn the words over and over in my head before I send them. There is so much I want to say to him, but I don’t want to be pushy or overwhelming.
So, “I miss you” will have to suffice. Three words that say everything Jannis needs to know. Lost in thought, I snuggle into Flocke’s neck, and my husky nestles up to me.
“Twelve more days, then he’ll be back.”
My phone vibrates in my pocket. I jump up frantically to pull out my smartphone and don’t see the spiky dog toy on the floor. “Ah, fuck!” A sharp pain shoots through the sole of my foot, and I hop across the room on one leg.
No reply again, just a pink heart. What does that mean? That he likes what I’ve written, or that he misses me too? The latter, right?
“Maybe I still have a chance, sweetheart.” Now I just have to make sure I don’t write anything dumb.
In the background, the song on my playlist changes and I prick up my ears.
Oh my God, how did that even get on there?
I quickly search for the right link on YouTube and send Jannis “Verdammt, ich lieb dich” by Matthias Reim.
I fall back onto the bed and stare at my phone. Why does time never seem to pass when you’re waiting for something?
Impatient knocking pulls me out of some limbo between sleeping and waiting.
“Dayyan? Dayyan? Dayyan?” Firas, definitely Firas. It’s almost impossible to tell the two apart by their voices, but Nael would’ve knocked once and then waited patiently. To be honest, I’m surprised Firas is knocking at all. Identical twins, yet so different.
“Come in, Firas. What’s up?”
“Mom said I have to knock!” Ah, that makes sense.
“Thanks, good job, buddy. What do you need?”
“Flocke needs to go for a walk.” No, she doesn’t. Until she heard the word “walk,” she was lying relaxed in bed with me. He wants to take her out.
“Ah, what makes you think that?” I can’t help but smile.
“Um... because... uh...”
“Would you like to take her out?” Firas fidgets nervously in my room, hopping from one leg to the other and grabbing things on my desk, only to put them back after five seconds.
“Marvin is at the dragon meadow with his dog, and he’s always bragging about how big and dangerous it is. And I said I also have a big, dangerous dog, but he didn’t believe me.” Firas is obviously still trying to find his place in the new class and has to keep up with the coolest kid.
My gaze falls on the large but playfully tail-wagging ball of fur that is currently bouncing around my room. “Firas, you can’t go out with Flocke alone, you know that.”
“Nael is coming with us.”
“Not with Nael either. She doesn’t listen to you well enough.” Disappointed, my brother slumps his shoulders. “How about I come with you? You put her on a leash, and I’ll stay in the background. You can let her jump around on the meadow once you’re there.”
A smile spreads across my brother’s face. “Can we go now?”
“Absolutely.”
My brothers walk ahead of me, bursting with pride. Firas is holding the leash much tighter than necessary, but I don’t intervene. Flocke is relaxed as always, which is the most important thing. Shortly before we reach the dragon meadow, I take a photo of the three and send it to Jannis.
“Have you met my big, dangerous dog yet?”
This time, the reply comes immediately. Again, just an emoji, but anything is better than silence.
It’s the smiley face with one eyebrow raised, and can’t stop my laughter because that eyebrow is Jannis’s main communication tool when we’re out somewhere and he can’t speak. My heart feels a little lighter.
The closer we get to the meadow, the further back I fall. The two of them can manage, but I want to take a look at the other dog. Flocke is friendly and completely unbothered by other dogs, but depending on what happens, I may have to protect her.
A little ahead, a boy is waiting with a dog on a leash.
I’m surprised when Nael raises his hand and waves, because the dog next to him could also pass for a larger rabbit.
Something small with an incredible amount of fur and a bow on its head.
If that’s big and dangerous, what is Flocke then? A gigantic monster?
I press my lips together hard to keep myself from laughing out loud as the boy’s eyes grow wider and wider.
Curious, Flocke approaches the little dog, which immediately barks viciously.
I can’t hear what the three of them are saying to each other, but Firas loosens the leash and my dog does what she always does when she has space.
She runs. From right to left, in circles, she sniffs here and there, and when she has covered the whole area, she sits down expectantly in front of my brothers.
Nael reaches for the ball in his pocket and throws it.
By now I’m a little closer, sitting down on the bench diagonally behind the three boys, the perfect position to take a secret photo for Jannis. The caption this time: “Oops, sorry, wrong picture. This one is the big and dangerous.” I round it off with a big grin emoji.
I wait a moment, but Jannis isn’t online.
“Why doesn’t your dog need a leash?” Marvin is still staring in disbelief at Flocke, who is happily romping around in the field.
“My brother trained her a lot from an early age.” That’s right, that’s why she’s so attached to me.
At home, without distractions, she also listens to the rest of the family, but she can only run free with me, and it’s most relaxing for me in familiar territory she knows so well that she doesn’t feel the need to go exploring.
“Can’t your dog run free?”
The boy shakes his head. “No, he’d be gone in a flash. Hercules doesn’t listen.”
I choke on my own saliva when I hear the name. At that moment, my phone vibrates. The big-eyed emoji appears under my message.
“His name is Hercules,” I quickly add, and I am rewarded with an immediate reply. This time it’s not an emoji, but Jannis’s avatar rolling on the floor, howling with laughter. That’s a good sign, isn’t it?
Two hours later, it’s clear that Hercules and Flocke probably won’t become friends, but Marvin and my brothers seem to get along all the better for it, because at some point I have two leashes in my hand and the boys disappear to the playground.
Admittedly, Hercules is cute and, once he gets that you don’t want to step on him, he’s quite trusting and cuddly.
That’s difficult, because Flocke doesn’t share and I belong to her.
More than once, she has pushed herself between Jannis and me when she thought we were sitting too close together for too long.
She’s not so gracious with Hercules. She keeps nudging him away from me with her snout, and no matter how loudly he growls and bares his teeth, my sweetheart won’t be deterred. I take a photo, but that’s not enough, so I send Jannis a short video. Now it’s time to wait and see.